heathervescent

what is my problem?

For the record, I am not a clean freak. I like a nice, clean, organized living space. I clean occasionally and in fits and spurts. As I've matured, my ability to clean has increased, although my affection for it has not. Momentum is the mitigating factor. But this is just weird. I spent all weekend cleaning a couple weeks ago and got such satisfaction with getting it done. And today, I have been futzing around on a variety of projects - my brain full of all kinds of loose ends. Nothing I've done today has given me satisfaction - except for cleaning my bathroom just moments ago. What the hell is happening to me? Me, heathervescent, the woman who goes off on adventures all over the world, is satisfied using Scrubbing Bubbles (tm) and Magic Eraser (tm) on my tile and porcelain?! And what about yesterday, when I did about 80 million loads of laundry, playing chicken with the desert dust stains (I won). And what about tomorrow, when I look forward to more laundry in preparation for my mom coming to town. And more cleaning? I am restraining myself from going through every stitch in my closet, bookshelves, drawers and storage lockers and throwing out half of the stuff. Stuff that I sifted through just a few months ago. Is the moon in Virgo? What is going on with me? I'm seriously scared at what I've become. And I hope that I get back to my normal self very soon. Yikes!

Three Thanksgiving Photos

Preview

WildBill did an excellent job chronicling my Friday morning activity, before heading off road. Susan wrote about it here and Nathan here. Nathan was reading Cradle to Cradle and I'm intrigued enough to pick it up next time I'm in a bookstore (which will be Thursday night.) There are a couple articles coming up that I'm in or are about me, but for some reason I don't really feel like blogging/talking/writing about them. I'm excited of course, but maybe the whole, living for my ego thing is over. Or maybe I don't want my 15 minutes to start up yet.(I'd really rather fund my company.) Or maybe it's because I'm madly in love beyond all belief.

It's just in time to surprise Mom when she comes into town for Gloria's book signing party Thursday night. Skip the De Beers Holiday party and be reckless instead.

Good, clean, whitetrash fun

I spent the weekend out in Joshua Tree having some good clean white trash fun. I never realized how much fun it is to be an adult. You can really have a great time (and be responsible too!) The love and I headed out to a friend's property near Joshua Tree for the weekend. We partook of off roading, shooting guns, creating fires and blowing stuff up.

Spending much of my formative years stuck in the barren midwest, I really distanced myself from my "redneck" neighbors. I never drank, you'd never find me in a beefed up pick-up and I certainly was not much of a heckler. I was a lover, not a fighter. I'd be listening to Morrissey not AC/DC. But really what I was, was mixing up the homogeneity. I'm a big believer a wide range of possibilities and expressions. Therefore when the possibilities start to narrow, I take it upon myself to take on the characteristics necessary to open the possibilities. Thus it was necessary for me to get in tune with my white-trashiness this weekend. And it was damn fun too.

I didn't realize how much fun it was to drive the FT (what we call our monster truck) off road. Sam and I caravaned with some friends and found a playground. We drove up and down trails, rocks and attempted to drive up a mountain sand track. The tires dug into the slipping sand and we got 3/4 up the way up before reversing it. We really didn't want to get stuck on the other side and we didn't feel like airing down the tires. Instead we went back to playing in the sandy trails, egging our friends up and down small mountains of rock. (All on trails mind you, we're responsible off roaders!)

Back at the ranch, we broke out the guns for some target practice. It had been years since I picked up a gun and I was surprised to find that my first shot hit the target (a metal plate.) Over the weekend we set up various targets (water bottles, metal plates and other more flammable materials.) I was decked out in my urban camo and really had a great time watching all us lined up shooting at the poor water bottles.

Evenings were filled with fire making. I have a love affair with fire that doesn't usually get to be expressed. When I would go camping with my friends in high school, I'd make sure I was the first one up in the morning to stoke up the evening fire. I had many fond evenings around the Van-B-Que at Burning Man this year, keeping the fire up. And a few special treats found their way into the fire by my hand.

Saturday night wind threatened to keep us inside the small desert house. It was blustery, cold and blowing down the tents. Screaming through the washes and between the cracks. I wondered if we were going to be able to get a fire started and contained. As luck would have it (and credit to planning) the host had thought to bring some old washing machine drums. S and I drug one over to the fire pit and promptly started piling wood in it. A few moments later a fire was crackling and spitting. We pulled the camp chairs close. Folks started venturing out of the house and soon the fire was surrounded. We had two more wash basins and proceeded to make cozy fires in various parts of the yard. Soon, three dryer fires were keeping us all warm. As Orion flew across the sky I flitted from one fire to the other adding wood and stoking the warmth.

