heathervescent

Morning Cats

On the rooftop behind our place, the sun rises. Shining it's first morning rays into my eyes. I've been waking up well before 6am. Mostly to think, ponder, half-dream, visual-self-hypno-re-program myself. Eventually my mind is wide awake and I rise myself from the golden bed of revitalization into the world of solid objects.

Yesterday I made two new friends. Two big black cats with bright green eyes. We watched each other through the screen. I was transfixed by the beauty of their sleek coats and penetrating cool eyes. And the freedom to lounge on rooftops watching the sun rise.

They remind, represent those silent morning moments in my life - past and the many more to come.

Mourning for those left behind

Sometimes I feel a great sadness, looking back. I know my role all too well. I am the wanderer out of a Tom Robbins novel or Gilbert Grape's movie. I stir things up. I learn. And then it's time to go. There are the lessons for myself - those I try to learn and improve myself by learning. And then there are the lessons, the challenges I become, in being a tool for something much larger.

Lessons are never easy. Never easy to learn one. Never easy to teach one. That difficulty becomes worthwile when the lesson is grasped, understanding, evolution accomplished. Metting out the harsh lesson become all the more difficult when it's not seen. There's nothing I can do here. I've tried my best. I've been impeccible. I've played my part. I can only hope that some light was seen in the darkness. But I mourn for those who did not. I know their lesson is still waiting to reveal itself.

Mom on the Blog

It's happened this week - my mom started her blog. We had been talking about it for a year or so, and I had kind of promised I would help her start - but instead I thought it would be good for her to learn to do it herself. Afterall she was the one who said "go look in the dictionary" when I didn't know how to spell something. (My response was - how can I look it up if I don't know how to spell it?!?!)

Anyway, her blog is going strong. So far, she's blow me away writing about me dying my hair with Kool-Aid when I was a teenager, night-time chariot races in our Kansas City backyard and slalom racing her Jaguar. From her blog:

My third run driving intensity was somewhere between the first two even though it was my best time.   I just wanted to drive clean and fast.  BUT…. those stupid people were still there at the final 360 degree cone turn.   What are they doing there???  They actually look like they are having a picnic!!  Get out of the way!!  I leaned on the horn and came smoking in with the horn singing!!!  That got the attention of the folks having the picnic as well as in the grandstand! And they loved it! 

Some of my friends had been in the grandstand watching, but not knowing for sure who was driving which car until I took my helmet off and put on my sun hat.  After the event, they were talking as I walked up.   Any way, it turns out that my intense driving was the crowd pleaser!   Particularly as I came out of the last 360 degree+ turn into the gravel right in front of them on my second run.  They said that the crowd collectively sucked-in their breath in one huge gasp.  Evidently it looked as though I was going straight into the wall.  “What wall,” I asked my friends?  “I never even saw the wall;  I was focused on those silly little orange cones that I had to drive through!”  My driving caused some thrilling moments for the watching crowd!!   If they only know how thrilling it was for me!!!!  Baby Jag deserves a nice rest and I have yet to completely wash the number 9 off of her windshield because, everytime I look at it, it reminds me of a fun event and we both smile!

Mom, where'd you learn to drive like that? (Guess who taught me how to drive?!) Maybe we'll have to have a mother/daughter blog/racing team. Yeah, that would be fun!

Dream come true, new dreams

Sam was driving us back from the Reptile Breeders Meeting today. We were in my convertible, the top was down, it was about 85 degrees, I had the A/C on. The new Orb album was revering bass in my seat. And it hit me - this is my dream - one of them at least.

When I was a college student in Cedar Falls, Iowa - home to -50+ below windchill weeks in the winter, I dreamed of having a Saab. It seemed so far out of reach for me. When I lived in Berkeley and needed a new car, I bought a practical Camry. I still dreamed of my fancy car. One company founder had a dark green saab convertible and I drooled over his car. Loved it. Loved it.

When I moved to LA, I decided I needed to have a convertible - because I was in LA now, right?! ;) I had forgotten my Saab dreams and loves until, like a veil I remembered. I made it happen. And now, every day, I drive around in my dream.

It's been four  years. I had forgotten gratitude. I had forgotten that this dream did not always exist. That I worked hard for it to come true. And here I was, being driven on the 5, in Southern California at sunset, top down, wind blowing, my favorite music playing on my stereo system. I was living my dream.

--
Somewhere in the past 6 months or so, my dreams changed. I've gotten caught up in day to day drama - work and relationship - and have forgotten about the big stuff. I remembered this watching Southland Tales. There's an undercurrent about manifesting in life the things that were scripted. That's dreaming and stalking for you. Anyway, it reminded me that I used to do a lot of this. A lot of being in control of my reality, pro-actively creating my life. More recently I've been caught up in winds I don't control - nor can control myself in them.

It's very discombublating.

However, now that I have realized this, I can get back to living life the way I like to. Pro-actively. Focused on an end-goal, that I don't necessarily know exactly how I'm getting there. After, the journey is the destination, and once I know where I am going, getting there is the fun.

Time Travel in the Brain

I mentioned Primer a few blog posts ago, and I just started reading Anubis Gates for the 4th (or more) time. And then last night the boyf and I watched Southland Tales. What a beautiful train wreck. ("Don't it make you smile, like a forest, fire" L.C.)

The characters are exquisite, some good acting, some not so good. The plot is difficult to follow and understand (I read that 20-25 minutes of the movie were removed from the released cut), but the story is great. It reminded me of a combination of RepoMan, Muholland Drive, Brazil and Primer with a bit of conspiracy and Satyricon aimless wandering thrown in.

It's a tough movie to watch, and most of the time I was shaking my head, for the potential of what it could be. How did it get hacked so much? But what is left; the twisted mescalin beauty and haunting scenes are novel sparkling gems.

This movie is Minas Gerais (the mining state of Brasil) and there is much to be seen, delighted and loved - as long as you check your haughty judgement at the door. You are entering a different reality.

And if you want to skip straight to the surreal ending...

Mojave Mailbox with flag

Mojave Mailbox with flag
Originally uploaded by heathervescent.

I really like this picture. It gave me lots of ideas for desert left art projects.

H-Bomb, Thrower of Going-Away Dinners

H-Bomb, Thrower of Going-Away Dinners
Originally uploaded by Jenski2.

I have been wanting to update my pic on the ole blog, but I just haven't gotten around to it. Tonight I came across a photo Jenna took at her going away party. (Sadly she moved to Austin.) But in it you can see the new hair look I'm sporting. I call it my "unicorn hair" and it goes from blonde to light purple to dark purple with turquoise on the sides. It's really quite fun.

Big Machine from Afar

Big Machine from Afar
Originally uploaded by heathervescent.

Here's another one from the weekend. But not from the Mojave Trail.

Mojave Trail Campsite

Mojave Trail Campsite
Originally uploaded by heathervescent.

Sam put this panaroma of our campsite from the first night. We watched the sun set for hours and it was absolutely gorgeous. Night-time gave us the Milkyway. We let the fire die down and then played with the time lapse abilities on the camera and I became a ghost in the desert.

Mailbox

Mailbox
Originally uploaded by heathervescent.

We stopped off at the Mojave Trail Mailbox where I left a quick note. It was amazing how welcoming the flag looked as we came down the road.

Back in Action

Now - this weekend was more like it. More like the Heather out doing things - traipsing around stuff and the desert and exploring and finding cool new things. Yeah, it was a great weekend. Pls hold for the pics (of just check out my flickr.)