heathervescent

Love Anniversary - Romeo

Romeo
Originally uploaded by heathervescent.

On this day last year, the boyfriend and I welcomed a squirming bundle of licks into our home. It's hard to remember how easy and clean life was before Romeo. The year seems much much longer. We've had our ups and downs. Lots of ripped squeeker toys, chocolate bars and avocado encounters. 

Thanks for all your licks and love, my little Romeo.

The Gun Goes Off

I've always thought you have to do a lot of work to get to the starting line. I've spent years in school. Practicing in the dojo. I've wondered why they've kept a thoroughbred like me in the back pasture, far away from the starting line. I've run the rat race. I got out. I dreamed my dream life and then I created my dream life. I don't have anything to prove. The world is at my feet, but I'm looking up into the wind. I don't run with the dogs, but I have one. I infiltrate cliches & cliques and then break them. I start fires on the mountain and build the cairns to help you find them. I have been known to stir the pot.

-- an auspicious story--
I picked up my first handgun at the beginning of this month. It is a Walther PP - James Bond's gun. Mine is not new. It's from West Germany and was crafted 17 years ago. It has a smooth blue black finish and a nice heft. I saw it in the case and knew it was mine.

I was an excited teenage girl on her first date when we went to the range. I filled the magazine, hung up the target and put it in place. I slid the magazine in place, racked the slide, raised my hands to aim and pulled my finger to shoot the first bullet.

My silence was fixated on the bullseye. The explosion, there was no kick. But I couldn't believe what I saw. Bullseye!

My very first shot on a clean target - Bullseye. Let me say that again - My first shot with a new gun = Bullseye! BULLSEYE! BULLSEYE! Unbroken target except for the center.

It was not a fluke. I proceeded to empty the magazine in the center circles. All fears I had about owning a firearm dissipated. It's not about politics or aggression or protection or posing to be all bad ass - it's about listening. It's about paying attention. It's the silence before the dive. It's the intention. It's about going someplace you've never gone before.

Welcome to 34 Heather. Here's to a whole year of going someplace you've never gone before: The Mainstream. And doing what you do best there.

Dogs and Avocado, parts 2 and 3

Here are two more stories for the dogs and avocados category.

Part 2
The boyfriend and I went out to sushi earlier this week. We've done a good job of ordering and aren't left with much after sating our appetite. There's one avocado roll left. I am very tempted to pop it in my mouth, but before I do that I have a gem of an LA idea pop into my head. Let's take it home for the dog!

There are so many things that delight me about this idea. It is completely and utterly absurd. Feeding sushi to the dog? Well, if there is one place on earth you could get away with that, it would have to be LA. To prove the stereotype, we decide to wrap it up and take it home. It's partially an experiment. Will the dog eat sushi?

Part 3
A couple days after the sushi incident. (Which we video recorded so you'll be able to see the results!) I came home to a bunch of leathery pieces of avocado skin on the bed. There were no bits of avocado flesh and no pit. I use my deductive powers to figure out the dog must have gotten the avocado out of the fruit bowl. But where was the pit? The boyfriend found the pit in a pile of laundry. It was licked clean.

My earlier assumption about the dog not liking avocado has been proven incorrect. I think he was confused by the skin on his first attempt. I have to admit, that I like the idea of giving him avocado as a treat more than the processed dog treats. He still loves his pig ears (and I do love giving them to him), but avocado is an excellent alternative.

Pls. hold for the dog eating sushi video.

Countdown to Blastoff

So every year I take the 30 days between Jan 1 and 30 to finalize my goals, plans, ideas to execute and kick ass on. You see Jan 30 is my birthday, and this year, I am turning my birthday into the Official Kick Ass day. It's the day to celebrate your ass-kickedness (or at least, that is what I am going to do on that day.)

I'd also like to take this moment to invite you to celebrate the day of ass-kickeningness, although a few days later - on February 2nd. I don't really have time or inclination to plan an extravagant birthday party (not like the naked sushi or flaming cake @ Ground Kontrol). This year I am going to perform a little dance on stage and eat cake at my favorite dance club - Bootie LA.

