what this is about, accd to you and google

I'm a conflicted blog writer. I write mostly for myself, my memory and because I like to create images with words. I like to transcribe experiences into text. I might polish up the actual events a bit, but it's not hyperbole. I write to remember who I was. I go back and read my blog. I remember what I was going through, what I was thinking and can see immediately how I have changed, evolved, what I have learned. What goals I have reached, what I was struggling with in the past, that today, seems so small. I often wonder why I write much of this in a very public place, for anyone to read.

The answer comes down to, I'm lazy and I type fast.

I also keep this blog public to expose my thoughts/stories/obserations. The good ones and the bad ones. The good stories inspire people, motivate them to evolve, do things they dream of or are just plain fun (explosions, unicorns, the desert). And the bad stuff, well, I write about them to expose those things. I don't want them to be bottled up inside of me. My blog is my witness - as you, the readers are too.

It's this part of my blog writing that I fear the most. I'm afraid what people might think when they read about the heather that is less than ass-kicking. The heather that questions her motivations, the world's motivations, the heather that has lost her faith. The heather that struggles to understand people, hoping, waiting for the best, and constantly disappointed in the unevolved unawareness. (Hey, I am 10 times harder on myself than any other individual.)

Bottom-line: I'm a human struggling to transcend the animal meat and this blog is one track on that path.

But, just because I write this blog for my own reasons, doesn't mean you come here for the same ones.  In fact, you are probably here for very different reasons.

Maybe you just want to find out the next geek dinner and don't care about my philosophical ramblings (hey, I don't blame you, I'm self-absorbed about my observations and analysis of my world). Maybe you're stalking me (a fair amount of you do search for my name and I don't blame you either, I'm an interesting person). But more likely, you're on my blog because you're looking for Aeon Flux Costumes, you want to learn how to write goodbye letters to someone or more recently you've heard about Craig Hightower's death.

So although I write this blog to probe the deep thoughts in my mind, google brings you here for your own reasons. I hope you find what you came for. And if you didn't, I hope you enjoyed the stories.

Comments

[Michael:)]

Well!!!!!!!!

i like ur writing,"sometimes" thats why i check in.

I read about a girl that jumped off the golden gate bridge on ur blog, I thought u passed through that in a way i would not have presented that to my readers"if i had any"!..

Ur a girl, a woman, So yes u will end up with a certain amount of men lusting after u while typing with one hand.

Me:) ,I like the fact that u open ur blog to all the craziness withing reason.

Well im in Ibiza spain so im about to head out to meet some friends and go dance till the sun comes up.

P.S.

My faith is measured only by what is insurmountable inside you, from which your loss, taught u this, that through can only be gained.

[Devin]

"It's this part of my blog writing that I fear the most."

This is true for me as well, but it's also the part that's proven most rewarding. When I started my blog I assumed nobody would ever read it, so I could say whatever I wanted without fear of judgement. Then people started reading it. But none of those people judged me. If anything, they thought more highly of me for being able to say the things I did and for surviving the things I went through. The experience helped me learn how to open up to people and I'm a very different person today because of it.

[Greg Roberts]

i blogged all my deepest most innermost thoughts, like you, mostly for my own record-keeping / soul cleansing, until they were threatened by a soon to be ex to be used against me in a court of law... i then shut down all but one dreamblog, and moved from the language of literalism and complaint into the realm of metaphor and hopeful dreaming.

[heathervescent]

Michael - wish I could join you in your ibiza partying. alas, I dream of Brazil.

Devin - it's something about not being strong all the time. It's about being vulnerable sometimes and not knowing all the answers.

Greg - well, you have to be careful what you write. I try to stay focused on the positive and only write about good things. There's too much negativity in the world, and I don't want to contribute to that - even when people are pissing me off. Sometimes though, I slip up and get negative. Then again, I'm human.

[AmyM]

Isn't it great how Google brings us all together?