heathervescent

I'm comitting suicide

<disclaimer for my mom: Don't Freak Out.>

Those of you who have seen me in a more morbid moment - or have known me for a long time, know how I feel about suicide. I'd do it in a moment, and I ponder the possibilities more than a casual observer might guess. I have come to terms with my desire to end my life, and yet, I continue despite, or perhaps maybe because of that desire.

I've recently come up with two solutions to the suicide question. The first, is my simple desire manifested through the use of technology. Don't get me wrong, the only reason I haven't done this yet is because I have too much to do on this earth and wow - it's such a cool place, with so much to learn and explore. But much of the time I share it with total idiots and that makes me very sad and wish I did not exist at all. Other times I want to remove myself from the equation - just stop existing. This happens a fair amount with work. People just piss me off, they make stupid decisions, they don't see the right/impeccable/most efficient way to achieve what they want to achieve. It's very frustrating. More so when there is a boss or client or someone you work for.

So, how could I commit suicide today? or someday soon? (without limiting my actual learning possibility in this world?) Two possibilities:

1. Have a clone of myself made, and then kill myself. Hey, I could even watch and tell myself what it is like.

or 2. (which is what I've been thinking about most recently)

2. Go with the assumption that I have already killed myself. That I am already dead. Act in my life as I would if I was going to commit suicide or had already. I could even stage my own funeral like in Satyricon. The for some purposes (but not necessarily practical ones) I'd be dead. Note: isn't this basically the same thing Monks do. I remember Paramahansa Yogananda talking about some ritual of burning in the fire, which was ritualistically the same thing.

But more importantly, would be my mental repositioning.

1. If I consider myself already dead, then every day I live is a magical gift. Instead of trudging closer towards death, I have tricked death, and gained an additional day through my cleverness. This is an excellent mindset on it's own. But generally difficult to cultivate. (And would I have to commit suicide over and over to maintain this mindset?)

2. Just because you are dead, doesn't mean experience is over.  Like birth, death opens a great door and far greater transportation. So long suckers.

3. The death of Heather as you know her (as I know her). That includes all incarnations of Heather, the vescent one, hbomb, the sister, the daughter, the lover, the friend, and my myriad other identities. There are many reasons to do this, none of which can be written.

I can't imagine the person I'd be (well, I can, and it's frighting - in an awesome way) if I committed suicide. To die and continue to walk the earth. It would be akin to taking the sword out of the sword kozy. It would be lighting the fuse. It would cut the onion.

Maybe it's finally time. 

The Major

I watched Ghost in the Shell again last night. Remembering the first time I saw it - in the dark University Avenue Landmark Theatre with the John Waters no smoking PSA in Berkeley.

My mind is stimulated as easily as the Major's nipples in the opening scene. As calmly and quickly as the discharge of her rounds. Has the movie so effected me that I have assimilated it's words, or visa versa. Or do both come from the whisper source: susurrator. The gentle lapping of waves on a dark sea of collective unconscious tree sap?

I love the Major's character. Between her, Aeon and Pippi, I had all the inspiration I needed. All the character guidance. The playful innocence, the audacity and techno introspection.

Tonight on the agenda is Part 2: Innocence. A long drink from the river before I head out into the desert again. It's these paths, these journey's, navigating the landscape. The same stories, same landscapes with a different character.

Still life at the Kitchen Table

  Look at that. That's my kitchen table. Light flickering on the white curtain. Cala Lillies in my grandmother's antique vase. A cool retro phone S picked up at the Melrose Swap meet.

I finally got a little bit of the sickness. That sore throat thing got me this weekend and I pretty much holed up at the casa reading. I didn't make it to a some things I wanted (sorry Pedal Party People!)

It was also the longest time I think I have gone without working in a long time. Working or desert camping (which is work in itself.) So I actually got to relax for the first time in a long time.

And cook. And I got to weld too. And I have hatched lots of new plans. It's a good thing the week starts tomorrow, because I have a lot to get done!

Woooooooooooo!

Note: Photo by the Sam.

Campfire Stories

This past weekend many folks were up in San Mateo at the Maker Faire. I headed out to the desert for the Maud-dib camping weekend. 

Here's a photo of one of the highlights. (Thanks Jenna!) After the flames burned down a bit, we took turns jumping the diameter of it. Then I pulled out my favorite fire candy and proceeded to blow the minds (almost literally) of some guys. Best quote, "We don't have girls like that in the OC."

We also played with the propane belching target that the boyfriend made. What's a propane belching target? Well, it's a target that when you hit the bullseye with a 22 (yeah, small caliber due to not destroying the toy) rewards you with a flame of propane high into the night.

I also got a chance to shoot a gun I've considered buying. I've been eyeing the Kel-Tec SU16 for some time. My friend K, had one and brought it with him. And boy was it swu-eet to shoot. Then I got to shoot my love of rifle loves - the AR-15. I'll have to leave CA if I ever want to buy me one. (They are currently illegal, but grandfathered). I love me the rifles.

Later after all the crew left, S and I explored the nearby hills and found several mines - one rumored to be a turquoise mine. I can't wait to get out there again.

Great to get out to the desert.

May LA g33k d1nner 2nite in Chinatown

Just a reminder that tonight is May's geek dinner in Chinatown.

• Plum Tree Inn
• 913 N Broadway, Los Angeles, CA 90012, (213) 613-1819 

We'll be back in the party room. I've got a bunch of swag from Twiistup, so come on by! We've got the usual crew of regulars and newbies. Don't be shy, come out from your terminal. :)

Hacking the Bell Curve

I use business and science metaphors, techniques and processes to create and map my spiritual growth and understanding. I've been recently pondering about bell and "S" curves. I'm constantly learning and trying to "get to the next level" while understanding and explaining myself and my world. I come across plateau's, places where I feel like I'm not "moving forward". And I'm desperately afraid of hitting the downward slope of the bell curve. (Does the Bell curve even apply to spiritual growth?! Maybe not.)

