heathervescent

Three Thanksgiving Photos

Preview

WildBill did an excellent job chronicling my Friday morning activity, before heading off road. Susan wrote about it here and Nathan here. Nathan was reading Cradle to Cradle and I'm intrigued enough to pick it up next time I'm in a bookstore (which will be Thursday night.) There are a couple articles coming up that I'm in or are about me, but for some reason I don't really feel like blogging/talking/writing about them. I'm excited of course, but maybe the whole, living for my ego thing is over. Or maybe I don't want my 15 minutes to start up yet.(I'd really rather fund my company.) Or maybe it's because I'm madly in love beyond all belief.

It's just in time to surprise Mom when she comes into town for Gloria's book signing party Thursday night. Skip the De Beers Holiday party and be reckless instead.

Good, clean, whitetrash fun

I spent the weekend out in Joshua Tree having some good clean white trash fun. I never realized how much fun it is to be an adult. You can really have a great time (and be responsible too!) The love and I headed out to a friend's property near Joshua Tree for the weekend. We partook of off roading, shooting guns, creating fires and blowing stuff up.

Spending much of my formative years stuck in the barren midwest, I really distanced myself from my "redneck" neighbors. I never drank, you'd never find me in a beefed up pick-up and I certainly was not much of a heckler. I was a lover, not a fighter. I'd be listening to Morrissey not AC/DC. But really what I was, was mixing up the homogeneity. I'm a big believer a wide range of possibilities and expressions. Therefore when the possibilities start to narrow, I take it upon myself to take on the characteristics necessary to open the possibilities. Thus it was necessary for me to get in tune with my white-trashiness this weekend. And it was damn fun too.

I didn't realize how much fun it was to drive the FT (what we call our monster truck) off road. Sam and I caravaned with some friends and found a playground. We drove up and down trails, rocks and attempted to drive up a mountain sand track. The tires dug into the slipping sand and we got 3/4 up the way up before reversing it. We really didn't want to get stuck on the other side and we didn't feel like airing down the tires. Instead we went back to playing in the sandy trails, egging our friends up and down small mountains of rock. (All on trails mind you, we're responsible off roaders!)

Back at the ranch, we broke out the guns for some target practice. It had been years since I picked up a gun and I was surprised to find that my first shot hit the target (a metal plate.) Over the weekend we set up various targets (water bottles, metal plates and other more flammable materials.) I was decked out in my urban camo and really had a great time watching all us lined up shooting at the poor water bottles.

Evenings were filled with fire making. I have a love affair with fire that doesn't usually get to be expressed. When I would go camping with my friends in high school, I'd make sure I was the first one up in the morning to stoke up the evening fire. I had many fond evenings around the Van-B-Que at Burning Man this year, keeping the fire up. And a few special treats found their way into the fire by my hand.

Saturday night wind threatened to keep us inside the small desert house. It was blustery, cold and blowing down the tents. Screaming through the washes and between the cracks. I wondered if we were going to be able to get a fire started and contained. As luck would have it (and credit to planning) the host had thought to bring some old washing machine drums. S and I drug one over to the fire pit and promptly started piling wood in it. A few moments later a fire was crackling and spitting. We pulled the camp chairs close. Folks started venturing out of the house and soon the fire was surrounded. We had two more wash basins and proceeded to make cozy fires in various parts of the yard. Soon, three dryer fires were keeping us all warm. As Orion flew across the sky I flitted from one fire to the other adding wood and stoking the warmth.

 

On the way back to LA, I wanted to show Sam Joshua Tree National Park, while my secret agenda was to take this 4x4 only accessible road from inside the park to Dillon Road near Indio. We were both game turned off the pavement. The road wound down into a valley filled with grass and swallows before ascending a mountain range filled with Joshua Trees and Teddy Bear Cholla Cactus. We easily reached the peak and then twisted our way down the road which was really a wash. We drove through sculptured canyons, the FT descending dry rock waterfalls and navigating around boulders. I kept thinking, "this must be what early explorers experienced on horseback." I was amazed that our modern world has created vehicles that can go really anywhere.

