Feeling the flow

Today was the first time in a while that I felt in Flow state. I was driving my convertible, top down on the 101. I was listening to the radio and driving for myself. I've been driving for other people (the screwed up CD player, the dog in the backseat or a passenger) for months and finally I had some solo time in my car. I was listening to Indie 103 and the La's "There she goes" came on. I loved this song when I was in high school. It reminded me of driving the open roads in Iowa, windows open, music on the stereo, the moist air full of bugs in front of me and nothing but dust (these were gravel roads) behind me.

I used to race the train, especially if I was trying to go to my boyfriend's house (who lived outside of town, on the other side of town from me). If I didn't catch the lights, I'd sit and wait for the train to cross the road. Sometimes I'd get impatient and race it further down the track, attempting to make the crossing.

Anyway, I'm getting on the 101 southbound at Highland and on comes the La's and there I they go, those memories racing through my brain. I smell the air and feel my wet hair drying in the wind, and boy do I finally feel like myself. I didn't realize how oppressed I felt the past few months. I was living someone else's life - but, who was that? and how did I get conned into it being my life?

When I mapped out my plan for 2006 last December, I left open a huge gap. A huge gap for something to come into. I was waiting in March, getting more and more impatient in April and here we are almost entering May. In retrospect, my life was too busy in March and most of April. I'm finally at the point where I'm not really juggling anything. I've got confident understand of all the stuff in my life - including the house insurance issue and dealing with my car hit and run. But beyond that, everything is copacetic.

And that feels good. I finally have moments to read the books I want to read, and seriously think about things and plan where I'm going to be putting a big chunk of my energy for the rest of 2006.

Comments

[idonothingallday]

I love NYC, but I miss driving.
Lived in San Diego for a little over 2 years and did the cross country trip a few times.