heathervescent

Play by today's rules or change the game? (from Blogher)

Play by today's rules or change the game?

not showing up in search results? (women's search engine)

play the game because it's out there.
want to be an "A" list. know we can't make a living on it
play by the rules and not check yourself at the door. (how much of yourself do you check at

the door.)

Haley:
blogging is about not playing by the rules
brand new medium. kicking convential play by the rules by the ass
(if blogging is not playing by the rules, why/how have convential rules been applied?

categorized, linking, popularization, top 100, etc.)

arent' the top 100 if they were better bloggers.
do we want to be on that list.
innovate beyond the list. (how?)

What are the rules of the game:
- this conference changes the rules
my rules of the game
- have to network (tell people you need, tell people what you can give) How you can help

them. Tell people what they need. good at networking. links and viaiblity
- be revelant
- be unique

(charlene, forrester blog)

Haley: networking is spot on
any link love or traffic, came like this: I in the beginning, bloggers and asked them to

mention the stuff I am writing. sometimes yes, no, go away. and then I ask again.
"women don't ask" shocked that people don't ask me to link. women don't ask.

A list counts to the press. In the tail - doesn't count.
A lot of people in the A list are friends and technologists -creators of the blogging

technology.

black puertio rican womand: Guys's won't link. the link circle jerk.
do we care about playing the technoratie work - consortium blogs. not just one person blog.

someone from the audience: I don't look at the technorati 100 - don't gpo to the recommended

list. I go in and look into the search terms.

Reach a broader group of people.

A list is NOT technorati 100 - my A list is different per person. Network, be relevant, be

unique.

Interested in my niche issues.
The men are not writing about the issues that I write about.

Technorati - maybe lists the top churn issues/topics.

Women in pink from the back: Do we need to validated by trational media, technorati, the A

list?
Why do we waste time,
Response: how much future could you go if you get noticed?

Dana Boyl - women don't social network - (misbehaving.net)
women - build dense network
men - weak ties
linking is equal tie structure. they ways we use th
what rules do we operate in? - change technology, by tags,

new code, mechanisms, for validatingg questions.

Amy - contentious.
bloggers don't tihnk about their goals. what do you want to achieve by communicating. be

clear about your goals.

blogging to make change on a local level. - we became the source, ahead of hte mainstream

media, broke the story. wasn't about traffic, was about something we were trying to do in

the world. Revelant and becoming the source. We became the media. Credibility. Not most

popular overall. Makes you the source on that topic - what you care about. Dina level.

www.safemeetingwireless.org.)

Melinda Gibson: hiddentruth.com
BOF: traditional media, can we save it, do we want to save it? publishers are dying for

diversity of voices. take an issue or a stand.the press began as a marketplace of ideas,

aspires to share truth.

Need for diversity. LA times, no women contributers. code -

short term -
long term - change the code of the tools

Mable lee - picture marketing .com - ceo. white man's rules.

the blog is a whole new your
your sphere of influence. it's our voices/opinions.
a new metric for women's voices.

lizrizzo - everyday goddess.net. collaborative blogs.
want more versions of hte technorati 100.
I'm looking for individual voices.
more specific types of lists.

weblogs.inc - photoshop blog - jan kabill
a specific thing to be one of those blogs in my field. joining a network will get me links.

I write for them. join up in networks. take the helm

caren luk - work for MS.
defining what your A list is. connect hte people in your industry.
does it matter to be the most popular person in the world? will that make you successful?

grow your business? 50% women helping to develop the products. change from the inside.
shape the rules.

new networks
new code

Koan. daily blogher tag.
Technorati doesn't do what it says it does.

