heathervescent

On Thanking

I'd describe 2009 as the year of the dark cloud with the silver lining. It feels like there has been lots of disappointments and little success. But for each dark cloud - I have focused on the silver lining. I am thankful for these silver linings

1. Mom Kicking Cancer. She was diagnosed with a really bad cancer earlier this year. We thought she might have only a year to live - but she's actively kicking cancer's ass. yay for mom.
2. The Best Boyfriend in the World. I can't even begin to talk about how awesome the boyf is. I'm very thankful for him.
3. Traveling. My flexible schedule (aka lots of free time) have made it possible for me to visit my grandparents, my dad, my mom and visit Anna in Peru. It's important to connect with people in person.
4. Friends. I know a lot of people, but I let few into my heart. When I think of those close to me, I am amazed by them. I need to remember there are more good people in the world and there are lots of people I could be better, closer friends with.
5. My Pup. A good dog is better than all the people in the world. I've just learned this dog-owner fact.
6. My Body. Although I could lose a few pounds, I am in great shape and I've never (knock on wood) had any major health problems. I'm happy with my mind, my intelligence and what I create using all my cells.
7. My clean carpet and my nice house. It's come a long way from the bachelor pad of 3 years ago. My home always must be my favorite place in the world and it is.
8. My container garden. I was not to be stopped by having no backyard to plant in - I took over the driveway and created a flourishing garden with trees, roses, flowers and herbs in containers.
9. My newfound excitement in science and future studies. I've always been a predictor - seen and created the future. The only people I knew who did that were crazy sibyls not using scientific methods - that is, until I found out about future forecasting based on science methods. I know this study is something I wish to pursue.

With every disappointment, I find a silver lining. I find something to learn. Some way to improve myself. A new perspective. Because I believe everything happens for a reason - just sometimes you don't know what that reason is.

A Whole Vacant Lot

I love a metaphor. Usually when you tell someone you love them it's full of flourishes, flowers and bits from the heart. Gushy, soft musings. Full of metaphor and comparisons.

I was reminded of a metaphor I used to tell my dad how I loved him. I would always say, I love you a whole vacant lot. Why? Because that was the biggest thing I could think of. Today, I still remember the original vacant lot, and it still makes perfect sense. However, I can understand why you might be confused, that's just how my brain works.

Photo by Steve Vance via Flickr.

Imagine all that filled with love. That's the metaphor.

Musings On Television and Media

Seeing We Live in Public a second time has brought up a wash of TV memories. If you've caught me in a belligerent mood at a party you know my two favorite things to faux-brag about are my unbelievable introversion (everyone just sees me in extrovert mode) and the fact I haven't owned a TV for 15 years.

I have a deep hatred and aversion to television and the content and media produced and distributed on/with it. Of course, there's a much longer story to this. You can't hate something, unless you've loved it.

I don't believe I consumed more TV than average - probably less. I spent much of my prime TV watching years in Iowa - where we were lucky to have 3 or 4 channels. But I did spend loads of time from when I was 10 until 14 consuming television - many hours every day. Prior to then, it was cartoons and nature programs. A few Harryhausen stop animation and fantasy films. Around that time TV networks and cable really took off. I remember when Nickelodeon was launched and when MTV used to play music videos. (I still remember seeing Axel Rose crooning and swooning about his sweet child.) I'm a gourmet cook and can whip up the most complicated dish with only a few sips from the Joy of Cooking. That comes from my years of watching Jeff Smith's Frugal Gourmet. I had perfected chocolate souffle when I was 13. My absolute favorite show was You Can't do that on Television. Even then, I was attracted to the interrupters. It was horrible Canadian Television with lots of green slime. But better than anything created in the US.

Shortly after that time though, something shifted. It was about the time I discovered philosophy and decided I wanted to be in control of who I became, not shaped by the world around me. At that time, I became selective of the media I consumed. Already I started the long and tedious process of re/unwiring my programming. Of course, first you have to realize what your programming is. There was also the added challenge of being an adolescent girl of divorced parents living on her own.

I didn't say goodbye to the tube until college. Of course, I just switched drugs - preferring the interactive black and green BBS chatrooms and limited 5 line profiles to passively watching programming. When 12 baud dial-up was unbearable I saved up the money from my art modeling gig to buy a 28 baud modem and installed it myself. I briefly had a boyfriend who studied in the broadcasting and TV group and one late night conversation led me to the realization that those who create the media do not consume it. You couldn't. You had to be beyond it. That's when the nail went in my TVs coffin. I wish I could say I took my 13 inch out to the backyard and introduced it to my sledgehammer or used it as target practice - but I wasn't into guns and violence at that time. I merely sold it.

