heathervescent

Aeon Flux Bionics

Decades ago, I would channel Aeon Flux. If cosplaying was a thing 20-30 years ago, I would have done it. As it was, Aeon Flux was one of my inspirations, muses, and role models. I mean, who wouldn't want to be a double agent dominatrix assassin? Before the Hollywood film came out, this lil ole blog was the top hit for "Aeon Flux" searches. I was proud of that.

I haven't thought of Aeon Flux in a while. I've gotten older. I indulge my introversion. I've done most everything I set out to do... over and over. I could only barely pull off my Aeon Flux costume 20-30 years ago. I dare not even try now (even though I still have my custom made velvet costume and 6 inch thigh high stiletto heels - and I'm back in the gym and pilates studio.) A few days ago, a friend tagged me on a FB post with Aeon Flux pics and something caught my eye.

Her knee cap braces. 

Now, admittedly that was one thing I couldn't figure out how to fabricate in the late 90s/early 00s, so I left those off. In fact, I had kind of forgotten the accessory. But, in my mind, even though these were clearly external to her body, I somehow thought they were extensions of her actual knees - like an embedded implant or something. Fast forward to today.

Where I now have two bionic knees.

Seeing Aeon's knee cap braces caused a rush of emotion in me. Like, how could I have forgotten that, especially when I was going bionic myself!! It was as if, I have become a part of my role model of 20 years ago.

Abundant Problems, Abundant Solutions

In case you haven't noticed, I have an ambitious streak.

In 2012, I wrote a seminal paper. (Well, I think in retrospect it will be seen as seminal. It seminal to me.) I had been asked to write a paper exploring one of the world's biggest "wicked" problems. Typical problems of this genre are climate change, economic crisis, water crisis, peak oil, etc. Big disasters that threaten the END OF HUMANITY!!!!!1!!!1!!!1

While these are truly big problems, I do not get particularly worked up by them. Part of this has to do with my galactic timeline view of the human species. Sure, from our perspective, these are big deal problems, but in the scheme of the universe, I don't think these things will destroy the earth, or the solar system. These problems _will_ make it difficult to continue as a species. Anyway, with this nonchalant perspective and because I like a challenge; I decided how boring to address only ONE problem. Instead, I tackled ALL the problems. And by looking at ALL THE PROBLEMS, I found a brand new perspective.

If you know me, you know I don't think like most people.

My paper, The Human Problem, explored the results of this inquiry. The Association of Professional Futurist awarded me first place for it. (This was the third year in a row I had been awarded by the APF - I'm abstaining submitting anything this year - I think it's only fair.)

I presented an in-depth talk about the paper at Iowa Wesleyan last October. I had forgotten they filmed it, but found it online this morning. It's a pretty fantastic talk, if I do say so myself. I am fairly happy with the presentation. 

If you are interested in learning HOW TO SOLVE ALL THE WORLD'S PROBLEMS (and I can't help but type this with a snark in my eye), then check it out. Enjoy!

 

Chicago Talks at World Future Society

I'll be in Chicago this weekend speaking at the World Future Conference 2013. It's going to be another marathon conference for me, as I am speaking twice at WFS in addition to organizing the APF ProDev day and running a workshop there. Here's the rundown of where I will be. Come by and say hi!

• A Possibility Tour: With Special “Guests” Philip K. Dick, Bina48, Samuel Delaney, Stanislaw Lem, and Donella Meadows. We will visit and view a variety of potential outcomes of our economy, as might be seen through the eyes of noted futurists of the past. Our tour will feature a balanced analysis of commerce possibilities, highlighting the seeds within our existing system that may lead to each prospective reality. Expect a wild romp through the future, with your guide Heathervescent’s cacophonistic flair!
• ProDev Workshop: Mapping the Future of Futurists. I will leading this workshop mapping our territory. Who are we? What businesses are we in? What communities are we part of? How do we participate? We create a Big Map, then step back and ask how we can expand into new territories, seize new opportunities? Session at the APF Professional Development Day.  [Open to anyone with an APF member recommendation.]

• Best of Houston Futures. This is my 3rd year on this panel and I will be presenting my Award Winning paper, The Human Problem, where I describe how to solve all the world's problems. 

I'll be around Chicago all weekend, so be sure to grab me and say hi. If you don't see my purple hair, find me on twitter at @heathervescent. 

Acolades

Last week I found out I won the 1st place prize from the Association of Professional Futurists for my paper on The Human Problem, where I unpacked and described how to solve every human created problem we have today. 

I wrote the paper when I was in a dark place. My mother had died a few weeks prior and I had lost faith in almost everything. I was suicidal, I was stuck in rainy Portland. The problems of the world meant nothing to me. Caring for nothing in myself or the world, with detachment and death by my side I plunged in. I rarely work half-assed. I'll share with you my opening paragraphs. 

When I sat down to think about the big questions or problems in the world I could not find a big problem worthy of attention. The questions and problems that keep my mind occupied are ones about human consciousness, awareness, identity and the evolution of these concepts. These are ideas that most people do not find to be particularly important. So I went on a quick search to find what other people thought were the big burning questions of our age. 

A survey of three lists of big wicked world problems resulted in the following common set of problems:

• Pollution
• Limited Resources (especially water and energy/oil)
• Various Crisis (Economic, Environmental)
• Global Warming
• Rising Population

I pondered on these big problems. They are truly problems we must face. But why were they problems in the first place. How did they become problems? It’s not like we, as a human species, set out to destroy the environment, use all the resources available and engage in destructive activities to bring about crisis. 

Writing this paper changed my attitude. I entered the writing process from a dark place. I finished with my optimism renewed. In the journey, I uncovered many societal beliefs and unserving myths. And the change has already begun. A ripple effect of positivity coming from a dark part of despair. Blossoming into the changing of the world.

 I am happy the paper won 1st place. Thank you Association of Professional Futurists!

Jacaranda Phase Shift

Nine years ago I took a chance. I followed my heart. I packed my things in my car. I stopped for one last coffee at my favorite cafe and I drove south. To dream a new dream. It's the time of year I remember that journey. I remember the start of the adventure. I remember trusting myself following the whisper of a dream. The destination opening a whole new playing field - my most beloved city, full of adventure and possibilities.

So much has happened. Many adventures. I've created, lived the life I wanted. I still do. 

I've been thinking a lot about the way I was at that time. The trust I had in the universe. The trust I had in myself. To take off in a direction, because that's where I felt the pull, because that's where the path with heart lead. Despite my logical brain saying, "that's crazy." Despite knowing where things would lead, where I would go, who I could become. Trusting strongly. Dreaming Big. Fishing for David Lynch's transcendental big fish.

It's phase shift time. A magical moment in my year where the realization of my dreams are closer to the surface. An invocation, an homage, a tribute to that day: Phase shift June 6. 

 

Dreams in the Dirt

This past week I returned to a hometown. It's not the place I was born. It's not the place I lived the longest. It's fairly unknown to the rest of the world. It's only one of the most defining places of myself, my identity, my history, my family. It is the remnants of a booming pioneer town on the Des Moines River in Southeast Iowa. The area is named after an Indian Warrior - Chief Wa Pe Lo. This town on the River is called Ottumwa. 

The land in Ottumwa and environs is fecund. In May it bursts with green leaves, fragil shoots, birds swooping, Canadian Geese resting in the many waterways and much much more. Deer bounding across the two laners. The humid air makes my heart blossom, open - amongst all this beauty, I have much pain.

