heathervescent

spot the h-bomb

Carmen took this picture of me on Venice Beach on my birthday. That's Moki and I'm carrying my GTD notebook.

In the trench

It's been days and day of hand to hand combat in the trenches. My life often alternates from an eagle eye view of the landscape to bushwhacking through the underbrush. Last week I blasted, completed a couple big projects of 2006: party, tagging, a new game. Boom - right out the door of 2006 with three big shots hitting dead on.

This week has been scatter-shot. The plans, projects I planned are getting pushed back, taking longer. My feet drag through the quagmire of moving back to the future, continuing to take care of Moki and his three walks a day and keeping my own projects and dreams on track.

It's slow going. Where's the inspiration? I asked myself that today when I returned to the future with the first of many loads of stuff. I'm happy to be back. I love my house, the statues in the front yard. I enjoyed living in West Hollywood and loved my office there. It was also great to "practice" living with Sam without the full commitment. But I missed the magic in my house. I missed the solo time to myself. The space to think crazy thoughts. The space to get hyped up and drive the dark city alone with the top down, music blasting me through the city. When you have someone you love in the bed next to you, it's hard to coax yourself out in the morning.

So what's next?

Maybe when I whack through this bush, I'll be able to see.

party = success

I threw myself a birthday party last night. I always like to do something interesting and special to celebrate and invite my friends to have fun. I've been recently obsessed with the "hbomb" part of my personality. I talked about my first nickname: heathervescent a couple posts ago. I have a secondary nickname as well: hbomb. So the theme of the party was the hbomb.

Andrew at Ground Control was nice enough to host. For the first time in my life, I didn't make all the food. Connie-Lynne made the cake and put together a fabulous spread of snacks. The best was the three tiered German Chocolate Cake on fire. No candles for us, flaming balls were spread all over the cake. Mike, the bartender, perfected the "h-bomb" a vodka based cocktail sporting a flaming lime. I handed out hbomb stickers and champagne pops. We had Aeon Flux on the wide screen and Karaoke on stage. My highlights included a mashup of Bela Lugosi's Dead sung to Donna Summer's I feel love. And then I had to my classic karaoke song: Thriller.

This has always been a hit, but last night's performance took the cake. The best thing about Thriller is that everyone joins in in the dancing. It's amazing how many people know the dance moves. So most of the room was up and dancing along, until the very end, where, if you remember in the video, the crowd of zombies gangs up on the date. Well, this is exactly what the zombie dancers did. I'm singing along, the zombies are dancing, and then the next thing I know, I'm surrounded and they're coming in close, until the very end where they have taken over the entire stage and we hear Vincent Price's cackling laugh. I wish we had some photos or video, because it was a moment to remember.

Here's a picture of Susanna and I singing Barry Manilow's, Copacabana.

I was also sung happy birthday in Swedish. And everyone sang along too!

It was great. Everyone had a great time. I was able to spend time with old and new friends. And 2006 is already shaping up to be full of fabulous people and activities.

just another day ... or not

So today is my birthday. I usually take the day off and spend it doing only what I want to do. That's back when I had the corporate job. But no more. I'm all freelance these days. When things went to crap with the company I started last year, I almost went out and got another corporate job. Daily routine, big bucks, responsibility and with that probably a lot of frustration. But that stable fat paycheck and a commute from hell.

I decided that I would give it another try. I write about living my dream life, manifesting the kind of life I want. What the hell... I can give it a little more of a try. What else do I have to lose? I've been putting my words to the test this past year with a nice safety net in my bank account. Now that safety net is gone and there's nowhere to go but up. And failure has never been an option with me. Still, I'm scared. What if I've just entered a den of predators and about to be snapped to pieces? I'm a fragile human. I am reminded of that when I jumped into the mosh pit with a bunch of teenage boys on Saturday night and came away with a blue lip and some bruises. But then things are taken care of perfectly. Even with Gloria and her situation - in the darkest of places there is love and friends.

So tonight, today, the bomb goes off. Maybe you've seen them around the city. You'll have the opportunity to drink one tonight, at Ground Control, where I'll be celebrating. Come on by if you want.

10 years of Heathervescent

It's interesting to find out where people's nicknames and online handles come from. I haven't always been Heathervescent, and 2006 is the 10 year anniversary of my favorite moniker. A perfect fit, if you haven't met me, Heathervescent was given to me by the CFO of my first job.

