heathervescent

Headed a North - maybe

Hello Frisco! Well, maybe hello. I'm considering heading North this weekend to celebrate one of my old friends US Citizenship. Lars has been my Swedish bodyguard on multiple occasions and traveled with me to South America and the South Pacific. He's also a rubix cube champion. And a programmer at Google. And I've known him for ... yes, 10 years. Ten years. He's cool, smart and has a very dry sense of humor.

Then there is Maker Faire that would be fun to stop by with another of my friends, who I also have known for 10 years - barbarizinho. And not to mention my various friends performing and otherwise participating in Maker Faire. And my other friends who I have promised to visit, and this G35 in the driveway with a radar detector. Anyone need a ride?

And you can't forget

One of the best songs of all time - Under the Milky way.

Wish I knew what you were looking for.
Might have known what you would find.

And its something quite peculiar,
Something thats shimmering and white.
Leads you here despite your destination,

And this one, I imagine, inspired JK for Cosmic Girl. It's Terra Nova Cain.

The Church I like

Here are two clips of some early Church songs that I love. When commuting down the 280 to Mountain View I used to listen to the album "Of Skins and Hearts" and these were two of my favorite songs. If I had the option, I'd want to be reincarnated as a character in one of their songs. Or maybe I already have. ;)

and this one

Thrown Back in my Seat

The saab's in the shop to fix the damage that happened on the AZ trip. She was really looking beat up and I'm very happy to get her back in tip top shape. I was hoping she'd be done by the time I returned from my east coast travels, but she's got a few more days in the car spa. I could have limped by on foot here in Hollywood - but I can do that any day, so I went out and got a rental car. In the past, I have gotten the most basic rental car - nothing special, and definitely missing my quirky saab luxury. But this time, I did something different.

I'm of two extreme minds. The first is the rough and rugged beat up old pick-up that you can take anywhere, put anything in the back and generally slide around and get dirty. My second mind loves luxury. All comforts already thought of, anything you could want, there before you form the thought of desire. A perfect example is that Vegas trip, where I went from historic quirky hotel in Tucson, where I had to wait for the hot water to heat up, to uber luxury over the top pad on the Vegas strip, to rough camping in death valley without even a tent!

I decided to use this car rental opportunity to indulge a dream. I first asked for a Lotus, but there were none in stock (apparently they are crashed more than not) so I ended up with an Infinity G35 sedan. It's a bit more parental styling for my tastes (Coupe is more my style) but the horsepower impressed me.

I picked her up and ran some errands to get the feel of her. Whew, I forgot all about automatics and their automatic desire to go forward unless foot is on the brake. Then the boyf and I decided to joyride to Malibu.

We zipped along sunset in the dark carving the curves. As we were stopped at the 405 interchange I had finally gotten an open bit of pavement in front of me, so I floored it from the stop. We were both immediately thrown back in our seats as I accelerated the 40 feet. Wow. We spent the rest of the evening playing with our new found power and enjoying it immensely.

Welcome

Hi! You've come across the personal blog of heathervescent.

• I run my own technology product consultancy, The Purple Tornado, where I help build and market technology products.
• I founded the Los Angeles Geek Dinner.
• I am a writer, philosopher and wanna-be scientist. 
• I am active in social interruption events to bring about self-awareness.

This site is the world through heathervescent-colored glasses.

Note: I have been posting many excellent articles to my Facebook Feed. They are in the sidebar of the blog or you can subscribe to them.

NY at night

One of my favorite things to do in NY was to walk the streets at night. It was perfect. Cool, darkly lit streets. Fewer people and I was wide awake due to my California body clock. Bars were open. Cafes were open. I could buy pizza and french pastries at 3 in the morning just down the block from my hotel. And I did.

It was at night the majesty of the city was apparent. The architecture. The buildings. And the infrastructure. We walked down the avenue to Madison Square Gardens to the 24 hour post office - with its row upon row of columns and steps. I reflected on the Greek and Roman architecture of our founding fathers. Earlier in the day I had admired the new glass buildings being constructed from the observation deck of the Empire State. I enjoyed the mixed architecture - the old and the new.

Walking the streets with the boyf I remarked that NY is like the internet before the internet. The sheer quantity of people in the limited space. And because of the quantity you're going to find people with your same interests, no matter how subcultural they might be. I imagined people came to NY to connect. To find people like themselves. To find acceptance. And to make it big.

I walked so much In my 3 days in the city. I didn't like the crowded sidewalks or the loads of people during the day. I have always loved big spaces where people gather when they are empty. And the streets of NY at night were a huge stage. I saw the trash trucks stopping in for pizza along the route. I saw the grocery store delivery trucks restocking NYC shelves. The moist streets from power washing - preparing for the day.  I looked to the sky to see if I could see stars and got distracted by the reverse-vertigo of the buildings and the twinkling of the top floor lights.

NY you showed an LA girl a good time. Thanks. I'll be back.

ROFLConing

Carmen and I are busting it up at ROFLcon in Cambridge. Tomorrow we'll be shooting some video for a high profile video blog. If you're around come by and say hi!

Art Show!

The I am a Heather art show I am involved in opened in Pittsburgh today at Future Tenant. !!! This is so cool and I'm really excited to be included in it! Here's a photo of the materials!

