The other night we fed the snakes. They hadn't eaten for a while because of various travels. So we picked up a couple of fat rats and put them in their feeding cages. Usually we leave them alone to strike and swallow, but for some reason I layed out flat on the Persian rug and watched them.
They eat in separate cages, so I watched Vicki. She had a beautiful all white rat. It's dead before she gets it, so it was just laying there with it's little paw-fingers stretched out. I feel bad about killing the rats for the snakes to eat. Because that seems like a cruel life. But then I remind myself that I consume live items (I consider lettuce alive) and that is part of the predatory universe. Unlike myself, the snakes only have to eat every couple weeks, whereas I eat every day.
I'm laying on my stomach, holding my breath. Vicki is holding the rat in her jaws in a silent meditation. She doesn't move for at least five minutes. I stand vigil with her, my head resting on my hands. Then she repositions opens her jaw. I see her slowly edge the rat's face into her mouth. It takes her many minutes to extend her jaws and slowly swallow the rat whole. At one pause, I see the two little paws (that I earlier saw running around in the cage) sticking out along the side of the jaw. I wish I could reach in and pet them. Comfort them. But I am a voyeur. I am watching an intimate experience. Like watching someone masturbate.
Watching Vicki eat feels more intimate than that. I sense the vulnerability. And still the power. It's this that hooks me. I don't get off on the death. I work hard not to be sad or have pity. Because this is life. Life is predatory. To continue to live, something else dies. Energy is transformed and consumed and re-purposed. To continue to exist you must take in energy, and we humans do that by eating. The energy is transformed from that of a rat with fur into a smooth snake.
I like watching Vicki eat because it's an uncomfortable reminder that each day I transform energy and only I am responsible for what comes of that energy. And when something dies for my energy - that gives me the responsibility to make my life as beneficial to the universe. Because otherwise, those things have died in vain. And maybe it is my energy that should be transformed instead.
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