At this first job out of college, I  host a "philosophical symposium" after work occasionally. We'd head down to Kate O'Brien's, grab some beers and talk philosophy. In my email announcements I would say something like, lead by your effervescent host Heather. One day, we were talking about a recent discussion and the CFO (who attended) was telling someone that it was organized by heathervescent. Everyone agreed that that was a perfect description of me and the name stuck. I could not have come up with a better nickname if I tried. So thanks John, for my name these past ten years.

nothing, in no order

• Griffith Park Fountain
• Vermont Street / Los Feliz
• Wacko's
• Hollywood and Vine
• Griffith Park Blvd / Hyperion
• Silverlake
• Sawtelle
• The Georgian
• Venice Beach

It's Moki Time!

It's time again for Moki! Yesterday Susanna and I took him to the enchanted pine forest in Griffith Park. Do you know where the enchanted pine forest is? For Gloria's consideration, here's a short video of us walking down the path (wmv, 3.4M). Moki would pay the camera no attention as he was having a great time sniffing all the new smells.

Yo, it's wireless!

Busier than ever

For some reason, the more I do, the more I get done. It's that turbo thing I talked about last month actually working. Or maybe it's because I'm drinking coffee again...

Things turn unexpectedly

I was in the middle of a non-stop LA weekend when my cell phone rang. It was Gloria. I heard from her voice something I did not expect.

We've both had non-stop busy lives since Jan 10. Busy and separate lives. I've moved out of the future (for a short time) so we don't have our usual morning conversation. Sharing project status, gossip from Italy or San Francisco. We share our dreams (the ones we have at night) and discuss logistics like taxes, mortgage, bills, watering the plants.

I was looking forward to return to the future and our morning conversations - even with the number of projects we have. But things have taken a turn, an unexpected twist. Her voice on Sunday told me of a completely unexpected emergency. And she left for Italy yesterday morning.

I'm holding down the fort and taking care of Moki, which is my pleasure. I've missed that dog in my absence from the future. But this reminds me, in an instant, the world changed. Things that are your focus right now, suddenly become optional. Fighting against the unexpected does not help. Breathing and staying calm, bringing the best of who you are to the situation, is the best we can do.

And although, I'm not able to be on the front lines and directly help with this emergency. I'll maintain status and play with a happy dog who awaits her safe return.

on friends

A friend is supportive, someone you can talk to, be yourself with and not worry about judgment. Someone who pulls you out of a funk when you’ve had a bad day. Someone who can distract you when you life is overwhelmed. Someone who holds down the fort when your life goes crazy. Someone who you can call on when you’re angry, hurt, confused, sad. Friends also share ideas, good thoughts, highs, successes and happiness. They are different minds to bounce ideas off or brainstorm with. Or just get drunk and laugh.

And then sometimes friends say goodbye, and they're gone and out of your life indefinitely.

on Fame

"The time of getting fame for your name on its own is over. Artwork [Anything] that is only about wanting to be famous will never make you famous. Any fame is a by-product of making something that means something. You don't go to a restaurant and order a meal because you want to have a shit."
- Banksy

Like Father, like daughter

I caught up with my Dad earlier today. We're both pretty busy these days and haven't actually talked in depth for some time. I told him about my various going-ons, the dramas and issues I don't write about here, projects for the future, of the boyfriend, trips and travels. He told me about his projects, website, the Air Force. The funny comments about how both of us are working on various projects and jobs, careers.

I remember him telling me in a hot tub conversation when I was 15 (we used to have an outside hot tub that we used in the winter - and it snowed where we lived) about how he liked to do different jobs and not be stuck in only one job. (He was an attorney, in the Air Force, had a couple farms, buildings and some business ventures.) I liked that. I was thinking about what I wanted to be "when I grow up" and was not at all interested in pigeon holing myself into one career choice. Variety, options, possibilities, where what interested me. I also knew that the kinds of jobs I wanted, didn't exist yet. I didn't see the point of focusing on a specific topic, say Accounting, in college.

So today, my dad quips back on how happy he is to be doing the various stuff he's doing (still law, even more business ventures, real estate, still got that farm). And I respond with my laundry list of projects and plans. The similarity is well... striking, for someone who tried so hard to differentiate herself from her progenitor.