 

On the way back to LA, I wanted to show Sam Joshua Tree National Park, while my secret agenda was to take this 4x4 only accessible road from inside the park to Dillon Road near Indio. We were both game turned off the pavement. The road wound down into a valley filled with grass and swallows before ascending a mountain range filled with Joshua Trees and Teddy Bear Cholla Cactus. We easily reached the peak and then twisted our way down the road which was really a wash. We drove through sculptured canyons, the FT descending dry rock waterfalls and navigating around boulders. I kept thinking, "this must be what early explorers experienced on horseback." I was amazed that our modern world has created vehicles that can go really anywhere.

We threaded our way through the traffic on the 10 and rolled our big baby into the West Hollywood driveway. I washed the smoky three day desert dirt from my body and fell asleep to Anime.

I'll miss the sound of artillery shelling from the nearby military base in the morning. Pictures of the whole trip here.

 

A diamond dream come true?

Do you live your life willy-nilly? Waiting for opportunities of love and fame and wealth and whatever your heart's desire is to land at your feet? Or do you go out and make life happen? Take control. Get into the driver's seat, your hand on the stick shift. Actively identify what you want, take that risk, make the jump and reap the rewards?

It's a few years old, but read this Wired article on synthetic diamonds. It excites me like no tomorrow. These diamonds are exactly the kind of representation self-made men and women should support. Not only their technical possibilities and what their technical implementation makes a possibility, but their truth in expressing the "American Dream" on so many levels.

"Real" diamonds do not mean true love. How many wedding rings have been cast unworn because of "true" "love" "forever"?! How much marketing and branding and myth-making has happened to make that happen? Does/did a diamond make me love him more? (Well, maybe if he had ever given me a diamond I could say, but that's another story. And no, I don't think it did. I am not so base to base my love based on a purchased item.)

My right hand diamond will be, like me, created through human direction, with innovation, extreme creativity and cleverness. It will represent the creativity, energy and effervescence that is Heathervescent. And it will not be torn from the bowels of this earth destroying the landscape and lives in the tearing. It will come from machine, hand crafted, carefully created with intention. It will be reckless.

Wind in my hair, Los Angeles at my back

I'm writing this from the top of the LA Times Building in Downtown Los Angeles. The wind is blowing my hair and I am balancing my laptop on my legs as they grip the side of the building like it is my motorcycle. (I'm straddling the edge.) My body is turned so that Genaro Molina can get a good photograph, the high rise buildings are our backdrop. Occasionally a big plume of black exhaust from the generator rises and diffuses into the skyline.

I look up and see the sky filled with clouds, the last November rays of sun shine through the cracks and give downtown the God effect. You know, the God effect, when the rays of light shine down from above like in a movie. It's no wonder that God smiles on Los Angeles. This is the city I and many others love.

To see this view, to feel the wind on my face, to smell the exhaust of the generator - adventure, excitement, possibilities. Here in Los Angeles, anything is possible. And possible at any instant.

why blog?

Sean Bonner has a great post on his pet peeves in talking to journalists. Most striking is closing sentence:

"You want to know why bloggers are a threat to Journalists? It's because we actually have an interest in the things we write about and from a readers perspective that makes all the difference in the world."

It goes back to why we do what we do and who reads who they do. Blogging is about being a real person, having real interests and expressing your passion about them via various media types.

A sparkling night

Tonight I was taking Moki on his last solo Heather walk for a while and we stopped at three stumps to admire the city lights. I took in the view: a splendid display of twinkling sparkles from Glendale to Downtown; the blackness of the elusive Elysian hills, like dark matter clouds in the Los Angeles universe painting a black gash across the lightscape. I raised my eyes to the sky. There is not a cloud and I see stars twinkling amidst the many airplanes queuing for their descent at LAX or Burbank or another airport. I am reminded of the opening scene from BladeRunner. The approach surrounded by the majestic glitter of lights and I can't help but think that this modern world we live in, is the reality of a dream.

