relationship coffee and the wildcard

As Moki and I were walking around the fountain in Griffith Park tonight my thoughts wandered to relationships. It was probably prompted because I started thinking about my outing with Moki as a date. I was pondering the two items I sent back to the only Fiancee I ever had last week. And that was not a clean break and I sent those two items with a very distinct purpose. Multiple purposes actually. And I started thinking about a messy situation I happen to have gotten myself in. Messy with no judgment attached - just messy and complicated and simple at the same time. And often utterly frustrating. And since I'm walking the dog, my mind wanders up to Oakland and a dog walker I had a short but tense friendship with and his words that echo in my mind more than I'd like them too - his words turned into a vision of a bridge, just sitting there, entropy at work. Chuckling to myself that here I am, walking a dog in Los Angeles under pine trees.

And as all these men are percolating through my brain (with a few others) I'm thinking, what the hell am I thinking, thinking a relationship is gonna last? There's the beginning, the middle, the end of the relationship. And that of course gets me thinking, why do I even BOTHER with relationships? (Which is something I'm sure everyone has thought of at one time or another.) And I know the answer anyway. And I know I like people and having relationships. And I go into these relationships not thinking about the end. Or that the end is not only a possibility but inevitable. Right? All relationships end - some lucky enough with death. (OK, I know we can all get philosophical and esoteric and I am the first to go down that route, but please, let's just put those possibilities on hold for the moment, ok. Thank you.)

And in the back of my mind, like horrible hope in Pandora's box is the voice holding up a little flag, waving it slightly saying: "burning man". Like it's trying to get my attention and I'm specifically ignoring it. Let's see what the man brings this year. That's the wild card.

Comments

[the wild queen]

Food for thoughts: 1) from the I-Ching: "when the cup is too full, it needs to be emptied" and also "for every beginning, there is an end"... does that mean any relationship that will end worthless? No way. It will have refreshed, energized and enriched you, no matter when it ends--just make it end in the best possible way. 2) Wild card? Don't we all live to draw that card? Or, at least, don't, you and I? The excitement brought by the wild card is... worth the trouble.

[heathervescent]

so true, so true. good food for thought.