We threaded our way through the traffic on the 10 and rolled our big baby into the West Hollywood driveway. I washed the smoky three day desert dirt from my body and fell asleep to Anime.

I'll miss the sound of artillery shelling from the nearby military base in the morning. Pictures of the whole trip here.

 

A diamond dream come true?

Do you live your life willy-nilly? Waiting for opportunities of love and fame and wealth and whatever your heart's desire is to land at your feet? Or do you go out and make life happen? Take control. Get into the driver's seat, your hand on the stick shift. Actively identify what you want, take that risk, make the jump and reap the rewards?

It's a few years old, but read this Wired article on synthetic diamonds. It excites me like no tomorrow. These diamonds are exactly the kind of representation self-made men and women should support. Not only their technical possibilities and what their technical implementation makes a possibility, but their truth in expressing the "American Dream" on so many levels.

"Real" diamonds do not mean true love. How many wedding rings have been cast unworn because of "true" "love" "forever"?! How much marketing and branding and myth-making has happened to make that happen? Does/did a diamond make me love him more? (Well, maybe if he had ever given me a diamond I could say, but that's another story. And no, I don't think it did. I am not so base to base my love based on a purchased item.)

My right hand diamond will be, like me, created through human direction, with innovation, extreme creativity and cleverness. It will represent the creativity, energy and effervescence that is Heathervescent. And it will not be torn from the bowels of this earth destroying the landscape and lives in the tearing. It will come from machine, hand crafted, carefully created with intention. It will be reckless.

Wind in my hair, Los Angeles at my back

I'm writing this from the top of the LA Times Building in Downtown Los Angeles. The wind is blowing my hair and I am balancing my laptop on my legs as they grip the side of the building like it is my motorcycle. (I'm straddling the edge.) My body is turned so that Genaro Molina can get a good photograph, the high rise buildings are our backdrop. Occasionally a big plume of black exhaust from the generator rises and diffuses into the skyline.

I look up and see the sky filled with clouds, the last November rays of sun shine through the cracks and give downtown the God effect. You know, the God effect, when the rays of light shine down from above like in a movie. It's no wonder that God smiles on Los Angeles. This is the city I and many others love.

To see this view, to feel the wind on my face, to smell the exhaust of the generator - adventure, excitement, possibilities. Here in Los Angeles, anything is possible. And possible at any instant.

why blog?

Sean Bonner has a great post on his pet peeves in talking to journalists. Most striking is closing sentence:

"You want to know why bloggers are a threat to Journalists? It's because we actually have an interest in the things we write about and from a readers perspective that makes all the difference in the world."

It goes back to why we do what we do and who reads who they do. Blogging is about being a real person, having real interests and expressing your passion about them via various media types.

A sparkling night

Tonight I was taking Moki on his last solo Heather walk for a while and we stopped at three stumps to admire the city lights. I took in the view: a splendid display of twinkling sparkles from Glendale to Downtown; the blackness of the elusive Elysian hills, like dark matter clouds in the Los Angeles universe painting a black gash across the lightscape. I raised my eyes to the sky. There is not a cloud and I see stars twinkling amidst the many airplanes queuing for their descent at LAX or Burbank or another airport. I am reminded of the opening scene from BladeRunner. The approach surrounded by the majestic glitter of lights and I can't help but think that this modern world we live in, is the reality of a dream.

I walk into the grocery store and aisle upon aisle is filled with many and varied products. Practically anything I can imagine and much that I would not are mine, only for the taking. There are aisles that I have never gone down, products I have never bought and yet, the complete cornucopia of abundance everywhere.

Do we not realize this? Do we not realize that we are living the dream? Do we take for granted all that we have? All that is available? I often do, until the complete and utter awe of the world I inhabit sets in. There is no place for the cynic in this view. There is no place for the whiner, complainer, explainer, the worrier. There are dreams that come true and daily I am reminded of them.