In <3 w/ NY por causa de Chelsea Hotel

Oh man, what a day! I awoke at 6am to LA sunshine. Cozy dog sleeping by my face in an otherwise empty bed. I heard the text messages to my phone in my office and pretended to sleep for another 45 minutes when I finally drug myself up. I could have slept in, but I had 8 million errands to run before catching my flight to JFK.

Walk Dog. Check. Shower. Check. Finish packing. Check. Post Office. Check. Bank. Check. Storage unit for banana suits. Drama. (Shout out to TC at the storage unit this morning, who made me cry with his impeccable view of the world.)Check. Drop car off for body work repair. Check. Coffee and bagel @ solar while I wait for car paperwork. Check. Back to the house. Check. Move the cars. Check. Repack in bigger suitcase. Check. Walk the dog. Check. Wash dishes. Check. Oh yeah, check email. Check. Feed dog chicken to distract him while I take luggage out to car. Check. Drive to LAX. Check. Wait patiently in long security line. Check. Watch TSA dude check my ID for fakiness and then harass him about fake IDs. Check. Flight gets delayed for 3 hours. Check. I reschedule for another flight. Check. Bop around LAX entertaining myself until flight leaves. Check. Get on flight. Check. Hang out in the back galley and chat with folks. Check. Get into JFK and wait for a llllllooooooonnnnnnnggggg time for bag to arrive. Check. Get all agro on the limo people. Check. Arrive at the Chelsea Hotel.... Yesssss!

The limo was zipping on freeways not unlike the ones I zip on and I wondered... where was NYC?! I kept seeing signs for Midtown Tunnel and I kept thinking of Mid-Wilshire. And then we crossed over. And I felt the electricity crackling all around me. I was in the land of skyscraper buildings. Bricks!!! Gorgeous architecture. And I started chilling out. I started getting excited for being in NYC. And then I arrived. About 10 years ago I took an x-boyf for lobster at the Chelsea for dinner and old kicks. We are still sporadically in touch. This time, I remembered in time to book a room. AND I LOVE IT!

Really, this is completely and utterly my vibe. Of course I've spent the last hour + talking with the guys at the front desk about mercy, guns and getting away from it all. As I walked down the 8 flights of stairs looking at the art and thinking of my pal Neil whom I'm not going to be able to meet up with cause he is out of town :( I thought, if I ever move to NYC I will be an artist. But then, aren't I already one?

Voices in the Desert

In Wrong is Right there was this Arab leader who would go into the desert "to hear voices". I thought of this as I packed some basic gear and the dog in the truck for a short trip out. It occurred to me that the reason I go to the desert is "to hear voices". Sometimes those voices are my own. Sometimes they are what is playing on the radio. Sometimes they are my friends. Sometimes they come on the wind or the movement of the flames in the fires I build.

I watched the fat moon rise over the prehistoric mountains of rocks. In my rear-view mirror the god effect reins down from the clouds. My reality is shifting as I pull off the pavement and onto the sandy desert road. The moon continues to rise and I see a tent city, flickering lights. I hear pounding music. I pull up only to find unknown faces in a familiar setting. Eventually I find the host - one of my cherished friends. We immediately dive deep into a conversation of consciousness - probably because I mentioned my week in Tucson - and he says something that stops me. "Everything is an illusion. The illusion is necessary so we can experience being individual." And I agree.

I had been thinking about suicide, death and killing on the drive out. I had been thinking about cliques and communities. Divisions, exclusivity and inclusion. My irritations. My own activities that are divisive, cliquish and exclusive.

I asked him about Mercy, since I figured he would be able to answer my mercy question, and he suggested thinking about compassion instead. Compassion I get. It's mercy, I have in my claws. It's mercy I want to understand. Elusive Mercy.

The music pounded all night long. I watched people I didn't know dance with fire and hoops and each other. I lurked in the shadows stoking the fire, throwing pallets on it, building a fire ring, pushing the wheelbarrow full of wood through the dance floor. Spider weaving the web. Playing the harp strings.

The music still pounded when I left this morning and headed into a silent desert. As I drove through the basin I saw the whole area as a lush ocean - the rocks and mountains under nutrient rich water. I saw the desert patina echo back to coral, algae and moss.

And then I was back on the 101, speeding through Hollywood, thinking about New York and Boston and the Purple Tornado travels. Remembering all the errands, emails, things to coordinate before I leave tomorrow. I'm glad I took the time to go out there and listen to the voices.

Go see this movie: Wrong is Right

I caught this movie at the New Beverly last night. It was originally released in 1982, but it is almost true to our modern political situation. Check out the description:

Based on Charles McCarry's 1979 novel The Better Angels, Wrong is Right is set in a near future in which violence has become something of a national sport and television news has fallen to tabloid depths (a significantly bigger stretch in 1982, when the film was released.) Star Sean Connery plays Patrick Hale, a globe-trotting reporter with access to a staggering array of world leaders. As the film opens, he has ventured to the Arab country of Hegreb to interview his old acquaintance, King Ibn Awad (Ron Moody). Awad has learned that the President of the United States (George Grizzard) may have issued orders for his removal; as a result, Awad) is apparently making arrangements to deliver two mini-nuclear devices -- each about the size of a small suitcase -- to a terrorist, with the intention of detonating them in Israel and the United States, unless the President resigns. In the intricate plot that unfolds, nothing is quite the way it seems, and Hale finds himself caught between political leaders, revolutionaries, CIA agents and other figures, trying to get to the bottom of it all.