I walk into the grocery store and aisle upon aisle is filled with many and varied products. Practically anything I can imagine and much that I would not are mine, only for the taking. There are aisles that I have never gone down, products I have never bought and yet, the complete cornucopia of abundance everywhere.

Do we not realize this? Do we not realize that we are living the dream? Do we take for granted all that we have? All that is available? I often do, until the complete and utter awe of the world I inhabit sets in. There is no place for the cynic in this view. There is no place for the whiner, complainer, explainer, the worrier. There are dreams that come true and daily I am reminded of them.

Tonight, another dream will come true, when I take the Moki-dog to the Burbank airport. We'll sit outside and wait until one person in one of those flickering light tubes comes walking out. And then someone will be licking a tired but happy face. Happy to return to Los Angeles, a city where dreams come true.

So much for that third staircase

I've been thinking about walling up my escape path. Removing my magic ring. Putting my back against the wall. Taking a different kind of responsibility.

Today I came across this post on Fast Company's blog on reasons to block your escape path. This is exactly the reason to do it:

"It's amazing what you can do when failure isn't an option. You get creative and find a way to succeed. While no one likes their back against the wall, the truth is that it's good for you every now and then. It blocks your escape routes and forces you to make uncomfortable decisions you might otherwise avoid. ...

We outwardly commit to a goal while inwardly build a defense in case we don't reach it. We leave escape routes as an option. And we undermine our chances of success in the process."

Failure is not an option and I don't need that escape path. I have everything I need and this is a result of my actions - not some magic ring.

So the question remains, how do I block my escape paths? And what a delightful exercise I now have. I think we'll know soon enough.

falling leaves and a clean future

There's nothing like two cups of coffee to motivate me to clean. I don't dislike cleaning, I just have trouble getting started cleaning. But once I get started, watch out... I can clean anything with bleach, water and plenty of towels. (I learned this skill in Brazil.) But today I wasn't using bleach - just your conventional cleaning supplies.

You can't really multi-task cleaning, but you can multi-thread it. This is the efficiency game I play. (I also sometimes add the wait till the last minute game to increase risk, but that's a totally different game, not to be confused with the procrastination game.) What are the things I want to accomplish and do today? Where do I want to be today? What else am I thinking about doing? And how can I that fit in?

I've been wanting to mop the floors in the house for a while. And Gloria mentioned painting the shed door before she left for Italy. Moki has been stinking and although I am afraid of his growls, I am determined not to live with a stinky dog. Yesterday, when I had some people over for lunch, I noticed how many leaves had fallen all over the terrace garden and upper deck. I have a surprise for Sam that I want to work on. So these are all the things on my mind (and in my GTD book) in addition to blog posts I've started and other projects that have action items. So, how to attack the day? With efficiency, fun, structure for freedom and the ability to throw all the planning out the window and do something completely different. (Just because I plan to do something, doesn't mean that I always do it. Planning gives me a path to diverge from at any point. Planning gives me possibilities.)

I stick my hand out into the whirlwind of project opportunities and a grasp a rake. A vacuum. A paintbrush. A mop. A rake. A broom. A green trash barrel. A black plastic bag. A bucket. A paintbrush. A rake. A black plastic bag. A paintbrush. A vacuum. A mop. A stack of towels. A couple dog biscuits. A dog. A shower-head. A towel. A handful of wet towels. A biscuit. A glass of soda and some lunch.

A couple hours later I've completed many of the things on my mind. Many of these projects took various steps, so I intertwined them together. Painting the shed door took a primer and two coats of paint, which had to dry in between them. So I raked and vacuumed and mopped between the coats. A threaded braid of cleaning activities. I talked to my neighbors, set up an email mailing list, washed the dog and took a shower myself.

This is the way I like to live. I like to have big and small projects that I can twist and weave and form around themselves and my life to make it interesting and fun. When I set my life up this way, I get into the flow. The momentum of the activities and projects moves me easily along. I'm making progress on many tasks all at once until I tie up the threads in a nice knot for the day. Nothing hanging lose.

Now it's time to go out!

It's oh so quiet

It might seem like it's been quiet over here on the blog, but that's just because processing and retrofitting have been in full force. And lots of dog walks. :)

Appease yourself with these pictures of great friends...

Reminder

Awe, affection, Abandon.

Thanks

I awoke to rain and leaves pitter-pattering, warmth and comfort between my sheets. The leaves fall, it's a dreary day. The VC flakes again, but my mood is great. Good news from Italy. A gypsy turn.