Tonight, another dream will come true, when I take the Moki-dog to the Burbank airport. We'll sit outside and wait until one person in one of those flickering light tubes comes walking out. And then someone will be licking a tired but happy face. Happy to return to Los Angeles, a city where dreams come true.

So much for that third staircase

I've been thinking about walling up my escape path. Removing my magic ring. Putting my back against the wall. Taking a different kind of responsibility.

Today I came across this post on Fast Company's blog on reasons to block your escape path. This is exactly the reason to do it:

"It's amazing what you can do when failure isn't an option. You get creative and find a way to succeed. While no one likes their back against the wall, the truth is that it's good for you every now and then. It blocks your escape routes and forces you to make uncomfortable decisions you might otherwise avoid. ...

We outwardly commit to a goal while inwardly build a defense in case we don't reach it. We leave escape routes as an option. And we undermine our chances of success in the process."

Failure is not an option and I don't need that escape path. I have everything I need and this is a result of my actions - not some magic ring.

So the question remains, how do I block my escape paths? And what a delightful exercise I now have. I think we'll know soon enough.

falling leaves and a clean future

There's nothing like two cups of coffee to motivate me to clean. I don't dislike cleaning, I just have trouble getting started cleaning. But once I get started, watch out... I can clean anything with bleach, water and plenty of towels. (I learned this skill in Brazil.) But today I wasn't using bleach - just your conventional cleaning supplies.

You can't really multi-task cleaning, but you can multi-thread it. This is the efficiency game I play. (I also sometimes add the wait till the last minute game to increase risk, but that's a totally different game, not to be confused with the procrastination game.) What are the things I want to accomplish and do today? Where do I want to be today? What else am I thinking about doing? And how can I that fit in?

I've been wanting to mop the floors in the house for a while. And Gloria mentioned painting the shed door before she left for Italy. Moki has been stinking and although I am afraid of his growls, I am determined not to live with a stinky dog. Yesterday, when I had some people over for lunch, I noticed how many leaves had fallen all over the terrace garden and upper deck. I have a surprise for Sam that I want to work on. So these are all the things on my mind (and in my GTD book) in addition to blog posts I've started and other projects that have action items. So, how to attack the day? With efficiency, fun, structure for freedom and the ability to throw all the planning out the window and do something completely different. (Just because I plan to do something, doesn't mean that I always do it. Planning gives me a path to diverge from at any point. Planning gives me possibilities.)

I stick my hand out into the whirlwind of project opportunities and a grasp a rake. A vacuum. A paintbrush. A mop. A rake. A broom. A green trash barrel. A black plastic bag. A bucket. A paintbrush. A rake. A black plastic bag. A paintbrush. A vacuum. A mop. A stack of towels. A couple dog biscuits. A dog. A shower-head. A towel. A handful of wet towels. A biscuit. A glass of soda and some lunch.

A couple hours later I've completed many of the things on my mind. Many of these projects took various steps, so I intertwined them together. Painting the shed door took a primer and two coats of paint, which had to dry in between them. So I raked and vacuumed and mopped between the coats. A threaded braid of cleaning activities. I talked to my neighbors, set up an email mailing list, washed the dog and took a shower myself.

This is the way I like to live. I like to have big and small projects that I can twist and weave and form around themselves and my life to make it interesting and fun. When I set my life up this way, I get into the flow. The momentum of the activities and projects moves me easily along. I'm making progress on many tasks all at once until I tie up the threads in a nice knot for the day. Nothing hanging lose.

Now it's time to go out!

It's oh so quiet

It might seem like it's been quiet over here on the blog, but that's just because processing and retrofitting have been in full force. And lots of dog walks. :)

Appease yourself with these pictures of great friends...

Reminder

Awe, affection, Abandon.

Thanks

I awoke to rain and leaves pitter-pattering, warmth and comfort between my sheets. The leaves fall, it's a dreary day. The VC flakes again, but my mood is great. Good news from Italy. A gypsy turn.

How did I end up with this life? This challenging, perplexing, mind-blowing existence? With an amazing circle of friends who both support and challenge me, making me grow.