Then comes the kicker. Dad is telling me about a document he is writing, that outlines future possibilities for an organization he is working with. He's writing the future and he tells it to me like that. I hear the wink in his voice, and my world comes tumbling down. My Dad is doing the same thing I do. He's creating the future - with words, with his ideas and he'll execute on it too.

His future worlds are different from mine, but we use the same technique to create them.

Busy Busy

With 2006's start comes a lot of projects and possibilities. I've been extremely busy since I returned from the holiday celebrations. That feels really good. Lots of exciting projects in the works and I'll be announcing them throughout Q1-2006! Stay tuned for balls-out ass kicking!

Blogging 101 taught by yours truly

I started doing some blog consulting last year and it was a lot of fun, so I've decided to do more; starting with teaching a Blogging 101 class in February.

In this three session course, I'll teach the basics on creating a weblog, care and feeding of your blog and making money. If you don't have a blog and want to get one, this is a great introductory course. Class starts Feb 2nd. If you're interested in attending, send an email to blog ( a t ) heathervescent ( d o t ) com.

Going to BarCamp

Well, I'm going to BarCamp in LA. I'll have to decide which project percolating in the back of my head I want to bring to the forefront. It will be good to get the geek on.

a joyful dare

F waxes poetic on the Reckless blog...

"i always thought that it's degrading to see yourself as the traditional half of an apple, that is incomplete if doesn't meet the other half... a relationship builded on a need, on the fear of loneliness, on an empty to fill, it's very sad... the meeting between a woman and a man should be an expansion, a joyful dare... without you i feel perfectly fine, with you i feel more than myself..."

It's a good reminder to maintain integrity and self while creating a partnership.

A slice of the sky

Reading his books again

I had a best friend once. We used to trade books and CDs, stories and URLs and for a time, we shared the same dreams.

One of the best things about this relationship was the unspoken one. The one we never commented on. We pretended never existed. This was the relationship we had with our trades.

It started out simply. He was as voracious a reader as I was. We had similar tastes in many mediums. We were decades apart in ages, but those years disappeared with the music or the words on the page translating into pictures in my mind. With the movies we never watched together but discussed. He would bring me some books. I'd exchange them for some CDs. We'd go about reading and listening in our own lives. Grab a coffee between discussions.

The books I read always meant something to me. They told me of a secret storyline - a separate life - a possibility that existed only in fiction. The fiction of P.K. Dick, Dan Simmons or Jonathan Carroll. These stories were enough for a time. But more often than not, there was some strong character or plot development that hit a little too close to our reality. Possibility. It stung when I read those sections, written by authors who had no knowledge of me, yet described my situation perfectly. It was not just synchronicity. It was a big fat arrow with flashing neon lights. I had trouble breathing.

Drama happened, as is often the case. We became badly bruised and went limping to our corners, licking our wounds.

2006 arrived and with it: two books by my favorite author. To read Carroll's words is like adventure to Pippi Longstocking. Vibrant, full of life, passionate, unexpected. He sent those two books down.

I've been hesitant to open them. To turn the page and read the words. To see what world he's created (Jonathan this time). It's not just reading the stories. It's reading descriptions of my friend, reading descriptions of myself, written by an author I have never met, and probably never will. (Although he has an outstanding drink offer.)

I will finish reading Glass Soup, but I fear what synchronicity comes next. But it's too late to get off this rollercoaster, and even if I could, I doubt I would. There are still many wild cards waiting to be discovered.

An office with a window

I'm sitting in my new office. It's filling with light and sun and the sounds of the street. There is a big window in front of my computer that opens to the sky.

I watch the clouds slide across the skypallet, like they are posing for Richard Misrach. I see airplanes create their contrails high above the city. I hear the sirens of police cars or ambulances, the hum of helicopters in the sky and the whir of the traffic in the street. The caws of crows, the small chirps of sparrows, the dry leaves falling.

The setting sun fills the room with light, setting it aglow. The rest of the house is dark, but this room, where I sit in my office, is on fire.

It's a good place for a writer and I've been inspired today. To be a good writer, one must not only have skill with words and discipline to write them, one must have a window with a view onto the world. An inspiring view.

Happy Birthday Gloria

I gave Gloria her birthday present a few days early this year. She got it yesterday, just after we finished hours of yardwork and home improvement. Instead of giving her something, I took something away - threw something away actually - my favorite shoes.