So come along if you are so inclined. I won't be wearing a banana suit. ;)

To Kick Ass in 2008....

The theme for 2008 is the lion with a bucket of water in the spotlight aka going mainstream. I know that might sound a bit strange but that is what my 2008 meditation is going to be about. Probably in reality I will have this pegged in May, but we'll see.

I also have big plans for kicking off/revitalizing two very different communities in Los Angeles. Neither is related to the LA Tech community. Let's just say "the only way up is down" and I'm going "down down underground" and I like to stir the pot. Instead of a magic wand, I carry a wooden spoon, which can be used in much the same way.

I'm very excited to take on this, the biggest challenge I have thought up this far.

Not so Rainy Morning

I've been watching a lot of westerns recently. Last week I saw The Good, the bad and the Ugly. I had never seen early Clint Eastwood and I loved this movie. The silent dialog. The long sweeping panoramas. Character development. Journey adventure. It reminded me of Sargasso Manuscript, where one story leads into another. Double crossing, impeccability. 

Last night I saw Unforgiven. More sweeping views of the plains. Blood sunsets, dusty towns. It made me miss the midwest. Fields and forests, rivers and mountains. I dream of my farm, my ranch in the sierras. I ran into Mike Jones from Userplane at Twiistup and we were talking about consulting. One of my goals of consulting is to make enough to buy my ranch and have goats.  Three hours from LA, on a plateau overlooking the mojave I will sit on my porch and watch the mountains, the clouds and desert. I will disappear into the mountains to explore and discover. My workspace will be filled with shop tools, a kiln, plasma cutter, welder and materials.

At that point, perhaps I will be ripe enough to produce art. The stories with have inspired me with expression.

LA Tech Plan coming True

I could not have scripted this better. The opening intro to this TV segment on Twiistup an LA's Tech Scene is what I have been planning. The time is now. Check it out.

Geek Dinner is Tonight

Are you excited? I'm excited. Tonight is going to be a really fun geek dinner. We're having a blind date with dorkbot. Do you have butterflies in your stomach? I do. I've been preparing to make sure everything is just perfect.

We've got some great prizes to give away, a white-elephant for those of you who bring something, and some really great catering that has omni-vor, vegi and vegan offerings for only $15.

Dessert is brought to us by SK Telecom. Machine Project will have the floor bar open. You won't want to miss this. There is a hole in the floor. You push a button, and a silver hand comes up. You put $3 in it and it goes away. Then it come back with a beer. Totally cool!

I know there are going to be other surprises, so join the 50+ of us for dinner tonight, down at Machine Project.

<3,

-Heather

Poetry

Last night as I was slipping off into sleep, I heard a word, plaintive on the breath, a tiny voice saying hello, remember me, my passion, my soul, you used to care, you used to play, you used to feel, you used to......

I said the word aloud. I remembered my passion with words. I remembered the feelings, the unfathomable expressions that somehow got captured in letters and stanzas. I remembered the muse, the architecture, the foundations and free-form. I remembered the discussions about the your death, your revival in rap and your fractal patterns in free verse. You were an old love of mine. You have gone neglected, I admit. But I do not know, when I will pay attention to you again. However, for the moment, I remember the sweet goblin fruit and the sun and the interplay of magic with words and Iowa landscapes and meanings that reveal themselves eventually or not.

Respect for the Silthery things

It was a dream. There were lots of teeth. Sharks, fangs, things coming at me. Ready to devour me. I was not terrified. A friend and I went walking through the valley of the slithery things. They were peacefully sleeping. Our walking did not disturb them. I was not disgusted. We were not afraid. We realized that they have every right to be here as we.

Just as everything has every right to be here. It is not my job to slaughter the slithery things. In fact, as I walked through them, I felt affection, love for them. I no longer fear them. 

What do I fake?

