heathervescent

Learning to Fly

I spent some of my adolescent living in rural Iowa. My dad had a big house out on a gravel road. It had 20+ ft ceilings and a giant fireplace that rose out of the center of the great room. One wall was filled with windows and a sliding glass door that opened into a slate stone garden patio. There was a jacuzzi and we used to sit outside at night watching the stars and satellites. Further out in the yard was a "lawn", huge oak trees, a barn, a pond and many trails into the forest.

My dad had great taste in music and he had wired it so that speakers were outside under the eaves of the house. One of my favorite memories was him blasting Pink Floyd into the forest. A Collection of Great Dance Songs was my favorite. The awesomeness of the guitar riffs and ambient building in crescendo surrounded by so much nature turned my blood into electricity.

The Pie Count

This Thanksgiving I decided I would embrace the pie. Pie crust was one of the few things I have not mastered as a baker - but that's all changed now. After baking 5 pies (one with a double crust) I am the crust master. Of course I have to give some props out to The Joy of Cooking, my bible.

But the contratian can't follow the directions to the letter, I have to "improve' upon them or improvise with missing ingredients. Here's the various pies these hands have created

• Better than sex cake (Cake! What? Ok, so I had to warm up my baking hands by baking a cake. LOL)
• Chocolate Cream Pie on a Graham Cracker Crust
• Standard Pumpkin Pie
• Pumpkin-Pecan Pie in a sweet cinnamon crust
• Double Crust Cherry Pie
• Dutch Apple Pie with Oatmeal Crumble Crust

I accidentally bought the wrong evaporated milk (whoops condensed milk) which I can use to make brigadeiros another time, so I just used heavy whipping cream in the pumpkin pies. And they are RICH! Just wait until they get covered in more whipped cream!

The Macadamia Nut/Rum and Peach Pies will have to wait for another day. I really wanted to make the Macadamia Nut (like we had in Hawaii) but I think I've already overkilled it for dinner we're going to later.

It's been fun getting my pie on.

On Gratitude & Thanking

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I keep seeing all these articles and tweets (and I even got a great txt) giving thanks to people and things.

That's a guilty reminder that I should probably do the same. Or at least think about it. But giving thanks and gratitude are things I am personally very bad at. (Forgiveness is the other thing.) Now, Mom, you don't need to go commenting on this post about how I can do these things. I know. I just feel no motivation. No reason.

I wonder if that is because I am a selfish person and think only about myself. On the surface, someone who only shallowly knows me, that is how I might come across. But my ego is my facade, and underneath it, I care deeply. Many of my actions and motivations are for the larger common good. I thought nothing about myself and focused on the bigger picture. But I found myself often left behind, forgotten, steamrollered or stolen from. Not just once. Many times. And each time the silver lining was my learning. More fuel for my fortitude.

It's hard for me to trust humanity with those experiences.

I can be thankful for the lessons, for my own fortitude, for my determination, for who I have become. But there are only three people I think of on a regular basis - who I could thank. And I haven't spoken to any of them in years.

I feel bad about this. I feel like I should have a long laundry list of people to thank. I worry if I did this, I would leave someone out. But this feels false. And I feel shallow and unevolved not having these feelings of gratitude. But I can not be inauthentic.

Gmail Ninjas

Gmail launched themes a week ago or so. At first I thought, ugh, more personalization that isn't necessary and is going to distract me from my goal - email. Then I took a step back and thought - hey - this is a great way to interrupt and change the way I deal with email. You know, stir things up to mix up the habits? (This is a technique I use to increase self-awareness.)

So I flipped through the themes and decided upon the Ninja one. I picked it specifically because I liked the jaunty lines. The cute ninjas didn't hurt either.

Over the past few days, I've been notices all the delights in the theme. The ninja does all kind of things while I check my gmail. And when I send a message, I sometimes see a new picture. After I noticed this, I started taking screenshots of them. Here are a few of them.

It's almost a story.

Photo Sentiment.

I got this photo in the recent Adbusters "Buy Nothing Day" missive. I don't usually repost content from other places, but this is exactly my sentiment. People need to take responsibility - especially people in "leadership" positions.

Credit: NICHOLAS ROBERTS/AFP/Getty Images
via AdBusters

Hollaback Zombie Blog

I put this blog together in a fit of procrastination. Tell me what you think.

My Random Act of Kindness

John Paul is a painter and he must be over 80. He lives in the 4plex in front of our house, so every time I take the dog out I walk by his open windows and spy bits of colored paintings. Often I smell solvents and that's when I know hes painting.

