heathervescent

introducing silvia

Last Friday afternoon a new addition showed up on the future's doorstep. Her name is Silvia Rancilio and she's a hot stainless steel machine that delivers hot steam and water and tasty espresso at the push of a button.

Here I am drinking an espresso just made from Silvia. Notice the peter cottontail mug. This was my mug that I used to drink coffee-milk out of when I was a wee lass. Yum. Coffee-milk.

   

these boots are made for walking

Ok, so it's new to me, but I still think it's pretty cool - because it's a Heather thing...  Introducing Heatherette a NY hipster weird fashion line. Although the name Heatherette is appealing to me it has nothing on my own  Heathervescent. Then again, ette diminitize and cutifies the word it is applied to. While vescent is merely bubbly - just the way I am.

Anyway, the boots in the fall/winter collection are what really kick ass. Here are some of the ones I liked.

insanity!

I leave tomorrow for that thing in the desert - Burning Man. I realized this week that some people have Christmas, but I have Burning Man. I finally finished my errands. I have two art projects to finish, clean the land cruiser, grocery shopping and then the final pack. Not to mention cleaning the room so that I have a beautiful place to crash when I return 9 days later and light years evolved.

In my absence from the web (there is a slight chance, I'll find wifi on the playa - if so, I will be sure to blog) I have some stuff cued up. Enjoy and maybe see ya on the playa. Feel free to send me postcards, letter, self addressed stamped envelopes to my playa address.

Heathervescent
Tazii Camp in Sanctuary Village
4:30 and Catharsis
c/o BRCPO
Burning Man
Gerlach, NV 89412

For every SAS padded envelope, I'll tell you how to get your heart's desire and include a fair quantity of playa dust. Consider it your 21st century pixie dust.

creative overload

It's the 11th hour and my creativity for burning man has completely and utterly exploded today. Highlights of the day included (in addition to working on my company)

• Learning the Michael Jackson Thriller Dance
• Creating the curriculum for the class I am teaching at Burning Man: How to get your Heart's Desire
• Decorating my bike (although I still need to pump the tires)
• Created Teletubbie Darumas (I want to make some more too)
• Started working on my I-Ching box, poster
• Figured out HOW I'm doing I-Ching readings at Burning Man
• Made my project materials to take to the playa list

I've been high off the energy all day. I love it when my creativity flows so easily. Now I just need to find a bike - or roof rack.

Dream night

I'm totally going to sleep here. Who want's to go on the next world party to Sweden? Lars - bust out your bodyguard outfit and plan to be my translator. Now I definately have a goal for 2006. So much for India!

miripolsky's in the house

or my bathroom actually. Andre came over for dinner Friday night and wore the most fabulous turquoise shirt. It matched my bathroom, so I took a pictures. G and I had nice conversation and heard about many of his adventures and syncronicities. It's always fun to hear how someone's life turns out to be a dream come true.

on detachment

Because I want to remember this paragraph, I post it here.

Detachment is not the same as not caring.  It's harder, for one thing, because it requires a conscious effort to avoid slipping into not caring; it requires a level of awareness that is intentionally left out when not caring.  I think there's a trick to being detached and keeping the channels open and listening in on them and reacting rightly.
- mb

aimless wandering

I could be stranged out by the events of the past few days. A hike up to the Hollywood sign. I jumped the fence and stood in front the the big H, looking over a reservoir having a conversation with the wind King Crimson style. I walked the length of the big letters, watched a hawk play slingshot with the wind and then shoot down into Hollywood like a hot blast of wind running down the mountain, Alan Ginsberg style (or was it Ezra Pound?). Coffee morning at Santa Monica beach, breathing the cold air, watching the sea, listening to surfers set up. Gummies, bacon and eggs. Aimless driving in my convertible. A visit to playa del ray. Irritation. Unsettled. Anxiety. It could be weird if I reacted to it or thought about it, so I just decided that regardless of how I might think, I'm going to accept it and continue wandering.