On the evening walk with Moki, I stopped at three stumps. I stood looking over the city lights. To downtown. I looked into the dark sky. I questioned how long I would have to keep faith. How long must I petition? Even though I know it is darkest before the light and the universe provides to the passionate. Have I reached the darkest circle? Or must I, like Inanna, go further, deeper, darker? Where is the Zero Point?

for love and adventure

the second ring

This is what I feel like my life is these days. From Larry Ryan and Fotopages.

Reckless Realization

This weekend I had a realization... I'm reckless.

This probably doesn't surprise you; however I don't really consider myself reckless. I have a financial planner, I worry about my bank account, I have life insurance. I had this realization this weekend on a twisty road outside of Bakersfield, after purchasing a truck with someone I met about a month ago. Not unlike buying a half-million dollar home with someone I met 6 months prior.

After this realization I had to immediately call my reckless role model and housemate. She reassured me reminding me that everyone who takes these risks reaps untold rewards - and it will be just fine. I know this, but I feel like I should feel uncomfortable making a commitment with someone I haven't known for years. But I don't. I feel no quams. I trust them and myself. This is what I want to do.

I don't have to know someone for years before I can make a commitment - whether it be for a two year domestic co-habitation or a lifetime of adventures. I'm done with waiting for action, when I know what I want and it's right in front of me - there's no reason to hesitate. Because I'm alive now and someday I will be dead.

a pause before I pull the trigger

I was reviewing what I was doing this time last year and came upon my observation of pelicans and how they pause before they dive into the ocean. All day today I've felt this exquisite feeling of relaxation and anticipation. Like something really big is about to happen. And maybe this is the calm before the storm. Or maybe this is just what it's like to actually live life.

Every day in LA has a Vanilla Sky

Reality is stranger than fiction. Sometimes I feel like my life is a picture on a screen. A song. A dream come true, but whose dream? Mine? The world distorts. Twists. Possibilities extrapolate everywhere and syncronicities occur like daily breath. Do I take responsibility of creating this life? I must. I have. I am in awe at the world. At the wind in the air. The palm tree lined streets. The feeling of my clutch stick in my leather gloves. The french silk sky with ribbons of pink carmel.

My mind segues impeccably into the human electronic evolutional ideas that have been percolating in my mind the past week. Ghost in the shell, Hyperion type implants, interweb connectivity, matrix-type ability to learn things instantly, major body and DNA modifications, time travel, jaunting. These ideas have excited me like no other in a long time. I see science working through these challenges and the fruit and evolution of the fruit twisting back on us and available to us biologically.

It's as if the eternity mobius strip is speaking back to us of future possibilities. Is evolution and self-actualization actually the same? In both, there is no stepping back. There is no return to ignorance. There is no return to what you were. There is only push on ahead. Clasping the next ring.

And remembering to stay grounded, while watching the rocket trails in the vanilla sky.

On Finding a Sane Lover

Reading the blogosphere this morning I came across an interesting post on finding a sane lover at Nickykaa's site. He's got a lot more interesting tidbits to peruse on his notes page, specifically this the secret, of which he is right on.

Halloween 2006

I want to be this for Halloween next year! From Android Blues, this cool website that sucked me into this one too. It's a site where 3D computer game developers can find photos to use for their 3D modeling. I didn't even know this stuff existed! Another puzzle piece found. Note to self: A database (recapitulation) of human body type/scans then thrown into the mix a la algorithm of the human race.

Make sure you're not taking a drink when you open this Will!

drunk and obnoxious

I'm sorry West Hollywood. I got drunk and obnoxious last night in your closed off streets. I pushed my way through the crowds. I scowled. I didn't smile in the pictures. I was full of myself and my costume and my boyfriend and I didn't care about anyone else. I'm sorry you had to see that side of me, but that proves that I'm human and just like everyone else.

stolen from the future

I live on future street. This is a situation that I like to have a lot of fun with. Recently though, I haven't been spending much time in the future. Someone has stolen me from the future and plopped me firmly in the present. This amuses me greatly.