Nial Kenndy from technorati.
do not remove any tags. DMCA issues.
ping based service to get updated.
every 24 hours, what is the update schedule:
harvest blog: blogger has a change log
5 minutes come grab you. in the morning is the spike... 15-20min aroung 10am
different services

mary hodder.
general link counting.
scrape on the front of your blog,including the blogroll.
community algorythim - to express what it means to blog within a community topically and

communities of people who link together but don't blog about similartopics. to express our

convesation than inboundlink. inbound links is a throwback to old media method. when we have

digital technology possiblity to create algo that don't just include one method but other

comments, link out. would like to help what those things are. tell me what matters to them

sociall y about their online activities to transfer into an algorythm and ask them to give

us a list that is reflect of conversation and topic areas. www.napsterization.com

networks of choice. i don't want to make a network with you because I think you are an

idiot. who we are choosing to talk to. not make bonds - theflink

marion douglas - marion's blog - coming out colored - blog internationally. small group of

people. write about africa, america, the asia. speak 5 languages, multi-lingual bloggging.   

communities of color that people don't know anything about. are real people.

Lena Trott. president of 6 apart. livejornal is about 72% female. 72% under 21 and are

growing up.

movable type/typepad - 50/50. women using our tools. not just for politics. writing about

myself because I knew that topic best. often dismissed, mena trott... meg, caterina, high

positioned women in social software - always thrown out (shelly powers - critical of women)

about being a foundation sponsor. I don't write about the women in the company. don't hear

the positive people. don't be too critical for women doing it.

welcome to blogher

Hello blogstalkers, I'm sitting in the atrium of the TechMart in San Jose. I'm drinking a cup of coffee, checking my email and wearing my blogstalker t-shirt that I made yesterday. I wore it to the blogher dinner last night and it was a bit hit. I ran into some old friends, Susan Mernit and Mary Hodder. And had a bunch of conversations about blogging, of course. G and I were going to hang out after the dinner but as we headed back to the hotel room, the stress of the day came down hard and it was all we could do to drag ourselves to bed. We had a 6am wake-up call the next day.

another fabulous morning

Another fabulous fresh morning with the sweet air, coffee and iTunes. A quick check on the email and a blog post before a jump in the shower, throw a couple more things in the backpack. Pack it in the trunk, put the top down, riding gloves on, SPF, 6 new CDs in the changer and then it's time to shift it into 5th gear for a long haul up the grapevine and into the San Joaquin valley tires kissing pavement, eyes envying the sparkling blue river of LA water on it's trip south. I love road trips.

freedom

Freedom by George Michael is the most recent iTune download. I've been wanting to hear the full song ever since I heard the mash-up with it and Aretha's Respect and the Beatles. There are so many good lines in this song that twist themselves around my life.

--

All we have to do now
Is take these lies and make them true somehow
All we have to see
Is that I don't belong to you
And you don't belong to me
Freedom
You've gotta give for what you take
Freedom
You've gotta give for what you take
- george michael, freedom

fuck!

Writing about your personal life on the blog, open for anyone to read it and interpret as they will. The problem with text is that there is not my real person there to read my emotions or ask me questions or yell or cry or be frusterated with. Damage control morning with fresh good coffee, royksopp and a laundry list of tasks before heading north tomorrow. I'm sitting here stunned.

the end of one road is near

In 1996 on this day in Cedar Falls, Iowa, I got married to my high school sweetheart, whom I met in art class when I was 17. (I still remember our first conversation.) Not the legal binding marriage (that came 8 months later on Feb 14, 1997 in Marin County), but the commitment was made. I moved out of my dream house in Berkeley with my favorite cat, all my playthings and stuff on September 22, 2003. The day after throwing his biggest birthday party yet and 10 year anniversary for his publishing company. We didn't know I wasn't going to move back in. I'm still waiting for the paperwork from the SF courts, but as far as I'm concerned, I've been single for a good solid year.

on boyfriend and techniques

I had a boyfriend once who did everything he could to spend every moment with me. He was constantly changing his schedule to meet up with me. I did the same. I'd take 2+ hour lunches. He's drive an extra 50 miles to take me to lunch. We call and coordinate and then call and change when something changed. He'd call when he had a moment. Email when he was by a computer. I checked my email constantly. He was devoted to the love, passion, the possibility. It made me feel important and special.

In some ways it was a great experience. But at the same time it put a lot of pressure on both of us and the relationship. On the US in the relationship. The relationship was more important than a lot of things in our lives. The gym, other friendships and relationships, business. We both were great at dealing with changes and taking advantage of the situation. But, what about the ME part of the relationship? What about the ME that was the interesting thing to get in a relationship in the first place? So much for that huh?Well, actually the ME part was very important. We had a great time, he was a major catalyst and I went through one of the most self-observing and self-learning parts of my life.