potential pet peeve of heather

I like to think about habits and things I do that would really drive someone else crazy. Here's another one: Not putting the CDs back in their proper cases. I do have a basic way of organizing my CDs. I have some in cases and some in a a black CD organizer case. Then I have a stack of CDs next the main stereo upstairs. A couple CDs in and out of their cases by the boombox in my bedroom. Then I have a couple of egg crates in my lair with CDs in CD cases (these are mostly for my radio show). So, they are kind of all over the place. So I can totally understand that when you want to listen to a particular something-something you can't always find it. And that can be slightly disappointing, especially since I haven't been able to find the new radicals CD for years and I really loved it. Then again, I still have Clint's Black Crow's CD and I have no idea how I ended up with it.

Anyway, there you have it - another potential pet peeve of a co-habitator.

Burning man costumes 2005

The room is a mess, but I've got a whole slew of fabulous costumes put together for burning man. You'll have to join me on the playa to see em in person.

reflections of self

This is one of the most amazing women I know. I met her on one of my business trips to HQ when I worked for the big corporate behemoth. The drop in cubes for my team ended up being near hers. I couldn't spell her last name for a really long time, but I loved the way she shortened it. And she always had the most fabulous sense of fashion and excitement and pictures of far off places. I wish we lived closer together or were able to spend more time outside of work, but our relationship has not suffered even though we haven't worked together for almost 2 years.

I just got caught up on her blog and wow - it's like reading my own. All I can say, is that I'm rooting for you. Please come visit the future soon. Love, Heather.

There's my decision.  I live in alternate realities, one where my relationship with this person works out, the other where I am living a free and open life filled with experiences, friendship, love and community.  I want them both.  The past has told me I cannot have both, at least if I continue a life with this one person.  I deserve both.  I shall have both, keep the faith, girl.  She'll come your way.

when dreams come true

I'm standing on a dry hillside. The sun is hot. It's been beating down for the several hours and the wind brings the hot pine smell from the canyons. I love it. It's a warm comfort in my nose. In front of me are three lines of people along ropes. All will be using the strength they have cultivated in their arms and minds. There has been much work to prepare for this day, and I will not pretend that I am a key bolt in the project. I lent my vision, my belief. But this was not my dream.

Ropes creak, tighten, metal groans. Pick-axes and rebar in the dirt as we sit in the shade for a brief rest. A return of hands and the settling of metal as it slowly rises. All quiet except for it's first gurgling breaths. Settling. Counter-pulling. And then three pads of metal rest on the dusty soil of the San Gabriel Mountains, holding up something from a dream.

I know the feeling of a standing ovation. And I've been on the other side clapping many times. I've had my dreams come true. Knowing it even as the dream unfolds. It's just as exciting to experience someone else's dream unfolding. Seeing in their face the radiance of ... manifestation.

There's still a lot of work, planning, transport, preparation and places for things to go awry. But like with any dream, where you've jumped off the cliff, the only step is the one in front of you. That's the irony of the fool card. Yes, you are jumping into an abyss, but that abyss is life.

relationship coffee and the wildcard

As Moki and I were walking around the fountain in Griffith Park tonight my thoughts wandered to relationships. It was probably prompted because I started thinking about my outing with Moki as a date. I was pondering the two items I sent back to the only Fiancee I ever had last week. And that was not a clean break and I sent those two items with a very distinct purpose. Multiple purposes actually. And I started thinking about a messy situation I happen to have gotten myself in. Messy with no judgment attached - just messy and complicated and simple at the same time. And often utterly frustrating. And since I'm walking the dog, my mind wanders up to Oakland and a dog walker I had a short but tense friendship with and his words that echo in my mind more than I'd like them too - his words turned into a vision of a bridge, just sitting there, entropy at work. Chuckling to myself that here I am, walking a dog in Los Angeles under pine trees.