I love these black slip on shoes. A mix of leather and mesh, super comfortable with an extra sticky sole. I wore these all the time. They were my old standards... until Gloria found them as the culprit of the black marks on our tile.

When we first moved in, the tiles were all marked up. The previous occupants were a family with a dog and two kids. No pristine tiles in our house. Then I found the amazing Magic Eraser and hope was restored. The black marks were banished... that is, until I started to regularly wear my favorite shoes. And then they returned.

At first, Gloria's attacks on my shoes were small... requests to take them off before I came into the house. I could usually comply - but I'm not a "shoeless in the house" person, so I would forget. I actually like wearing shoes and I'm running around too much to remember to take them off and on when I go in and out. I started coming into the house and going straight downstairs (to my lair) and changing my shoes. But inevitably, I'd have to stop by the kitchen to drop some groceries or mail on the table. She'd catch me again and again, with a rough voice questioning me... "what shoes are you wearing?"

Then I thought I came up with a solution. I would take them over to my boyfriend's house and they could live there. But eventually they ended back in the future.

I promised to clean up the black marks (I was the one who found the magical eraser that erased those horrid marks). And I'd get to it eventually, but things in life distract me, and as much as I like cleaning, I do it in fits and spurts.

I don't like parameters on my living. And my natural inclination in this situation is to go against the required behavior, to express my solidarity. I found myself _wanting_ to wear them inside more. Forgetting to take them off, and absolutely refusing to think that I would throw them out. And Gloria's onslaughts got stronger. And I realized, as much as it's my house to be able to wear whatever I want inside it, it's also her house and she has the desire to not have black marks on the floors.

And then I thought, it's a good excuse to get a new pair of shoes. If I could find a replacement pair, that wouldn't leave black marks, that I would love just as much, then I could stomach throwing out my old favorites (even though nothing is wrong with them and they're not worn out).

So I went to Off-Broadway Shoes on Sunset and found a pair of black leather/suede sketchers. They had cool black and grey soles (I really like to have shoes that have cool soles aka Fluevog), they were comfortable and they seemed to have a strong possibility of being a new favorite. So I took them home and started wearing them - mentally preparing to throw out the old favorites.

It was almost too much to bear. Could I keep the old ones for only yardwork? Permanently ban them to West Hollywood? No, they would just end up back at the future. It was time for them to go.

So this weekend, after one last wearing: planting, raking, weeding, re-roofing, they went in the trash, along with the 15 bags of plant material. Gone, gone, gone. And I promise, I won't sneak down tonight, before the trash man comes in the morning and take them out. Tomorrow, they will be gone from the Future, just in time to celebrate your birthday!

Happy Birthday Gloria!

My Naked Soul

That's me, on page 94 of January's issue of Italian Elle. What a great birthday present. And a great way to start out a year of Kicking ASS!

leaving the future - temporarily

The future is a lot like West Hollywood, except I have all my stuff there.

However, in 6 days, I'll be removing my stuff from the future and moving to WeHo. I've been going through a mixture of emotions. I'm excited to be able to spend more time with Sam without either of us commuting. I'm excited to be living in Hollywood. It's a new neighborhood and I like it.

It's always interesting when you move into someone's space. It's not going to be cramped - there's plenty of room for me. What is most irritating - and it's just a little irritating, is that in the future, I have all my stuff. None of my posessions, documents, items, etc are stored somewhere else or in a storage until. All my stuff is in one place and I really like that. So spreading my stuff across multiple houses slightly irks me.

Then again, I can look at it differently. I've got my future, the home base, and my satellite with a few choice items I love and adore and make me feel comfortable. I can practice adoration and detachment from my possessions at the same time.

Welcome to 2006

I woke up to a sunny blue sky here in West Hollywood this morning. Laser beams of light shining through the spaces between the curtains.

My mind is arace with all my projects. I'm sitting here, drinking my third cup of coffee of the year, my new GTD notebook ready to be filled with future actualizations. My boyfriend called my GTD notebook a journal of the future. That makes sense. And on a day like today, in Hollywood, the sky is the limit and I can't wait to get started.

kick your own ass

Get your own "kick ass" shirt at the Superviva Store.

Or better yet, create your own life list at Superviva! You can see mine in the right column of this blog (RSS feed!)

Superviva is a new site where you can create a list of the things you want to do in your life. You know, like goals. It's easy to add goals, look at other people's lists and get ideas. Then you do them and check them off your list.