Nowdays, my life is a lot more about me. I'm not under the previous scrutiny. In fact, I feel very relaxed. I'm happy with who I am. The way my life has become. What I am doing. Who is in it. The challenges, the possibilities.

Ah, possibilities, potentials. I see trajectories. Various possibilities. Various future lives of Heather. Really it comes down to what I want to do with my life - what I want to do IN my life, and not focus on the possibilities. Although being open to the situation.

So I'm cool interacting with people with their own full lives. I'm not in any hurry to do anything. I've worked hard to feel comfortable being who I am, alone. Not part of a relationship. I'm interested to see how the bud unfolds. A new point of view. Holding judgments and sentiments that a mere year ago I would have made. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Today, I use that energy for other activities. And love as fully as I can with an abstract affection. A detached affection that can be gone in an instant and hang for an infinite moment.

spider swing

the spiders are swinging from their webs with the wind. one just landed on my screen and then ran up it's thread. only to swing away. they are babies and are about to die.

*squish*

the spider queen has outstayed her welcome.

sweet air

The air is sweet as I work in the office today. The breeze blows through bringing scents of the canyon, trees, flowers, heat. It's nice as I work.

another perfect day in LA

So what that I was up at 5 am this morning. The morning was slow which allowed me to get a lot of work done. Errands at noon. Frozen lime popsicles. Pool party in the afternoon refreshed while giving color. Home again to good emails and activities and some more work. Burgers for dinner. Lots of laughs in Glendale with chocolate caramels. A new crush on the Oompa Loompa. Home to evening walk to the three stumps. Looking at the city lights sparkle and twinkle and taking in the night. In front of the computer, buddy breathing the ethernet connection to check the email addiction. Late night lime Popsicle dripping as I type this. Jameriquoi, love fool on the stereo. She, she's just like a California sunset. And it all feels SO good. I don't want the world, I want YOU.

what's good? life's good

"life is good?"

"yeah life is good."

"and gunshots?"

"they're just part of life."

quote of the day - on transformation

Earth, isn't this what you want: to arise within us Invisible. What if not transformation, is your urgent command?
- Rainer Maria Rilke

looking for tech savvy women?

well, we're all going to be at dinner this friday in san jose. there are some guys on the list and well... all I can say is that it's going to be like shooting fish in a barrel. but I don't need any more bay area distractions.

If any blogreaders will be attending, drop me a note!

venice beach, rice sprinkles, and the week

Today was spent in the sun. Stopping at Marukai in little Tokyo to pick up some Japanese yummies: rice crackers, sesamie rice sprinkles and hair products. Then it was off to Venice. Shopping, walking, eating, divining. I picked up some awesome jeans with an embroidered unicorn at Anonymous and some shirts at DNA. Late lunch at Figaro Cafe with entertainment provided courtesy of boardwalk entertainers. Classic Venice style.

I've got Dan Simmon's Illium sitting on the coffee table. I'm planning for the Blogher trip this weekend. I leave for the playa in 32 days. In addition to finalizing the business numbers. There's welding and slotting work. Not to mention the hair: silver, platinum, turquoise.

new crush band

So I totally have a crush on Royksopp, which I think is pretty obvious if you've been reading the blog or talking to me. I don't usually get crushes on bands, but here I go. This picture of one of two guys in the band, I think is so HOT! I love looking at it. It just makes me so happy looking at it. Since I added the weldmaster photo to the masthead, I thought I'd give more props here. Rock on electronica. I think I'll get some chocolate.

welding for burning man

yeah, so I was stick welding the other day.

Mom in town

Mom's in town for the weekend and I was agnsting about what to do. You see, Mom is from LA, but has lived in the Midwest for almost as many years as I have been alive. My secret agenda is that she's got to love LA as much as I do. To that end, I've been coming up with fun activities. Planned ticketed activities have been a bust with Wicked and King Tut sold out. We'll hit Venice beach tomorrow, hopefully without the weekend crowds, and get a tarot reading from Donna. Maybe a drive in Malibu. There's always the Getty museum.