I consciously chose my entry point. I flew into Kansas City - another city of personal meaning. I visited my childhood home in Gladstone - happy and unhappy times - before starting a route I knew (and hated) well. 35 N to 34 E. A route filled with anxiety, fear, unhappiness, unfulfilled dreams. But here I am, 20 years later, my own rental car, an independent, successful adult. I have to come to reclaim.

---

I drive the gravel roads out to Cliffland and park on the bridge. I remember when Lady Knight (my California Saab) and I were last here. I watch the muddy river flow. I don't think about jumping off this bridge. I watch the water flow. I think about this place. This area. Where I buried so much hurt. Where I talked to the person I am today. Where I inspired myself to be what I have become. Where I saved myself. Was my own hero. My own Gully Foyle.

There are two places I must visit. Old places. Places I promised a return decades ago. I park. I take my fancy Spanish Desigual purse filled with water and wear my hand made in Portugal Fluevogs and go into the forest. A forest that welcomes me back with lush Jack in the Pulpits, Iowa Wild Roses, wildflowers, lush green underbrush. The path is well worn. Muddy. I remember these paths, I remember my many solo hikes. These gentle and rolling forests saved my life so many times. They feed me today too.

Mossy rock. An opening in the earth. The sound of water over rock. Falling through air. The air is moist. Sunlight filters through the leaves. I stand in the silence. I connect to this place. I connect to the past. I connect to possible futures. These threads extend from my present moment - a place in this reality, my physical feet grounded in the cool depth of this cave.

---

I'm standing on the other side. I'm on top. Watching the water fall over the edge. I look to the path. I go deeper into the forest. The edge of a field. The top of a hill. I have found what I was looking for. 

The Cemetery has no name. The dates are well worn and date 100 years to the past. The earth has sunken in where the bodies have decayed. Peonies and Iris thrive and bloom. Calf high grass and miner's lettuce fills the sunny places. I stand in a circle of three sets of pine pairs. I talk to the dead. I ask them questions. Their answers come from the intertwined tree branches. Wind blows through them. I share these moments in time. In the stillness of this Pioneer Cemetery. I promise to return again this fall. 

---

These dreams in the dirt. This old hurt. These fears. Insecurities. Stirred up like the dust on the gravel roads I speed down. 

I think of these things: the fear, my desires with the core of my being, my failed attempts to create that reality. And I make a decision right here on this bridge over the Des Moines River. Where I stand. My unsatisfied, unfulfilled dreams/goals, my heart full of fear and uncertainty - I anchor these things to 1/4 of an analogy. Their corresponding comparison pair is where I was in my life 20 years ago with where I am now, what I have accomplished, who I have become. I see the bookend of the analogy - no fear, a promise, my heart content and overflowing with love. 

I plant the seeds for this dream, deep into the fecund Iowa dirt.

2012 Recap by numbers

I just finished my 2012 goals/practices recap. 2012 was a very ambitious year. I had 77 different goals and practices. 2012 was also the shittiest year of my life so far. I took a huge risk professionally and while I have a list of moderate successes (none included in the numbers below, those were a different set of goals), I endured trauma. One risk was leaving my stable ground of Los Angeles. I leveled up, but I didn't play the game by traditional rules. Adding insult to injury, I endured collateral damage at home. While regaining a small footing, the biggest blow came. It wasn't unexpected, and the timing wasn't the absolute worst; but it's not like I needed another thing to be angry about. Things got bad. Very bad. But then I remembered, I have nothing left to lose. So it's back to being who I am, and creating, living, dreaming and manifesting my life. As soon as I could, I went on the road to see the American Lands. The open road and the long timescale of earth's land masses calms me. Gives me perspective. I'm here in Utah, a tilted prehistoric lake, I am finally ready to put 2012 behind me.

But before I do, let's recap the numbers. I had 77 "goals" and "practices" in my yearly mindmap. Of those:

• 51% were Achieved (27%) or Practiced (24%)
• 16% are In Progress (and with positive upward trajectory)
• 10% were Interrupted
• 17% were Not Achieved 
• 6% were Not Applicable

Removing the interrupted and not applicable items, and considering the In Progress ones as successes, that's an 80% success rate. 80% of 64 items came to positive conclusions.

Not too bad.

Especially considering it being the year it was.

Thank you 2012. You gave me  the opportunity to learn lots of new things. You knocked me down and you landed multiple blows. But, I am stronger and wiser.

Cool Night

I've spent the day cooking. The house smells like simmering black bean chili. Spicy. Warm. The dog is sticking close to me, giving me his doggy eyes. None for you tonight little beggar. 

I made the decision to cheer the fuck up today. Enough of the doom and gloom and anger and frustration and going over the unfairness of it all in my mind. Hey - I don't live in those realities anymore. That's the past, biotches. Let it go. Never have to interact with those people again, so quit going back.

It got pretty bad. (I'm sure it will get bad again.) It didn't help that I got the triple, 1-2-3 punch. All while shifting my stability to a new paradigm. I wanted to finish my commitment, then disengage to heal the massive trauma I had sustained. Only that was when the biggest blow was delivered. Yeah, it took the heathervescent down. Down into some really dark places. It's a miracle I'm here. In some realities, I am no longer experiencing time/space. I had completed all I was to do. But that is not this one. Blood remains flowing in my veins.

You know what world, don't make me go through that fucking shit again - at least not without an army behind me. OK? Got it? I'll do a lot of crappy work, and I'll persevere, but don't put me in a situation were so called allies stab me in the fucking back and sabotage my work, ok. And while I'm dictating to you the future I will no longer tolerate - no bullshit politics either. I know you're eating their souls for dinner, but you know, I'd really prefer to not interact with them. Life is too short to weigh myself down. We got a lot to do here and I'm not the one staying home watching Roku looking for a comfortable life. Strengths Finder remember. I'm here to kick ass. Not play political games and live a comfortable life.

But enough about that. I was really writing to you, to tell you of the sight in the sky.

Mr Dog and I went out for the evening walk. It's winter in Los Angeles. Cool. Means I have to wear a jacket. The air is moist - cool like the marine layer. Overcast sky, just a few clouds twinkling through. 

The full moon rises through the illuminated slate grey sky. I love a full misty Los Angeles Moon. Silhouetted Palm Trees. A slight breeze. Twinkling. I made out a moving grey image in the sky. A slight flashing. It was the blimp. It floated like a gentle beast in the air. Grey on grey illuminated by misted moonlight. Helicopters flashed their red and white lights; complimenting the stars that poked through the night clouds. 

There are others walking at night. I am one of them. One of many living in this city of dreams. Breathing in this air. Walking these streets. I need no validation to be here. This is my city. We feed each other. We are one exploring this reality, what could be and what will never become.

On these misty nights, I am reminded of the veil of this city. It you are loyal or even if you are lucky, you will see through the veil, the ocean mist, the overcast moonlit night - and you will see dreams. And if you are skilled, you can pull that dream possibility back with you, as you walk along the street with your dog, and you can make it real.

NorCal vs SoCal

Anyone who's lived in the Bay Area for a significant amount of time has come across the huge (one-sided) NorCal-SoCal rivalry.

