heathervescent

Timetravel Timelines

A few months ago I saw a great movie on time travel, called Primer. The first time I saw it, I was so freaked out by the possibilities it was hard to go to sleep. The movie twists on itself and I didn't dare to try to figure  out every angle, until this timeline was pointed out to me. And now, I definitely want to see it again.

Coffee-Chocolate!

I've returned to the morning habit of coffee-chocolate, although I'm not using the decadent recipe on that page.

I like to switch up habits and although I enjoy my morning coffee, I do change the ways I make it. left Currently I use a red 4 cup Melita coffee filter holder and filter. I boil the water in a kettle on the stove and pour it over the ground coffee directly into the cup. When I want chocolate-coffee, I add rich hot chocolate mix to the cup. Then I might add honey or cream.  It takes about 5 minutes to make a single cup. And about 2 minutes to drink it. I think I might have to make another cup this morning!

Campfire Stories

I went to camp for two summers when I was in middle school. The camp had two tribes and all attendees were put into one or the other. Towards the end of the session there was an event where the tribes battled against each other. (Probably for who got to eat ice cream after dinner.) The battle was played at night, and there was a central tower all lit up, surrounded by team B. Inside the tower was a representative from team A. The rest of team A was spread out in the surrounding fields. The point was to get through the adversary team to meet your rep in the tower and collect a chip. However you could get caught and held hostage by the other team. After a period of time, the teams switched places. At the end, the chips were tallied and the team with the most chips won.

The first year I played, I spent the entire time crawling with two colleagues through the grass. We never made it to the tower, but we didn’t get caught either. We slowly stalked and crawled the entire time... stealthy, but not actually reaching our goal before time was up. The first year, I was disappointed that I didn't get in on any of the action. I think my team won, but I didn't really feel like I contributed much to it.

The second year I was determined to act differently. I made sure I was up in the front and I took as many risks as possible. I was untouchable. I got through the other team's line over and over and collected many chips. I would return to my team leader with a chip and immediately go back out. I'd grab colleagues and take them to the tower with me. I think I ended up bringing in the most individual chips. I was completely and utterly unstoppable. My team won again, but this time, instead of crawling through the grass, I brought home the trophy.

Hit the Sky Flying

Someone a while back accused me of nipping at the heels of the big dogs. I've never seen myself as a run with the dogs type of person. I'm a lone wolf. I watch the pack from the trees and interact as necessary; I am my own pack with my own direction. When I identify with animals it's been of the big cats or raptor variety. I love the sky and the possibilities when you take a leap and jump into the wind.

My life has been a combination of climbing mountains and jumping off them. I enjoy the climb. The challenges that come along the way. The things I learn and the tools I acquire. Constantly learning, modifying, adjusting and reaccessing. Here again, I find myself at a flat mountain top and I can't but help raise my head and set my sight on the sky.

hiding in the wings

I played around with theatre, arts and performance in my time. Most people who know me expect me to be the actress type, wanting to be out on the stage in front of everyone getting a standing ovation. This is not so in reality.

In my theatre days, I was almost exclusively behind the scenes. I'd find, create and set up props, backdrops, costumes, make-up. I'd wear black and change the sets as the performers would run off the stage for a frantic costume change. I'd stay behind after the show was over cleaning up, prepping for the next night. Putting things in order, while most were out celebrating or partying or something. But then everyone would be gone. The stage would be in order and I'd stand in the wings. Looking out on the set. I'd walk out and look at row upon empty row. In awe at the open empty space. I never pretended I was acting or in the performance. If I really wanted to perform, I would have. (And I did a few times when I wanted to.) I preferred the silent set. Devoid of motion. Static. And yet, all the possibilities.

But they weren't my possibilities. Or were they, as soon as I came out from watching in the wings? Maybe that's what the second part of kicking ass in 2006 is all about. Maybe it's time to stop hiding in the wings. Time to stop setting up the scenes. Time to stop practicing my kicks. And time to start showing them off. 10 days to curtain rise.

open wide sky

I can hear the tumble and rumble of thunder from my hotel room and although I have been up for 12 hours and am exhausted, I am exhilarated, excited and about to jump out of my hotel room.