Yesterday we hung out in Studio City, had lunch at the Good Earth. For some reason, I really dig Studio City. The little houses are so cute. People look down with a scowl at Studio City, but I'm enamored with it. Not only is my kick ass hairdresser there, cool shops, but it's also with the land cruiser lived before I bought her.

After Studio City we headed to Echo Park, to find the house of my birth. This was really fun and special and we even got to go inside.

suz's new phone

and me driving down Melrose in the heat wearing driving gloves. Sweaty!

Planning for the Man

It's that time of year again, time to get ready for Burning Man. I've got second year fever and really am involved in a plethora of activities. Come see me on Playa, here are the pies I've got my fingers in:

- Tazii camp in Sanctuary Village
I'm working on the kitchen and tent crew this year, in addition to teaching a class called: "How to get your Heart's Desire" in the very cool Tazii Moroccan tent. The class is on Wed evening at 4pm on playa. Come and learn wish fulfillment. I'm also giving I-Ching readings at the I-Ching tree.

- I am the god of hellfire and I bring you .... fire cauldrons. I worked on Charlie Smith's Synapses Project and will be on playa minion and general firefry.

- I'm also working on the supersecret fun Gigsville uberproject. In fact, I'm hope to get bikini welding pictures today.

In addition to decking out the Land Cruiser, making new costumes, and building aforesaid I-Ching tree. I'm super excited and there is a lot going on - not just for the man, but in all facets of life.

ride to work, work to ride

It's annual ride to work day. I guess that means I'll get Lady Knight out and ride around the block. :)

tracking gorillas

If Wild Bill and his new wife are on track, they're hiking in the bush tracking Gorillas. How totally cool, hmm?!

Heathervescent's wall of sound on Theory Radio this Wed

Friends and blogstalkers, a reminder that this Wednesday from ~8-11pm pacific time, I'll be spinning some fancy electronica. Yes, I'm inspired from the mind explosion concert last night. Of course I'll play Royksopp and Basement Jaxx in addition to Air, Orbital, Orb, Moby, Plone, Stereolab, Z-trip and some dance remixes of Sweet Dreams and Blue Buddha. Make your electronica requests to dj (at) heathervescent dot com. Hook it up yo! Tune it in yo. It's the astral lounge in Theory.

one year ago, one month ago

I had an orchid named after me. I judged the Rubix Cube Championship at Cal Tech in Pasadena. I closed up my house in Berkeley, interviewed at Yahoo and closed up my grandmother's house in Oceanside. My the difference a year makes.

A difference in just 30 days. Rollercoasters, Mexican Wrestling and Burlesque, pool parties galore, new friends, new truck, new adventures and my mind blown.

mind has officially exploded

Last night was my first evening experiencing the Hollywood Bowl and it blew my mind. Or rather, two guys from Norway officially blew my mind.

To top off the weekend full of adventures (beach camping, sand driving, wine-tasting, small town hopping, breakfast smacking, fireworks exploding) I took Patrick to see BossaCucaNova at the Hollywood Bowl. Also on the venue were Basement Jaxx and Royksopp, who I've never heard. The night was perfect, warm with a breeze. Light snacks and wine, good seats, great sound. Royksopp blew my mind. Masters of electronica they played a mobius strip of sound the entire time they were on stage. The bowl lights were synchronized to further the sound strands visually. There are no words to explain the energy pulsing through my body via 3 bones in my head. I saw it move through the crowd and could not stand still.

Basement Jaxx arrived onstage with their high energy funk dance music. I don't really consider myself a huge Basement Jaxx fan, but I guess I am. Their show was amazing. The music was great. The entire bowl was dancing, the women were singing and looking great in their tall boots. The music pulsed through my body, linear thoughts no longer were found in my brain. I was completely ensnared in the music. Synapses firing. I didn't want it to end.

What a night. The creme top on a triple espresso weekend!

(note to self: the interesting thoughts found in my head these days.)