That was 15 years ago. Since then, my TV interactions have been few and far between. I never bought another one, although for about a year, I rescued a huge push channel, big box TV from the street and left it on my Berkeley front porch pointed out to the street with the "snow channel".  It was some form of art or rebellion or commentary on something deeply philosophical I forget about now.

The television is very powerful - because it programs you. The internet is the same. The media may be different, but the activity it does is the same. You watch, you learn. Mirror neurons. Creating and building neural pathways. You become/evolve what you surround yourself with. Television isn't in my trusted network.

Science Digest #2

The Second installation of my Science Column on Suicide Girls is Live. In it, I talk about NASA TV, Magic, Kurzweil responds gracefully under fire and French Nature Films featuring Octupi and Vampires. Here's a snippet.

Seeing Is Not Always Believing
Research about our brain has exploded in the recent past. fMRI technology makes it relatively easy to study the brain while we do things. We’re beyond merely learning about our biological wiring; we’re learning what the electrical blips and bleeps might mean. I’m fascinated with perception and how our brains take sensory data and make a world of it. Did you know that your eyes perceives the world upside down? It’s our brains that turn the image of it right side up.

What profession loves to take advantage of our mis-attention and misperceptions? Put on your white gloves and get our your black hat. It’s Magic! A few months ago, Science News had a cover story about scientists who are picking up a few Neurological tricks from professional magicians. Using eye tracking technology, magician and neuroscientist Gustav Kuhn tested participants as they watched him throw and palm a ball. The eyes watched the ball – even when it was palmed. It was the brain that tricked the participant into believing differently. Wired covered the same topic with Teller from the duo Penn and Teller the same month. These stories reminded me of the “amazing color changing card trick,” that got me a few years ago. Watch the video below and try it yourself (and share what you see in the comments section).

Read the rest of the article (and comment too!)

My Kind of Girl Toy

"Underneath Heather's beautiful dress, is a tornado of power!" This is definitely a toy made in my image - except I'd have a silver metallic ballgown.

Feeling Philosophical

I am the ox that plows the fields, but I do not get to reap what is grown in them. I try to be satisfied in my role, but it makes me sad sometimes.

Then again, neither does the seed reap the benefit of what it becomes.

Dog eating a hotdog

DSC_4550
Originally uploaded by suprdave89

Romeo gets a hotdog on the Hotdog Death March.

A Letter from Francis Coppola

It is a dream come true to be able to make personal films and have them shown in great theatres such as Landmark's. Tetro is the kind of film I might have been making 35 years ago, had my career not taken an abrupt and sudden turn as it did with The Godfather. Sure, it was exhilarating to find myself an important Hollywood director, with all that came with it. But as the years went on, I found myself trying to avoid becoming a gangster film director, with all that came with that: stabbings, shootings, car crashes and strangulations. It became pretty clear that even if well-paid, a Hollywood director is expected to do what the company who employs him wants. And most times it is a genre film of some type, if not a gangster film, then take your choice between a thriller, a caper film, a romantic comedy (nothing wrong with that) or sci-fi epic (nor that). I found myself dissatisfied, and frustrated over the fact that even though I had made successful films and won plenty of awards, I still would have to go, hat in hand, and beg permission to make something really new.

With Apocalypse Now, I ultimately found I had to finance it myself. Financing movies is a perilous activity, especially when the films are as unusual as I wanted to make. At first Apocalypse Now seemed as if it would bury me—the initial reaction wasn't good, despite some acknowledged spectacular scenes, but it was deemed too philosophical or worse, 'arty'—which is the ultimate damning word that can be used on a film. Well, I thought, weren't most of Ingmar Bergman' or Michelangelo Antonioni's films 'arty but good'? As were the many films of Federico Fellini or Akira Kurosawa? Maybe those films weren't financial powerhouses, but they stayed with you and were inspirational. And also, they were all different from any other films being made. That in the end is my main criteria for enjoying a film: that I never saw it before or anything quite like it.

Many years went by.

Then, taking inspiration from my daughter who had learned the very same tricks from me, I decided to return to my youth, and realizing that the smaller the budget of a film the greater the ideas of that film could be, began to self-finance the very kinds of films I had hoped to make at the beginning. It was like trying to find my place, after being away a long time. I took a story from Mircea Eliade, Youth Without Youth. When it was done, I found the film audience had ventured even further away from anything other than the pre-made, pre-measured genre films that I had tried to escape from, and now wanted even their independent films to be mini-Hollywood ventures. No matter, I thought, the idea was to find myself and I had done that. Now, the next step was to pick up where I had left off, and write an original story and screenplay, something I hadn't done for 30 years since The Conversation.