I've been addicted to it since I started playing with it in it's early phases. It's fun and inspiring to write down my goals and see them all in a list. And then look at the list of everything I've done. It makes me feel like I've really accomplished something.

I'm going to write more about it, because I think it is really a great site - and because of it, I'm no longer doing my yearly goals - I've moved all my goals to Superviva.

Come on, join me in Kicking Ass in 2006! I dare you!

kicking into turbo

The thing about a turbo, is that it doesn't kick in, until you need it. It's there, waiting, heating up next to the engine, waiting for the go (or the right RPM).

I've been purring around town mostly in my low gears. Cruising/stalking Hollywood. A few fits and starts of speed, acceleration on Sunset or San Fernando. But nothing like the wide open road - a long pavement kiss with my tires, clutch foot resting on the seat beside my leg.

That's about to change. The RPMs of my life are finally revving high enough for my turbo to kick in. And it's about time. I enjoy kicking around town and stalking, watching, observing, learning; but I really love accelerated time. The best of Heather comes out in these hyper accelerated times.

Like, yesterday, when I had 15 minutes to get from the Fashion District to Century City for an appointment. Logic dictated that there was no way I could make it. I gave myself 5 minutes on the 10 before I'd call and push back. In 5 minutes I was getting off at La Cienga! I swear I wasn't speeding insanely or "threading the needle". I just let it flow. The wind in my hair, my hands on the wheel, enjoying the speed, the sound of my wheels on the road.

The big block has been refitted for taking on jet fuel, it's been QA tested, test driven, final adjustments and it's about to come out of the garage. I can feel the engine straining in the mounts and the yearning for the open road. It's only a few more days.

The Baja 2

Sam did a great write up of our recent trip to Baja, which we call, The Baja 2.  Check out the story, pictures and video.

You can check out my video of traveling on the bumpy baja roads.

We had a great time, the truck is in the shop getting cleaned up and we're ready to head back down!

2005 - the door is closing

Much of what I write about in this blog and how I try to live my life is about dream actualization. Figuring out what kind of life I want to have and then making it happen. I focus on self-awareness and learning, no matter how difficult each situation may be. For many years, I've kept a yearly goal list. Since 2005 is winding down I'm preparing to close it out. And this year, of all previous years, has been the most amazing life actualization. In closing out 2005, I'm closing out my yearly goal list and using something new - which will be unveiled to you, my dear readers, very soon.

If I could use two words to describe 2005, it would be: test-drive. Test drive following my gut, test driving starting a company, test drive romantic relationships, test driving a big truck. I'm in the process of trading those test drives for the real thing. A real company, a real truck, a real relationship - all while listening to that voice inside me that pushes me to jump off the cliff and fly into the blue sky.

I like this

"I like knowing that, despite the freeway possessing exits I might never take, winding through neighborhoods through I which I might never see, busily allowing thoroughfare for commuters I might never know, despite the freeway giving me access, that I will always have my trusted routes. I know I can sit in the cabin of my car, that as long as I maintain a connection to that central vein, that I will always find a way to welcome, loving and inviting arms."
- from liquid etchings

Taking money out of the equation

If money was not an issue, what kind of life would you lead?

Don't think about this question as if you had an unlimited supply of money, instead, think about this question as if money didn't even factor into the equation.

Would you live your life differently? How?

back to life

The last goal of 2005 was squeaked in last week - a Baja offroading adventure in Mexico.

Trip write up with pictures coming soon, highlights now:

• Mike's Sky Rancho - arriving at 5:30 pm on Christmas eve.
• Making Hanukkah candles out of tecate bottle caps, matches and Jesus candle wax
• Driving the Baja 1000 and 500 roads
• A meeting with 3 federales in the chaparral on Xmas day
• Baja breakfast: beer and baklava
• San Felipe  all night Xmas karaoke
• The Parque National Constution 1851 - pine trees surround a lake at 5000+ elevation
• Coca-cola light
• Licking the truck wounds back to LA

We returned to LA unscathed; my Spanish brushed up a bit, the truck more worn for the wear with a notebook of dreams and plans for adventures in 2006.

Day 21

It's day 21 on the no coffee in the future. Last week was difficult and I won't pretend that I can't wait until January 1st. But I'm proud of myself for having made it this far without more temptations.

Santa's toolbelt

The tire pressure gage didn't come in handy afterall.