Land Cruiser Adventure the First

Land Cruiser timing was perfect. I picked it up on Thursday and Friday evening Patrick and I packed it up with camping gear and headed north to Pismo for offroad beach camping. I was really excited because not only do I have my new truck, but we would HAVE to put it in 4w to drive on the beach. I've never done any beach sand driving, so it was going to be a new adventure.

The drive on pavement was uneventful. The truck drove well. Good music on the stereo and then we arrived. It was about midnight when we got to the beach and I just put it in 4 and drove it on the hard pack. We drove down the beach looking for our people with no luck. At the end of the beach, before it turned into dunes we started to get stuck. There were a lot of trucks and trailers stuck in this area. I just kept it in 4 and reversed it. That's when I looked at my gas gage. It was on E! And here we were out on the beach in gas-guzzling 4 wheel drive and no peeps in sight. We headed back into town to find an open gas station at 12:30 in the morning. Returning to the beach with a full tank, we decided to let some air out of the tires. This greatly improved our ability to maneuver. But we were back to driving around aimlessly almost getting stuck over and over looking for our camp. The engine started to give off an interesting smell and it was more and more difficult to get unstuck. We finally pulled over and made camp. About 30 minutes after we made dark, three sets of lights started circling. Over and over, the lights circled. Then two sets of lights were focused directly on the truck (where we were attempting to sleep) and we could hear yells and tires spinning, engines revving.

So I'm laying in the back of my truck, attempting to sleep with a spotlight pointed directly at me, while ATVs go bouncing by, with the background noise of coordination yells, engines attempting to engage and spinning tires. I could only laugh and make up stories about our new neighbors, and that's when I heard the bombs. As if it couldn't get crazier, someone was lighting off fireworks on the beach at 3am. The silver lining to the evening. We had a perfect view of the many colored bursts. Eventually our new neighbors made camp only to blast 50cent! So much for getting any sleep. Somewhere in the hours before dusk the fog rolled in and I fell into sleep.

At this point, allow me to give you a mental picture of the situation. Oceano at Pismo Beach allows camping directly on the beach. This means you drive your huge-ass truck pulling an RV or trailer full of ATVs and drive it along the beach looking for place to plop down. It's not just you, it's 500! other people. And there are more vehicles than people. Imagine seeing huge RVs parked 50 feet from the ocean.  I was amazed that these people were able to get these things out there. Huge beefed up trucks with tow hitches. I was camped smack in the middle of the ATV subculture! This was something I had never dreamed of.

Morning awakened me with a 50cent rap wake up call. I couldn't believe it, our late night neighbors were up at the crack of dawn. My truck was completely stuck in the sand. We attempted to extract it, digging it out, letting more air out of the tires, putting towels under the back wheels, only succeeding in digging us in. The spare tire was resting on the sand. Now, what to do? Luckily we were camped next to a huge Ford F250! I went over and asked our friendly neighbors (not the late night noise-makers) for help. They pulled out the tow strap, tied it on and pulled me out. My truck that looked so big on the street looked like a tiny sedan.

At this point (before Noon) the thought of getting stuck again and eventual unsticking process was not appealing along with the ATV camping mad-max subculture, so we hit the pavement and headed north to SLO and spent the afternoon tasting wine and kicking around the town.

road trip anyone?!

This is my new ride. More photos here. High resolution available for a slight fee. ;)

clutch confusion

Dream actualization goes like this. I decide that I want something in my life. I twist it into a goal and put it on my goal list. I paste the goal list up in front of my face and look at it every day. I do some research. I look online. And then I put a toe in the water and write to some craiglisters. I pulled myself out of the funk Monday to hit the west side and look at a Land Cruiser that I had a good feeling about. I have been very fortunate to meet the most amazing people in my LA vehicle buying experience and Kyle, the current owner of this Land Cruiser is no different. A gente boa.

Anyway, the truck was awesome and Kyle even offered to let me take it around town to get used to the clutch. Truck clutches are very different from the prissy saab clutch. So yesterday I took him up on the offer.