It reminds me, that someday, I'll put the future behind me. Or maybe that has already happened and I just don't realize it yet.

Surrender to the QA cycle

It seems that in all parts of my life I am in a QA cycle. You know. Quality Assurance. You work out the bugs before you release the product. You pound on the software to get it to break. You test it. You test the load balancing, server, database, UI. Except that the product in question is not software (although I am actually QAing actual software) - the product in question is my life - ME.

In the past couple years, I've been retrofitting myself. It's been a fast process of upgrading, both hardware, software, connectivity, electricity. Dumping obsolete and archived files. Doing complete search/replace on interpersonal interactions stuck in memory. Finding and leaving gems, hooks and markers. A virtual scavenger hunt - except it's not just left to the realm of imagination. The prizes are in the here and now.

This is a hard position to be in. You must keep the faith and keep pounding, keep your diligence and check to make sure bugs are fixed, regressions don't happen and continue to look for bugs. It's hard for me to hold back and be patient. I want to GET OUT there and DO. But it's not time yet. Patience Heather. Surrender to the QA cycle. Enjoy this quiet, self-testing time. Because you really don't want to release software that can't handle the load. And you'd much rather find and fix it now, while you have the luxury and nice weather of Los Angeles, then in the uncertainly of the unknown.

The Future is a one-way street

Falling like never before

I consider myself to be pretty experienced in many things. More experienced than most in most things. I pay attention. I empathize. I learn. I experience. But recently the world has completely knocked me off my feet in a way that I never thought possible. I thought I knew what love was. It turns out, I had only kissed the tip of the iceberg.

All the men I've loved, I've met in extraordinary ways. I won't enumerate them and their stories, although they are amazing stories. I released their bonds earlier this year. Then, I watched my brother get married last month and cynically stood toward the back. I did not challenge what they did. I was in awe. I thought there's no way I could ever do that. Selfish, self-centered, self-serving cynical jaded Heather.

And then Mr. Jauntie wields the cast iron frying pan.

There's a fabulous story, but I can't tell it here now. I'll distill it down to: keep the faith, be careful what you wish you, you'll get it, and always, always do the "right" thing; because the universe delivers its side and it will slap your hand if you don't deliver on yours.

As the beautiful Cabalist's wife in the Sargasso Manuscript says, "All these adventures begin simply. The listener thinks it'll soon be over, but one story creates another and then another."

"Fast, slow, it doesn't matter. You know that feeling of inevitability?"

Inevitable it is. An inevitable adventure. And I should expect nothing less.

What I like

A roommate who is game to walk in Los Feliz with the dog, trying on the costumes for the weekend.

Big Deal!

....
"I am one of only two mammals in the world that lay eggs," said Duckbilled Platypus.
"Big Deal," said BeefSnakStik (registered trademark). "I have beef lips."
[moral: Just because you have a lot of stuff, don't think you're so special.]
- Squids will be Squids, J. Scieszka and L. Smith

For some reason I was feeling under appreciated and over qualified at the same time. Until Gloria reminded me of this story as I drank my mocha in the gloomy kitchen this afternoon. Big deal indeed. Maybe I'll just listen to this mash-up of Real Big Time over and over and over until I get over myself.

invention dissapointment

When I was 14 I redefined my thoughts on religion, because I realized that organized religion did not provide me what I needed in my spiritual longings. I was told, taught a bunch of rules, litany of prayer and asked to swear allegiance to one true god that had been defined to me as this white-haired-old man. Father time actually.

To that scared 10 year standing on the stage, voodoo white candle, standing before all only to please the family - knowing full well that that I didn't believe the majority of what I was agreeing to. That I was agreeing to something I didn't care about didn't register as wrong to me. I had seen the universe, I knew everything was connected, I saw the lines in the trees, felt the wind on my face, I felt the movement of something different in my synapses. Something beyond that which is defined as Heather. These agreements were agreements of the world for other people and did not register with the other committments, bargains made.