From the San Francisco Bay Area perspective, Los Angeles is the ground zero of shallow consumerism - fake fake fake. People. Boobs. Personality. And the traffic?!?! We all know how horribly polluting cars are, those horrible horrible Los Angeles people - don't they know what they are doing to the earth? (This was before the Prius.) NorCal would expound on how much more aware they were, more evolved, aware, of the earth, good food, real sustainable businesses. There was no fakeness here in NorCal! We reveled in our "coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco" foggy summers. Fuck the tourists expecting typical California (SoCal) sunny beaches. Bwahahah - go buy those sweatshirts to stay warm! Oozing with self-importance. Oozing with I am better than you.

From the SoCal side, the rivalry is .... *poof* what rivalry? Yeah, some people up there have a chip on their shoulder, but that's their issue. It's great down here. Great weather, lots of space and so much going on! Yeah, people think Hollywood's the big industry here, but there's so much more.

The NorCal SoCal rivalry was one-sided. I stopped caring about the haters up north and instead set about to make my dreams come true.

Regardless of where you live that's good advice. Stop caring about the haters and make your dreams come true.

The World I want to Live in

Feeling beaten down by a stressful week, I am reminded of the reasons I do these things.

"You don't do them for money or fame or because it's easy. You do these things because that's the world you want to live in." - Jean Poulet

I want to live in a world where people think outside the box to solve problems beyond the standard procedure. I want to live in a world where someone can have rockstar hair in traditional business environment. I want to live in a world where granddaughters send their grandmothers flowers - every month. I want to live in a world where people make amazing experiences for other people. I want to live in a world that evolves down a pathway that increases possibilities. I want to live in a world where people are aware of the ripple of their influence on others and themselves. I want a world aware.

I create this world I want to live in - bittersweetly, even if I rarely get to experience it. 

Creating the world you want to live in is a hard task. The status quo beats and attacks and shuts you down. Sometimes breaks you. But there is always another day, another attempt to create this world anew.

Giving other people (who are mere reflections of myself) the experiences I desperately crave.

The 2011 Retrospective

What a watershed year! Pivotal. My 2011 Mindmap of goals was packed, and yet, I did not fail to deliver. After 2010 - the year I did too much, I wanted to relax things but still kick ass. My themes were: Relaxed Awesome, Weaving the Threads and Return to the Path with Heart. I most certainly "succeeded" at all three.

• Grad School: Hit the books big time with my Future of Transactions Research, on track to graduate at the end of the year until the dream job put grad school on hold... ;)
• The Conference Circuit: Spoke at SXSW, Future of Money, WFS Austin, Web 2.0, WFSummit Vancouver, Sibos Toronto, Compass, Mindshare & APF Virtual Gathering; Attended TedxCalTech, PayPal Developer's Conference, Internet Identity Workshop (A & B)
• Awards! Honorable Mention for the Value Exchange, Fly Me to the Moon nominated for Most Important Futures Work
• Scholarships! Kay Hamilton Future Studies, PEO ELF Award
• Produced two Films: Fly Me to the Moon and Flowers for Grandma (post-production)
• Became Bi-Coastal: Boy, did New York really get under my skin, but she had to bring out the big guns to do it. 
• Found my Dream Job: Who knew it existed? (Actually, I did.)
• The Usual Cacophony in March, June, August and December: Brides, Caveman, bi-coastal Santarchy and a surprising wolf pack in upper Manhattan. 
• Tons of great times/re-connections with friends from my early SF Intervista/Cacophony days in SF, NY and Portland.
• Despite family death and illnesses (cancer, knee surgery, brain tumor), I have the best relationships with my family I've ever had. Spent tons of time and holidays with my family, including my first fly fishing trip with Dad. Became an aunt for the second time.
• Travel! Hawaii, SF (3x), Montana, Colorado, Belgium (2x), Black Rock City, London, Toronto, Vancouver, New York City (5x), Austin, Houston, Salton Sea, Mountain View, Mammoth, Palos Verde, Portland and always to return to my City of Angels.
• Barcamp LA Returns! After a two year hiatus, I was part of the team that brought it back. 
• Writing: Completed two scripts, although I didn't do as much Sci-Fi story writing as I wanted...

My focus for 2012 was going to be "the Return of the H-bomb." (H-Bomb is one of my nicknames, mostly used in 2005-8, my kick ass years.) But after reviewing this year, I think the H-bomb is back in full force.

So 2012... is the year of living the future in present tense, with all my ass kicking warrior rockstar dreaming manifesting magic. Take my hand, there is plenty of space to dance here in the eye of the tornado... 

On Death

"Death is very likely the best invention of life," he said in the speech. "All pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure, these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important." - Steve Jobs, RIP

An encounter with Death, circa 2002

(Note: this was written almost a decade ago, before this blog existed)

Last night the Virginia back roads coaxed me away from my glowing liquid display and conditioned air into the moist pleasure of evening. I found myself on two lane roads. I didn't know where I was, how I got there, or how to get home. I followed the nudges of infinity. To turn here or there. I found myself at the end of a dead end road. The tarmac was crumbling into the overgrowth. There were two dirt tracks that went on behind a vehicle barrier. I parked the car. I was wearing my work clothes - business casual pants and shoes. The forest called to me. I was drawn to a path near the vehicle barrier. 

I got out of the car. As I walked towards the path, I looked down and saw a spinal column set of vertibraes. I stopped. I was surprised, shocked, a slight wave of fear went through my body. I looked at the vertibraes. They were beautiful, bone white, they fit together perfectly. My eyes followed the line and I saw the skull still attached. I realized that it had been a deer. 

As I looked at the spinal column, I thought about how crazy it is what I am doing. That it is crazy for a single woman, all alone, unfamiliar with the area to go randomly driving, stop someplace where she doesn't know she is, and walk into the forest. My brain is churning with how crazy it is. I know it sounds that way, but that doesn't stop me. The spinal column is a reminder of my death. That one day I will die. Perhaps it will be this night in this forest. And if that is the case, then I must go to it with courage, curiosity but no fear. 

For a moment, my brain creates a view of the world where I am getting back into the car and driving away, and then I realize that I am walking into the forest. The air is calm, moist. It is just after sunset. The light filters through the trees. There are bugs humming in the air. There are fireflys flickers orbs of light here and there. It is magical and I feel the power. The light is that of my dreams, I call it the darklight. 

At the end of the path I find a reservoir. The water is calm. There are a pair of fishermen out in a boat. I can hear their voices across the water. I sit by the edge on some rocks and become enveloped in the silence. In the dream of this place.

 

The Answer to Big Questions

1. Why does the universe exist?

2. Why do I exist?

3. Why does _(fill in the blank/anything)_ exist?

These are big questions (I wanted to know the answer to), with a simple answer. I meditated on these questions over a decade ago. Each night as I slept I swam the sap in the world tree. (I know it's a strange metaphor - but that's exactly what it was - a droplet circulating from specific leaves to other places.)

After five nights, I knew the answer.

I have never forgotten that answer. I never questioned it's "correctness." Occasionally, I share it. But it's not an answer to be given lightly. No one has argued with the answer. When I learned of Spiral Dynamics, it helped me understand the subtle truth of it. 

When I think of it, I become more tolerant, open, curious. Fear disappears. I want to understand, not judge.

Creating Something from "Nothing"

One of the negative points that is sometimes mentioned with virtual/alt/complimentary currencies is that they are/were created out of nothing. And the reason the economic systems works is because of scarcity. 

I'm calling a big fat bullshit.

Observe where all the money is going and for what? To make MORE MONEY! Out of "nothing." We're in this problem because we are using a scarce system for abundant methods. You get money, you use it to make more money. Where does that money come from? Debt? The Fed's quantitative easing?

