heathervescent

Non-Technological Mornings

I used to run to the computer when I awoke. There were emails to read, blog posts to write. I needed to check into my vibrant world and see what was happening. The morning would turn to noon and although I felt connected and educated, I hadn't necessarily got anything done. I was left with an emptiness. A crave for a sustainable intimate connection. Not the quick fix email/blog comment/twitter high.

These days, when I awake, I jump downstairs, put the kettle on and make a cup of coffee in my single drip Melita cone. I open the patio door and step outside; feel the breeze on my bare skin, smell the morning moistness, take in the colors and textures of my many plants. Coffee in hand, I sit in my favorite chair and drink in this moment of silence and calm, connected to my surroundings. Even the pup sniffs the air, watches the wind in the leaves and lays quietly on the patio rug.

Until it's time for the walk! We jump up and walk out into our neighborhood. We have friends along the walk. Romeo has his favorite bushes, and I my favorite trees. We admire the yardwork and landscaping, the fences and hedgerows. In our eight block sojourn we sometimes meet what I call my dogwalk friends, although we have never officially met. I love the retired Russian men and women who wait for the van to their cool community center. I say hello and smile to them. There are a few people with whom I have cultivated regular morning greetings. It took a few weeks of me saying "Good Morning" before I got a mumbled response. Now when we see each other - I with my trotting pup and he slowly making his way down the sidewalk with his walker we both say a cheerful "Good Morning". It's fun to have people to greet, even though I don't know their names. We share these same blocks, so why not be civil and friendly?

I could write about the firemen who jog in the street. The new grass mulching. The road repair work. The crazy plant house, the night blooming Brugmansia, the house re-landscaping to california native plants. These are my mornings. These are how I fill my senses and feed my soul before sitting down to technology.

I come to the computer already connected to my world, instead of looking to connect.

An Old Friend

There has been some interesting things happening in the recent month. I've been keeping quiet about them, because they have been pretty fragile. Well, they still are, but I feel pretty good about them, I thought I might finally mention them on the ole' public blog.

It's got a lot to do with healing the wounds of the recent past. I had isolated myself part of last year and much of this because I had felt betrayed by some close people. Not just one person, but several. I rarely get stabbed in the heart by strangers, but mostly by those close to me. In the last year, I have experience three separate incidents.

All of them were dark, unexpected, self-important. Definitely not what I would have expected. I did what I had to do to move through them and go on with my life. I'm no victim, but I didn't feel good putting myself out there and instead isolated myself. This was not such a good thing - as even introverts need people.

Anyway, some situations have come into my life that are helping a total healing of these three knife stabs. One in the form of an old friend (well not so old - one that was very much on the blog a few years ago) and another in a new group of supporters - perfectly matching my dream if I had dared to dream of them. 

It's scary to tread on these areas that throw up warning flags left and right, but I step carefully and breathe calmly trusting myself and slowly I trust little by little. It feels good to be back on that ground, although shaky, after all.