A few years ago, when I wrote for Daily Mantra, I decided to learn about the star-crossed "Mercury Retrograde". I'd only ever heard of it and not believing in day to day astrology dismissed it. But I was writing for an audience that I thought would find it interesting, so not only did I learn about it, but I started to observe. What did I see happening or not happening during a merc retrograde as opposed to other times?
If you're not familiar, a Merc retrograde is when Mercury appears to move backwards in the sky due to the placement of the earth and mercury. Apparently electronics and communications go haywire and get mixed up.
But I like to think of the retrograde as taking a step back. A chance to review things. To recapitulate. It's almost like a second chance. An opportunity to go back and do something again.
I pretty much stopped paying attention to retrogrades when I stopped writing for Daily Mantra - but for some reason, this one (the one that we currently ended on Thursday-yesterday) came on my radar. And Ive had an uncanny return to my past - revisiting past activities.
I was initially concerned that I was personally digressing - what about moving forward? what about evolving? trying new things? what's this heather? return to things you used to do?
Then the truck back up beeping started. But it wasn't backing up as in "I made a mistake". It was like when I was walking on the rocks in Cambria at New Years.
When I was in Cambria this weekend I walked along the tidepool beach
cliffs. The rocks had been worn away and I jumped from slick seaweed
covered rock to another while the waves crashed nearby. I'd venture out
on the long tendrils of rock and get caught in a dead end. It was leap
of faith across a wide churning channel onto slicker rock or
backtracking. I chose to backtrack - there was no need to make a leap
of faith on this solo excursion. I wondered if the backtracking was
worth the journey. In the end I decided it was, because it's more about
the trip than the destination.
This retrograde has been one major backtrack. But it's not a backtrack. It's more like a three point turn at the end of a really interesting alley. And I've explored all I wanted for now.
Besides, I missed who I was. I missed the radio show, the motorcycle, Gurdjieff and the Heather that was relaxed and comfortable with herself. I missed the person who never had anything to prove because she always did what she was best at. I missed the heather that explored and discovered and learned and taught. I missed the part of Heather that you wouldn't expect -- the one that loves to wear suits, document process and sit behind a desk. The one that likes structure, traveling and evangelizing to help people have a good time and improve their lives with technology.
And now I get to be that person again, benefiting from my recent adventures.