I took a while to get used to driving the truck. It felt so big and unwieldy, not to mention the clutch so far up. I remember the first time I drove the saab and how I described her clutch as butter. Anyway, I drove the Land Cruiser around the valley, running some errands and then headed to West Hollywood. I was getting used to it now. On the freeways I could see so much - all around me. So many windows, so much light. Air blowing through the windows and this huge clutch stick. I was wearing my leather desert hat and driving gloves and winking at the truck drivers. Yeah, I could see myself driving this Land Cruiser out in the desert, back packed with supplies, just me and a lot of gas out in the middle of the wilderness. Yes, I can see myself taking this truck to Burning Man, back packed with art metal and supplies. Decked out with canopy and shade structures on playa.

So what can I do? I'll buy it. And it's just in time for a camping weekend offroad in Pismo.

For the record, let me just say, if you know what you want, and write it down, dream it, work little by little towards it, your dreams WILL come true. This has always happened for me. I'll share the specifics of my technique with the blogosphere very soon.

strong dreams, fresh morning

I awoke this morning as fresh and excited as I have in days. When the body is taken care of, you can have many adventures in your dreams. It's just interesting to realize that you're dreaming them at the time. Conversations and negotiations. Activities. The air was fresh on the hill. Blood pumping through the veins. It's all good baby. And there's a lot to do today.

(Side note: went to the LA blogger meet-up last night at the Golden Gopher. It was pretty fun and I met some interesting people - most exciting Bill Campbell, whose blog I've been reading for a while. It was nice to put faces with URLs. I didn't stick around long though because I was famished. Plus that leaves more folks to meet at future meetings.)

on dreaming the big stuff

"We must not be afraid of dreaming the seemingly impossible if we want the seemingly impossible to become a reality."    --Vaclav Havel

--

Ok. Now I go to bed to dream of my seemingly impossible life, that will be my reality in 6 months. As I fall out of my seemingly impossible reality of 6 months of dreaming ago. You know what? I am living my life as I dreampt it 6 months ago. Wow - that's pretty cool.

easy like sunday afternoon

a walking neighborhood. chinese take out. a movie as old as myself. relaxing on the couch. a cat on the lap.

feeling happy with it all

I'm feeling so happy with my life, even though there is the various bumps. Friday was a crazy day. Some guy tried to pick me up in Beverly Hills as I was walking around looking totally LA. I got carded for buying cigarettes (cloves)! Got a little business kick in the butt. And hung out with new friends.

There's a lot to do and I could easily get overwhelmed, but I'm feeling great. I go out in the world and see the people. I'm walking down the sidewalk at my neighborhood grocery store and in love with the world. In love with myself, who I have become and the world I experience. I look over at the car next to me on the 101 and I laugh with delight - the people inside were having a great time. I looked over at the car next to me at the stoplight - she was enjoying her convertible, music blasting. Over there, she's inspecting her lipstick. I see these faces, the people in cars and on the street and in an instant I know them. I see their life. As a piece of the puzzle. I'm very comfortable with myself and seeing their lives.

It's no different than seeing my own life. Creating my own life. Now, isn't it about time I raise the bar on the life? Or perhaps I can be content with myself for a bit or for at least moments during the day.

new blogs on the roll - old and new Ms

I've added two new blogs to the list over there on the right this week, both amazing M women. Mariah and I have been friends since... oh 1997 or 8 I think, when I met her on one of Clint's writer/drinking pub meetings. Before I met her, I had never met another women who had the crazy bursting energy that I did. I was instantly in awe. We've kept in off and on touch over the years. She's someone I would love to spend more time with, but for various reasons (and now that I live in LA) it just doesn't happen that much. The times we have hung out have been great. And what fun to keep in touch with her via her blog.

Then there's Michele. She's a new friend. When I moved to LA last year I knew... oh I think 1 or 2 people. Not many people. I had a pretty big net of friends in the bay area from all walks of life, so it was interesting to go to a new city where I knew no-one. First I tried to get to know the city, then I was wondering how I would find the kind of people I like. You know, my people. People who are like me, think like me, act like me, a place a could "fit" in with all my variations.

As I come out of lurk mode I'm getting to know people for real and letting my own colors out. That's how I met Michele. In my first interactions with her (speakeasy prep) I was blown away. I'm not going to blabber on about how impressed I am, but instead just put her blog up. Check it out, yo!