The problem here - is the current system is not set up for the abundance paradigm. (Please bear with my hippy language.) Interesting isn't it, that this is the paradigm people want - and are using in some cases. No wonder the current system is freaking out. It's not designed for the abundance paradigm. 

So quit fighting the system. Create the place where anyone can create "something" out of "nothing."

It's what we as humans do. It's not a bad thing. It's what we humans are here for. It's a ratification of the raw materials of the universe.

I regularity makes things real based on electrical signals in the cellular matter just inside my skull. You could call that something from nothing.

The Calm Before the Plunge

I'm reminded of a post I wrote in 2004. I had been watching (and learning) from Pelicans hunting off the coast of Malibu.

"Aim with your complete passion. Be meticulous in your planning. Abundant in your release. Pause a moment before you pull the trigger."

I am reminded today because of the calm I feel. Despite the 30 to 300 mph acceleration in my life the last 60 days, the projects I've become obsessed with, the film I created, the opportunities that have unfolded, I have been calm. 

It was not so in January and February of this year.  This was before I went public with any research results. My "coming-out" was at the Future of Money and Technology Summit, put on by Brian Zisk in my old San Francisco stomping grounds. I was terrified for weeks before I spoke. I couldn't sleep. I meticulous reviewed and went through my research results. They seemed radical. I was terrified with the response I would get. I went through my research for the 5th time, confirming everything I was reporting was cross-checked, triple checked. It was. I had left out the most radical ideas. It was the first time I had presented original research results. (Let me talk to Executives 

The world and it's interest in the future of money, transactions, alternate/complimentary currencies has dramatically changed since January. We have taken our first steps into the new paradigm, fragile it is.

Fast forward to today. Relaxed Awesome was one of my mental mindset goals for the year. And while I failed in the execution of it 8 months prior, today, I am firmly planted in the zero point, center calm.  Holding this space, savoring the relaxed, yet building the energy, increasing the tension, until the spotlight - pulling the trigger and release. 

I hope it blows your mind or at least shows something you had not imagined before.

Non-Visual Designer

Today was the Association of Professional Futurists (APF) montly #futrchat. I'm currently a student member (but soon to go full Pro) and I love being a part of this community of professional futurists. Earlier this year, Cindy F (@urbanverse) and Jennifer Jarratt (@jenjarratt) started hosting the #futrchats, an hour on twitter where anyone who wants, can join in on the conversation. There is topic for discussion, like the Future of Money, or Disasters or today's: The Future of Design. 

I don't focus too much on (visual) design, because there are already so many people doing it and although I'm a visual person, I don't create visual things. So I never really considered myself a designer - but this #futrchat changed all that.

I very quickly became aware of a very big assumption: that by design, I was meaning visual design. I don't do that. I don't do graphic design or make pretty pictures. But I do design experiences. I design my life. I shape and re-shape. So the moment I released my pre-conceived definitions of design a whole new definition of design just flowed out: the non-visual designer. Maree Conway asked me to define this further, so I did: (from my tweetstream)

"As a non-visual designer, I design experiences to shift mental mindsets, the way people see the world.

Sometimes the non-visual design is expressed in a user-interface that includes visual design, sometimes it is theatre. "

When I think back to the events I've co-created (barcamp, geek dinners, cacophony events, mash-up performances, zombies without borders) they have all been to shift the mental mindset of not only the participants/performers, but especially the "audience." For a while I even described what I did as "unforgettable ephemeral experiences." I know, a bit flowery, eh?

So much of what I do, who I am, the life I live has been consciously designed, created with specific experiences in mind.

How did I do this? 

I took my professional experience as an Internet/Software product manager and applied the methods/processes I used to define, build, manage, launch and market internet products to myself as a product. Heathervescent, the product of me. My life, the product of me. Heathervescent, the brand of me. I wasn't content to let my life happen to me. Life's too short and I want to do too much. It's not about expressing/developing ONE potential - but to explore, express the many possibilities of potential. The Expression of Possibilities.

Uthur Doul's possibility sword deeply changed the way I thought about the world - and myself. After seeing him master the possibilities (in my mind's eye) I was no longer content living a limited linear life. I became aware of my possible lives - some predestined, some experienced, parallel lives, echoes from the past, foreshadowing future lives. Here, in this one, this reality, I try as much as I can, to leave the possibilities behind and with utmost intention, create, express, a life that never existed before, that can not be copied. A life that diverges from the expressed possibilities, because this one weaves pieces from those worlds (talvez donos de barcos no Caribe, meu amigos do passado no Fortaleza), creating, sometimes patiently, sometimes explosively a life impossible. A life that could only be created with conscious (self) design.

Level 5 to Infinity

"The battle is not here with your fellow men; but out there, in infinity" - Don Juan

"The only person worth competing with is myself." - moi

Competition. *Sigh.* I know it's suppose to motivate you to do your best, but when it comes to me, I just wanna walk away. I don't care about winning,  I don't want to be the best, when it means that someone is the loser. We don't have the same skill set, levels or perceptions, perspectives, worldview.  I'm interested in yours. Especially if you disagree with me or have a different perspective from mine. I'm already the best Heathervescent.

Competition can make one stretch. Competition can be the fuel for the midnight fires. Competition strips away the fat. Competition is full of pain (to get to 1st place or if you don't). Competition is divided. Collaboration is united. (If you have a very different perspective of competition, pls share with me.)

My favorite collaboration example is the work of Kaliya Hamlin and her work with user-centric identity. I've used many of her methods with the Geek Dinner and LA Barcamps with great success. If you've had a chance to participate in an event Kaliya has influenced, you'll see that it is just slightly different in the activities, but worlds apart in the intent and energy around the event.

At the WFS this past weekend I was disappointed with the use of competition in a couple sessions. Tom Frey announced his DaVinci Institute's Prize Competitions. Usually I love radical audacious ideas, but these rubbed me the wrong way. I didn't see anything in them about fixing the economy - or making the world better for people in the 8 prize competitions. I left the session distressed, confused at the non-practicality.

The next day, the morning session of the WFS Dev Seminar opened with a competition between groups with point scores and a "winner" to create the best scenario with specific data, variables, etc. Yuck! I know the people putting the session together weren't looking for that kind of reaction. They probably picked the competition metaphor to engage and excite people. I sat in the room, with sickness forming in my stomach, wondering if I had made a huge mistake pivoting my career and going into futures work. 

I watched the groups form and work beginning. I sat watching, thinking, this is not that different from what Kaliya does. But why do I want to leave this room, whereas with her sessions I'm signing up to lead and participate? The difference is very slight framing and intent behind the structure.

In Kaliya's sessions, people are working together for a bigger goal, which includes competing businesses, products, architectures, philosophies. Much of this competition falls away when they come together for conversation. It's a group of people with the same long term goals: a vibrant ecosystem that supports many companies, technologies, products. The space is not about competing with each other, it's about working together to create the ecosystem so all can participate. There is no one winner at IIW, if you show up, you win.

Maybe that sounds all pollyanna, let's get along, we're all winners, yay! But consider that maybe some people don't care about winning at the expense of others. 

But the zero-sum competition peppered the experience in the room at the WFS ProDev. I used the law of two feet and eventually left the seminar to check out the Surrealist Art Exhibit at the nearby Vancouver Art museum, which was phenomenal and mind-blowing. I got what I needed out of the session after all.

