The morning has brought Bjork out of the box and although things have changed from when I was Bjork happy a few months ago, it is still very pertinant. I'm amazed at how wonderful Bjork is and how she very easily describes my emotions and conflicts and feelings about relationships and love.
Every morning I wake up to see my whiteboard. Of all the office equipment I have ever used, a whiteboard is my favorite. I keep various colored markers and scribble notes and thoughts and things I am thinking of that I want to remember. I keep it at the end of my bed, so I see if before I go to sleep and when I wake up.
I was reading it last night and this morning and I saw some items I wrote on it before I left for the desert. My friend Marlee was in town and we were having a lot of discussions about relationships, what we're looking for in relationships, whether we were emotionally available, male/female dynamics (from the standard typical moral model to one based around sorcery). I fully intend to be in a relationship that transcends typical male/female role models. I've already had the relationship where I wore the pants and was the man. I'm not interested in being the traditional woman dependant on a man. And I'm not interested in a fully equal partnership - because true equality does not exist, it is always in flux. Marlee was saying that since I am a woman, don't try to be another role - be the woman. Be the beautiful, soft object there that the man comes home to cherish. I have a problem with that because I'm not interested in being put up on a pedestal or being a typical woman - or a typical human for that matter.
Although I did have a flash of enlightenment on why men are paid higher than women - it's because society and traditional corporations still believe that the man is supposed to take care of the woman and so of course the man needs to make more money because he has to support a woman, while all a woman has to do is support herself or find a man to support her. With this thinking I tried on the hat that maybe I would just find some sugar daddy to take care of me, open my car door and all I would have to be is my effervescent self, look beautiful and take yoga classes every week. Oh, yeah whatEVER! That hat lasted on my head for about a day.
So where does that leave me in identifying the characteristics for a relationship that I want to have? It's put me on guard - watching, paying attention to the characteristics of the various men I interact with. What do I like? What's a passing interest? Do I believe a long term relationship is possible? What about the "K" question? I've been making mental notes. I'm not on the hunt - I'm gathering information. It's an interesting technique and one I have used in all other facets of my life, but never applied to this one. By doing this, I'm also learning a lot about myself and what I like. It's not so random and interesting things pop up.
Anyway, I've totally digressed. I was going to type about my scribblings on the whiteboard. They are not so personal. Marlee was reading some book and we pulled the sentences out of it.
--> Forgiveness dissolves tension and promotes patience.
--> Gravity = the Attraction of Mass for itself
--> Love = the Attraction of Life for itself
I found these interesting to ponder. I don't know if I agree with them - but they roll around in my head and make me think in a new way.