I myself prefer to bake and when I do, it's generally big batches that are way more than I want to consume. I used to send a bunch with the boyfriend to work (or take some myself) but I would still have a lot left over. So I figured out a solution to my cookie making problem - maybe John Paul would like some. So now when I make cookies or brownies (or that massive batch of rice crispy treats like a few weeks ago) I make a little package for him.

He told me he enjoyed something sweet with his scotch nightcap. And I get to bake without the worry of eating everything. Problem solved - along with a budding friendship.

Weekend Highlights

I did a lot. I didn't do that much. Here's an enumeration to remind myself.

• H cranky from various things including the stock market and self-imposed stress pressure
• Boyfs sister and husband in law in town
• Spending time in the beautiful garden
• Lazy Saturday
• Crazy Baby Shower party with an old friend. Good times.
• Black Balloon and the midnight fill up.
• A high speed embrace on highway 5
• An awesome Kosher french restaurant
• The aquarium
• A tired H.

Jeeze, I've been moody this weekend. I don't know what the deal has been but I've been really short tempered and alternating between Taoist connected to the flow and wanting to rage against it (and 8 million things in between). I think I'm tired. The darkness of the evenings really depresses me. And the sun comes too early for my liking screwing with my usual standard sleeping patterns. Also the dog has really been wedging him into the wrong places of the bed. Time for the dog smack down again I guess.

Alessandra was telling me about quitting smoking a few weeks ago and describing her craving as "it wants a cigarette." Today I started using that to describe my crankiness. "It wants to be cranky. It wants __fill in the blank__." I think it's appropriate. I often find emotions to be like aliens. They just invade me and it's not like I want to feel them. What I feel is not the totality of who I am. Or, who I'd like to pretend/create/dream/assign who "I" identify with. I'd prefer to identify that person as the part connected to the larger god/life/energy/insertanydescriptionhere. So maybe I should start detaching that from myself like Alessandra was doing with her tobacco craving....

God in a Meat Cage

That is all.

My Painting

So I hired R. Hutcheson to make a painting of me. It's my second commissioned work, and my first "portrait". Why R. Hutcheson? Because I loved his sideshow posters. I also met him on a magical day at the Melrose Swap meet. Anyway, he does these surreal, dadaesque, bright freakshow type paintings. I immediately fell in love with them and have wanted to have one of his paintings ever since.

He did an amazing job. Epic. Grapefruits, unicorns. He surrealified my own mythology without even knowing it. Here are two details. Eat your heart out William Burroughs.

 

On Mastery, Practice, Training

"At the heart of it, mastery is practice. Mastery is staying on the path"
 - George Leonard

My sometimes Sensai hit the nail on the head there. Here's another saying I like:

"When in times of high intensity, people don't rise to the occasion, they fall back to training."
I think that's from the Military.

Pimping my Current Reads

I've got a stack of about 30 books on my bedside table, but I actively read about only 6 at a time. Here's are a few of the books I'm currently reading or have recently finished. Link goes to Amazon where if you buy it, helps me pay my bills ;).

Recently Finished

• The Marriage of Sticks by Jonathan Carroll This is one of my all time favorite JCs. A high school reunion. Bookseller. A fabulous old woman with an amazing history. A magician. A magical love story. Ghosts, car drives, car crashes, Crane's View and Beechwood Canyon. Also, a dog on fire. Did I mention there's a vampire in it as well? Well I just did. I sucked this delight down in 2 days. It's another magical world!
• Tao Te Ching - Classic Taoist Material. I read this in one sitting - and finally understood it.
• Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind - I've been sporadically reading this for several months, picking it up and opening it to whatever page. I read through the entire 2/3's the other night (and it actually made sense!)
• Foundation and Earth by Asimov. Classic ending (almost) to the foundation series. If you love Science Fiction and have not read this series - YOU MUST. Start with Foundation, chant Harry Seldon. Every single SciFi author has borrowed from this series. It is the be-all, end-all. Eat your heart out Frank Herbert, PK Dick and Dan Simmons.
• The Anubis Gates - I love Tim Powers and this is my favorite of his. Time travel, Coleridge, sorcerers, Egypt, Magicians, Scientists, stuck in time, body double's/ka, body changing, dark passages underground, une semanie de bonde type creatures. (Pre-China Mievelle)
• The Drunkard's Walk - There's an explanation for all the illogical stuff people do.
• Predictably Irrational - And here's how you can predict what illogical stuff people will do - and why.