We're not gonna save the world competing with each other for million dollar prizes. But we could save it by working together.

Martial Training

"You can take the girl out of Aikido/weapons training class, but you can't take the weapons training out of the girl." -moi

A surprising facet of myself made an appearance at a party this last weekend. I was excited to don a new persona: The Luchador! for a friend's Lucha vs Quinceanera Party. I crammed by body into as much spandex as I could find, braided up some pigtails and donned several masks.

I was having a grand old time imbibing the wonderful Margaritas and talking with people who didn't recognize me (nor I them), when we were alerted that it was Pinata Time! A huge Tecate pinata had been strung up outside and the party filtered out around it. A broom handle was brought out and turns were passed around. I was wearing my double mask from Peru.

 I swear I was just standing there, innocently watching the attack on the Tecate Pinata, when all of a sudden the stick was thrust into my face. What could I do, but take it and step into the circle. The blindfold was applied over my two masks - it's not like I could really see out of them anyway. Spun away I was left discombobulated.

With the staff in my hand, something beside my brain took over: it was body memory. Body memory over a decade from my Aikido Weapons Training with Jo (Staff) and Bokken (Sword). The next thing I knew, I was performing Katas and thoroughly destroying said innocent Tecate Pinata. Empty beer cans flew from the destroyed pinata and I was reminded of skills I had long forgotten.

Diamonds and Jacarandas

"May the four winds blow you home again."

Mornings are cool, moist breeze if I'm lucky. Colors psychedelic purple, vibrant green, magenta. Natural colors be-speckling the grey sidewalks, the black pavement. Trip-trotting four paws, black tail, white tip. Sniff.

I've set off on many adventures since moving to Los Angeles a mere 7 years ago. I arrived with a carload, a one month sublet and no plans, job or friends. All I knew is that Los Angeles wanted me. Adventures ensued. I've painted many canvas's of my identity here in this city of possibilities.

Seven years later, I know the curves of my city, caressing them with each kiss of my comings and goings. Fresh paved Hollywood Blvd, Sunset Blvd, dodging potholes on Olympic. I keep on dancing up and down the gears with the green and red. But what she has in store for me, is always a surprise. 

Today I was making room. Saying good-bye. I packed away all my performance equipment. Costumes, props from my Zombie Cabaret Troupe. Man, that was a blast! How many people can say they had a Zombie Cabaret Troupe in Hollywood? But that's in the past, for now at least. Packed up in boring brown boxes, taken up the industrial elevator to my storage unit in Hollywood. Surveying the stuff, I am reminded of these seven years. Each packet an icon, a symbol for the event, the moment, a memory trigger. I am not yet ready to release these items from my self. But I need the room for new projects, new adventures, new identities, so I pack these away for another day - if only a day for memories.

E.F. and I chat as I make room. We've gotten to know each other over the years. He's always saying something profound, something perfect for the moment. And no different today. Today, I brought him a copy of The Heart's Desire.

And you Nuestra Senora our Queen of Angels? Thanks for a roller-coaster seven years. It's not always easy and it's sometimes hard to be thankful living a self-actualized life, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  Let's keep on flying and pull the net ever higher.

Retrospective 2010: the year I ran out of time/did too much

A LOT happened for me in 2010.  Looking back in retrospect, it was a year I did too much - and my nerves really frayed. (One thing I learned about nerve fraying situations - if you have a team that you trust, that works together and believes in you/each other, things DO work out.)

• Started my advance degree in Strategic Foresight. Gave up my weekends and social life for studying, research and writing papers. The work paid off as I got A's.
• Became absolutely crazy working full-time at financially constrained, geographically dispersed startup. Course, I did take on Eng Mgr roles and 8 product release - including (depressingly enough) some of my best work that will never see the light of day.
• Broke radio silence on my thoughts about identity co-creation and technology at H+.
• Became surprisingly obsessed with what started as a flippant research exercise and turned into The Future of Transactions report (forthcoming).
• Published my dusty manuscript, How to Get Your Heart's Desire in Six Steps - and showed it off at the WeHo Book Fair (in 110+ degree heat). Also built and launched this website in a weekend.
• Revised and launched Purple Tornado's fun website. (Course, now I want to redesign the thing over again.)
• Did more than dip my toe in the futurist water by attending the yearly APF gathering, twitter chats and completing a Certificate in Strategic Foresight. 
• Sam and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary, 3 of those with pup.
• I channeled my inner Victor Frankenstein raising the Cacophony Society with several events: Brides of March, Caveman Picnic,  Xmas in July, the Zombie Marathon Stop and Santacon - which was the largest, most headachey and memorable one.

Moving into 2011, I am holding the concept of "Relaxed Awesome."

Hbombtastic Events

I can't stop myself. I am compelled to create these spaces, these experiences. I hope you'll join me if you are into these same things.

• June 7: Ignite 3 in Los Angeles
• June 12-13: Humanity Plus Summit (ps. I'm speaking!)
• June 15: Geek Dinner REDUX @ Canters
• July 24: Save the Date for Xmas in July

********************************************

Ignite3

When: June 7, 7:30pm
Where: V Lounge (2020 Wilshire Boulevard, Santa Monica, CA 90403-5608)
What: 5 Minutes. 20 Slides. 15 Seconds per Slide.
Cost: Free
RSVP & Details

Speakers get only 5 minutes to give an amazing, inspiring talk. In LA, there are tons of different communities at the intersection of tech, academia, art, green/sustainability, entertainment, unique lifestyle design, entrepreneurship, digital/collaborative media, and social action that don't know each other but should. Think of Ignite as a set of trailers for exciting projects people are doing that you should know about.

LA Geek Dinner REDUX

The LA Geek Dinner returns for one night.

When: Tuesday, June 15, 2010, starting around 7:30pm
Where: Canters Deli, Mid-Town on Fairfax near Melrose
What: People who self-identify as geeks
Details

How does it work: Show up, order a drink, some food, be open and friendly, meet some new people, have some interesting conversations, eat some pastrami. It’s a chill scene. No uber networking, self-promotion or company promotion. Just be cool. We’re all friends you haven’t met yet. RSVP on our old friend Upcoming

XMAS in JULY: Santa Needs A Vacation

Save the date for Xmas in July: July 24th. Suggestion: Santa like red bikini's! Planning meeting soon.

The Caveman Picnic: Saturday May 8th

A couple years ago, when I was dressed as Santa and slightly inebriated at a bar in Silverlake, I was reminiscing how awesome the LA Brea Tar Pits were as an Icon of Los Angeles. And I wanted to throw an event there. But what would be the perfect event at bubbling vats of tar in the middle of LA? Why, a Caveman Picnic! Two years later, I'm finally getting around to organizing it. After careful consideration, I decided to move the picnic from the tar pits, to the Old Zoo in Griffith Park - which has actual "cave" enclosures which look straight out of a caveman film set. It's very cool.

So I invite you to come on out to the 1st Annual Caveman Picnic in Griffith Park this Saturday.

Noonish until 4 or so.

How to get to the old zoo picnic area? Park in either:
- Lot 2 for the Carousel
- Old Zoo Picnic area

Then walk a short while up the path to an open green with picnic tables and old zoo enclosures. I will try to put up signs in the old zoo picnic area.

I will have signs posted around the Old Zoo/Carousel 2 parking lot.