Really, I highly suggest you pop over to the New Beverly tonight or pick it up on DVD. Classic lines like - Gas is up to $3.60! 80's satire has become aughts reality.

The Kindness of Strangers

Earlier today I was irritated. My web walkabout caused me to go down the path of thinking "now why didn't I do that?" when I could have easily done these same things a year or more ago. The answer to that question is "I didn't want to do those things." I must remember that just because I see the need for something doesn't mean that I have to do it. It's ok to pass up the idea for another one I am passionate about. But I fall back into stupid human mode and start questioning myself and that's a slippery slope leading to my favorite existential questions. I walked outside and the sky brightened my day for a moment and then it was the LA traffic. Late to a meeting. Circling the block in the heat, sun in my eyes. No parking. Film crews taking up the spaces. The place was packed. There were people waiting for a table - all the things I hate. My mood went back into a nosespin. I went inside looking for my partner, no sign. A friendly guy asked me how I was doing, and I could not pretend to be the cheerful effervescent heather. I believe in answering the question "how are you?" truthfully of the moment. And at that moment, I was fucking irritated at being alive. So I said as much, as detached and not directed my irritation at the nice man asking me. He asked why? and I said something like, it's one of those days... he took it in stride and I went outside to wait for a table.

I put my name in for a table. And tried to let it all go as I leaned on a signpost looking at the sky. Not thinking of anything. Nothing mattered. Looking at the black painted building with swirling yellow logo. Looking at the Hollywood Hills. Thinking of the weekend and my irritations coming  back. My phone ringed and it was a client. I was happy for the distraction. I'm really happy with my current clients. The minor drama scared away my own irritation for a moment. Then my lunch partner pulled up. Then our table was ready, and then it was into the zone of the meeting - irritation retreating again.

After lunch the nice man who asked me how I was came out with a red velvet cupcake - one of my favorites - and hoped that my day turned around. By that point, it had, and him giving me the cupcake was the icing on the cake.

It's so easy to give kindness to strangers. And sometimes, it makes all their difference.

Reaching into the Tornado

This is to remind myself of the beckoning hand. From my vantage point in the lounge - the outstretched hand and arm was all I could see of the hidden statue. Through hours of conversation I would look through the door and chuckle to myself at the hand. It reminded me of when I would reach into the tornado. I wish I had taken a photo of it - but I have the photo in my mind.

My Geekiest T-Shirt

GeekDinnerLA_24
Originally uploaded by mjlambie.

With Miro - the 2nd place winner.
Note: I did not compete, because I wanted to give other folks the chance to win. My favorite was Michelle Thatcher's "Grok" - which I kept referring to as the "I don't get it" t-shirt. I don't know if everyone go it.

dead war zone

Here's the latest from JS's Rio:

  Right into the heart of a raging guerrilla war where even the local bandidos, armed to the teeth, didn’t tread that day.
  Narcisa didn’t care. She wanted to cop. Or die trying.
She stumbled along the labyrinthine bullet-scarred alleys of the deserted, post-shootout favela, raving, yelling, “Show your face! Shoot me, kill me! Where are you, cowards!”
“Where the fuck is everybody?” She cried out desperately, an abandoned child running around like a frantic white rat in a maze.
   The only answer was her own echo in the eerily still kill-zone.
“Show you face, you shits!” She shouted again and again to the invisible Drug War snipers hidden in the shadows, holding her long white arms out like Christ the Redeemer.
  “I wan’ some crack, porra! Show you fucking faggot faces or just go an’ shoot me… I wan’ it the DRUGS, man, got it?”
  Nobody showed their face. Nobody shot her. Nobody sold her any drugs.
  Finally she got bored hearing her own lonely voice echo there in those lifeless empty alleys of the dead.
   Then she finally gave up and went away to look for drugs or death or whatever she could find somewhere else.
  The end.

The audacity. Inspiring audacity.

Meditations on Mercy // At the mercy of Mercy

I'm listening to the Sisters of Mercy researching mercy. Coming from a legal family (4 generations in Law, including my grandfather who was a high level state Judge) it's surprising that I have and yet have not understood this concept. Law is about judgment - where is the mercy in that? And yet, a judge has the possibility of great mercy. In looking back, I can see where my legal family has been merciful - and also judgmental. It was very inconsistent (I'm not talking about any personal experience here) and you never knew when you would get the ax of judgment or the aura of mercy.

I resolved this issue by taking the "high" road on myself and creating the pressure to live up to my own hardest judgment. And to any possible judgment that any other could have of me. No one could judge me harder, than I.

I took this attitude to create the strongest chain mail, with not one chink, constantly re-strengthening the armor. The armor against any possible judgment. If no mercy for myself, why would I consider being merciful to anyone? And why would I be merciful to myself? Leave me to sharpen my ax, to practice target shooting. I know that's a hard line of thinking.

This morning I was pondering all this, and it occurred that teachers must be merciful to their students that make mistakes. In fact, many who teach must be merciful.