The result is Tetro, which you are about to see soon at a Landmark theatre near you. I hope you will find it moving, as it is drawn from real emotions related to my experiences and life—though not in any way autobiographical. I hope you wish me well on this new career of mine. It was the one I always wanted from the beginning, to be an independent filmmaker, writing stories and making personal films. God knows what will come next!

Sincerely,
Francis Coppola

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This is the kind of director I want to be. These are the kind of films I want to make. Apocalypse Now is one of my all time favorite movies, along with another by Mr Fellini.

Geeks show some Tattoo love

My latest at Suicide Girls is an article showcasing geeks with geeky tattoos.

A few years ago a friend was showing me his tattoos at a geeky event I organized. He turned around, pulled down his collared shirt -- and my eyes popped out of my skull. He had a DB-9 port tattooed to the back of his neck. He then proceeded to show me other parts of his body as that wasn’t his only “geeky” tattoo. A few months later I met a friend’s wife who had her name tattooed on her arm -- in binary code. It wrapped her arm like a bracelet of ones and zeros. These geeky tattoos were few and far between, so I went in search of tattoos of the geeky kind. Here's a tour of some of my favorites. (Read the rest of the article)

Avatars of the Future

In Jack McDevitt's Seeker, one of the main characters is searching for a lost colony. To try to understand where it might be located, she calls up the Avatar of the colony's founder. This avatar is created by the computer from historical data: newspapers, documented speeches, television, photographs and other documented media. A 3D hologram is created of the person and he can have conversation with our intrepid detective.

In Douglas Hofstadter's I am a Strange Loop, he brings up the concept that inside each of us, are the active consciousness of others. He uses his wife, who had died, as an example.

"I keep trying, though, to figure out the extent to which I believe that because of my memories of her (in my brain or on paper), and those of other people, some of Carol's consciousness, her interiority, remains on this planet. Being a strong believer in the noncentralizedness of consciousness, in its distributedness, I tend to think that in one particular brain, it is also somewhat present in other brains as well, and so, when the central brain is destroyed, tiny fragments of the living individual remain - remain alive, that is." (IAASL, p 230)

People talk about the Singularity as the time when computers will be able to hold a downloaded human brain. And the underlying assumption (I get) from this magical time, is that we'll be able to download our brain/intelligence/consciousness into a computer and be able to cheat old age and death. We'll be able to "live" on in the computer hardware infrastructure (or augment/evolve our organic brain).

One of the things the singularity will facilitate (because I do think we can do this now) is to help us create more complete avatars of ourselves. This will help us understand ourselves.

I agree with Hofstadter - there are people who are not myself in my head. People who inspire me and remind me what I think is right. ("WWJD" is a great example of this.) I remember my dead grandmother, her advice, what she loved. I was obsessed with Bruce Chatwin for about a year and read everything I could about him. He's still rattling back there in my brain (and often eggs me on to find his dreamlines in Australia). I've replayed conversations I've had with people. I know people who try out their conversations with their version of the person in their head before having the conversation with the actual person.

I'm sure algorithms exist that can scrape your blog, social network feeds to create an avatar of you - or at least a marketing demographic. The next step it seems to me - is to scan your brain. This would be a fascinating discovery. Are you really who you think you are? What is the composite creation of yourself? (Based on your brain scanned data? based on external data? based on brain scanned data of you from other brains?)

Talk about amazing 360 degree feedback. And talk about creating a digital representation of yourself. I think this is not only possible, but will happen. And some people will love this (for the history books) and others will go offline even more.

Anniversary

Saturday the boyf and I took his car "that can not be named" up to Ojai for a daytrip. We bopped around the town, got a late breakfast and then I suggested we explore highway 33 north through the Los Padres Forest. The tires squeeled around the turns (which the boyf was taking at double the recommended speed) and I gripped the armhold on the door and wished for five point harnesses.

My face was a complete grin and there were no other cars (or motorcycles) in sight. Just magestic purple mountains, rocks and meadows. It reminded me how beautiful California is. There is really no other place on earth - and here we were - a mere 3 hours north of one of the biggest metropolis' in the northern hemisphere. Which made me all weepy for LA.

June gloom and Jacarandas remind me of my first month in LA. I knew the anniversary was coming up when the purple flowers started mucking up the sidewalks on the morning dogwalk. I watched the pair of Jacarandas - over 3 stories high - bloom and make a psychedelic canvas on the rich green grass. First week in June. Five years ago I left San Francisco and arrived in a Venice bungalow. I've spent another year in this city. It's five now. Five years in LA and no sign of leaving.

Technology Evolution and Limitation

Our technology is limited by the User Interface - which is limited by our belief in how we think we should interact with technology.