When it comes to enlightenment, I am not interested in the long tail. There are plenty of long tail religions, practices, cults, extinct and yet uninvented. I'm not interested in discovering, hypothesizing, explaining and proofing a Theory of Everything. (Luckily for me, Ken Wilbur has taken on that monumental task.)

My objective is track/create and then map the path. A path. From here to where I will go. To track the Bell curves, in fact, to hack the bell curves. To find the turning point, plateau, and then head up again... a Kurtweilian S curve.  A stairway to Heaven.  (An S curve includes the first half of a bell curve.) It's not a hard task and yet a very complicated subtle manoeuvre.

I'll tell you the secret of the manoeuvre and how to do it. When you reach the top of the highest point of the bell curve, jump. Abandon your grounding, focus on your goal and leap. (Innovate!) The net need not appear, but you can visualize it, if it makes you feel better. Your jump will fail, if you do not abandon the weight of the knowledge you just received. (Transcend.) Use the knowledge as a boost - a springboard, and catch the upswing, the rising thermals.

Congratulations, you've crossed the chasm. You've hacked the metaphorical bell curve. You're on your way to walking.

Two more items

Ok, I am sufficiently overdosed on the IIW, are you? I've got to finish up a couple briefs and I am supposed to be at a camping trip right now. :( But, before I forget, here are two items I think are cool:

1. Opening Space - the method used at iiW. It was both more structured and more open than any other ad-hoc method I have used or seen used. I am going to steal it and impliment it in all my future events. (To my own credit, I have used some of the main values in Open Space, in my barcamp and geek dinner events... but it's like finding GTD once you have been a master to-do lister.

2. Discarted. I found this site after someone emailed me about a b.la post. The photos are gorgeous. Check this out:

Speed Geeking: A Different How To

Quick and Dirty: 15 companies get to demo in 5 minutes

1. Everyone numbered off into 15 groups
2. There were 15 tables, each with a number
3. There was a sign up sheet with 15 slots. Companies who were interested in demoing, signed up in a slot
4. Each person announced their company or technology as they signed up.
5. Each group started at their numbered table. e.g. if you were in group 10, you started at table 10.
6. The bell goes off, and the first demo begins
7. After 5 minutes the bell goes off again, and each group rotates clockwise. (e.g. my group, #10, would go to table 11)
8. Repeat 13 times... or until you run out of time. We ended up having an hour slotted, so we go through about 12.

I really liked this method of speed geeking. It allowed you to see a lot of companies very quickly in an ad-hoc manner. I'm going to add it to my list of geek event methods, for sure!

iiW: Uses of Identity on and offline recap

I ran a session Wed afternoon that discussed how people use identity on and offline. Here are my copious notes. Please feel free to make comments. Especially if you attended and remembered additional info.

The Agenda

• How someone uses identity offline
• How someone uses identity online

Observations about Online Behavior around Identity

• I can ask questions that I might not ask in person
• A new layer of human expression
• I get to create my online identity.
• You’re not as easily recognized.
• People are programmed to be social, to have feelings for real creatures – the computer is not one of these.
• It changes when you see someone on video.
• Online is less emotionally bound
• Other people are not as strongly bound to your online identity. (Think after you have met someone, which identity super cedes the other?)
• A greater ease of changing the thing that is an identity on line.
• Online, you can create a new identity and throw the old one away.
• Identification online is fractured. It’s what I say it is. It’s who I display myself to be

Offline Behavior

• Most identities in the real world are created by other people.
• When you are online – you can make yourself.
• It’s not possible to have real friends that help you online.
• “I only need to meet you once”
• Context – once I met him, everything changed. I knew his context
• ComicCon vs Second Life: what is the difference?
• In real-life – it’s hard to change your identity - you have to get plastic surgery
• Loyalty is not revealed in real life

Internet Identity Workshop: Day 3

Here's my recap from day 3 of the internet identity workshop. The sessions I attended were:

• Identity Marketing
• Phil's Pythia Reputation Systems
• I wanted to hit EUCLID session, but I had a great discussion instead
• Then I held a session on how users use identity on and offline
• And then we had the closing session (which I participated in)

I took notes and photos of the whiteboard in the Identity Marketing sessions and an identity marketing mailing list/working group is going to be started. (I know that kind of sounds scary, but it was actually a great session). I'm collecting my thoughts and transcribing my notes. I'm coming away with lots of ideas both personally and professionally. After a week of goal setting, jumping back into the Silicon Valley scene and technology uber alles. I'm coming away with focused ideas on what I want to focus my energy.

Want to read more recaps? Check out the technorati tag: iiw2007

Griffith Park Burned Hillside

Griffith Park Burned Hillside
Originally uploaded by heathervescent.

I took this photo yesterday while walking the booger in the local park. I must admit, I loved walking in the burned out landscape. It was more than magical. If I ever felt like a magician walking through a demolished land, wind creaking through the dry branches, yesterday was the day. But then again, I feel like a magician when I walk down Hollywood Blvd, or out in the Mojave or when I stand on rocks near a tidepool in Northern California. The only thing that feels fake, is that I can't quite believe that that's what I really am.

fus7r

fus7r
Originally uploaded by ivetabrigis.

My Pals from the weekend in Mendocino. Now, it's time to execute!

Internet Identity Workshop - Day 2

I just got back to my hotel after day 2 of the Internet Identity Workshop wrapped up. This has really been one of the best events that I have been to in a long time. I continue to be blown away by the open space methodology. Then there's the at home feeling I get being in Silicon Valley, in a room filled with almost all techie guys mapping out technology and companies and how things work together. It's really an amazing kind of mindset that can only be found here (because the people are here).