So how does one be/do mercy/iful? Is it like being impeccable? (In that it is difficult at best to explain and different for everyone.) Then, when do you know when to be Mr Tough Guy vs A Sister of Mercy? Does mercy exist where judgment doesn't? If there is nothing to judge, what is there to mercify? Who benefits more from the mercy? The bestower of the one bestowed? And where does the mercenary (a descriptor I have used for myself multiple times) fit into all this? 

This is a tricky sublime meditation. And these are and not rhetorical questions.

Desert Diamond

I am sitting here thinking about the red strata mountains. Feeling the wind from my open window. The delight as I speed along the two lane crumbling pavement. Sand dunes off to the left. I remember the Jerky stand at the Tecopa turn off. I stopped and talked with the guy running the stand. He was a nice man and it was a pleasure to stop. I love stopping at small stands along the road. That must be the Midwesterner in me.

I'm thinking about other desert driving trips. I was surprised at how green and lush the Tucson desert was compared to my Mojave. I wondered again, what is it about the desert that appeals so much to me. Partly the wide open spaces. Have I forgotten the forests? The fields of golden grain? Why do I love so much the piles of rocks?

As I was driving through the Sedona red rocks, I looked at the crumbling plateaus. I thought about something someone told me. Something about a 16 year unveiling and I thought of the image of me as a plateau crumbling away to unveil what I am, that is hidden so far to the world.

Nothing is Hidden

Nothing is Hidden
Originally uploaded by heathervescent.

I've been thinking about this particular quote a lot recently.

Mine Mine Mine!

LomiLinda2
Originally uploaded by heathervescent.

Another adventures begins! S and I closed on the ranch today! There will be a blow out ranch-warming party probably this fall after it cools down.

Announcing GeekDinner.org

You may have noticed the lack of geek and tech coverage on the ole heathervescent blog - and that's for good reason, I'm taking back my blog as an expression of myself and segmenting my geek dinner announcements over on the brand spanking new Geek Dinner Blog!

So go check out the work in progress, subscribe to it's RSS and let us know what you think in the comments!

I may have tech coverage over here from time to time, but I plan on keeping my creative edge active over here. I also have another blog announcement coming up soon... so stay tuned!

Posing with murals

Posing with murals
Originally uploaded by heathervescent.

Chuckles pulled this gorgeous green sequined chiffon dress out of her trunk and it fit me, so I of course had to wear it to the opera house. I'm posing with some of the murals from the Amargosa opera house in Death Valley Junction.

Home Again Dreams

I woke up to the coolness of an LA morning. I open the windows, getting snippets of the opera singer next door. My mind is a jumble of the dream memories, pavement, deserts, a bus. My skin is dry from the heat and traveling. My purple has faded into a fuscha. I'm thinking about Chicken John and his untouchable spotlight. I'm back in the comfort of my office. My Brazilian Visa paperwork reminds me of an errand I must do today. It's good to be home.

1300 mile highlights

Eight hundred miles in the past three days. (A total of 1300 in the past week.) Three states. Many states of mind. Much stimulation of the brain. Meeting new people. Getting to know acquaintances better. There are not enough words in my exhausted brain to even begin describing all that transpired the past seven days. I returned to Los Angeles a few hours ago - a car full of packages and a bit more worn for the wear. Both my fog lights were blown out Friday night after hitting a raccoon just outside of Sedona and a rabbit about 30 minutes south of the Hoover Dam.

I will try to pull out some snippets from my memory.

Most recently I returned from Death Valley this afternoon after a sleepless night filled with stars and conversations. A friend brought up two concepts I realized during our conversing I don't really know or use: Mercy and Happiness. I am not motivated to live my life with Happiness in mind. I have other emotions that motivate me. And about Mercy, well, it never even occurred to me. I don't think I even know what Mercy is. I generally wield the ax of justice and it definitely severs relationships. So this concept of pondering mercy and how to be more merciful, is intriguing and something I will meditate on - and perhaps practice.

Hiking at dusk in Sedona. I wanted to go to a magical place and instead the trail I chose went along an Indian resort. I was irritated and frustrated. It was getting dark, and it was not my idea at all to drive 5 hours to Sedona only to be surrounded by the sounds of cars and air conditioning and civilization when I was supposed to be in a magical place. I guess the Indians need to make a living too.

When I stopped to catch my breath on the trail at the twisted juniper right where the sign was posted "You are on camera, so don't jump the fence you stinky hikers" complete with industrial lights destroying the natural darkness. I spied a ledge - right in the middle of the light. I had a flash of inspiration and went straight to the spot - straight in the middle of the spotlight under the surveillance cameras and proceeded to meditate upon being in the spotlight. And so, instead of fighting my self about NOT being in the spotlight because that's not where I thought I wanted to be, I understood why I need to be in the spotlight because that is really where I must be. Inner conflict resolved.

I can't even begin to express how much the conference I attended in Tucson effected me. Over the next few days I'll try to write up some notes. I attended the conference to learn more about what science is doing around the study of understanding and explaining consciousness and the human brain. I left with the beginnings of a new language and awe for ourselves and awe for science. I plan to explore my interest in this subject more and more in the coming years.