Being authentic is probably the most critically important thing to me. So when I pondered the question "What do I fake?" I was terrified what I might answer, lest I find a chink in my authenticity and not walk the talk.

However, it took me a mere moment to answer it. I fake circular breathing.

I've got a couple didjideroos and can make some pretty fun sounds with them, but when it comes to circular breathing, I fake it. In fact, as much as I want to actually be able to play the didj, I'm really just a faker player. I pull it out as a fun toy, pipe some sounds on it. It's my "hey I can play an instrument, instrument." And that saddens me, because I really think it is an awesome instrument and I really wish I knew how to play for reals. I know how to solve the problem - just practice. If I want to really get serious I'd take a few lessons. But it's always on the back burner.

Asking myself this question made me wonder what other people fake. Since authenticity is so important to me, I would be fascinated to know what you fake (and why). Would you answer this question on your own blog?

What do you fake?

Forcasting the Future

I love those silly polls where you answer a few questions and they tell you what your superpower or enlightenment level or whatever the meme of the moment is, so you can use it as a pick-up line. Sometimes I take it a few times tweaking my answers to see if it changes the response.

It was not at one of these internet polls that I discovered my "super-power." I used a process of extrapolation to access my passionate strengths. I love to drive fast and "beat the clock". I'm constantly analyzing the past for patterns and understanding to apply to the future. I've know my future - sometimes specifically and sometimes in more vague conceptual blocks. These things led me to believe, if I had a superpower, it would be time travel. I already travel to the past, project/dream the future and play with the present.

That made me wonder, could I time travel for things beyond moi? And that's when I learned about future forecasting. I realized this was a fairly simple science at conference with Don Norman at the Palace of Fine Arts. It's basically past historical research, paying attention to current/not so current trends, technology and the direction in which it's moving (and where) and then extrapolation (one of my personal techniques).

Of course, you don't always end up with the actual reality from the extrapolation. It's part science, part art, part experience. So I would have loved to attend last night's talk with 25 year forecaster Paul Saffo. Luckily Stewart Brand send along his notes this morning. You can read them by clicking on the link....

Good Article on DoOcracy

Here's a great article/description of do-ocracy from the community wiki. I especially like that they included dangers: (quoted from the article)

• Burnout. People can get too attached to the do-ocratic system and volunteer for too many jobs, or too much work.
• Despotism. A person who’s doocrat’d themselves into control of a very necessary system (network, food pool, etc.) can get heady with power and demand rewards or tribute for their work.
• Frustration. Some people don’t have the time or means to do something, but they do have (real or imagined) expertise. In a doocracy, they will feel overrun and perceive the situation as slipping out of their hands. This can cause frustration. And remember: “Fear is the path to the dark side…”
• FairProcess. Doocracy is not always explicitly defined, so there are diverging perception dangers about “fairness”.
• Resentment. If only a minority of participants in the community do-ocratize themselves into the hard jobs, they can resent others who don’t take on responsibility.
• Complacency. If a minority of people take on jobs, the others can become complacent and ignore new tasks, since “someone else will do it.” (end)

I know I've gotten hit with the first one, and the second one has crept in a bit. (Does the fact that I know this make me less evil/egotistical?) Anyway, good stuff.

On Perception

From Edge Questions, Donald Hoffman writes about how he changed his mind about perception:

                  Veridical Perception              

I have changed my mind about the nature of perception. I thought                 that a goal of perception is to estimate properties of an objective                 physical world, and that perception is useful precisely to the                 extent that its estimates are veridical. After all, incorrect                 perceptions beget incorrect actions, and incorrect actions beget                 fewer offspring than correct actions. Hence, on evolutionary                 grounds, veridical perceptions should proliferate.

