Amsterdam, Trust and the Tao

I've been in Europe for about a week now. I came over to talk at TedxZwolle. I'll talk about my fantastic experience there in another post soon, but for now, I want to write about a thing rolling around in my head.

My heart has been so broken. My trust broken too.  Felt like a big dream was not just impossible - but impossible not against the odds. It didn't work. I couldn't wrap my head around the possibility of impossible despite efforts. The will is exhausted and the way is blocked. There is nothing I can do, but acquiesce and move on with my life. A train pulling away from another, building speed, along a different track. 

So this hurt, I'm trying to make sense of. Trying to rebuild my life, my sense of self, my identity. Heal my wounds. Jettison baggage. The idea of having to date again is soul crushing. I don't think about it. This is my time. Time to do. Time to be.

This last week, flying to Europe, walking around London, Amsterdam, Zwolle. Taking the trains. Staying in people's homes, an occasional hotel. I put myself out there again. I decide, with the switch of a light switch, to trust again. These people have not hurt me. I can't hold the hurt others have given to me against them. So I trust. Why not?

Trust returns. Pain fades. Amazing opportunities, exciting syncronicities appear. My train gains speed.

To the point of epiphany today, here in this city. Where I am reminded I am the universe. If I am the universe, then my pain is the universe's pain. And the universe is also the "cure". So I walk these streets, gazing at the tall canal houses. I lose myself to re/create myself. I mirror the Tao to create the world I dream and give it back to the Tao. I enter the Tao, one with it as the Tao, and change it, by acquiescing to my dream, becoming the world. All I have to do is align with the Tao. And here in these city streets today, I have begun.

Comments

[bradtem.myopenid.com]

Heather, maybe you hide it well but I have always seen you as very strong. You are down right now, but the strong Heather is still there, waiting to come back, and will return ere long.