And as all these men are percolating through my brain (with a few others) I'm thinking, what the hell am I thinking, thinking a relationship is gonna last? There's the beginning, the middle, the end of the relationship. And that of course gets me thinking, why do I even BOTHER with relationships? (Which is something I'm sure everyone has thought of at one time or another.) And I know the answer anyway. And I know I like people and having relationships. And I go into these relationships not thinking about the end. Or that the end is not only a possibility but inevitable. Right? All relationships end - some lucky enough with death. (OK, I know we can all get philosophical and esoteric and I am the first to go down that route, but please, let's just put those possibilities on hold for the moment, ok. Thank you.)

And in the back of my mind, like horrible hope in Pandora's box is the voice holding up a little flag, waving it slightly saying: "burning man". Like it's trying to get my attention and I'm specifically ignoring it. Let's see what the man brings this year. That's the wild card.

date with the dog

It's Friday night in Los Angeles here over at Heather's house and I've just returned from my first date with the dog. He's been sporadically under the weather since Gloria left earlier this week, so I thought I would try to distract him with an interesting evening.

Started out with a nice drink on the deck - water: sparkling for me, still for Moki. Then I got my shoes on and the leash - and the blanket. No, not just an ordinary walk around the neighborhood up to three stumps - we had already done that for the sunset. This was going to be special.

I was tired of driving the truck and didn't really feel like driving Gloria's car, and I felt that, why not be festive and take the dog on a date, so we took the convertible. Moki wanted to sit in the back chauffeur style, but I would not let him have it. Front seat boy - we're on a date!

This proved to add some excitement later in the evening. First stop - Von's - grocery shopping. Instead of pressuring him with potential grocery store incompatibility, I left him in the car while I picked up some things, including meat based biscuits! I busted those out before we left the parking lot. Next stop was the fountain at Griffith Park. We meandered around the park walking on the soft grass and pine needles.

Then I dragged Moki off to the fountain where I circumnavigated it walking on the wall. He was very interested in the water and I had visions of us both falling in and heading back soaked wet - but that was just a fantasy. Up to this point I had the top up and I felt like Moki might like a ride around Silverlake with the top down - so zip, down it went.

This is not the first time Moki has been in a convertible, nor my convertible, so I knew it was nothing special. Still we drove around listening to the Doors. And then, all of a sudden my windows started going down - and then up and then I noticed the convertible top going up and I realized that Moki's paw was laying on the center console. (You see, the Saab has it all in the center: key, window controls, stick shift, parking break, roof button) and Moki was practically laying on top of all of it.

This was more pressure than I felt like dealing with, plus the ice cream in the back was probably melting, so I booked it home up the hill before getting any new surprises.

And now, after another biscuit, Moki is crashed out on his blanket and I'm here at the computer telling you all about it. Who needs a boyfriend?

dreams of power

All night I slept entwined in my dreams. A companion I cannot remember. Driving through a city not unlike Los Angeles and a sports team called Power. The clues dropping in front of me like a video game, stop ahead signs written on the pavement. I'm flying. Swooping in the lines in the air. Catching them. Swinging like a spider or chelidon.

Life is getting more complicated, intertwined, twisted up with possibilities and it is simple at the same time. Choose, be, watch, act. Each step opens and closes doors. Each step is a moment of beginnings, endings, middles. Each step has possibilities. My role/job is to live a possibility, at every possible moment. The possibility is up to me.

Note to self: For some people, seeing objects in the shop is enough to know that they exist, without the necessity of acquiring them. For me, seeing possible futures extrapolated various time lines is enough. I don't necessarily have to live them. I've seen them. And there are so many possibilities.

another goal bites the dust

This week officially marks the completion of another goal on Heather's 2005 todo list.

"Get a kitten/gecko/bird."

Well. Let's just say that I didn't actually get one of those kinds of pets this week. It's been more of a slow process of affection acquired, with this week as the official end of break-in period. You see the only man that lives in the house is Moki - a german shephard mix. He's got a a bark and growl to match his teeth. And I'm his human.