This is a BYO Everything/Pot-luck:
You may want to bring

• a folding chair,
• extra cups,
• ice,
• sangria,
• plates,
• trash bags,
• a blanket,
• hula-hoops,
• instruments,
• games,
• big foam clubs,
• extra caveman attire.

Unfortunately there are no BBQ grills allowed where we are picnicking.

If you have extra caveman attire, games, clubs, animal costume heads, a mammoth, etc, bring them.
Activities may include: club fights, hiking, riding the carousel, galavanting, scavenger hunt, mammoth hunt, etc. 

Prepare to take a trip back in time: pre-history Los Angeles, where Giant Sloths and Mammoth's better watch where they step otherwise they'll end up on display in a museum hundreds of years in the future.

Introducing the first annual Caveman Picnic. Wear your caveman or cavewoman finest and join us at the Griffith Park Old Zoo for an afternoon of froliking about caveman style. Roll out your fur blankets and bring that bucket of KFC. We'll reinvent the wheel and play some caveman games.

BYO Everything. Be discrete about your beverages.
No Stoves, BBQs, fire where we are picnicing

You can RSVP on Facebook if you are so inclined.

March Cacophonista

People participate in cacophony-esque events for a variety of reasons. I do it because I like the absurd, interrupting the normal and because life is a stage. Here are some events you can participate in this weekend:

Los Angeles's Impov Everywhere Group
(facebook event link) (@glaimprov)

When: 12pm (noon), Saturday, March 20th, 2010
Meeting Point: Sunset/Vermont Metro station for the briefing. When you arrive, please check-in with us. There will be signs at the station showing you where to check- in.

Bring: Classy Party Attire. Party favors and party hats, but nothing that leaves a mess.

LA Bunnyhop
(facebook event link) (@labunnyhop)

Starts Saturday at Noon at Vermont and Sunset (joining the Countdown)
It's been five years since the last LA Bunny Hop... It's time again. I got a wild hare and decided to gather all you down bunnies for a day of bar-hopping good times... by metro of course. Keep your ears up for more updates.

1. Dress for the occasion. (Bunnies!)
2. Prepare for an easter egg hunt. Bring goodies or something to carry goodies.
3. Follow the LA Bunny Hop on twitter. Stick with your bunnies, but the "schedule" is open to liberal interpretation.
4. Invite all the bunnies you know.

LA Marathon Zombie Stop
(facebook event link) (@heathervescent)

Sponsored in part by Zombies without Borders, the LA Marathon goes through Hollywood and let's make it weird! The LA Marathon is Sunday. Why is everyone running? Zombies of Course! We are the zombies.

--->March 21: Sunday: LA Marathon Zombie Run: 10:30am~2 Mile 12: Gardner &Sunset in West Hollywood Bring cocktails, twinkies, beer, lounge chairs, wear zombie attire

RSVP privately for complimentary zombie makeup time/location nearby. This is an official LA Cacophony Event. Support your local Cacophonistas and be one yourself.

2010 Themes

Oh, it's going to be a year of burning. Burning Desire that is. I'm sitting here in my office, (which I hope I will not be sitting in next year) looking at my mindmap of goals for 2010. I've tried different techniques in the years I've blogged, chucking out the old for the fresh and new. This year, I'm returning to some tried and true, and mixing and mashing up my techniques.

You probably know by now, that I'm very goal focused. But sometimes goals are not what is needed. Being goal orientated can sometimes be too rigid. To not allow for the magic and spontaneity to express itself. To lose an opportunity because you ignore it. Goals fixate you. (And this is a double-edged sword.)

This year, I've got several mindsets I'm remembering, some very specific goals, some vague goals and stretch goals. I'll share one from each bucket.

Mental Mindsets: Yes, and...

Several years ago, I started a start-up company with an actor. He had interesting ways of thinking about things, and one thing I learned from him was this concept of "yes, and." I remembered learning it in an improv class. You see, when you're improving with someone, for it to be good, to flow, you have to accept what they have given you, and then take it from there. You can't deny what has been given to you, even if it's something utterly ridiculous. You say yes, and take it where you want to take it from there.

The Specifics: Throw a party at my desert property

On New Years Day, I visited my property in the desert. It's been through it's fair share of drama in the short time I owned it, so I have kept it fallow. This year, my simple goal, is to invite a select group of friends out to my land and break it in. It might be next month, it might be July, it might be October, but Heather is going to throw a raging desert party on land I own in 2010.

The Vague: Cultivate Relationships that Fulfill Me

I've done an inconsistent job of picking friends, colleagues and collaborators over the years. I've made a lot of great friends. I've done a lot of cool things. And I've got a past filled with long-term friends and collaborators, and those who did not make the cut. I want to cultivate more of those long-term friends. Friends who stick with you through the disagreements and bumps. Friends who put their own perspective aside. Friends who align with my vision, values, morals; and those that strategically oppose mine. Friends that challenge and engage. Friends I can grow and nurture.

The Stretch: Essays on the Future

Do I dare to expose a dear stretch goal on this open blog? Oh, why not. One of my stretch goals is to write an essay each quarter on some topic that vaguely has to do with the future. I do not see these essays as predictions, but rather topics that have been knocking around in my mind. There is a high probability that one or several of these essays may include wildcards and black swans.

And that, my readers, is a taste of what I'm shooting for 2010. Unlike other years, I am not publishing my full list. I have a few projects on it that shall remain secret until it is time for their unrevealing.

So, how about you, what are your mindsets, specific, vague and stretch goals for 2010?

Clothing-"optional" Swap

I am in need of something more powerful than the all-mighty Naked Lady Party. Returning from the open desert full of exploded propane tanks, burned out tired and ancient mine shafts (that entropy ate for lunch over the past 4 decades) I have decided I have too much stuff.

Add to that I prefer clothing swaps to garage sales and finding renewed life for my stuff in my friends house - I am having a massive "clothing-optional" swap.

What the ef is a clothing swap aka a Naked Lady Party?

It's where you go through your closet (all of them or even your house) and pull out the stuff you don't wear, don't want, thought you would wear, that stuff you will never fit into, that belt from an x-boyfriend, that bracelet from the x-friend who stabbed you in the back, those random shoes left at your house after your barely rememberable (although memorable) party last year.... etc.

You get it. The stuff that still have life in it, and someone to love it, but it's not you. Your love for it is dead. But, you're guilt-tripped by the eco-friendly world we live in and can't just throw it in the dumpster. And you could take it to the Salvation Army (or Out of the Closet or the Women's shelter) but, it's just been sitting in the trunk of your car for three weeks already.

Jeeze. I have a lot of baggage.

And it can be yours. I already have 6 bags of stuff, including some stupid books from the web 1.0 era (um, webeconomics anyone? Does anyone remember 1:1 marketing?), three sheets to the wind (and an amazing amount of flannel pillowcases, I can only imagine are from my bay area days that have not yet made it to the camping gear). Amazing beauty products that promise to turn you into a supermodel in 5 days (but I got bored of them after the first night). Random burning man costumes and true vintage 70s Polynesian dresses. Let's not even get started on my random box of electronics, wires, old phones, usb hello kitty dancing delight.

OK. So you may not be interested in any of this stuff. But in the small chance that you are interested, I will sell it to you for the amazing price of .... FREE. Just show up. I'll tell you a story about it and maybe you'll give it a new life. Or maybe you'll just take it to the desert and put it out of it's misery.

If you would like to add any of your stuff to the free swap, bring it - but be sure to take it home if no-one else does. (Or maybe we can organize a mass Out of the Closet run afterwards.)