Current (re)Reads

• Kissing the Beehive  - I enjoyed the Marriage of Sticks so much, I plucked this one off my shelf. Page 20 inspired my post about Parkview Plaza memories. Crane's View again. Jonathan, the drink offer still stands. I'm still in LA.
• The Pentium Chronicles - A fascinating read about building the pentium 6 chip. Reading it really makes me want to go out and find a big company Product Management job. Really good insight into what it's really like to develop a technology product. 
• Who Is Fourier?: A Mathematical Adventure I started with their Quantum Physics book and realized I wanted more math background. So I got this. Although it's not perfect, you learn what a fourier series is in Chapter 1. The rest of the book builds from there.
• What Is Quantum Mechanics? - this is the Quantum Book. From someone who is not a science person (but has always been fascinated by science and the natural world) this book is hard core science and equations and explanations along with the history and how it was all figured out.
• The Trillion Dollar Meltdown - I'm not sure it's necessary to finish this now. Was written before the economic crash explaining why there was an upcoming crash despite the in denial pundits. I bought this on a recommendation by Dr Housing Bubble (one of the only blogs I obsessively read.)
• Personal Development for Smart People - I've been following Mr Self Development (with a tiny bit of jealousy - I kind of wish my site was more like his.) This is his book  based on his extensive self development experimentation. I'm enjoying it as I always enjoy a shot of Steve Pavlina.
• The Theory of Celestial Influence - An early 20th Century application of new mathematical explanations to age old philosophical questions. Written by one of Gurdjieff's students, Rodney Collins, this book was written for another time, using words that were not necessarily correctly applied (they mean something different today). When I first read this book about 10 years ago, it blew me away with my first look at what the universe might be like - from the universe's perspective - in addition to my human perspective and a variety of perspectives in between. (From what position do you want to look at something in what position.) It really changed the way I thought about many things. I'm not sure I necessarily believe what it explains, but there is much truth in the words, if you can look between them. It will blow your mind if you catch the concepts.

And let's not forget the books from my Clients that came out this year while I'm in pimp mode:

1. Narcisa: Our Lady of Ashes by Jonathan Shaw
   
2. Gasoline by Dame Darcy

Disco Nights Playlist

I'm usually a fan of the electronic and trance music with the occasional diversion down 80s pop lane, but recently I've been stuck in the back alley of 70's disco. Here's my current fav playlist.

• Village People, YMCA
• Olivia Newton-John, Physical
• BeeGees, Tragedy
• Sly and the Family Stone, Everyday People
• KS and the Sunshine Band, Shake, Shake, Shake
• Scissor Sisters, Fithy/Gorgeous
• Neil Diamond, September Morn
• BeeGees, More than a Woman
• The Commodores, Still
• Heatwave, Boogie Nights
• Chic, Le Freak
• Rick James, Super Freak
• Scissor Sisters, I don't feel like dancing
• BeeGees, You Should be dancing
• Sly & Family Stone, Dance to the music
• Toto, Africa
• Abba, The Winner Takes it All
• Heatwave, Play that funky music
• Theme from the "Greatest American Hero"

Now that's a load of cheesecake, eh? I think I'm onboard the 70's revival, but please leave the hippy dresses at home.

Photo Op

I was confused at first. Why would you want to take a picture of me and my dog? I was about 7 or 8 and the neighbor behind us in the alley was a reporter for the local newspaper. She wanted my picture to go along with a story she was writing. I said ok, and grabbed the bottle of flea and tick spray.

Crane's View, Parkview Plaza

I've been remembering a lot of memories from my Iowa days recently. Last night, as I was reading a Jonathan Carroll novel (after returning late from the Geek Dinner) his descriptions reminded me of a typical friday or saturday night in Ottumwa Iowa.

I would meet up with my small group of friends and after driving around, pretending that there might be things to do in our small town, we always ended up at Parkview Plaza, the all night hotel diner. We had a little money and would ponder over the cheap and sweet items on the menu. Inevitable we'd order coffee and their giant cinnamon rolls.

I've been feeling a pull to go back to see that small town. My grandparents still live there, but all other ties to that place (beyond my childhood memories) are gone. I had a love hate place with Ottumwa. I loved the nature and back roads and huge old brick buildings. The river, the trails, the railroad tracks. The sunset and whipperwhills and solo hikes deep into the woods where I'd visit the dilapated homestead with a cistern and caves carved in rock. The cemetary on a hillside. The cliffside I almost jumped into the sunset.