How did I end up with this life? This challenging, perplexing, mind-blowing existence? With an amazing circle of friends who both support and challenge me, making me grow.

On the evening walk with Moki, I stopped at three stumps. I stood looking over the city lights. To downtown. I looked into the dark sky. I questioned how long I would have to keep faith. How long must I petition? Even though I know it is darkest before the light and the universe provides to the passionate. Have I reached the darkest circle? Or must I, like Inanna, go further, deeper, darker? Where is the Zero Point?

for love and adventure

the second ring

This is what I feel like my life is these days. From Larry Ryan and Fotopages.

Reckless Realization

This weekend I had a realization... I'm reckless.

This probably doesn't surprise you; however I don't really consider myself reckless. I have a financial planner, I worry about my bank account, I have life insurance. I had this realization this weekend on a twisty road outside of Bakersfield, after purchasing a truck with someone I met about a month ago. Not unlike buying a half-million dollar home with someone I met 6 months prior.

After this realization I had to immediately call my reckless role model and housemate. She reassured me reminding me that everyone who takes these risks reaps untold rewards - and it will be just fine. I know this, but I feel like I should feel uncomfortable making a commitment with someone I haven't known for years. But I don't. I feel no quams. I trust them and myself. This is what I want to do.

I don't have to know someone for years before I can make a commitment - whether it be for a two year domestic co-habitation or a lifetime of adventures. I'm done with waiting for action, when I know what I want and it's right in front of me - there's no reason to hesitate. Because I'm alive now and someday I will be dead.

a pause before I pull the trigger

I was reviewing what I was doing this time last year and came upon my observation of pelicans and how they pause before they dive into the ocean. All day today I've felt this exquisite feeling of relaxation and anticipation. Like something really big is about to happen. And maybe this is the calm before the storm. Or maybe this is just what it's like to actually live life.

Every day in LA has a Vanilla Sky

Reality is stranger than fiction. Sometimes I feel like my life is a picture on a screen. A song. A dream come true, but whose dream? Mine? The world distorts. Twists. Possibilities extrapolate everywhere and syncronicities occur like daily breath. Do I take responsibility of creating this life? I must. I have. I am in awe at the world. At the wind in the air. The palm tree lined streets. The feeling of my clutch stick in my leather gloves. The french silk sky with ribbons of pink carmel.

My mind segues impeccably into the human electronic evolutional ideas that have been percolating in my mind the past week. Ghost in the shell, Hyperion type implants, interweb connectivity, matrix-type ability to learn things instantly, major body and DNA modifications, time travel, jaunting. These ideas have excited me like no other in a long time. I see science working through these challenges and the fruit and evolution of the fruit twisting back on us and available to us biologically.

It's as if the eternity mobius strip is speaking back to us of future possibilities. Is evolution and self-actualization actually the same? In both, there is no stepping back. There is no return to ignorance. There is no return to what you were. There is only push on ahead. Clasping the next ring.

And remembering to stay grounded, while watching the rocket trails in the vanilla sky.

On Finding a Sane Lover

Reading the blogosphere this morning I came across an interesting post on finding a sane lover at Nickykaa's site. He's got a lot more interesting tidbits to peruse on his notes page, specifically this the secret, of which he is right on.

Halloween 2006

I want to be this for Halloween next year! From Android Blues, this cool website that sucked me into this one too. It's a site where 3D computer game developers can find photos to use for their 3D modeling. I didn't even know this stuff existed! Another puzzle piece found. Note to self: A database (recapitulation) of human body type/scans then thrown into the mix a la algorithm of the human race.

Make sure you're not taking a drink when you open this Will!

drunk and obnoxious

I'm sorry West Hollywood. I got drunk and obnoxious last night in your closed off streets. I pushed my way through the crowds. I scowled. I didn't smile in the pictures. I was full of myself and my costume and my boyfriend and I didn't care about anyone else. I'm sorry you had to see that side of me, but that proves that I'm human and just like everyone else.

stolen from the future

I live on future street. This is a situation that I like to have a lot of fun with. Recently though, I haven't been spending much time in the future. Someone has stolen me from the future and plopped me firmly in the present. This amuses me greatly.

It reminds me, that someday, I'll put the future behind me. Or maybe that has already happened and I just don't realize it yet.