I love driving in the desert at night. I put the top down and looked at the stars, felt the wind in my face as I drove back from the official conference dinner Thursday night at the Desert Museum. I put on Orbital Blue Album and took in the wind, driving fast and taking the curves. I am happiest at the wheel of my car, alone on a dark two lane twisty highway. My car is an extension of my body - I feel the vibrations of my tires on the road through my stick and wheel. I listen to the motor as I increase RPMs and slow down, shifting accordingly for speed or coast.

I wondered, why does this make me so happy? To be alone, a bullet speeding along. But then I stop thinking and enjoy the ride. This is truly something I love.

I felt the same way when I came upon the Hoover dam past midnight. I had spent hours driving through Arizona. Napoleon Hill was speaking to me in those midnight hours (and when the rabbit met her death under my wheel). I passed through the check point and then was upon the dam. A huge bright lit construction was being built above me. I was in awe at modern engineering. I slowed and looked at the new bridge. It was beautiful and massive.

A moment later I crested a hill and a city of twinkling lights unfolded below me. It was beautiful. And for once in my life I saw the beauty of Las Vegas. I found my way to the Strip and a posh hotel filled with friends. A strong difference of my last days in the desert.

There are many more stories to write. Many more things I want to share with you - my anonymous readers. But tonight I sleep. For tomorrow another adventure begins and I must tend to my dreams.

2 Years of LA's Geek Dinner!

Next week will be the 2 year anniversary of the LA Geek Dinner. This is really exciting for me, because tech communities and bubbles come and go. I lived through the first bubble 1.0 in the Bay Area and watched it blow up and then blow out. I've worked really hard to make the geek dinner sustainable and long-term. Two years doesn't seem that long, but it is big landmark!

Anyway, come on down to an awesome geek dinner. Just be sure to buy your tickets in advance.

---

The Geek Dinners are a monthly gathers of Internet technology lovers in Los Angeles. Anyone who has an interest and passion for technology, the internet, internet technologies, software or you just know you're a geek is welcome.

OUR LOCAL SPONSORS
Mike Prasad of Bullspot is covering the drinks: http://www.bullspot.com/

Boris Epstein of BincSearch is hosting the "Ask a Recruiter" table and bringing cupcakes. Check out: http://blog.bincsearch.com/
-------------------------

You must buy a ticket to attend. http://geekdinner24.eventbrite.com
$20 and good karma in advance, $25 and bad karma if you pay at the door.

This month we're at BLANKSPACES - LA's 1st co-working space.

It's also the 2 year anniversary of the LA Geek Dinner!

GEEKEST T-SHIRT CONTEST
We're also having a "geekiest t-shirt" contest with prizes for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place. So wear your geekiest t-shirt!

Update: The Winner will take home a $50 gift certificate from Threadless. So you can increase your geeky t-shirt collection even more!

And we're having some exciting press coverage, so come and celebrate with us.

RocksandPrayers

RocksandPrayers
Originally uploaded by heathervescent.

Picturesque saugaros and basalt vein in the Saugaro National Forest.

1st Day Thoughts

All I can say, since I don't care much about proving anything, is that I'm glad no one from the web 2.0 was in the session on the social brain. Too much awesomeness was divulged and I'm happy to be the odd duck out in this conference of academics. Was today really just one day? I feel like I've been here a week.

Attn: East Coast Readers

I will be in NY and Boston the end of this month. I'm staying at the world famous Chelsea Hotel. (begin Leonard Cohen with images of Sid and Nancy.) Then I'm up to roflcon on the 24th. If you're around and want to hang - let me know!

Tucson Arrived!

I'm checked in. My belly is full. My body is fresh showered clean. The Pixies are playing through my tinney laptop speakers. I'm remembering the sunset, wind whipping through my hair. Top down, zipping at 90 miles an hour. Seven hours across the desert - from Hollywood though the Mojave and then down into the .... is it the Colorado Desert? With the Saguaro Cacti? With the flat expanses and crumbling pedestals of mountains.

Drinking not one drop of coffee, instead having tea with Joseph Campbell and Napoleon Hill. I'm listening to his masterpiece and thinking... have I heard this before? How did I more or less implement his methodology before even hearing of him? It wouldn't be the first time I "discovered" something for myself only to find out there are books written on the subject. These books are huge cairns on my own path.

Anyway, I've been inspired to get very specific with my goals. I was kind of lax the past couple years focusing instead on a theme. And look where that got me? Listening to the CDs also made me take stock of my past "failures". Well, the things I consider failures, because they were not smashing successes. Learning from other people's failures (all those startups that didn't make it).

My attitude has recently changed. Somewhere over the past 6 months, I got sucked into William Burrough's Duad. And that's a fucking horrible place, skueze my french, if you've ever visited. However in the past few days I've managed to pull myself out of the muck and my conversation with Campbell and Hill this afternoon was the shower after the shit. It was like the fog lifting and remember who I am, what I do and how I do it.

Whew. It feels good to be myself again.

House Fever

Back on earth, I'm obsessed with the Los Angeles real estate market. I've been watching houses in the Hollywood Hills (dream location!) and there are "affordable" ones going for around 750! That's making me think it's more than just a pipe dream. Now, based on the houses in other parts of LA (that to me are still interesting) I could move in tomorrow.