Today was busy. I hit up sessions on:

• The Me Contract
• Mapping Projects & Technologies
• Tag Commons
• Privacy and Anon
• Best Practices for implementing Open-ID
• The T word (Trust)
• Reputation and Gossip

and then I had to run to a meeting. All in all today was fabulous. Here's my growing set on Flickr of the overall event.

My biggest take away is that it's a sargasso sea to try to figure out everything associated with online identity. Reputation. Opinion vs fact. The tools, the protocols, the tokens and the systems. There's been a lot of work done on the technology, but very little on user experience, user expectation and use cases. Tomorrow I am running a discussion session on User Identity (on and off line).

I have several more detailed posts to write on my thoughts about reputation, identity, who owns what data, identity agents, control, verification along with a lot of companies I can't wait to explore in depth.

Tomorrow is the final day. I'll head home to LAnd after everything wraps up. Apologies to my friends in the Bay Area, whom I haven't been able to connect face to face with. I have been busy non-stop. I promise to visit Silicon Valley soon and throw one of my famous happy hours.

On a final note. PPT Karaoke tonight went pretty well. Bob, Time and Phi, Brad, Doc and a final un named guy stepped up to the plate. It was met with mixed reviews. (I didn't have any of Danny O'Brien's funny presentations with me, so we used the ones from BarcampLA). I did however do a karaoke version of Total Eclipse of the Heart. That is such an awesome song.

Mountain View Oddfellows

Mountain View Oddfellows
Originally uploaded by heathervescent.

I always loved this "storefront". It only took me 8 years to photograph it.

Jello Shots are popular

My YouTube videos haven't reached insane numbers of people, (and I'm ok with that) but my how to on making jello shots seems to get comments fairly regularly. I know several people have used the recipe with good results.

That makes me feel really good. I always love it when I can be helpful!

Day 1: Internet Identity Conference

The Internet Identity Conference kicked off today at 1pm at the Computer History Museum in Mountain View.  The workshop started pretty much on time with intros by the organizers: Kaylia and Phil and then an intro to identity commons by Eugene Kim. Then Kaylia put us into groups to talk about and ask the questions we came with. She numbered us off in sets of 15 and then we all played musical chairs. I ended up in 10 - which included Eve Maler (Sun), Mike Jones (MS Cardspace), Phil Windley (!), Mark Lentczer (2nd Life), Joe Steel (Adobe), Matthew Sploin (Resilient - a trust network for moving medical records) and Jim Fenton from Cisco. They were a great group of people and we had a very interesting discussion. We went around the group talking about our reasons for attending:

• Learn the technology
• Do right by the consumer
• Building Bridges
• Enabling Convergence
• Curious about e-commerce
• Understanding which is the right system I should impliment
• How to make money? How and who makes money? Who pays?
• Personas identity: separation or integrated
• Technology: separated or integrated (solution vs how to)
• PKI trust

Then we distilled out a couple questions to share with the larger group (money, personas, technology) and Kaylia went around the room each group sharing their distilled questions. She created a kind of mind map of the answers and that, I supposed, will drive the sessions the next two days.

A couple of interesting thoughts and questions:

• Optional opt-in age verification
• Who is the Identify provider?
• Who is in charge of the data? user? at the beginning? later?
• The driver's license is the gold standard of identity in the US
• Widely accepted ID vs cost
• (on another note: privacy/information being asked for more often because it's easier to get/verify the data)
• protecting identity in the world
• role
• multiple identities
• What makes people pick and use these systems? How do they choose which system they are using?
• Verify trust, reputation
• When do you not want to be verified? identified
• Custodial identity (for a child, minor) delegating identity verification

After the break we went straight into the technology presentations. In less than an hour, I had an overview of OSIS, the Liberty Alliance, SAML, Cardspace, Higgins, OpenID and Shibboleth. Awesome! Then came speed geeking. It was really interesting to see how Kaylia did speed geeking [more info]. It was very different from the method I used at the last geek dinner.

Then it was informally over until dinner. I got caught up on email (no wifi all through the weekend!) and had a roiling conversation over yummy thai.

I'm hosting Powerpoint Karaoke tomorrow night at the unTalent Show after dinner. 8pm @ the Monte Carlo in Mountain View.

So far, I have been really impressed with the ease of open space organizing. I am definitely going to pay attention to this method/process and take it back to LA with me.

I'm also planning on hosting/running/whatever a session on multiple personalities: how people (don't) see themselves in real-life and how they expect identity (and verification) systems to work (with web sites/applications, complimentary software and applications and beyond). I'm probably going to do this on Wed.

Note: Yes, I know this post needs lots of link love. I am tired and it is late, and I will add them later. If you want to add your link in the comments, please do.

A Short Hello

Just a quick hello to say, well hello. The weekend was awesome. Gualala was gorgeous. Organizing/goal setting was great. And I met so many great new friends! Lots of driving but a fair amount of confusion unfortunately. :(

I'm at the Computer History Museum here in Mountain View today attending the Internet Identity Conference. And it is really excellent. I've already met some great people and I ran into some new (old) friends. Really really nice.

Heather is Busy

First off - Hello to anyone stopping by because we met at Twiistup last night. I had a great time and have to write my shout out post. If you're looking to download ooVoo - go here to download the client. If you want info on the geek dinners and barcampLA - go here. And be sure to join the mailing list.

I have been really busy and it doesn't look like it's going to stop. I was at Twiistup last night - which was awesome.

Tomorrow I head north to attend an intense weekend called Fusion with a bunch of futurists in beautiful Mendocino. I'm very excited to participate.

Then, since I will be in the Bay Area, I'm going to attend the Internet Identity Workshop on Monday, Tues & Wed.