I was determined to create my own religion. My "cult" of 1. And I started a vigorous self-reflection process to understand what it was I actually believed in, so that I could distill it into a kernel that I could carry with me. The Decad came out of this time frame - the rules I live by. Eventually I defined my religion, and promptly found it had already been invented. It was called Taoism. I was beside myself. Instead of being happy at finding validation on my religious thought, a school of thought that has been chomped and pondered for significantly more time that I could if I dedicated my life to it, I was depressed. What's the point of trying with your spirit to do something new, novel, inventive, when you get to the point of invention - that spark of life on your idea, the creation has occured - only to be a duplication of effort? It makes me want to die. To give up on all ideas; except the ideas are so tasty, so tantalizing in their possibilities. In their puissance.

It happened again. The puzzle pieces of my life, current and past bargains have started to reveal themselves to me. And yet, I know what I have seen is not new. Except maybe, I actually know how to do it. Except maybe, I've got some puzzle pieces the scientists are not fully utilizing.

promises, integrity and keeping your word

I'm tired of people who can't keep their word. People who say they will behave under certain circumstances and then the circumstance occurs and they behave like jerks. They don't hold up in their self-manifested life. They can't deal with the situation they created, nor are they necessarily honest enough to admit that they can't deal with it. Rare, but it does show up, is the person who is aware that they are reacting in a way that is surprising to them self. I appreciate that level of self-observation and awareness. But more often is the case that you're dealing with someone who is completely unaware that they are reacting/behaving in a way that is different from what they communicated to you.

Or what they committed to you.

Which brings another topic which is sore of late. Commitment. Promises. Keeping your word. Situations change. Contracts must be renegotiated. Needs and wants change.  So why should I be surprised when I'm no longer the confidant? When I know exactly which position I'm in, because I've experienced the other side of it. When I know the reasons you're flaking out, and what you truly mean by your commitment. And I remember all the promises you ever made me, and how you broke them all. Why should this promise, this commitment be any different.

E tu Brutus?

HeAeon

You asked for it and I deliver. That picture over there is me in my Aeon Flux costume - which totally kicks the movie costume's ass. Gloria took this picture a few hours ago when I went on a killing spree. If you ask nicely, maybe I'll send you the secret link to the entire photo album.

Yes, I'm wearing it for Halloween. Anyone having a party?

I'm a handy homeowner

Even after three glasses of wine in my grandmother's antique glassware, I am able to decipher the crusted directions on the wall heaters of the house and lite the pilot lights. I feel so competent.

Give a little

"From what we get, we can make a living; what we give however, makes a life." - Arthur Ashe

You'll notice there's a new section on the blog called "Tip Jar" where you can leave me a monetary tip via Paypal.

This is your chance to show your support. If you've enjoyed reading my posts, found value in my observations or generally want to support the cause, please deposit a tip. For the cost of a latte, I'll know you care.

Falling off the edge

or, "even the best laid plans often go awry."

You can start with a plan and attempt to stick to it, or you can ride the tsunami the universe sends your way. This is fluidity. Against all previous plans and decisions made in moral logic, I headed north this past weekend to a place I had wanted to visit for years. The Racetrack in Death Valley. But that wasn't the first stop.

A late start from LA getting the land cruiser set up. Throwing camping gear in, forgetting the maps, no real destination in mind. We headed up the 14 to land somewhere in the desert. My original plan (well plan B of the weekend) was to head east to long deserted location in the Old Woman Mountains. But that did not come to pass. Instead the Land Cruiser veered north east into the valley of death, stopping for the night in a town of ghosts: Ballart where we had the entire place to ourselves, except for the one caretaker. We meandered around the town, watch the sun set and stars come out. Sunday we were up early with the plan to do a serious hike, but one look at the gas tank and we decided we needed to find a gas station. This took us out of hiking way but jogged my brain and I remembered the racetrack - a mysterious lake bed in the northern part of Death Valley where rocks apparently move around of their own volition. It is only accessable by 4WD. I've never had the luck to be in Death Valley with a 4WD vehicle, the time and the memory of this dream. This time the stars lined up. We filled up the butch and drove up to Scotty's Castle, passed the Ubehebe Crater and headed to the Racetrack. Pictures are for the asking (email or comment) but video is posted here:

• A panoramic of the racetrack
• A view from the grandstand top.
• The bumpy ride

motivations

My best friend can harass me for months and I do nothing, yet the boyfriend makes one comment yesterday and I am provoked to act. Lady Knight has lain sleeping below my bedroom for months. From the first day she came to the future back in February. Until today.