The bottom line:
Optional: Bring shit to swap. (And bring a bag)
Required: Take something cool home!
Optional (but preferred): Bring a drink (cocktail or not) or snack to share.

Sunday, January 10th, 2010!

Ladies only until from 12-2.

Guys come on by after 2pm until about 4pm.

Details and RSVP here.

Winners!

Big thank you to Dominik, Sam, Kelly and our weekend welder Dave - the Junkyard Dogs Racing Team - who put hours of long effort to make the "Mad Max" car the Judges Choice at our first 24 Hours of Lemons.

I felt like of the runt of the pack - trying to help and stay out of the way. Sitting back and letting others make decisions. It wasn't my car. I hadn't put in the long hours welding the cage (although I did work on the car - it was mostly the guys). I was just excited to have my own racing suit and (third) helmet. (Apparently my motorcycle helmets can not be used for car racing.) I was nervous and anxious before the race. It would be a few hours before my turn behind the wheel. So I decided to sit down and chill out. My time to cram into the 5 point harness, neck brack and helmet would come.

And then it did. I was strapped in. Driving through the paddock to the hot pits. One final check and I was on the track. One thought barely flitted in my mind - that maybe I was scared - but like the bulldozer on the minivan Sunday afternoon - that thought was gone as I braked for my first turn and put the wheels to squealing.

I felt the tactile nubs on the steering wheel. My right foot went from accelerator to brake. My eyes analyzed the track, my brain calculating the curves, bank and how and where to enter them. I didn't notice the pressure from centrifugal force moving me to this side and that. I heard the rev and popping of engines. I smelled burned oil, brakes and fuel. I was calm, relaxed and one with the car.

I pushed it through the turns gaining what little speed I could. I swung the back end with a not always small fishtail (that more than once turned into a 180). I watched how the more expert racers (who were driving almost twice my speed) set themselves up for the curves and hills - and I tried to stay out of the way when the pack descended upon me passing on all sides through the straightways or the curves. I wasn't phased by them. I just wish I had someone to race with. I didn't pass one car the entire time. It seems we forgot to bring a racecar to the race. :)

Nevertheless, I've lost my racing virginity and gotten bitten by the bug. I foresee many cars and tracks in my future.

Help my favorite art gallery/collective

In case you missed my email blasts last night about Machine Project on the geek dinner lists and facebook, I'm posting it here on the blog.

Hi geeks and tech lovers,

Today I got some very sad news in my email box. Machine Project was supposed to get a $35k grant this month - but it's been canceled. For an organization of their size - this is great loss as they were planning to use the funds to rent and their one full time operations manager (who kicks major ass!).

They reached out to their Lacma show volunteers (which I was and how I found out) to help raise the needed money by donating $50 today. I'm going to give them at least double that and probably 10 times that. (I've been a 1024 bit level member in the past). So I am personally asking you - fellow lover of technology and part of the LA tech community to donate at least $50-100 to Machine Project. They are in my mind, one of the most innovative, unique, awesome, interesting cool, stamp of heathervescent approval organization I know of worldwide.

Machine Project hosted the geek dinner last year. They host dorkbot. And they recently took over LACMA doing to the museum what I have always dreamt of doing to museume.

Please help Machine raise the $35k they need to continue. It's easy and they have an ASCII Unicorn.

==> Donate now: http://machineproject.com/lacmafriend/
==> Become a Member (askii unicorn and a lot more): http://machineproject.com/membership/
==> Give a class gift certificate: http://machineproject.com/store/

In case you're not aware - the FRY-B-Q is this Sunday from 8-11pm, and now features pie! Machine will also be screening videos from the LACMA show all night, next door at the Echo Park Film Center. 

Please give what you can. Spend the $50+ you would usually spend on tech events and drinks in LA for January and give it to Machine. I promise you'll achieve enlightenment and all your dreams will come true if you help.

Michele also posted on metblogs. I know together we can raise enough for Machine to survive. I'll see you at the fry in a few hours.

2009 Theme

It hit me earlier this week. The theme for 2009.

I was thinking about how I really rocked the 2007 theme, which was pimping and promoting, which was a really hard practice but amazing.

Then, I was thinking about how I am sucking at the 2008 theme, which was/is "Going Mainstream." But am I really sucking at it? I've worked/launched on multiple projects (for clients) that are far from underground. My strategy for going mainstream was in supporting the individual subcultures, maintaining their authenticity and introducing them to a wider (potentially mainstream) audience - all while not diluting the original subcultural identity.

So in that sense, yes, I am rocking it. I helped Jonathan launch his book to a wider audience and at Crowdgather we have many individual authentic subcultures/niche cultures/alternative mainstream communities and they're all going bigger and better, all while maintaining their identity.

Besides, "going mainstream" is not something you can do in one year. It's a long term strategy. 2008 was the first year I put focus on it. (Instead of giving the mainstream the bird and lurking in the dark alleys and blue highways, as I previously have done.)

But 2009. What are you going to be all about? Something much more material, physical and selfishly close to home. And probably some of the most fun I have had in a long time.

You'll have to wait several months to find out my new theme, but I haven't been this excited in a November in years. 2009 is going to be a lot of fun and I am very much looking forward to it and the adventures it brings.

Born to love Volcanoes

Two dreams on my Superviva life list have to do with Volcanoes.

1. See a Volcano up close and personal
2. Roast a marshmallow on hot LAVA

And what a wonderful opportunity I have since I am going to Volcano on the big island of Hawaii tomorrow! I'm about to start my packing which will include a bag of marshmallows! Because here's an opportunity to have a dream come true.

Dream come true, new dreams

Sam was driving us back from the Reptile Breeders Meeting today. We were in my convertible, the top was down, it was about 85 degrees, I had the A/C on. The new Orb album was revering bass in my seat. And it hit me - this is my dream - one of them at least.

When I was a college student in Cedar Falls, Iowa - home to -50+ below windchill weeks in the winter, I dreamed of having a Saab. It seemed so far out of reach for me. When I lived in Berkeley and needed a new car, I bought a practical Camry. I still dreamed of my fancy car. One company founder had a dark green saab convertible and I drooled over his car. Loved it. Loved it.

When I moved to LA, I decided I needed to have a convertible - because I was in LA now, right?! ;) I had forgotten my Saab dreams and loves until, like a veil I remembered. I made it happen. And now, every day, I drive around in my dream.

It's been four  years. I had forgotten gratitude. I had forgotten that this dream did not always exist. That I worked hard for it to come true. And here I was, being driven on the 5, in Southern California at sunset, top down, wind blowing, my favorite music playing on my stereo system. I was living my dream.

--
Somewhere in the past 6 months or so, my dreams changed. I've gotten caught up in day to day drama - work and relationship - and have forgotten about the big stuff. I remembered this watching Southland Tales. There's an undercurrent about manifesting in life the things that were scripted. That's dreaming and stalking for you. Anyway, it reminded me that I used to do a lot of this. A lot of being in control of my reality, pro-actively creating my life. More recently I've been caught up in winds I don't control - nor can control myself in them.

It's very discombublating.

However, now that I have realized this, I can get back to living life the way I like to. Pro-actively. Focused on an end-goal, that I don't necessarily know exactly how I'm getting there. After, the journey is the destination, and once I know where I am going, getting there is the fun.