Oh - did I mention I'm back on Theory Radio and my show is tonight. In fact, I have an awesome show lined up. Matt is joining me and we are spinning music to trip out too. This music is absolutely insanely amazingly awesomely strange and unique and it blew my mind when I heard it. The show starts at 7, but Matt will be joining me at 8.

Oh yeah, and I still have to pack. So much for sleep these days.

Why Hello Desert Wind

It's been hot in LA the past couple days. Very hot. It registered 92 before 10am today. You know what that means? Sing along with me everyone...

"here come those Santa Ana winds again...."

Yup. What we are feeling is a bit of the desert heat. And I love it. I know fires are raging and I'm writing this from my 85 degree air conditioned office, but I still love the hot dry smell of chaparral. Just another reason, I love LA.

The Men I love

The Men I love
Originally uploaded by heathervescent.

These are the guys I see on a daily basis. Good thing they are good looking. I love that Romeo is showing off his snaggle tooth. It really makes him all the cuter.

Unicorns!

Unicorns!
Originally uploaded by heathervescent.

I am starting to have quite a unicorn collection. I splurged for the good vs evil unicorns, but have yet to acquire the cold war unicorns? What's next? Space unicorns? Macrobiotic unicorns?

My First Commission

Several months ago I discovered the work of Snake Jagger. His paintings of the desert at night stunned me. They perfectly communicated the surreal feeling of possibilities I get in the desert at night. I had to contact him to own his work. So I did.

A month ago S and I met him at the Indian Wells Art Festival. He had a lot of great work, but it wasn't exactly what I wanted. So we talked and I asked him if he would paint something for me. A commission. I've never done this before - specifically asked an artist to make me a painting.

I told him the characteristics I liked about his paintings. He asked me about a size and we agreed on a price. And then a month passes. I waited patiently. I was nervous. I loved his work and I was pretty sure I would love the painting, but I still felt apprehensive.

Snake mostly paints low desert plant life - saguaro cactus. When S and I met him, S asked if he ever painted Joshua Trees. If you know me, you know I love the desert area around Joshua Tree and I love joshua trees - they are so surreal - especially at night!

A few weeks pass and snake offers me a sneak peak. I can't wait, but I can't look either. I want to wait to see the finished product. This is unusual heather behavior, because I generally like to know how things are going, as they happen. In this case, though, I didn't want to know. I wanted to be surprised.

Last Wednesday I drove out to Palm Springs to pick up the painting. It was a gorgeous day. The drive was fantastic. I was still nervous - I don't know why. I pulled up and saw Snake in his garden (it was like a mini-manicured desert landscape - just like in his paintings!). We talked for a bit and then he showed me the painting.

It was better than I could have imagined. It was gorgeous. A full moon over a rocky desert landscape of Joshua Trees. A rake and a snake and a secret UFO and the magic door. It was awesome. I loved it.

I hung it in front of my bed. So I see the desert, every morning and every night. Thank you Snake Jagger. S and I love the painting. You do such great work. Thank you for capturing the magical feeling of the desert at night.

Photo of the dread pirate Snake Jagger with Joshua Trees at night.

Dreaming

We are like the spider.
We weave our life and then move along in it.
We are like the dreamer who dreams and then lives in the dream.
This is true for the entire universe.
- The Upanishads, via David Lynch's new book

It's MovieTime!!!!

Yeah, so I live in LA. And supposedly everyone here is writing a screenplay. And someone knows someone who knows someone who works, worked, produced, wrote, or whatever a movie. Right, this is LA, remember. Well, here is my first movie pimping. A movie by a friend of mine. But let me disclaim - this movie has nothing to do with LA. It wasn't written, shot, edited, post-produced, or anything here. It's being screened here. You should check it out yo.

Carmen de Jesus, my friend and co-conspirator on many things is the co-writer for Ang Pamana a Filipino horror film.

When the De Jesus-Reyes family get word that their family matriarch, Lola (Grandma) Nena has died, Johnny and his sister Anna must represent their parents in Manila for the reading of the will.  Dark family secrets, shocking revelations, and a world of supernatural forces await.

Are you in? It's playing Friday at midnight. I'll be there with a bucket of popcorn to throw.

FRI, MAY 04 - 11:55 PM    |  Laemmle's Sunset 5

8000 Sunset Blvd., West Hollywood

(corner of Sunset and Crescent Heights)

Advance Tickets available here:  http://www.vconline.org/festival/program.cfm?program_id=66

More details and FAQ after the jump...

New Blog: Mesh and Lace

I'm working on a new blog about my favorite topic: Lingerie, called Mesh and Lace. It's been hibernating for almost a year, but I'm about to dust it off and get cracking again. Check it out.

Speed Geeking: A How To

Last Tuesday was the monthly g33k d1nner and I planned to do Speed Geeking. What is speed geeking you might ask: well the concept is stolen from speed dating.

The idea is speed geeking is a fast way to get to know other technologically inclined people. As anyone who is a geek knows, starting a conversation with someone you don't know is one of the reasons we prefer computers. I probably would rarely make it to a geek dinner if I was not actually coordinating them. One of the "problems" of the geek dinners is that there are so many interesting people and you can't meet everyone. Speed geeking was invented to help that.

How I did it

1. I wanted to pick a quiet place to have dinner, with tables that would be easily navigated. (I envisioned people getting up and moving around every 5 or 10 minutes.) I choose Shakey's Pizza because cheap pizza, pitchers of beer and last time we were there on a Tuesday night it was DEAD. We practically had the whole place to ourselves.
2. I made up question cards. Each card had one "starter" question on it. For example: "What is the strangest place you have wified from?" and "Social network sites: useful or not?" and "What is the first computer you owned?"
3. As people arrived, I handed each person a question card and asked them to get into groups of 3 to 5 people per table. Each person would ask someone at the table the question on their card. Everyone would ask one question and would answer one question.
4. After 15 minutes tables would mix and there would be a new group of 3 to 5 people to ask/answer questions.