I charged her dead battery and choked life out of her pipes. She coughed and sputtered and yet came alive. I gassed her up, filled her tires and then we kissed the wind. I accelerated stupidly. I leaned through the turns. Left foot remembering the clutch shift like a familiar kiss. Long, sweet, with just enough friction. My rubber on the pavement. Boots, tires. Leather twisting open the throttle.

I'm glad to have her back.

surprise!

a friend reminds me

"without ME, it's just AWESO"

 

A Life in Eternal Bliss

I was rereading the blog of an old colleague, Uwe, and came across this post which I pilfer and post here:

Bluntly put: spend your life in the eternal bliss of always having something to hope for, something to wait for, plans not realized, dreams not come true.... Make sure you have new points on the horizon, that you purposely create. And at the same time, relive your memories, uphold and cherish them, keep them alive and share them, talk about them. Make plans and take pictures.

Wow, that blows my mind. To spend my life in eternal bliss, and that that's possible? Now, I'm challenged not only to realize my constantly changing dream life, but to live it in eternal bliss.

Wow. But I guess that's what I already do.

spinning wheel of adventure

Drinking coffee in the kitchen this morning I was reminded of a dream. A silver spinning globe was poised on my right index finger. It wobbled as my hand moved and then I straightened it up. I realized it was a globe, spinning, spinning, spinning. A question formed in my mind. Where's the next adventure? The globe started to slow and I started to realize it was the earth. I took my left index finger and dragged it across the spinning surface slowing it even further. Still the planet was blurred, until it stopped on a continent that will remain a mystery to everyone, except myself, until the plane tickets are booked.

books in my bed

I've always got books on shelves, in stacks on the floor, on my bedside tables and in the bed. It's not surprising for me to roll over into a pile of books. Here's what I found in my bed this morning:

• The Specter Offroad Catalog
• China Mievelle's, The Scar
• my Rio de Janeiro guidebook
• The original 8 issue series of Elektra Assassin
• The full set of Guides to Lost Wonder

The one and only Wa!

It was one of my favorite gigsvillan's birthday yesterday so we accompanied her to MirrorMask and later to the SF Saloon. Pictures of the fun are here.

Obsessing over wall coverings

I have a passion for office supplies and the apple of my office supply eye fetish is the white board. I've got one in my bedroom, but I have a problem, it's not big enough. What I really covet is a white board wall.

You've seen them in all the Internet tech offices. An entire wall covered in whiteboard material that I can draw, color, take notes on. My current whiteboard has my notes for the "Enlightenment by driving in LA" series. It's jam packed, and I need more space to note all the other things I have in my brain at the moment. Clean out the psychic RAM so I can use the space to run programs on. So yeah, I'm coveting this. Maybe I'll just go out to the office supply store this afternoon.

"Focus on your goals,
Just don't get caught focusing."

ready to jump off the cliff full throttle

I'm inspired. Just when I start to get down and sad and wondering where the magic in my life has gone, even though I manifest it constantly and write how to do it on my blog, there's a light - or more likely a reminder in the form of a thunderbolt. (51: Thunder twice, shock and awe - ha ha).

I hung out with my friend, Carmen, tonight. I am in awe with her. Mint tea at Prasadam in Silverlake, getting caught up on the recent events. Learning a new way of organizing. Reminded of ways of living. I downloaded Big Time Sensuality by Bjork last week on my radio show at her reminder of the song, but really my favorite Bjork is "It's oh so quiet" because it is just so perfect. So fucking perfect it's bittersweet.