             

Although                 the image at the eye, for instance, contains insufficient information                 by itself to recover the true state of the world, natural selection                 has built into the visual system the correct prior assumptions                 about the world, and about how it projects onto our retinas,                 so that our visual estimates are, in general, veridical. And                 we can verify that this is the case, by deducing those prior                 assumptions from psychological experiments, and comparing them                 with the world. Vision scientists are now succeeding in this                 enterprise. But we need not wait for their final report to conclude                 with confidence that perception is veridical. All we need is                 the obvious rhetorical question: Of what possible use is non-veridical                 perception?

             

I now think that perception is useful because it is not veridical.                 The argument that evolution favors veridical perceptions is wrong,                 both theoretically and empirically. It is wrong in theory, because                 natural selection hinges on reproductive fitness, not on truth,                 and the two are not the same: Reproductive fitness in a particular                 niche might, for instance, be enhanced by reducing expenditures                 of time and energy in perception; true perceptions, in consequence,                 might be less fit than niche-specific shortcuts. It is wrong                 empirically: mimicry, camouflage, mating errors and supernormal                 stimuli are ubiquitous in nature, and all are predicated on non-veridical                 perceptions. The cockroach, we suspect, sees little of the truth,                 but is quite fit, though easily fooled, with its niche-specific                 perceptual hacks. Moreover, computational simulations based on                 evolutionary game theory, in which virtual animals that perceive                 the truth compete with others that sacrifice truth for speed                 and energy-efficiency, find that true perception generally goes                 extinct.

             

It                 used to be hard to imagine how perceptions could possibly be                 useful if they were not true. Now, thanks to technology, we                 have a metaphor that makes it clear — the windows interface of                 the personal computer. This interface sports colorful geometric                 icons on a two-dimensional screen. The colors, shapes and positions                 of the icons on the screen are not true depictions of what they                 represent inside the computer. And that is why the interface                 is useful. It hides the complexity of the diodes, resistors,                 voltages and magnetic fields inside the computer. It allows us                 to effectively interact with the truth because it hides the truth.

             

It                 has not been easy for me to change my mind about the nature                 of perception. The culprit, I think, is natural selection.                 I have been shaped by it to take my perceptions seriously.                 After all, those of our predecessors who did not, for instance,                 take their tiger or viper or cliff perceptions seriously had                 less chance of becoming our ancestors. It is apparently a small                 step, though not a logical one, from taking perception seriously to taking it literally.
               
                Unfortunately our ancestors faced no                 selective pressures that would prevent them from conflating                 the serious with the literal: One who takes the cliff both                 seriously and literally avoids harms just as much as one who                 takes the cliff seriously but not literally. Hence our collective                 history of believing in flat earth, geocentric cosmology, and                 veridical perception. I should very much like to join Samuel                 Johnson in rejecting the claim that perception is not veridical,                 by kicking a stone and exclaiming "I refute it thus." But even                 as my foot ached from the ill-advised kick, I would still harbor                 the skeptical thought, "Yes, you should have taken that                 rock more seriously, but should you take it literally?"

Proper Billing!

It's official. Heathervescent comes out. (Instead of performing under one of my monikers.) It was only a matter of time before I succumbed to stardom. (Must be the LA water/air/possibility combo.)  I'm actually looking for some "friends" to join me on stage. If you'll be in LA on the 2nd, hit me up. I may have "a walk on role in the war" for you to play!

Some 2008 theme songs

Magic's in the Makeup (click to listen) by No Doubt
followed by
What I am (click to listen) by Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians

Lyrics for your pleasure after the click

The Houses I Almost Bought

To the tune of "the cars she used to drive" I see the houses I almost bought. Sunset from Silverlake to Echo Park I pass the possibilities. I think back to the reality of the future. Bright colors, a happy dog, a yard. My exile has ended. I'm remaking domestic bliss in the present.

Geek Dinner 008

Save the date - save the date!

Hey everyone,

Just a reminder to RSVP for the blind date with dorkbot on the 15th. That's the day before Twiistup.

We've going to be at Machine Project's Space in Echo Park. It's conveniently located off the 101 / Alvarado exit.