I think the concept worked better in theory than in practice. This was for several things that were outside my control.

1. When I got to Shakey's the place was pretty full and the tables I had requested were occupied. The tables that had been set aside for us were right in front of TVs that were blaring some sporting event. (This was a totally different situation from the last time we were at Shakey's.) Our group ended up moving into an alcove area that was really too small for us.
2. Food was a bit of a problem. Or rather, trying to speed geek and eat at the same time.
3. I came prepared with 4 different questions. I think having more variety in the questions would have improved things.
4. The loudness level. Once we crammed into the alcove we were the ones causing the noise.
5. Timing. I'm not sure this happened.

All in it was a successful first run, with lots of things to improve upon. I'm definitely trying this again, but with the following tweaks.

1. Better to have it part of something - like Barcamp or a BOF or before/after dinner - where you can move around with people quickly without food, plates, etc.
2. More diverse questions
3. A better way to organize/communicate the timing.

I'm definitely going to have a session at the next Barcamp (or a BOF at a geek conference) where I try this again. Less distractions (food, noise), more questions and maybe a megaphone.

If you try speed geeking, let me know how it goes and what works for you.

Princess Monoke meets Jorge Borges

Last night my dreams were filled with Newton and Borges. Steven Hawkins and strippers. Cinderblock airports with circle discussion baggage collection. I was distracted and transfixed by a hermaphrodite's smooth, but didn't realize she was one until I awoke. The surveillance cameras projected dancing 2D cyclops cat/dog hunter/seekers on the walls while a Kurtzweilian female voice explained what they were doing. I was looking for my luggage in a city that exists in this mutual reality, but had rare similarities in my dream. I was excited and looked all around for them but they came in glimpses of architecture and stone faces.

Dreams are not strangers to me. The one I awoke from this morning was not more detailed or fantastic than many others. But when I have a dream like that, my day is different. I feel the weight of the story, the travels, the adventures. I remember the 2D projections on the walls. (I saw them twice, I often dream parts of the same dream several times each night. It's a technique I use to stalk my dreams to remember them.) I felt so real when I saw them. The feeling burns in my body. And it's this feeling that stays with me during the day. The unreal bodily feeling, making my body feel unreal. 

Books on Internet

I just found this cool site. Apparently you can download mp3s of books being read aloud. And you can volunteer to record readings. Excellent! I love it.

This Sh*t is Bananaz

OH HAI I UPRGADED UR BANAZAZ

Safety Bootie

This is the best lines evah!

Hi there how are things
i once was a **** man now it seems
every since i had the pleasure
of gettin you together
guess its just whatever
i found the hidden treasure

From here. Hidden treasure??!!! Bootie as the hidden treasure - bwahahahaha. I am so entertained. Who knew I would love this??? I blame the mash-up culture, because I would have never heard this song if not for mash-ups. Oh, and this is the mashup by DJ Topcat.

Dear Jerkwads,

<begin rant>
If you don't know me, please do not randomly message me, ok. I do not want to talk to you. I am a busy person and when you IM me you interrupt my focus which is BAD and makes me hate you and the application even more.

If you do feel like messaging me, do the favor of introducing yourself to me first. And no, I don't want to see your cock. Fuck off already.
<end rant>

BTW - I am in an extra sassy mood, so be-aware. ;)

Love,

-Heather

ps. ok, I know I shouldn't be so harsh with a link to ooVoo me right here on my blog. but if you do ooVoo me because of my blog, you should at least identify yourself as such. Otherwise, how the fuck do I know? I don't actually know you. You might know me, but I don't know that you know me. So please identify yourself and instead of me blocking you, I will probably respond.

Web2Open - Heathervescent

Web2Open - Heathervescent
Originally uploaded by netzkobold.

My favorite quote - projected big!

Web2Open - Heathervescent

Web2Open - Heathervescent
Originally uploaded by netzkobold.

Captured at Web2Open. Awesome Photo.

Art Walk Friends on Display

Artwalk at Theory Labs!
This weekend!
Nine Artists Showing in Theory Labs at the Brewery Spring Artwalk!
Representing Painting, Photography, Oilgraphing, Drawing, Screen
Printing, Light Sculpture, Collage, Masks and Handcrafted Polymer Clay.

Saturday April 21 & Sunday 22 11a.m. - 6 p.m.
2100 North Main Street @ Avenue 20 Los Angeles CA 90031
Come by Theory Lab to check out the Art of these Nine Amazing Artists,
(it's all for sale ya' know!)
and wander around the Brewery to see the rest of Artwalk!

~Sarah Egner
http://snapshotgenius.com/
~Teale Hatheway
http://www.tealehatheway.com/
~JJM Handcrafted
http://jjmhandcrafted.blogspot.com/
~Lenny Jones
http://www.lennyjones.net/
~Miriam Dema McDaniel
http://miriamdema.blogspot.com/
http://www.miriamdema.com/
~Anna Metcalf
http://www.artistadventurer.com/
~Kevin Rolly
http://www.kevissimo.com/
~Tessa Thornberry
http://www.thornberryarts.com/
~Tim Timmermans
http://www.timtimmermans.com/

for more art pimping and promoting, check out my post on blogging.la.

mmmm Yummy Schnitzel

First corporate (ha ha) gig I had was at a 3D VRML company called Intervista back in 96 (which is incidentally where I got my name from - heathervescent). That's where I met this motley crew lead by Tony Parisi. When I was in SF this week, the crew got together. It had been more than 10 years since I had seen many folks - Markus included. This used to be a joke, but I can't remember what it was about. You have to download the 3D browser plug-in from Media Machines to see it, but once you do, you too can experience yummy schnitzel.  

This page has been created in an effort to enlighten the confusion of the American public about the German taste treat Wiener Schnitzel.