The rain is coming down and I'm sitting in a plush overstuffed chair watching the wind whip the trees. It's been so long since I have been in this part of the country. The last time, I said goodbye. I've missed the moisture and greenery and adventures. I used to drive the abandoned highways around the airport and get myself lost in horse trails. I remember the deer vertebrae I found one afternoon, while hiking in high heels after a day of tough meetings. I remember the battlefield I explored after battling in HQ conference rooms. The temporal friends I met hiking in Shenandoah and our subsequent event in DC clubs. I remember my trips to Alexandria to meet with old friends. People I have long since lost touch with. Extravagant dinners, awkward pauses. Evening phone calls to a different home, a different city, a different life. I remember these times with joy - for one instant, because I am present, and I am planning the future.

I have returned. And I am greeted by the plush rain, sky alight with nature's fireworks: crash and flash and grey sheets of rain. It's not a homecoming, but a return to long list of successes. A beginning in familiar soil. This time, I fully intend to create the road to success, instead of tread on one laid out by executives.

where's the silence?

I'm usually blasting music in my car as I'm driving, but I've started taking a break. I crave silence. My head is bursting with the noise of the city. The cars on the street, the dogs barking, sirens and helicopters. Where is the quietude?

Mrow

Last night at dinner with some friends, the boyfriend brought up ligers and I've spent this morning looking at pictures and reading about them online. Wow - what amazing animals. I've always been a fan of the Tiger and other big cats (although I'm less a fan of Lions). Ligers grow to be larger than either lions or tigers. They love to swim and have both spots and stripes.

That's it, I've declared the Liger my new power animal. Watch out! Mrow.

Two Years Later

Two years ago I returned to Los Angeles. I woke up in a strange bed, I breathed new air. I stalked new streets and neighborhoods. I started a new chapter in my life. I hit the reset button and sat down to my creation machine. I created a new costume. One filled with pedicures, partnerships, sparkling eyeliner, manual vehicles and more. I kept the familiar talismans of coffee and the desert always nearby. But I mostly wandered around the mall that is Los Angeles, looking into different shops, trying on different clothes, learning new products, paths and possibilities. But ultimately I was not in the market for a new personality.

The time of exploration is winding down. It's time to sharpen the sword, which has barely been used to keep the rust off. I've gotten battered around a bit, because I was focused on exploring and openness and I took my armor off. It's time to pull my leathers out of the closet and oil them up. Add new baubles and mend seams. Modify the old style to match my new landscape.

"Do not require a description of the countries towards which you sail. The description does not describe them to you and tomorrow you arrive there and know them by inhabiting then."
- Emerson, Essay on the Oversoul

I have inhabited. I have described.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." ~ Mark Twain

And where will the winds take me. And which wind will I look to for direction? North, South, East, West. Where will my destination be? [Links play some classic Church songs.]

Top 5 Mash-up List

Here's my top 5 Mash-ups from my show on Theory Radio.

1. Real Big Time, A+D
2. It Takes Two to Kiss, DJ John
3. Never Feel Good, Party Ben
4. No One Takes Your Freedom, DJ Earworm
5. Kiss My Neck Off, DJ Axel

And special props go out to DJ Schnipseljagd for Hollerback Thriller Girl.

An interesting piece of trivia. My first web page was of the top 10 of my World Music show for CMJ (in 1995). So it's only fitting that I'm back to where I began. I'll be updating my top 5 lists on nights of my mash-up show. I'll add links to these DJs tomorrow, when I am more coherent.

Mash up Radio Show

If you’re a fan of mash-up, bootlegs or experimental mixes tune into Mashed and Mixed, my new radio show on Theory Radio where I’ll be playing mashed bootlegs and mixed music straight out of the Brewery in Downtown Los Angeles.