And well, tomorrow I do close on my next property: a 5 acre ranch in the Mojave. Ok, so maybe ranch isn't the right descriptor, but it has a cabin in dire need of reworking (not unlike some of my personality quirks) and has a decent amount of land and it's a canvas for painting our dreams. Our? Yes, I've bought a place with my friend and longtime colleague. Some people might say I don't learn after the drama that was the end of the future. But the wheel spins around and you often get another chance to make a same situation different.

Only through living do we learn.

Enlightenment

"If you can go ten minutes without a conditioned reaction, then you are illuminated".
- A Sufi saying via Ninja Sorcery Site

That reminds me something that Noah Levine said at his meditation class this week (which I attended). It went along the line of "peace might be boring. everyone wants to think that being at peace is blissful - but it might be boring. we learn tolerance. and that could be a neutral feeling."

Traveling Around

I'm off on a desert walkabout on Sunday. But first, I'll stop by the Brewery Artwalk and see my friends art (Miriam, Isa, Vanessa & Kasey, Kevin), then it's Bootie at the new larger Echoplex - although I'm intrigued by the undead celebration at Beta Level. Then it's off to Tuscon for a week at the Science of Consciousness Conference, where I'm hoping to expand my mind academically. I'm staying at the Historic Hotel Congress. Then on my way home, I'm stopping at the Amargosa Opera House.

Then I'm back in LA for a week, to host the 2nd Anniversary of the LA Geek Dinner. (Two years - wow!) And then it's off to NY, Boston for roflcon and then to South America. I'm finally returning to Brasil - and this time, I'm visiting Sao Tome das Letras.

debone

debone
Originally uploaded by Splat Worldwide.

How can I not love this photo? Splat does it again!

My Friend, Reality

The line between fact and fiction is blurry. How many stories am I telling, do I participate in - at this one moment? So many. I can barely keep up with the activities of all my personalities.

I spent the weekend reading fiction by Jeffrey Ford about his Mrs Charbuque. I accept her eccentric characteristics as if she really existed. Requesting a portrait by a painter who has and will never see her? Oh it's so cliche - reality is stranger than fiction - as a writer you often have to water down reality for the masses to exist the possibility. But what about when you create possibilities and they emerge dripping wet, even more stranger than fiction that you could have never thought? I guess that's your children for you.

Anyway, that is just to say that people and things in my life are stranger than fiction - and that tends to skew my world view. But that's ok, cause I prefer to have a skewed view on this world - and it's really no more skewed than anyone else's, just in a different direction.

Dreaming the best

What I like in an event/activity

• something captivating - new, novel, exciting
• interesting people - to look at, to talk to, to learn from
• creative, passionate, authentic
• beautiful location, connecting
• subcultural

The way to the mainstream is by any subculture. Once in the mainstream, that subculture....

I'm really excited about my upcoming trip to Tuscan Arizona. I'm going to the Science of Consciousness Conference. Chicken John gave me the lowdown on the best place to stay and one of my friends from the Bay Area is going to be there. I'm leaving town next Sunday and will drive through the desert I love. Not quite passing my new rachcita, but dreaming of it and which possibilities to manifest first. Then on my way back I've detour through Amargosa to visit another dream come true. Ah, the desert, I can already feel your refreshment.

Not Feeling Enlightened

A few months ago I had a dream where I was cleaning out these long hollow pipes in my garage. There were a lot of them and they were stuffed with grease, lint, dead insect carcasses. Just the usual delightful stuff you find in your garage. I realized that the dream was telling me that it's time to clean out all the reminding bits of junk.

I've been surrounded by the dust and dirt of my own Karma and I'm getting dirty cleaning it out. It's frustrating sometimes.

All the while I have been inhaling several books. I finished Jonathan's Narcisa - Our Lady of Ashes (it's not publicly available yet). And then straight on to Dharma Punx by Noah Levine. Both talk about addiction, doing crazy shit and in the case of Levine's Dharma Punx, a path of service and redemption. That's Jonathan's story too. I remember talking with a friend about AA and being intrigued at the 12 steps and AA support. It sounded a lot like the stuff I have learned on my own spiritual path. In some ways I wish my path had taken me down and up into the AA realm. The work is hard stuff, but the path has already been laid out.

Anyway, so here I am in my own pile of shit, sorting and sifting, cleaning and attempting to replace mechanisms and processes that have built up over 30 years. I've done the processes before, but it's on bigger, smaller, trickier, twistier stuff.

Would I want it any other way? This is what I've chosen.

Differentiation

"Care for nothing in yourself but what you feel exists nowhere else."

I've been pondering this part of my favorite phrase. Does it mean, if someone else can do something better than me, I stop? Does it mean, I stop when someone does things that I also do? What if they suck at what I do? What if they are better than me? At what point is the line drawn? Do I continue to do those things that others do, but care nothing about what I am doing?

These questions don't matter if this one is answered: Am I passionate about it?

Purple Tornado Sponsors ROFLcon

I like to put my money where my mouth is and support things I think need to happen - ROFLcon is one of those things, so threw down some of my cold hard earned cash (from PT, my company) to help make it happen.

Anyway, here’s another triumphant and relevant coup for ROFLCon - Purple Tornado, a great marketing company in LA, is helping us out for realz! They focus haaardcore on internet marketing and have a real solid understanding of the potential for new media advertising and PR. They’re also just cool people, and will be coming to the ‘Bridge to schmooze and mingle with all y’all in April. Just six weeks to go. Yeah seriously. We’re so stoked, and you should be too. Link.