The universe wants you to be authentic. In any situation if you are authentic to yourself, it turns out perfectly. That's what perfection is - authenticity. Why fight against the tide? Ride the wave and see where it takes you. But then the fear. What if it's not where I want to go? Ah, Heather, remember the goal in mind is not necessarily a goal of location. And you will always reach your destination. And you always reach your goals or become unimportant.

"I don't know my future after this weekend, and I don't want to."
- BTS, Bjork

And I can manifest everything I need, if I don't have it already. That's the most important thing to remember.

being #2

I really shouldn't blog about this, but it's on my mind. When you're #2 behind the x-gf, it's sometimes hard to take the relationship seriously. It is good to practice detachment. Am I really going to give it my all if I know the guy is not totally available? Then again maybe I shouldn't ask questions like "If "X" would take you back, would you?" or "What is the thing that you don't want me to know?" I want to know the answers, because I want to know what kind of playing field I'm working with. Still...

Mr Jauntie in the house

Just sending some props out to you. I'll see you next weekend, in your Mojave lair. Please be nice. Don't mix things up too much in my life. I can already see your not-so-secret footprint around current works.

Wild Fire

Offret - Sacrificatio
directed by Andrei Tarkovesky (who directed the original Solaris)

Alexander, a journalist and former actor and philosopher, tells his little son how worried he is about the lack of spirituality of modern mankind. In the night of his birthday, the third world war breaks out. In his despair Alexander turns himself in a prayer to God, offering him everything to have the war not happened at all.

--
The change in winds being covered this morning in the LA wild fires reminded me of this movie I saw years ago. The universe does indeed make bargains.

Heart's Desire: Say Thank You

Congratulations. You've manifested your heart's desire. It was no small work. You put your all into it. You had faith. You're sitting on your fabulous new couch. Yours, all because of your hard work.

Step 6 says "Thank You". Acknowledge what you did. Savor your moment of success.

Thank the universe. Thank anyone who helped you. Most of all, thank yourself. In following the previous 5 steps, you probably did something new. Not only do I hope you have your heart's desire. But in going through the steps you got in touch with the power you have as a human to dream, define and manifest the kind of life you dream, desire and deserve.

Heart's Desire: See your Success

Carmen de Jesus, my hypnotherapist, said earlier this week when I was angsting about finding something...

"How could it be that something you imagine can not NOT exist? If you can imagine it, it is real on some level."

Carmen's quote is the perfect accompaniment for Step 5 in how to get your heart's desire.

In step 5, you change your focus from keeping your heart's desire at a distance to seeing yourself with your heart's desire up close and personal. Let's use the couch as an example.

You know you want a new couch. You've gotten rid of the old couch. You've researched what kind of couch you want and where to get it. You've made a physical daily reminder of your desire to get a new couch.

Now, see the new couch in your room. How does it look? How does it feel to lay on the couch? How are you interacting with it? Are you watching television with your roommate? Are you having steamy sex with your girlfriend on it? Is it leather? Is it soft? How does it feel? How do you feel with it?

Do this daily before you close your eyes and drift into hypnogogic dreamland. Lay on your back. Relax your body: your muscles, your stomach, your forehead, your hands, your jaw, your throat, your breathing, your heart. Remind yourself of your heart's desire. See it. Have answers to the types of questions above in the couch example. You should have a specific vision of what it is like to have your heart's desire in your life. How are you behaving with it? How do you feel? What's it like to have your dream/heart's desire come true?

In step 5, you are literally seeing the future, your future. Try it, tonight. What do you have to lose?

I wish this was true

New Favorite Song: Time Won't Wait

Is a remixed version of Jamiroquai's "Time Won't Wait" I pulled from the Funkin' Jamiroquai site. I'll be playing this on my show tonight on Theory Radio in the 9pm west coast hour. Tune in.

Change in the Portland Airport

I took this picture at a coffee shop in the Portland Airport. I really liked it.