All I want for Christmas is...

another laser gun. Check out the photos of my laser gun collection. Here are some videos of me playing with my guns.

• My favorite gun running out of juice
• Small green Gun
• Dinosaur spark gun
• The sword that thinks it's a gun
• Aeon's First Gun

Where can I find more laser guns?!!! Do you want more Vblogging?

Seven daggers and a sword

2005 is rapidly closing shop. And it's almost time to do the final review of my 2005 goals. This has been the year of the spider. Weaving a web, sitting silently, waiting patiently. And I have been waiting, but not so patiently. 2006 is already looking to be quite different. First off, I'm not going to be making the standard goal list I have in previous years. I plan to still manage my goals, but I've found that a yearly cycle is too long as I manifest and execute on my goals in 3-6 months time. So the goals are going on a quarterly review cycle along with some bigger longer term goals.

Instead, as I prepare to move into 2006, I've been thinking about what I want to take from 2005 (and all previous years) with me into 2006. I've distilled what I'm taking with me to seven daggers and a sword.

• Courage
• Vision
• Limitation
• Goals
• Faith
• Passion
• Reckless
• Love

These are my tools.

I'm leaving 2006 open - a void - an unknown for something interesting to manifest. Something so exciting I can't even think or plan it. I like surprises. I want to see what kind of surprise the universe throws my way.

Almost Forgotten Award

I was preparing for an event when I came across this award given to me at Burning Man. If you can't read the writing in the photo, it reads: Heathervescent, "Award 4 making BIG ASS FIRE". This in response to piling an entire stack of free wood into the Van-B-Que, I think.

Nothing is free

You pay in your time, energy, attention or money. Nothing is ever freely given, except maybe love. And even that is often given with the expectation of something in return.

What do you think?

knowing the grid

I'm in West Hollywood again. I just can't seem to get away from this part of town - which I am coming to love more and more. So much for the future, G. But I think you knew S would eventually win - even before we knew him.

Early on in my LA wanderings I got to know the general grid of the city. I was doing the Santa Monica/Venice to Mt Washington hike on city streets attempting to avoid 10 traffic. These days I don't make it out to the Ocean that much anymore. I don't miss my Malibu mudslides, or tearing up Piuma canyon. I don't miss my morning commute up Hwy 1, coffee in cup holder, top down, wind in my hair. However, I do miss swinging near the Santa Monica Pier.

The Santa Monica swings are the best swings ever. So tall. I would pump my legs back and forth until the seat reached the level of the top bar, lean back, head upside-down as the world came rushing up and then receded as I sucked in air. Up and down. Over and over. I would often come upon the swings deserted. My choice of 6 golden seats. Which would I pick? And often, as I finally jumped away from the swing (in mid-air of course) all other seats would be taken.

I tried to give advice to a couple of German girls once on how to swing their legs to get more lift. (There is a technique for more lift. I learned it when I studied flying trapeze.) I alternated between working for more height, speed and enjoying the ride. I loved those swings. It's almost a reason for the trip West.

But I didn't plan to write about my love for the Santa Monica swings. I was writing about the grid. I've learned the larger grid of the city - main street thorough-fares and even a couple sneak-arounds. Twisty roads, speedy secondary arteries. Walking around the neighborhood with the dog or taking the evening stroll, taught me about my immediate local blocks. All these are data point in the grid of my mind. Pathways, directions, options when I may need them. I like to mix things up and keep them fresh, so when walking or driving, I like to try new routes.

Today I as I headed over to my appointment I thought of the many possibly routes that would lead me to my destination. City street, 5 different freeway exits. Which one did I prefer? Which one would I take? I'm speeding down the 101, window open, blowing my hair thinking about my next move. Usually I take the most direct, fast or efficient route that is the most pleasing for driving, my clutch or my eye. Today my eye was on Hollywood, so I drove down the Boulevard. I passed the stores I always pass (usually going the other direction). Enjoying the view, the music. I passed the Egyptian Theater. I though of all the companies I've almost worked for in LA. The conversations I've had. My dreams, desires, intentions. Of dreams coming true on this very street - filled with stars. It's an inspiring drive.

These streets in Los Angeles have,  do and will lead me to my dreams. I can choose the route, streets I may want to take. Which view I want to feast my eyes as I move closer and closer and navigate and explore the grid.

