I don't have to like you

I've recently had a flash of enlightenment. I'm sure some of you will think - awww - I thought that way when I was 5. Well then, good for you. But recently I've realized I don't have to like everyone. I used to think there had to be a good reason to dislike people - but there doesn't. Some people are assholes. Some people don't like me. And that's totally fine.

I don't like everyone. I do like a lot of people. And I have a very long shelf filled with many observations (on hold) about many people. I don't like to judge people. (Partially because I don't like to be judged myself.) But why would I hang out with people I don't like, when I can hang out with people that I do really like? It's like the whole strength's weaknesses thing. I used to focus on being good at many things - now I just want to kick ass at what I kick ass.

I feel so liberated realizing this. Just because I don't like you, doesn't mean I hate you (that expends too much energy). But I have a lot more fun (and I'm sure you do too) when I'm around people headed the same direction I am.

So there, I give myself permission to dislike people, for any reason or none at all. And I'll completely understand if you don't like me - I'm not me for mass adoration.

Comments

[Travis Savo]

What follows is you can love someone, always hold a special place in your heart for them and wish them nothing but the best, but not actually like them as a person.

I've found this is a pretty comfortable place for family that brings you down or is a negative influence in your life. Accepting that makes having a loving relationship possible, and even enjoyable, because their place is never confused, and it allows you to be a positive beacon for them.

But that's just me. Please take it with the small pile of salt it's being offered with.

[Cliff Allen]

Judging people is not necessarily bad. You can judge that someone has a set of skills, attitudes, or beliefs that is -- or is not -- compatible with yours. This helps in prioritizing how much time to invest with each person, which can make both you and them more productive and happier.

[heathervescent]

Cliff - exactly. As a leader, you must know what skills are needed to be successful. And you must know what you team can do. (A long time ago in a warehouse in Oakland someone whispered in my ear "you must know who they are and what they can do before you can lead them." It's been one of the best pieces of advice I've received.

Travis - detachment, but not being too detached. Sometimes it's very tricky with family. :)