    1200 D North Alvarado Street
    Los Angeles, CA 90026

I'm having it catered, so I need to know accurate numbers for the caterer - aka - don't leave me hanging with at $400 bill this time! It's going to cost about $15-20 per person for an awesome catered meal by a chef that I have personally eaten the most awesome food from. In fact, she just won the Iron Chef Award for Perfect Culinary Excellence (or something like that) this past weekend.

Also we have a sponsor - SK Telecom (who incidentally is looking for cool technology to acquire).We have some things to give away and of course announcements.

Come, eat, drink and play with geeks and people who do strange things with electricity.

<3,

-Heather

David Allen Talks about GTD at Google

Well here you have it. David Allen, one of my gurus talks about GTD at Google. It's an awesome video. Check it out if you can spare an hour.

Oh and I totally found this from Kelly's GTD Blog.

Shake it shake it shake it

OK, I've bootstrapped myself out of the funk. Are you are coming with me? Well why not. This Saturday is BootieLA and it's back at the Echo!

I've got a new performance I'm working on that may be debuted next month on Feb 2. Yes, I've been inspired by another mashup. In the meantime, see ya on the dancefloor.

NYE

Originally uploaded by Splat Worldwide.

My New Year's Eve costume theme was Col Kurtz. You know, the crazy Col from Apocalypse Now? Yeah, that one. Who knew that zombie makeup can double for camo-paint?

Photo by the awesome splat photobooth.

ps. that's my bullet belt I bought in Austin earlier this year.

Being my own Hero

When I first moved to LA, I had no plans. I didn't have a job. I didn't know anyone. I had a 1 month sublet in Venice. I woke up one morning, packed the car and drove to LA. The first morning of my new life, I stared at my white board. It was blank.

I remember sitting in that house. I had no expectations. Mind like water. I was listening to one particular grateful dead album at the time. I fell in love with Franklin's Tower. Especially the sentiment "if you plant ice, you're gonna harvest wind." I woke up with those words in my head yesterday and dug out the CD.

As I listen to the smooth caressing music, the interplay between instruments, I remember that time. My love affair with Los Angeles. The possibilities. Discovering the contradictions. Finding the hidden gems. The kernel of authenticity under the props. That was what delighted me. That was what kept me in Los Angeles. That was the LA I fell in love with.

I remember being ruthless in Berkeley. Standing on my redwood deck. Watching the sunset into the San Francisco Bay. House hidden between 10ft hedges. I'd gaze into the Mizrach skyscape and practice martial arts. Focusing on my dreams. Plucking them from the wetness of the unknown and making them a reality. Jumping into the possibilities.

When I was in Cambria this weekend I walked along the tidepool beach cliffs. The rocks had been worn away and I jumped from slick seaweed covered rock to another while the waves crashed nearby. I'd venture out on the long tendrils of rock and get caught in a dead end. It was leap of faith across a wide churning channel onto slicker rock or backtracking. I chose to backtrack - there was no need to make a leap of faith on this solo excursion. I wondered if the backtracking was worth the journey. In the end I decided it was, because it's more about the trip than the destination.

 

--

"Without love in the dream, it will never come true."
- The Grateful Dead
--

"I have already given over to the power that rules my fate..."
"I fear nothing, so I will remember myself."
   - Silvio Manuel

Culture Shock

I should have known better and not gone at all. I just attempted to go to Drinks 2.0 Developer night - yet another geek event here in LA. But it was only 15 minutes from my house, a bunch of my friends had RSVPed and the boyf actually wanted to go.

I've had a lot of concerns about the LA tech community explosion and some blew up on me tonight. One, I really should have known better than go after spending 4 days of awesomeness with the closest group of people I've ever found in my entire life. Cutting lose and being the ultimate expression of heathervescent (minus the fire) with 100 people at the same caliber of creative expression is a hard act to follow. I've been having culture shock just getting back into the grind. Then there's the 2 week cold I've been fighting, culminating with my throat as raw as it's ever been. Then there was the questioning of my newest avatar which I can't really write about because she's secret. That's a lot in itself, without my other topic specific reservations.