It's all changed I know. Jonathan Caroll writes about that. Visiting towns from your youth as adult eyes. When I lived in that town, I created the same surreal adventures he writes about. I could fill books with those magical stories. So reading his, remind me of mine.

LA Geek Dinner - tomorrow night

This month we're doing a potluck at Doug's loft at the Brewery.

Discussion is about the geek dinner and future of LA tech/geek events (I'm tired of organizing these things).

WHERE: http://www.labrewery.org/
top floor of 676 S. Ave 21, 90031

WHEN: Tuesday 18th, 8pm

WHY: Besides the usual tomgeekery, we also want to have a discussion on the future of the LA tech scene, especially inregards the the BC and G33K dinner networks. What's working, what can use work, what are some big goals, besides just getting together a couple of times a month and basking in our greatness ;)

OTHER DETAILS:

    * POTLUCK / BYOB
    * Next to Downtown & ample parking
    * Fast Wifi, wireless tunes, multiple projectors

Please come prepared for discussion about next steps/actions for the LA tech community.

Teenage Agnst Theme Song

Jodie wears a hat although it hasn't rained for six days
She says a girl needs a gun these days
Hey on account of all the rattlesnakes
She looks like eve marie saint in on the waterfront
She reads simone de beauvoir in her american circumstance
She's less than sure if her heart has come to stay in san jose
And her neverborn child still haunts her
As she speeds down the freeway
As she tries her luck with the traffic police
Out of boredom more than spite
She never finds no trouble, she tries too hard
Shes obvious despite herself
She looks like eve marie saint in on the waterfront
She says all she needs is therapy yeah
All you need is, love is all you need
Jodie never sleeps cause there are always needles in the hay
She says that a girl needs a gun these days
Hey on account of all the rattlesnakes
She looks like eve marie saint in on the waterfront
As she reads simone de beauvoir in her american circumstance
Her heart, hearts like crazy paving
Upside down and back to front
She says ooh, its so hard to love
When love was your great disappointment
- Lloyd Cole

Lloyd Cole also wrote on the best lines ever to effect my life "She asked, "Do you know how to spell audaciously?"" Which is much better asked as a question than read on this blog.

To be

“What one can be, one MUST be.”
- Abraham Maslow

On Politics

"Political activism is seductive because it seems to offer the possibility that one can improve society, make things better, without going through the personal ordeal of rearranging one's perceptions and transforming one's self."
-Tom Robbins (via Rob Brezsny)

Heart's Desire for the Holiday

Three years ago I wrote out six steps on how to get your heart's desire on this little blog. Since then, I've taught several classes on it and gotten various emails from people who have changed their lives.

I've been updating and revising the text in preparation for publishing the second edition of it - just in time for the holiday giving season. (First edition was a couple years ago and very small.)

It's going to be about $10 for a soft cover book with simple and detailed instructions and exercises on how to get your heart's desire. It should be ready in a couple weeks!

But I just wanted to give all my bloggy readers a heads up. :)

Most Happy

I've been doing a lot of thinking about happiness and satisfaction. I never really had much of either. I've never been one to be satisfied with anything, let alone myself. A few weeks ago, that changed. There was no epiphany. It wasn't a sudden realization - a voice from god or vahalla. I was pondering some things and I realized that I have accomplished the life, the thing I set my intention to accomplish. It was the only thing I would have sacrificed anything - everything - and I have - to accomplish. I quietly realized that here I was, with it right here.

So there's my life's goal accomplished, now what?

It's not that my life's goal was my reason for existence or why I'm here on this earth. It's not.

I feel like a clean new whiteboard. I've completed all the levels and killed the big bad demon. I've whizzed though the expansion packs and played different characters.

I've won the master game. I'm finally satisfied. Knowing this, I am happy. I can go home and work in my garden in the best of all possible worlds.

Happiness?

"And you may be reminded that whoever calls themself happy is completely in error… Just as those who say they are unhappy are quite mistaken too.”
- Paulo Lins (Author of CITY OF GOD)

From JS's site.

Hollaback Thriller Girl Video

If you missed the show, well lucky you - you can see a video with poor lighting that doesn't show off the hawtness of my costume. You do however get to watch the beautiful synchronization of the kick ass Day of Dead Performers.

Shout outs go to Lainie - my awesome Gwen Stefani. Lainie really took the DOD Gwen attitude and rocked it to new levels.

