I'm great when it's time to start something, and good at moving things forward, but when the going gets tough, I get discouraged. I probably shouldn't admit that, but it's true. At a certain point - the resistance bogs me down. Depending on how much energy, how important the task is to me and my recent track record - I can either bust on through the negativity - or it takes me down. Recently, I've felt beat down.
But that's all changing - because the first step to changing something is being aware of the situation. And I've been using some techniques to get over that adversary that used to freeze me.
1. Just show up. I have such big expectations about everyone, everything and especially myself. Then I found myself in a spotlight and I didn't know how to act. Was I supposed to keep the spotlight for as long as possible? Was I trying to get the spotlight on me after it moved onto someone else? Was I not good enough because I was no longer in the spotlight. I worried about this or that event and making sure it was perfect (and beating myself up about it because it was far from it).
So I cut myself some slack and decided the only thing I had to do was show up.
2. Do it lightly. The other day I was peeling potatoes for a shepherds pie. The potatoes were on the small size, which meant I had a lot of peeling to do. They were bumpy and as I scraped away, it seemed like a task that would go on forever without good results. Then I started holding the peeler lighter and pressing it against the skins with less pressure. I relaxed my shoulders and all of a sudden there was no stress. I took smaller strokes and the skin came away cleanly. I think those were the best potatoes I've ever peeled. And it was a pleasure to do so.
Last year I put too much pressure on myself. I tried to do big things - but not many of them worked out the way I wanted them. I worked hard on them - hard on myself - and ugh - I just felt stuck. I won't say it was one of my worst years, but it certainly did not live up to my current track record.
But, like I said, that's all changed. I'm back on my path with heart. I'm listening to my dreams. I'm shutting out the voices that say no - and I know I can make my dreams reality.
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