Maybe see some of you there.

Why I will never switch to a mac

First - I think the whole "think different" marketing campaign is just that - marketing and I can't stomach the hype. I'm a contrarian at heart, and so I think differently and use a Thinkpad.

Second - It's all about the keyboard.

In interface to my computer through the keyboard. There is no keyboard I love more than the Thinkpad keypad with red mouse button. (I also HATE touchpads!) My index finger on the red button and I am at home.

Third - no right click.

A could years ago I decide to get over my anti-mac attitude and try on. So I went out and bought the black macbook. I got some software and started getting to it. Within an hour I was *YEOUCH* - what is with this horrible keyboard? Square keys with horrible pop-up ness. Required to use the hated touch pad when I wanted to mouse. And where the f*ck is the right click button. WTF? So you have a shortcut menu but you require me to figure out the ctrl, alt, apple, ???? button plus that hated touchpad button? What is the point of optimizing.

And then I realized - macs are slow. S-L-O-W. Sure they boot up fast, but it takes me forever to do something on it. I could only get about 30% of the stuff I do done if I only used the Mac. Mostly because they hide the right click and they require that I used the hated touchpad which is slow slow slow! And I can't type as fast on the Mac because the keyboard is not ergonomic. Square keys? And what's up with this square outchiness totally horribly designed unless I want to slit my wrists slowly back edge?

I thought that I just needed to use it and get used to it - optimize myself and be more open minded. But screw that. I've had it for a year and half and my opinion has not changed. I use the mac as a glorified CD player - and I don't even like iTunes. Even the built in video camera sucks.

What was this hype about Macs never crashing? I have managed to freeze/crash the mac more times each month than my Thinkpad in 4 years!

Sorry apple - you do not have my eye. Maybe if you were named grapefruit I would like you better.

We are Connected and Individual

Appealing to my more enlightened self - this TED talk blew my mind. I suggest you watch this right now - and then choose from where you want to live. (Thanks Ralitza for sending the link!)

Neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor had an opportunity few brain scientists would wish for: One morning, she realized she was having a massive stroke. As it happened -- as she felt her brain functions slip away one by one, speech, movement, understanding -- she studied and remembered every moment. This is a powerful story about how our brains define us and connect us to the world and to one another.

For unHappy Rainbows

From the -"It appeals to the 14 year old boy in me" files - I occasionally like to surf the delightful art at RainbowPuke.com. Here is a typical piece. Are you loling yet?

File your papers the GTD Way

Welcome to the next episode in my Kicking Ass at GTD series - this topic is one we all love and procrastinate. Filing.

Morning Walk of Shame

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Originally uploaded by kneesamo.

More awesome photos from Ben.

Snorting Dragon Nose

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Originally uploaded by kneesamo.

I mean, it's just a car on fire.... or is it possessed?

The Cars that go BOOM!

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Originally uploaded by kneesamo.

The photos are coming in from CARKILL 2008!

Living the dream baby! Thanks to Ben, who got these awesome shots! You rock Ben!

And the dreams came true

I recently went to a workshop where the focus was on how to get your heart's desire and manifesting your dreams. I had leave after 30 minutes of it because I realized that I no longer needed to learn how to have my heart's desire. (I wrote my process for doing this in 2005.) Instead of sitting in a conference center for 2 days, writing down my dreams and how I might go about realizing them, I went out and did it.

That was the trip to Salvation Mountain.

That morning, before I went to the workshop, I stopped at drugstore to buy a toothbrush (I had forgotten to pack mine.) At the checkout counter were these packs of green M&Ms specially marketed for Valentines Day (which was over). I realized that here was the manifestation of one of my childhood dreams. You see, the green M&M's were always my favorite - and it was my dream to have a package of only green m&m's. Here it is - almost 30 years later - my dream come true. So I bought the package.

Checkmark: childhood dream come true.

Which made me start thinking - what happens when all your dreams come true? Is that life Bo-ring? Do you dream more dreams? What happens when you can have anything you dream? It sounds like a magical place to be. To conjure up whatever I want. And yet, that's the position I'm in right now. So what do I want? More bigger dreams? More harder challenges? More proving grounds?

There are always more dreams. For me at least. There will be challenges associated with those dreams. And I've just jumped my most recent hurdle (thank you to my ruthless ego). I've proved myself. I can make all my dreams a reality.

So what is beyond dreams?  *** *******

---

ps. and don't go thinking that all these dreams will be destroyed. I have already had all my dreams destroyed. That was my first experience with dreams. It was destroyed dreams that would never come true. And then there was the time where all my dreams came true, but then my dreams changed.

My ego, myself

I am ruthlessly egotistical.

I can be. Because my ego is a mask - a false description of who I am.
My ego, she is disposable.
My ego, she has no problem acting the bitch for the greater good. She will sacrifice herself for moving forward. She has nothing to lose.
My ego, she is not myself. A form fitting mask. A character. Someone I have cultivated for years.
My ego, she is a tool for which I have great respect. She is fearlessly ruthless.

Thank you ego. For being the thundering lightening flashing head on the face of the wizard.
Thank you ego, for blustering your way back here. I have missed your ruthlessness. I had forgotten who you really were. You do great good even while others badmouth you. Do not falter. Do not change your ruthless egotism.