I’ll play bootlegs from DJ Axel, A+D, DJ Z-Trip, DJ John, DJ Earworm, Party Ben, Earlyworm and more. Tune in Wed, June 7^th at 8 to 11pm pacific to hear the evolution of music. [Direct Stream] 

To Remember the weekend

It wasn't this past weekend - but I don't want to forget it - although I don't think I will be able to actually.

• Working late, 3 hours sleep before the flight
• Capital Hill
• A fabulous mocha from Vivachi
• Warm clothes from crossroads
• A restaurant that reminds him of another
• A visit to my corporate nemesis for many years
• New friends, old friends
• A drive though rain and green mountains
• Grasslands
• Fields from a previous life
• Remembering the NIN poster I carried to/though Europe for someone
• Standing outside the pit
• A night of Apocalypse now
• The sleep of death
• A concrete Stonehenge on the edge of a river
• My brother, his wife and two dogs
• A punk family.
• Home cooked food.
• Another good mocha.
• Sleeping at the eardrum blasting concert
• No energy for subversive shopping.
• Breaking point.
• The W. and sweet sleep at last.

I really want to write up the whole story of the night of the Apocalypse is in eastern Washington, but I've just been too busy. It's a good story though.

history changed - or not?

I was reading this post on b.la how today is the anniversary of the assassination of Robert F Kennedy; and I started thinking about strange unsolved stories. And then the vision of the terminator movie came into my brain and I thought, a standard science fiction plot is to foil a would-be assassin from killing someone instrumental in changing the world for the "good" of humanity. And then instantly my thought jumped tracks and I thought, what if the "good guys" failed and that instrumental person _is_ killed? Would it create a different parallel world? And then I thought, what if we are living in that time? You know, with all the world improvement GWB is doing.

It's an interesting idea to think about. It's not the first time I've thought about multiple parallel (or not so parallel) realities. I've found 4th and 5th dimensions explained as all possibilities existing. (Try to visualize that in all the nodal possibilities.) And then add the concept of time to each nodal possibility. And try to visualize _that_! Or, well don't. It's the same headache as someone in flatland trying to visualize my fingers typing on this keyboard.

It's all fun to think about, but ultimately useless to living in this reality. Or is it? If you believe in pre-destiny, this method explains all possibilities as known variables. If you believe in free-will, this method explains all possibilities of choice. Any choice is a pre-destined choice. Or is it? Is there a choice that is not predestined? (A bug, a non-standard behavior?) If you know all choices are predestined, including not making the choice, do you feel freer or trapped?Or something else?

Does knowing you have lived all the possibilities before (or concurrently) allow you the freedom to choose which choice you want to make in that exact moment in your exact reality - and not automatically choose the deepest groove.

Weekend Recap

It was sweltering in LA - that didn't stop me from loving it. S and I got up early and went for a hike in Topanga. We thought one 3 liter camelback and a bottle of Gatorade would be enough - but it wasn't. 3 hours later (and with another hour to hike back) we had finished our fluids and were coated with a thin film of sweat. Although I was almost dying of heat exhaustion, I had no problem hiking the various micro climates back to Topanga. We saw a couple snakes and countless little lizards. We hiked along streams, I climbed a tree, and we climbed up a waterfall. (It wasn't gushing.) Then we drank about 50 ounces of liquid in about 5 minutes.

We dragged ourselves home, washed the sweat off ourselves and barely made it to BossaNova where we ate STEAK! Just what we needed after the hike. Later I rousted myself with a rockstar and made it over to Bootie, where I shook my thang to mixed up mashed music.

Sunday morning light was streaming into my eyes as I was awakened with the excitement of the land auction. I was skeptical (even though it was my idea), but we went anyway and it was pretty fun. Sam even picked up some 40 acres of desert in Nevada for a paltry sum. Myself, I was holding out for the Mojave east of Barstow, but nothing was available.

So that was it. A fine fine weekend at home. Hiking, Steaks, Bootie, Land.