I know I should be happy about all the events springing up. I know I should be happy about the people taking initiative organizing things for the community. I know I should be happy about the community growing. I know I should be happy about that LA Times article. It's all validation of my dream. It's success. And it's that's the case, why am I all tore up? Why do I hate everything I have worked for? Why do I feel like it was all for nothing. Why am I not celebrating my awesomeness and pimping up my ego for TOTAL LA TECH DOMINATION?

*sigh*

I've analyzed this to no end - and I will probably keep analyzing because I'm just not satisfied with my answers. Maybe I'm jealous? I really wish it was that simple. That would be a great answer and then I'd just let time do it's healing, or I could strike back, cause we all know "business is not about being nice." But I'm not jealous.

Am I mad because I "should have been doing those type of events?" Those types of events being ones where I make money or pimp my company. I'm sorry, I'm not interested in selling out the community I spent years building. I feel very protective, because I spent so much time creating space for it to grow. I watched it to see what it needed, to know where it wanted to grow and tried to give it that.

Maybe I'm burned out. I've been doing this for almost two years - and as anyone who knows me, I don't do anything half-assed. Look at my results, I got people to pay attention to LA's tech community. LA - a city of glitz and Hollywood and smoozing and swankiness and deals and movies and blah blah blah. And LA, what did you in return? I wanted to make something real, something that wasn't all slick and polished. I wanted to make something that was real, authentic in a city where you're always talking up the next thing.

And that's what you did. You took it and made it slick. You talked it up. You got everyone's attention. It's probably going to be as disgusting as the tech scene in Silicon Valley.

Maybe I'm not satisfied with my results. Maybe the results aren't what I expected. And when it's a community of volunteers, it's not like you can fire anyone. And who am I to know what's best anyway. Who put me in charge? I did. (Well, I do remember an email with the BarcampLA1 organizers who said there needed to be a benevolent commander and I might as well be it.)

It's because I don't like to do what other people do. I want to innovate. I don't copy. I'll borrow and steal ideas, and I'll improve upon them. Why shouldn't other do that with my ideas? The voice inside says I should take it as flattery that I have inspired people. And logically I do. I mean, that's what I want - I want people to follow their dreams, their passions. But don't follow mine. Don't copy me.

Which leads me to _my_ dreams and passions. What _am_ I passionate about? What gets me going? What excites me? Being authentic. Re-defining. Trying new things. Constant invention. Never satisfied. Un-categorizical. Culture-jamming. Pushing the envelope. I just happen to be very good at organizing groups of people. And I happen to have a lot of experience building technology products. Technology was a passion of mine. Los Angeles was a passion of mine. Where has that passion gone? And if it's gone, then there is no point to continuing down that path - no matter how many others are beating down it. No matter how many people tell me what they think I should be doing.

If it's not a path with heart, I might as well shoot myself now.

Ocean and Pines, Second year

At night on the central coast, the pines are darker than the star lit night. I watch orion slide across the sky. I hear the ocean waves breaking on the bluffs below - it blends with the wind in the trees. In the morning four mule deer are browsing in the pine brush as I walk down the hill to the lodge.

In the kitchen breakfast is being made - for at least the 20th time. In the past 4 days our kitchen has not closed. I get a cup of coffee, start a new pot and chat with a friend while she makes gourmet bagels with cream cheese, avocado, onions, tomato and bacon. Munching a bagel, I amble over to the DJ station and put on some old Rolling Stones and join some friends looking at photos from their sea lion field trip (where they captured a sea lion birth!) yesterday. Then I head over to the fire to add some last minute notes to our mailboxes. I look out at the sun on the ocean, breathe in the fresh air and try to remember "the real world."

I know I've got to pack up and return to LA. To call these past 4 days a party is a disservice of the experience. It's a family reunion. It's summer camp. It's 4 days of cooking, classes, nature hikes, wine tastings, hanging out, talking, competing at silly games and celebrations.