There are other times for patience, sweetness and cunning.

On being the Fool

"I must learn to love the fool in me—the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool."

playwright Theodore Rubin

Checkmark Carkill: Another dream come true

• 20 hours in the car +
• A private ranch outside of Reno +
• Practicing my stunt car moves on a dry lake bed +
• Enough guns and ammo for a Hollywood blockbuster +
• 5 cars with death written all over them +
• The usual assortment of fire accelerators =
• A dream come true.

My New Favorite Blog - The Scabvendor

So my new favorite blog is starting to get some traction. It's by Jonathan Shaw - who could be called the "father" of modern tattooing. (Disclaimer, JS is one of my clients.) He's pretty much the guy who broke tattooing into the mainstream and tattooed a bunch of celebrities. He's also the inspiration/real character behind Captain Jack - from Pirates of the Caribbean.

Over the past 3 months, I've worked with Jonathan and his assistant Alessandra on all the standard things I do: branding and online marketing specifically for his upcoming book about his crack-whore girlfriend from Rio de Janeiro.

Now, anyone who knows me, knows that I have a passion for Brazil and the Brazilian life. I won't go into my several life changing experiences I had within her borders, but needless to say, she is probably my favorite country in the world. Brazil - she is full of possibilities.

Anyway, I digress - Jonathan is in Rio right now, with Narcisa - his girlfriend (whom the book is about) and he's writing about his day to day experiences. It's not just the day to day, but the pieces of enlightenment hidden between the cracks of the mundane. Take this for example:

I’m out on the street dropping her off later and I look around and see the people running amok like it’s the goddamn Mardi Gras, my people, ignorant little replicas of Narcisa with her tv eyes and childlike mind and it hits me, it’s not just her, it’s the world, it’s Brazil, a whole mind-warped brainwashed culture, a nation of whores and beggers and petty thieves and crooked liars and pipe dreaming slaves, with or without the crack habit, its all the same ratty fairy tale happy ending mind of slavery to ego and self and the belief in eternal satisfaction at the end of a magic consumer wand or a machine gun or a beer can or crack pipe or a polititions promise or a whirlwind of romantic love boat wedding chapel angel cake whiter than white flouride toothpaste smiles and shit eating grins on skulls that will soon be rotting in the ground no matter fucking what. Whatever whatever, so maybe Narcisa’s right to just burn it at both ends like she does and do the best she can to live as intensely and dangerously as possible and so what if she fucking dies, at least she provided me the inspiration to write a fucking book cuz she is that interesting and authentic and beautiful and that’s more than I can say about 99.999999 percent of the fucking human race.

It's about authenticity. It's about being real. And sometimes that authenticity is too much for people - and goes against the grain of "good morals". But it reminds me of something I used to think about. And I was reminded of this when watching Bjork's video on Declare Independence. If the most authentic thing for you to do was to do drugs - then why should anyone stop you from it. If that is your most authentic self - then you should do that. And screw anyone who should "intervene".

And, although I have not met Narcisa, I like to dream that she is that person.

Making Room, Getting unstuck

I've gotten stuck in a role - probably by my own making. My community validated self-appropriated title as "LA Tech Maven + Connector + Visionary" has got me stuck. I feel like a mom who doesn't like who her children are becoming and doesn't like who they are hanging out with. My passion for promoting LA tech has fizzled. I've been trying to rally myself and get excited because of all people here, I should be able to take this to the next level - and that was my dream. I am also not a quitter. I also don't shy from competition. But, I also don't do something that has no more passion for me.

There are too many cooks in the kitchen and I don't like the cooks or what is getting cooked up. I wonder, is it too hot for me to handle? Can I stand the pressure? Why not just bulldog my way through? If I had the passion and drive, yes, but the passion is gone.

Where and when did that passion go?

• It left when I got pushed out of BarcampLA leadership (yes, that story has not been publicly told) and those leaders became hypocritical.
• It left when all these tech events exploded on the scene and no one was coordinating w/ each other.
• It left when throwing a tech event became a business.
• It left when LA events were replications of SV events.
• It left when Silicon Valley came to LA looking for a red carpet stroke my ego circle jerk.

I have big big dream. I dream of a connected LA Tech community. But right now it's like a 12 course meal being prepared by 12 different chefs; competing, jostling to hit the same target market. It's a land grab, mad rush to create your event, your brand and make a stake. Ugh. Sorry, that kind of activity make me want to puke. I can't help but remember Gloria's words about how the universe is abundant. I agree with her.

I've been angsting over what I want to do for months. What is best for the community? For my dreams?  There is no good answer. And bottom line, I don't like some of the personalities in the mix. (And I'm not one of these people who dislikes people for no reason - I have to have reasons to not like you otherwise I keep giving you chances.)

I am going to take a break. Work on my metaphorical broken watches or lamps. I am going to focus on the things that have my passion - like my new desert ranch, learning to professionally stunt car drive, building my company - The Purple Tornado, and helping my clients take their companies to the next level.

I'm not leaving, nor giving up. I'm watching you LA Tech Community (and community leaders). Watching everything. And I'll keep doing what I do, to make it stay real - to make you stay real - and ultimately for us all to evolve into something bigger than ourselves.