Normalizing

So much excitement the past week has me feeling unsettled. It's always hard to normalize when you've been in extraordinary situations. Especially so, if those extraordinary situations are pleasant.

I kind of talked around this in May when I talked about stress and detachment and coming down off stress. It's a similar situation in the sense that you're in a heightened sense for a limited time. I suppose you could say it's like being on drugs - and in a way, you are on drugs - chemicals your own body creates. And coming down into the reality of the life you create.

Situations of stress or excitement or standard extra-ordinariness act as outside shocks pushing me new places and thinking new things, or old things in new ways. Giving a new view to standard seat-of-the-pants reality when I leave the extraordinary situations.

So here I've been the past couple days, attempting to normalize with not much luck in getting my grounding back. Until today. Maybe it was the all night super active dream session, giving into time at the beach and my favorite kind of therapy, but heather's got her groove back. Santa Monica Beach was everything perfect. Slightly overcast and cool. SPF 30 gave me enough protection while gaining a bit more morena in the skin tone. And stopping by the old hood and Velocity gave me just enough pep to make it through traffic with G to our most important stop: Trashy Lingerie. We were kids in a candy store and closed it out. Needless to say, we're both glad that we have a line of credit that will cover our mortgage, cause we spent our money on this very important therapy. We've both got good reasons to have nice things to wear under there, even if we're just walking the dog, right? Maybe play double duty at Burning Man or next weekend...

Regardless I'm rejuvenated and excited to get to work. Business Plans and Financial pitching is more exciting when you are wearing fancy underwear.

a night full of awake

Last night I had one of my evenings of sleepless dreams. I'm always perplexed after a night like this. I feel like I haven't slept. I'm active and completely aware of both my dreams and position in my bed. Flipping and turning, reminding myself all the things I told myself before I went to bed. Dreaming out the next day. Telling myself that I need to sleep, when I'm actually already asleep and know it.

The funny thing is, that after a night like that, I am usually up before the dawn and then often don't feel the effects of no sleep. Quite the opposite. So I feel perplexed, get up and read. I'm feeling a little under the weather. My throat has been sore for a while - not surprising since I've been driving with the top down so much. It's breakfast early with Suzanna before she heads north to Laguna Seca for the races. I'm not hard core biker chick for them, but I may have the nighthawk all cleaned up by the time she gets back. That's a good goal.

hope kicks my ass

Just as I rant on about how Faith is so much stronger and better than that pansy hope, in flies the angels and kick my ass. I love it when this happens. I had never seen hope in that light, and of course it's different from faith. More on these two lovers as my life unfolds.

Digitial Music

Last night I bought my first entire album via iTunes. The Church, Priest = Aura. I've got the cassette tape sitting here on my computer desk and the entire album digitally playing this instant. I don't give enough props to the Church, however they are one of my favorite bands. The quiet strange etheric rock n roll. The stories in their songs appeal to my sense of living. I'm sure I'll throw play some on my show tonight.

Theory Radio show Wed night

This week I subject you to an hour of one of my favorite bands: The Talking Heads. I'll finish up my set with an hour of ambientish make out music. Tune into the direct stream!

truck decision

Well, blogstalkers, this is it. I've made the decision on the truck. It's gonna be a Toyota Land Cruiser. I forgot that I've always wanted one of these vehicles. (Kind of like I forgot that I always wanted to have a saab convertible.) So there it is. Heather will be the proud new owner of a Toyota Land Cruiser. Now, I just have to find one. I think I want one of the ones from the 80's with a fat number of miles on it in excellent condition. Oh yeah, and I want to buy it before mid-August. Send me leads if you have em!

And this is inspiring!

on faith and freedom and hope

July 4th. The day the United States celebrates freedom. Freedom from what? An opressive British Empire. I could diatribe how the citizen in today's United States is not much different from the colonist of that time, but I prefer to talk about Faith. And hope.