The Success Mind

This is a great article about visualization. Goes right in line with some of my current thoughts. (Not so sekret tip to a blogreader - try regarding your current deadline. I dare you to see yourself talking, writing, interviewing and getting it done just under the wire - as perfectly as it can be.)  For everyone else (and my own blog history) here's some good reminders:

Imagine success. Enjoy the sensation. Fill in details, either in your mind or in writing.

Work backwards from that image to where you are now: create a roadmap. Identify the goals required at each stage and write them down.

Anticipated problems are opportunities in disguise: they are alerting you to a need for information, skills, or resources. Identify what you need and incorporate obtaining it into your roadmap.

Do not be derailed by negativity. Everyone has moments where they feel they cannot possibly succeed. Bruce Lee liked to imagine writing down negative thoughts on a piece of paper, crumpling it up, and throwing it away.

Manage stress. Allowing stress to get out of hand limits creativity, imagination, persistence, and energy. It doesn’t matter whether you meditate, exercise, listen to music, cook, or engage in some other relaxing activity: give yourself a break and a chance to think about something other than the problem at hand.

Get enough sleep. This may seem obvious, but I have found that the biggest “duhs” come from the people struggling to stay awake. Lack of sleep will very quickly interfere with creativity, judgment, and motivation.

Celebrate successes. Periodically review your progress and see how far you’ve come. We are motivated more by seeing how much we’ve accomplished than by how much we haven’t. Seeing progress increases optimism and motivation. Dwelling only on how far we’ve fallen short does just the opposite.

The Success Mind is not the province of a few top people. It can be developed by anyone who puts in the time and effort. To someone who has truly developed a Success Mind, even major failure is merely a temporary setback.
- Source

Art Show!

The I am a Heather art show I am involved in opened in Pittsburgh today at Future Tenant. !!! This is so cool and I'm really excited to be included in it! Here's a photo of the materials!

Meditations on Mercy // At the mercy of Mercy

I'm listening to the Sisters of Mercy researching mercy. Coming from a legal family (4 generations in Law, including my grandfather who was a high level state Judge) it's surprising that I have and yet have not understood this concept. Law is about judgment - where is the mercy in that? And yet, a judge has the possibility of great mercy. In looking back, I can see where my legal family has been merciful - and also judgmental. It was very inconsistent (I'm not talking about any personal experience here) and you never knew when you would get the ax of judgment or the aura of mercy.

I resolved this issue by taking the "high" road on myself and creating the pressure to live up to my own hardest judgment. And to any possible judgment that any other could have of me. No one could judge me harder, than I.

I took this attitude to create the strongest chain mail, with not one chink, constantly re-strengthening the armor. The armor against any possible judgment. If no mercy for myself, why would I consider being merciful to anyone? And why would I be merciful to myself? Leave me to sharpen my ax, to practice target shooting. I know that's a hard line of thinking.

This morning I was pondering all this, and it occurred that teachers must be merciful to their students that make mistakes. In fact, many who teach must be merciful.

So how does one be/do mercy/iful? Is it like being impeccable? (In that it is difficult at best to explain and different for everyone.) Then, when do you know when to be Mr Tough Guy vs A Sister of Mercy? Does mercy exist where judgment doesn't? If there is nothing to judge, what is there to mercify? Who benefits more from the mercy? The bestower of the one bestowed? And where does the mercenary (a descriptor I have used for myself multiple times) fit into all this? 

This is a tricky sublime meditation. And these are and not rhetorical questions.

2 Years of LA's Geek Dinner!

Next week will be the 2 year anniversary of the LA Geek Dinner. This is really exciting for me, because tech communities and bubbles come and go. I lived through the first bubble 1.0 in the Bay Area and watched it blow up and then blow out. I've worked really hard to make the geek dinner sustainable and long-term. Two years doesn't seem that long, but it is big landmark!

Anyway, come on down to an awesome geek dinner. Just be sure to buy your tickets in advance.

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The Geek Dinners are a monthly gathers of Internet technology lovers in Los Angeles. Anyone who has an interest and passion for technology, the internet, internet technologies, software or you just know you're a geek is welcome.

OUR LOCAL SPONSORS
Mike Prasad of Bullspot is covering the drinks: http://www.bullspot.com/

Boris Epstein of BincSearch is hosting the "Ask a Recruiter" table and bringing cupcakes. Check out: http://blog.bincsearch.com/
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You must buy a ticket to attend. http://geekdinner24.eventbrite.com
$20 and good karma in advance, $25 and bad karma if you pay at the door.

This month we're at BLANKSPACES - LA's 1st co-working space.

It's also the 2 year anniversary of the LA Geek Dinner!

GEEKEST T-SHIRT CONTEST
We're also having a "geekiest t-shirt" contest with prizes for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place. So wear your geekiest t-shirt!

Update: The Winner will take home a $50 gift certificate from Threadless. So you can increase your geeky t-shirt collection even more!

And we're having some exciting press coverage, so come and celebrate with us.

Purple Tornado Sponsors ROFLcon

I like to put my money where my mouth is and support things I think need to happen - ROFLcon is one of those things, so threw down some of my cold hard earned cash (from PT, my company) to help make it happen.

Anyway, here’s another triumphant and relevant coup for ROFLCon - Purple Tornado, a great marketing company in LA, is helping us out for realz! They focus haaardcore on internet marketing and have a real solid understanding of the potential for new media advertising and PR. They’re also just cool people, and will be coming to the ‘Bridge to schmooze and mingle with all y’all in April. Just six weeks to go. Yeah seriously. We’re so stoked, and you should be too. Link.

Maybe see some of you there.

Checkmark Carkill: Another dream come true

• 20 hours in the car +
• A private ranch outside of Reno +
• Practicing my stunt car moves on a dry lake bed +
• Enough guns and ammo for a Hollywood blockbuster +
• 5 cars with death written all over them +
• The usual assortment of fire accelerators =
• A dream come true.

Kudos to remember

Yesterday I got one of the best compliments I think I have ever gotten, and from the one and only David Allen himself!

I was showing him my GTD methodology (which was strange and embarassing in itself, because what do you say when you are talking to the man who documented the method which changed your life?!) which includes my:

1. Calendar - a weekly moleskin calendar book
2. My GTD notebook - a modified large moleskin book
3. My notes book - a composition notebook
4. My 2008 Guidebook - meditations on my yearly topic (this year "the mainstream")

I also have my GTD methodology online on two sites

1. My GTDed gmail (which honestly gmail sucks for GTDing, but I'm migrated there and the pain, the PAIN to switch....
2. Basecamp Project list

Anyway, I was showing David Allen my GTD book and calendar and he responded with glee in his eyes "You're the biggest train wreck of left and right brains I've ever seen!" We all laughed and were having a good time.

In fact, yesterday was one awesome day. Everyone I met at DavidCo was great and I'm revitalized and ready to implement a better weekly review, Agenda and Project list. Oh, and I think I've finally seen the power of mindmaps.

I also found out that my YouTube videos on GTD had been sent to the entire company! Talk about a strange feeling of embarrassment and delight.

Thanks Dave Patrick, Rachelle and of course David Allen. 

Naked Sushi in the Press

The photo accompanying this story was taken at my Naked Sushi Birthday Party last year. You can see more of Kevin's photos here. I know, I know this is totally fun and kicks so much ass. What a trendsetter you are Heather. The funny thing is, two people I used to be friends with will probably see this and have no clue the connection. What an obscure funny world it is we live in. I LOVE IT!

Enjoy this shot from the evening.... I'm in the blue.