There is a fast food franchise in the US called 'Der Wienerschnitzel' which serves 'Wiener' (Würstchen) but no Wiener Schnitzel at all. In addition it should be 'Das Wienerschnitzel'! So the question arises, what actually is Wiener Schnitzel and how is it made? If you can't get to an authentic German restaurant the best way to try the real thing is to make it yourself.

Go. Now. Take it in the Mouth. It's yummy! Wow, I had no idea there were still so many VRML worlds around.

Saying Thank You

It's a rainy morning in Hollywood. Not typical of this town. Typical of the one I left yesterday - San Francisco.

When walking on Ocean Beach last Sunday, I asked myself, why am I here? why am I back in San Francisco? Of course there was the trick. The logical reason that got me to town - Web 2.0. (Ironic because I probably know more about the ins and outs and personally know the people who have their name on "web 2.0" patents. I most definitely don't need to learn about web 2.0). Like I said, it was the trick that brought me into the city. It was not the real reason I was here.

It wasn't to steal the fire. (I have already stolen it.)
It wasn't to fall in love (with the city, with an old boyfriend, with any number of things)
It wasn't to live in the past - to remember
It was step 6 - to the people and especially the place

While other people might/have dissed SF because LA is soooo much awesome/cooler/etc!!11!! My respect and memory of the city does not need comparisons. I liken it to having lunch with an x-boyfriend and seeing how great he looks. Hearing how successful he is and happy he is with his life. Feeling happy that he is happy and most of all happy that I took the road I did. Happy with my life in LA. Happy that San Francisco still holds his own.

There is no need for comparisons. Because it is incomparable.

What I found, what I felt, and what I tried to express was my gratitude. My delight. My wonder. I drove familiar streets. I ate at favorite places. I had changed. I saw the city differently and yet in the same mobius view, the way I saw it before. Memories tugged at me. Street corners, restaurants, exit signs. I tipped my hat to them, thanking them for being there, making me, who, what I am. Myself and everyone else.

And for that, to San Francisco, I can not thank enough. I lived in the Bay Area from 1996-2004. I was in my early 20's. The Internet excitement was getting to a boil. I went from company to company, a buffet of learning. Technologies, processes, techniques. I filled my plate for 8 years full of processes, techniques, technology and colleagues. I learned from the best. I learned from the inventors. I learned from the city. From his twisty roads, bridges, mountains, trees, ocean and bay - magical hidden everywhere, in front of your face.

Thank you San Francisco. I loved the time I lived in your boundaries. I loved all the possibilities you presented. I loved the challenges you threw to me. I loved circling your bay on a daily basis. I loved the people who collected in your city. I loved much more than I can list (especially those mission burritos).  Keep living, building, exploring, creating and providing the place for technical possibilities. I won't forget you. And know, you have a friend, a place to say in Hollywood. Just say the word.

<3,

-Heather

Personal Online Branding

If you're not able to make my presentation happening at 2pm at Web20pen, you can view it here:

Getting into the Flow

Here are my notes from the Web2Open session on Flow State by Janette Girod of That Voodoo You Do.

Flow state

aspects of flow
- attention is key (to experience)
(attention can be trained)

- make it easy for yourself
(screen out distractions)
beware the rabbit hole

9 components of the flow state

1. Clear goals (not too abstract or long term)
achievable in one single session
sit down, decide what you want to do, by end of the session, you have achieved it

2. A high degree of concentration on a limited field of attention
multi-taking is switching btwn tasks

3. A loss of self-consciousness, the merging of action and awareness
(work is not extention of your self image  - get your ego out of your work)

4. A distorted sense of time
(you get more out of the time in flow)
set aside a specific allocated time for flow (and block out distractions for that time)
takes at least 15 minutes to get into flow state
the power of 48 minutes (48 minute work sessions with 12 mnute breaks)
requires a timer (egg timer)
timeleft desktop widget

5. Direct & immediate feedback, behavior can be adjusted as needed.
getting something built and out there, for fine tune tweaking
practicing and doing more
pottery class example

6. Balance between ability level and challenge.

7. a sense of personal control over the situation.

8. Intrinsically rewarding action, resulting in effortless of action.
develop and refine your own style.

9. Focus of awareness is narrowed down to the activity itself.
fully occupy the mind, the less it wanders

There will always be interruptions.

Snapshots of the day

Twitter didn't give me enough characters to express what I've experienced today, so I'm blogging it. So far, it's been a really amazing day. I have lots to write about my San Francisco experience. The few days here have been packed with juicy Goblin Fruit.

I started out the morning remembering the Bjork quote:

I don't know my future, after this weekend. And I don't want to.

Which reminded me how much I love living my life this way. And how I hope to inspire others to live their lives this way too.

Then I drove down to Half Moon Bay via Devil's Slide listening to DJ John's Devil 666 mashup mix. The sky was gorgeous, the ocean sparkling and I was anticipating Raman's Chai and seeing an old friend the entire way. The comfort of old time conversations. A bookstore. The chai kicked ass. Top down, I drove downtown, scheduled to meet another good friend in South Park. I detoured through Potrero Hill to test my clutch/stick driving the twistiest road in SF (no, it's not Lombard St.) where I blew my front tire.

I called AAA, they arrived in 15 minutes, swapped out my tire to make it to my lunch meeting in South Park(after scheduling 4 new tires for Ingemar tomorrow morning). How much connection, affection, catching up can you cram into 51 minutes? In addition to eating lunch? It was a power lunch, that only Power can create.

Now, I'm at Moscone West, eyeing the carousel and sitting in the roundtable discussion. There is much more of the day to come, and I honestly can't wait. Everyone and everything I need to be at, to do, to meet - old and new friends will occur. I keep my zen mind, be present and be utterly myself.

That's the best I can do. That's exactly what I want to do. That's being present and fluid in the moment.