Remember the story of Pandora's box? Here's the key part (from linked site)

Now, Jupiter had malignantly crammed into this box all the diseases, sorrows, vices, and crimes that afflict poor humanity; and the box was no sooner opened, than all these ills flew out, in the guise of horrid little brown-winged creatures, closely resembling moths. These little insects fluttered about, alighting, some upon Epimetheus, who had just entered, and some upon Pandora, pricking and stinging them most unmercifully. They then flew out through the open door and windows, and fastened upon the merrymakers without, whose shouts of joy were soon changed into wails of pain and anguish.

Epimetheus and Pandora had never before experienced the faintest sensation of pain or anger; but, as soon as these winged evil spirits had stung them, they began to weep, and, alas ! quarrelled for the first time in their lives. Epimetheus reproached his wife in bitterest terms for her thoughtless action; but in the very midst of his vituperation he suddenly heard a sweet little voice entreat for freedom. The sound proceeded from the unfortunate box, whose cover Pandora had dropped again, in the first moment of her surprise and pain. " Open, open, and I will heal your wounds! Please let me out! " it pleaded.

The tearful couple viewed each other inquiringly, and listened again. Once more they heard the same pitiful accents; and Epimetheus bade his wife open the box and set the speaker free, adding very amiably, that she had already done so much harm by her ill-fated curiosity, that it would be difficult to add materially to its evil consequences, and that, perchance, the box contained some good spirit, whose ministrations might prove beneficial.

It was well for Pandora that she opened the box a second time, for the gods, with a sudden impulse of compassion, had concealed among the evil spirits one kindly creature, Hope, whose mission was to heal the wounds inflicted by her fellow prisoners.

I actually think Hope is the worst evil let out of Pandora's box. It an emotion that paralizes action. It's an emotion that maintains the vision in the mind, not to be actualized. It's not action-inducing. It's passive. It's a panacea that heals and paralizes at the same moment. A horrible addictive emotion with little substance.

With Faith, one acts. One knows. One sees. There is no need to hope.

Hoping is wishing that something is going to happen. Faith is the knowledge that it will come true. There's a catch with Faith... it is more likely to come true if it is the truth and you have defined it. It doesn't matter if it is an ultimate truth (don't start out with such a lofty goal) but as long as it is true for you.

There's another part to Faith. It  has substance - you can feel it, connect with it, speak to it, listen to it. It pulls and pushes. It's a force - but it's not god (at least as I define it). It ebbs and flows.

actionvescent

There's been a lot going on in the world of Heathervescent the past few days and where oh where to start? Ok - with the most inspiring part: Pee-Wee's Big Adventure at Forever Hollywood last night.

How much cooler can you get than watching a movie you loved as a kid projected on a mausoleum wall in a totally cool classic cemetery? Yes, it can get better. Throw in some new friends and a lot of impressive cooking. The picnic spread was awesome. I was impressed. BBQ pork tenderloin, salmon (of all the fishes in the sea, there's none so good as salmon. Salmon, salmon, salmon, salmon, salmon, salmon, salmon.) tri-tip, cheese, bread, melon wrapped prosciutto, wine, Frambic (this seriously impressed me. It's actually Framboise Lambic, but I call it Frambic.) and popcorn and chocolate and home baked cookies. It was totally fun and I had a great time. I forgot how classic Pee-Wees is. I laughed so hard through the movie. I haven't had this much fun in a long time. (Well, since riding Inky's Scrambler.)

Then there are the various late night drives with the top down all through the city, heated seats a blast. There's nothing like the cool air to make a Saturday morning hangover somewhat more dealable. The various Saab story problems seem to have been taken care of. So it's back to the rock star lifestyle. Only need to get the stereo speakers fixed.

There's a lot more posts I've composed in my brain. Experiences I've put into words. The calm relaxation of driving down Santa Monica Blvd, mid-afternoon recovery still in progress, listening to Moby and watching everyone going about their day. I felt happy to be alive and human. I saw the various lives in the people around me. In the cars next to me. Fishes in the sea.

This is nice. A lot of activity, a lot of relaxation. This time, things feel different. I feel like I'm at the starting line of some new part of my life. New, because I have changed. I am different. And even though situations can feel the same, they will not be relived as I have lived in the past.  I'm a different heathervescent and the bets have been off for a couple years.