Don't be shy

Hi. I know you're there. Reading my blog, this post, right now. Maybe in a RSS feed reader, maybe on the site. Just like you, I'm a regular human being. I like to get feeback. What do you think of the site? All you new LA Times readers. I've heard from some of you (thank you) but others are quiet. That's ok. But you don't have to be shy. Send me a message if you like. Or a link or a blog or an interesting story about LA or your dream life.

no coffee in the future

On December 1st, Gloria and I made a decision to give up coffee until the end of the year. We are both java addicts, G being Italian and me a child of the tech start-up world. I'm the keeper of the espresso machine in the house and Gloria is a big fan of coffee to start the day. Previous to December first we'd wake up to a pot and often I'd make macchiatos, mochas or cappuccino's for the afternoon, sometimes in addition to an afternoon cup o joe.

So here we are, on day 12, with no coffee flowing through these veins of mine. And that's just fine.

I've switched to tea, chai, hot chocolate (although not so good for the ivory skin). And I realized that there are a wide variety of beverages available that I previously discounted, granted getting hooked on Diet Coke may not be much better than coffee.

I don't know if come Jan 1st I'll dip my nose into a steamy cup of joe, half and half swirling and blending into the chocolate colored elixur. Or will I be content without it in my life? Time will tell. I do know that my next beverage challenge will be to only drink water...

Morcheeba reminder

"I know I can
be what I wanna be
if I work hard at it
I'll be where I wanna be"

If you want a copy of "Get Mashed" the Morcheeba Mashup CD, drop me an email with your mailing address.

Heathervescent's Wall of Sound

I'm back on Theory Radio tonight from 8 to 11pm pacific darkness time. Tune into my effervescent show via WinAmp, iTunes or your other Audio Internet enabled player via this direct stream broadcast link now.

lifehacking

It's not new to me or even a lot of people, but I'm on the GTD train now. Watch out world, cause 2006 is right around the corner and I'm implementing the new and improved method for me to execute on my dreams. That's right, more dreams actualized faster. Watch and see.

a year ago (not blogged)

I don't write everything in my life on this blog. So here's an anniversary that was not documented. One year ago I found the future. It was a day like today. I walked into what would be my living room. There was a dog jumping around in the yard. Kids in the bedrooms. The red and yellow walls beckoned me along with the warm tile and the terraced garden. I could see myself living here. And now I do.

In this year, we've changed the future. We've added a lot more color, some sparkle. Done a lot of raking, yard cleaning. Replaced appliances, fixed leaks, dealt with flying friends and neighborhood dogs. We've since explored the "canyon", passed the murder scene regularly and taken in many views from three stumps. I've created new ideas, redefined myself, gone through a few relationships and continue to challenge and be challenged in everything I do.

This morning I went to Venice Beach. The weather was gorgeous, the sky blue, sun high, breeze light. I didn't care. The air was fresh, but I couldn't wait to get back to the future. I stood on the beach and looked north to Malibu and remembered my daily commute. The twisty roads, the mud slides. And I think of further northern location. And my current commute. And as the year winds down, I start to review my 2005 goals and think about what I want to accomplish in 2006.

And what do I want the future to bring? And what do I want to bring to the future?

raking leaves perfectly

I'm raking leaves again. It's not because I want to. It needs to be done and I need to get out of my head and do some physical labor. That doesn't stop my brain from thinking about perfection and failure. I want to be a perfectionist. I want everything in the world to be as I envision it - that's my perfection. But then again, I want to be surprised, I want there to be new and exciting things that I can't even imagine. So why should I get frusterated when I know the instant I come in and take a shower after raking, that the beautiful straight lines in the dirt will have yellow leaves across them, like a music signature. I create the blank lines for the trees to write the music on. (However a few moments ago, I didn't think of it like that - they were just more leaves to rake.) I don't want to be a specialist - a genius in one or two things. I want to kick ass in EVERYTHING I do. I know that's a hard thing to accomplish, but that's the point. (The journey is the destination, blah blah blah.) And I do generally do better than average in most things I do. So why is that not good enough for me? Where is the satisfaction, the contentment? Maybe all these thoughts are in my head because this is the second day without coffee. It's like leaving the house without my wallet, cellphone or keys.