What's your Brand?

I'm presenting Online Personal Branding at Social Text's Web 2 Open next week in SF. Wednesday at 2pm I'm up. Check it out. I'll be presenting all professional and shit. Not PPT Karaoke style.

The Return

Tomorrow I load up my chariot and head north. North to the land I loved, the place where all my dreams came true, the place I left almost 3 years ago: THE BAY AREA (begin dramatic music)

I'm hoping to meet up with many of my old (and new) crews in that favored city. I'm excited to return. I'm excited to show her what I've become and what I'm doing. I'm excited to be inspired by my old haunts, places of power, memories. I'm excited to see how she has changed. I'm really excited to eat a burrito @ El Toro. I got an ache to drive up Lucas Valley road and maybe up to Tomales. I'm bringing my riding gear, but no moto... so if anyone has an extra bike just sitting around... or wants to take a passenger, I'll consider riding pillion... maybe.

Since leaving, I have returned very few times. But tomorrow marks a difference. Tomorrow is the RETURN. And what a better way to celebrate a return than with my favorite dance party? BootieSF is happening Saturday night @ DNA and I will be in attendance. Please, come join me.

Powerpoint Karaoke - The g33k way

Powerpoint Karaoke was the highlight of BarcampLA for me. It was Tvs idea and he executed it perfectly complete with a custom built ppt randomizer and 5 minute countdown. Each competitor stood on stage, the lights dark, the powerpoint illuminated for the audience. It could have been any offsite pow-wow except for the keg of beer in the back and the fact that none of the presenters had ever seen the presentations.

Four days later I helped Danny do PPT Karaoke at eTech. It was totally different, but still fun.

Here's my recap of the two different kinds of ppt karaoke, how do them and at the end, you can watch my performance on Planet and Gravity at BarcampLA3. Anjalis was fast enough with her camera to catch it.

If anyone got Robert's Voting presentation, please let me know.

How to run your own PPT Karaoke night

1. First decide whether you want to do serious or funny presentations.
2. Find or make the presentations
3. Have a sign up sheet.
4. Acquire the following materials:

• Projector
• Laptop
• Timer/Countdown
• Screen or white wall to project upon
• Sign up sheet
• Alcohol
• Willing Participants
• A video camera (if you want to record for posterity)
• 5 to 15 powerpoint presentations (creative commons licensed please)
• A darkened room

5. And then invite your tech-geek friends to gather around the lit screen for some real fun.
6. Extra credit: Include buzz-word drinking game for the audience

Notes:
Note 1: it's best to pick presentations that you may have some basic knowledge of. Tantek's microformats presentation is a good one to warm up on.

Note 2: Serious vs Funny presentations
There are two schools of thought and I have experienced both. At BarcampLA Tv found serious presentations that had been creative commons license. That was actually Tvs point - to cc license your material. These were real presentations about products and technology. Like a Voting System, Live Journal's Backend, Identity and Planet/Gravity. The humor here was in the ad-libbing.

On the night

1. Have someone running the show. This person will be in charge of matching the presentations (if you don't want to build a randomizer - heh) and keeping time.

2. Presenters sign up on the list and come to the stage when their name is called.

3. A presentation is put up on screen. The presenter DOES NOT get to look at it prior to it being projected on screen.

4. The timer goes off and the presenter starts giving the presentation. You're pretending this is your presentation and trying to actually give it, not necessarily make fun of it, or just blast your way through it. Take your time and read the slides as if you really want to communicate the information. Most of the time, the presentations give you plenty of stuff to work with, so be sure to ham it up and go off on tangents.

5. Presenter continues presenting for 5 minutes (or until you run out of slides or decide you've had enough)

6. Audience applauds.

7. Next victim arrives on stage...

At eTech we had some serious presentations and then some that were hilarious. One that was just chicken, chicken, chicken. Another was a children's story. The humor was in the presentation here.

Everyone who saw powerpoint karaoke at Barcamp thought it was hilarious. I myself was doubled over with laughter and had tears in my eyes. We are definitely doing it again. If you want to be a victim (I mean, willing participant) get in touch with me. I'll be putting together a Powerpoint Karaoke night in LA soon.

And now, here's my foolish moment on the Internet: me doing powerpoint karaoke at BarcampLA. Thanks (or maybe not-ha ha) to Anjali for her documentation.

 

Photo by cleverclevergirl.
Video by los anjalis.

Sadness and Wow

In the same instant I find out about Kurt Vonnegut's death and Kasey's beaver. Sadness and awesome in the same breath.

My Auto-responder

So if you've emailed me recently you may have gotten an immediate message from me. For those curious, this is it:

Thank you for your email. To limit the interruptions while shifting between email and work I will only be checking and responding to email at 9am and 3pm on weekdays. I will try and respond to your message in a timely manner.

If you need an immediate time-sensitive response, please don't hesitate to call my cell phone.

What's up with that, huh? Well, what's up is that I finally implemented Tim Ferriss's suggestions from his SXSW presentation. Tim wrote the book "The Four Hour Workweek" and he blew me away with what he had to say.

I like to think I've got my shit together. That I'm uber efficient (especially since I use the GTD method of getting shit done) but Tim's suggestions are sublime. Here are some key notes.

There are 4 stages

1. Definition (the life you want)
2. Elimination
3. Automation
4. Renewal

With definition:

• define what you want to do
• What you want to be
• What you want to have

The 80/20 rule:
What 20% of your efforts are going to create the 80% of your desired results?
What 20% of activities are producing what I don't want? Shamelessly ELIMINATE them.

• "I realized I was creating activities to fill my time."
• "Is this a crutch activity?"
• "A task will swell in perceived importance by the time you allot to it"
• "There is an efficiency epidemic. (I totally agree with this.) More time is spent switching between tasks. Once you switch tasks there is a 40% chance you'll never go back to that task."
• The point of life is to enjoy it!
• Only have a meeting to solve the problem.
• Put an auto-responder on your email and then check your email 2 or max 3 times a day. Here's Tim's post on how to do this.