Looking back at that list, I still haven't taken a tango lesson (but I did learn welding), I haven't gone out of the country (not sure if that will happen this year), and I still need to plant some cala lillies. Other than that, I'm all checkmarks.

hanging out

Sat night I spent just generally hanging out. I spent most of the day cranking on my company and went up to Mayor Jim's to check on the uberman progress. The uberman is a project I'm somewhat helping out with for Burning Man. Work was finishing up when I arrived with some beers and Tiramisu. The conversation took its twists and turns, I staying in most of the science geek side with the ritualistic discussion of tech companies and start-ups, moving on to Eraserhead, strange food combinations and aerosol meat and other topics I can't remember. Home to the casa I love to crash in the morning dawn only to wake up to coffee and Sam Spade on the patio.

I really had a great time. The conversation was fun and it was great to watch everyone talk and contribute and see how it twisted around. I thought quietly to myself, that I'm happy to get to know these people and I really like them. It's nice to have found people I can relax with and just enjoy living in the moment.

on self

When you don't have anything to defend - there's no reason being defensive.

sometimes the fridgeis full, sometimes empty

wreckless gone awry

Today has been a train wreck. Checking the visitor stats to this site, google led me to the story of Shawna Yager. When I had my car towed back to LA from Agoura Hills, when the clutch died last year, the tow-truck driver told me the story of how he pulled her car up. I didn't know her name or her full story, but I recogonize the details he told me. It's familiar and one I wouldn't mind living - in a different reality. If I think egoconsciously, it's a life I have lived - and you have as well.

I was looking for a post I thought I wrote in my blog and stumbled upon these words from Sept 10, 2004.

--> Forgiveness dissolves tension and promotes patience.
--> Gravity = the Attraction of Mass for itself
--> Love = the Attraction of Life for itself

I blog to remember myself. I blog to remember my life. I blog to evolve. My blog charts my evolution. And I do remember myself, my life and generally evolve into what will eventually dissipate into the ether.

back in my lair

The home network has been down for a couple weeks due to networking issues. The Mac was having trouble talking to the router and G and I have been taking turns buddy breathing off the ethernet connection. Deadlines and travel have post-poned me getting technical, but yesterday I took the plunge. I can usually get myself out of a technical bind, knowing just enough to get into some hot water, but Mac network preference setting was unknown to me. My networking experience has been only on the PC platform. How do I do ipconfig on a Mac? After a few hours, some tech support and hard resetting the router, I got the network back up. Wifi network is back in the ether.

This means I'm back in my office lair. A cozy room in the house under the front door, half-way under ground. It has most of my favorite things, toys, clothes, computer equipment, files, shoes. It's my den. My secret hideaway in my house. It feels good to be back in here.

it's official!

It's finally official. I'm a single again. No more commitment. No husband, and mortgage and two cats. Oh, wait, now I have a mortgage, a dog and a roommate. My how things change and still stay the same. Tonight I celebrate on my radio show. Tune in. My perverse mind is planning a wedding dead pool. How long until I slip another ring on my finger. It's amazing I don't recoil in terror at even the thought. I give myself 3 years. or 30.

sexy bitches

Wow. Wow. Wow! This link is just to remind myself of this site.

Where's my half and half?

Somewhere up north I got on an early morning schedule, so back home it's up early. Rummaging around the kitchen I find we are almost out of coffee. I'm able to scrounge up barely enough caffeinated grounds and some decaf to make a strong pot. The brew is done and open the refrigerator to find bare shelves and a plethora of milk products in the cheese drawer. No goat cheese in the coffee. So I get the sugar. I don't usually drink my coffee with sugar, but I can barely stand it without frothy creaminess. Oh well. This morning I'll pour the sweet cobbled together brew until I jump in the shower and get myself to Trader Joes Silverlake for some hipster viewing pleasure.