I was feeling down - I really broke myself on Saturday and then I opened up a can of worms I wanted to forget in this lifetime. So I've been trying to take it easy. I just finished watching my #2 favorite movie of all time - Fellini's Satryicon. The saturated colors, black eyeliner, amazing characters, the scene cuts, the raw dirt and dirtyness of it all. It is one of the masterpieces in my eyes.
I'm not satisifed with merely knowing about it's existance, with sharing it's bestness with others. I'm not satisifed with it on my shelf at any moment, a hands legnth away from me. Because everytime I think about it, or watch it, that tiny voice whispers in my head. I see where it needs to go from here. But I fear I do not have the talent or ability to make something on that level.
Sure, I can run my own company, blow things up, build Internet products, drive like a maniac safely, create cacophony, perform on stage, publish a book/s and a myriad million other things - but that's not it. Everything I have ever done until now have been practice runs. Playing. Toying. Testing and Learning. Practice listening to that voice in my head - the one that gives me the ideas that are desperate to manifest. But like I said, I'm not just concent with "doing" them, making things happen. There're masterpieces inside me, they remind me with their whispers. But I'm afraid that maybe I can't do them.
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