On winning

"The battle is won in the homework. In the field, it is just actualizing what you put into your mind."
- Barbara Warren, last night at Borders

West Hollywood to the Future via Sunset

I'm doing my almost regular morning commute - becoming more and more regular as I continue to be stolen from the future. Today I had to return early in time for breakfast so I didn't jump on the 101. Instead I stayed on Sunset Blvd. and drove the entire stretch to the 2. I love Sunset. The few blocks through Hollywood were not as bright and twinkling because of the overcast sky. But I looked at the stars on the street signs and the sidewalk. I passed the Egyptian Theater, stripper stores, the Pantages and a big crowd of people lined up near some barricades nearby. I passed through the newly developed Western/Sunset block with the Metro and shopping center. Then skirted the edge of Los Feliz, through Silverlake and into Echo Park.

I was musing about living in LA and my recent cover photo and inclusion in the blogging article in the LA Times (Calendar). And how yesterday was such a day of ups and downs. It was a corkscrew roller coaster ride with Mom in town, the LA Times thing, training I had prepared for my company that had to be rescheduled at the last minute, Gloria's fabulous book signing and giving up coffee until the end of the year. And cramming in as much Sam as is possible.

Today I normalize. Try to get back to baseline, whatever that is. Baseline seems to be moving constantly these days, it's not much like a baseline. Wait a minute, that's a lie. I'm not trying to normalize at all. What I'm really trying to do is get used to my life. Get used to this extremely interesting life I have manifested. get used to the moving baseline. Sometimes it's so much like a dream, I forget it is real.

To LA Times Readers

Well, hello there.

Thanks for stopping by. Stay a bit, peruse the archives. Feel free to post a comment or send me an email. And be sure to check out other blogs in the blogosphere. Enjoy your city and dream big.

Read the entire post that was excerpted in the LA Times article.

Zinging Stories

I picked mom up at the airport yesterday as she came into town for Gloria's book signing party tonight. We kicked around the hood and then headed home. She brought with her a huge suitcase of stuff from my past. She's cleaning out her house in preparation to moving to Portland soon. In the big black suitcase, were some really classic finds. Like my Halloween costume from 1975, when I was 1 1/2. I put it on and could still wear it! (It's a little red riding hood hood.) Stuffed animals from when I had the typical unicorn obsession. But the best, most fabulous surprise from the suitcase was my baton.

I saw the sparkling edge poking out from behind the packing material and I snatched it up, immediately ignoring everything else in the room. The metal rod flipped and twisted through my fingers. Kinetically remembering threading the tube through my finders. Thumb-tosses. Wrist flips. Your standard horizontal twirling. I could not stop. My body could not stop.

Later we went to dinner where mom got to meet the love. At Electric Lotus we had a great spread of spicy dishes. As the eating winded down, mom pulled out the personal stories. Your parents always have them. The story of breaking my brother's arm, of being a strong willed child, favorite restaurants (Indian and Thai), words of wisdom. I'm sitting between my mom and Sam, cringing, wondering, if he'll still love me after or in spite of those stories. Stories that show parts of my personality that few have experienced. (Ahhh, family.)

Still though, these stories of myself, the ones I can't quite remember, but my mother can, are a boon to me. The show my true colors, on some level, that I myself maybe could not see. I've matured many of these characteristics, shaped them into who I am today. But it's good to see what the seeds were and where they were laid down.

what is my problem?

For the record, I am not a clean freak. I like a nice, clean, organized living space. I clean occasionally and in fits and spurts. As I've matured, my ability to clean has increased, although my affection for it has not. Momentum is the mitigating factor. But this is just weird. I spent all weekend cleaning a couple weeks ago and got such satisfaction with getting it done. And today, I have been futzing around on a variety of projects - my brain full of all kinds of loose ends. Nothing I've done today has given me satisfaction - except for cleaning my bathroom just moments ago. What the hell is happening to me? Me, heathervescent, the woman who goes off on adventures all over the world, is satisfied using Scrubbing Bubbles (tm) and Magic Eraser (tm) on my tile and porcelain?! And what about yesterday, when I did about 80 million loads of laundry, playing chicken with the desert dust stains (I won). And what about tomorrow, when I look forward to more laundry in preparation for my mom coming to town. And more cleaning? I am restraining myself from going through every stitch in my closet, bookshelves, drawers and storage lockers and throwing out half of the stuff. Stuff that I sifted through just a few months ago. Is the moon in Virgo? What is going on with me? I'm seriously scared at what I've become. And I hope that I get back to my normal self very soon. Yikes!