To Ms Constantine, reprising her role a second time as a cheerleader. She also did the awesome DOD makeup.

To Sarafina, who blew me away learning the choregraphy in one afternoon. You never missed a beat!

To Annabanana, who of course had to be a banana. And dragging Matt all the way from Tenessee to breakdance as a Gorilla.

And to Jillian, who doesn't let motherhood or pregnancy stop her. She performed in my last Bootie show (when she was pregnant) and last weekend with a 4month old son.

Thanks also to A+D, the awesomest mashup Duo, DJ Schmolli (for making this bastard song in the first place! I blame you for my obsession with Gwen Stefani!), to the Echoplex and to the boyf for shooting awesome backstage pics and the above video.

A final thanks to myself, the creative, practical, energetic individual who thought it would be fun to do this in the first place. It has been fun.

Number 22

If you want to be whole,
let yourself be partial.
If you want to be straight,
let yourself be crooked.
If you want to become full,
let yourself be empty.
If you want to be reborn,
let yourself die.
If you want to be given everything,
give everything away.

The Master, by residing in the Tao,
sets an example for all beings.
Because he doesn't display himself,
people can see his light.
Because he has nothing to prove,
people can trust his words.
Because he doesn't know who he is,
people recognize themselves in him.
Because he has no goal in mind,
everything he does succeeds.

-Tao Te Ching

Math before Midnight

I've gotten back into my habit of reading about quantum physics before dreamland. But I don't read books that are just theory - my books have equations. Lots of them. Hard ones. And I haven't taken a math class in over 15 years. So it's been a bit of a challenge. Luckily I have an awesome boyfriend, who I call away from the computer to help me solve Bohr's Correspondence principle (the activity last night).

Three sheets of paper later and after a refresher course in fractions (and briefer refreshed in Algebra) I worked it out all myself - and understood it too!

Then we got into a huge discussion/argument (I call it a discussion) about math and science as a language. I get more and more excited the more I learn about mathematics, physics, possibilities. Add it what I already know about language and communication - I'm really inspired these days.

Aikido Reminder

The Five Principles, as Taught by the Founder

1. Aikido is the path which joins all paths of the Universe throughout eternity it is the universal mind which contains all things and unifies all things.

2. Aikido is the truth taught by the Universe and must be applied to our lives on this earth.

3. Aikido is the principle and the path which joins humanity with the Universal consciousness.

4. Aikido will come to completion when each individual, following his or her true path, becomes one with the Universe.

5. Aikido is the path of strength and compassion which leads to the infinite perfection and ever-increasing glory of God.

Hollaback DOD Crew

Hollaback_stagequeue
Originally uploaded by heathervescent.

Here we have almost the entire cast (minus the Gorilla). From L to R. Lainie, Shannon, moi, Anna, Sarafina, Jillian.

Everyone kicked ass like a rock star!

A Thought

"I am a blank canvas, and my life is the painting."
- the quotable heathervescent

Hollaback Day of the Dead

heather_vincent
Originally uploaded by heathervescent.

The performance was a smashing success. Here are a few shots from the evening. I played the MC role of Vincent Price interpreted by heathervescent. I really liked it too!

2009 Theme

It hit me earlier this week. The theme for 2009.

I was thinking about how I really rocked the 2007 theme, which was pimping and promoting, which was a really hard practice but amazing.

Then, I was thinking about how I am sucking at the 2008 theme, which was/is "Going Mainstream." But am I really sucking at it? I've worked/launched on multiple projects (for clients) that are far from underground. My strategy for going mainstream was in supporting the individual subcultures, maintaining their authenticity and introducing them to a wider (potentially mainstream) audience - all while not diluting the original subcultural identity.

So in that sense, yes, I am rocking it. I helped Jonathan launch his book to a wider audience and at Crowdgather we have many individual authentic subcultures/niche cultures/alternative mainstream communities and they're all going bigger and better, all while maintaining their identity.

Besides, "going mainstream" is not something you can do in one year. It's a long term strategy. 2008 was the first year I put focus on it. (Instead of giving the mainstream the bird and lurking in the dark alleys and blue highways, as I previously have done.)

But 2009. What are you going to be all about? Something much more material, physical and selfishly close to home. And probably some of the most fun I have had in a long time.

You'll have to wait several months to find out my new theme, but I haven't been this excited in a November in years. 2009 is going to be a lot of fun and I am very much looking forward to it and the adventures it brings.