When he talked about the elimination section it was scary. Who wants to eliminate things right? But he even talked about how he fired some of his clients.

I have to say in the two days since I've implemented this auto-responder (and re-programed my brain) I have gotten more things done with more relaxation, efficiency and creativity. I'm slowly implementing some of his other ideas... I can't wait to see how they turn out.

From Writer to Doer

I've been quiet over here because I've been busy. (Isn't that always the excuse?) But seriously, I'm about caught up (except for unpacking) and moving forward on my 5 lines of projects. Taxes are done, office is clean, car unpacked, slow item assimilation. I've been cooking again, even went to the gym yesterday. Cleaned my closet, filed a year of paperwork. Paid bills, sent invoices, made personalized file labels. All in all, cleaned shit up. Got shit done. Not using twitter. Moved to checking my email 3 times a day. And in the space, the gaps, I'm reading, dreaming, scheming. And the creativity has exploded. My project list is full of creative activities, exciting business opportunities. Inspiration all around.

The Future in/s the past

Today is the day. I said my last goodbye's under cloak of darkness. They cypress trees regally standing. The smell of night plants. Two friends picking up the last items. Their oohing and aaahhing didn't help. Who wouldn't love the future? But I've not spent much time at/in the future in the past year. And the road that leads to here and now - the present - was full of much negativity about/becauseof the future. There are many ways to slice/parse/compile the story/world. And ultimately it's up to myself to create it. As someone with a passion for words and communication dancing on the line between fiction, metaphor and clarity, words have power. Poder. Puissance. In the beginning the was the word - the word created the world. And with the stories I tell myself, I create my worldview. (Don't get me started about the nature of reality, science, the scientific method, etc. This is a twisted subject and the truth is in the threads all tangled up, only to make sense once woven into the tapestry of the dark sea of awareness or the places where AIs dare not adventure per causa de lions and tigers and bears.)

However if I create my world view, with words, the stories I tell (myself and others) and those I write here in this blog and otherwhere, then when I write, the future is now in the past. It is. It is more than metaphorical. Yes, there is a literal interpretation (and if you have known me for more than 2 years you can probably guess it). But there is also a meta-phorical interpretation. And as is the case with metaphors, it is much stronger and has bigger, longer repercussions. Repercussions, I can not even imagine. When you dance/play with the future, could you expect anything less?

Do-Ocracy

It's how I do my stuff.

Do-ocracy is a summary term for consensus management on a non-authoritarian, classical anarchist model emphasizing voluntary involvement and actual results, where those with an actual involvement make the decisions.

The practice is also fairly common whenever volunteers are working towards a project together. The lack of a formal command structure or compensation for the work means that each person works on what interests them creating a format of a Do-ocracy.

from wikipedia. Or as Nike put it "Just Do it"

slogging through the backlog

Hi everyone,

So yeah, now that I've dealt with the movers this morning and am about to sign the escrow docs to end the future fiasco, I'll finally have time to read and respond and email all you fabulous people I met at sxsw, barcampLA, eTech and the pillowfight! Oh yeah, and time to hit up the day spa for some much needed chilling.

-Heather

the shadows of myself

There were many possibilities on how I would live my life. Yesterday I visited a shadow self. High mountains, low desert. Pine trees, hiking trails, twisty road curving up and across mountain faces. I love the rural setting. I loved living out away from people. The nearest neighbors 3 miles down the road. I loved going into my backyard and disappearing for hours on deer trails, exploring abandoned homesteads with cisterns and pantry caves. I love the hot moist smell of the desert and the clear cold nights. The complete connection to the earth. My love for the rural places is my love for this planet. For the animals, for nature not over run with human manifestations. Places where nature trumped human endeavors and I watched entropy encroach first hand, applauding.

I took to the open roads. My love of automobiles comes directly from my love of the land. I could cover more land with the help of my gas powered motor. I kept the windows open and had a long passionate kiss with the earth through the protective barrier of pavement and rubber.

Yesterday we took the same journey. S, Romeo and I piled into the convertible and headed out to Snake Jagger's Art Show in Indian Wells. We took the straight shot zigzagging through traffic, windmills, big rigs. I gazed longingly at the mountains to the south. The rough jagged edges poking up into the sky, unknowingly intending my return. Three hours later, I was carving the curves up the pavement, keeping pace with two state troopers obviously enjoying the drive. The rise from the flats of Palm Desert to the crest of the southern mountains is intense. You cover something like 5000 feet in 15-20 minutes. The land is gorgeous filled with scrub, washes, mountain faces, rocks, rock piles, pine trees - my words can not do it justice, let alone describe it at sunset.

We stopped for Prime Rib at a local cafe and that's when I met my shadow self. A person I could have been. A quantum possibility, lived out by someone else. The dream to live surrounded by more land than people. And I realized, that for every "yes" I've said in my life, to every adventure I've embarked upon and challenge I've met, every metaphorical mountain I've leap off, there is a shadow self, the part of me that took another road, the one that didn't leap, the one that said, No.

Someone so close to who I am, and yet, utterly different.

I see them from time to time. Sometimes they are satisfied, like yesterday, sometimes they rage against the issues I've resolved. Every interaction, meeting or observation of these shadows of myself, incites me to push myself further into the places that not only _I_ dream of - but into the places of my shadows dream.

Because, if they are living out an alternate possibility of my life, then I am most certainly living out an alternate possibility of theirs.

ETech Smile

ETech 2007 (Monday)
Originally uploaded by Laughing Squid.

Scott Beale of laughingsquid.com snapped this photo of me in a sea of chair at the Monday Night EFF BoF.