heathervescent

word musings

entrepreneur =
A risk-taker who has the skills and initiative to establish a business.
entering before the new?
sitting on the edge of the seat?
in the front row of the roller coaster on the Santa Monica pier?

I like it!

WELDING PICTURES UP!!!!

Here they are. They are awesome. It was such a great weekend. (This was the side I did much of the design of.)

what I think about my work

> What is it you like most about your work?  What makes you go back
> every day?

It is the most challenging thing I have dreamt doing.
It has challenges that scare me, because I've never done them before.
I am a Vice President.
I am responsible for getting my own paycheck (raising money).
I work with really amazing smart real business partners.
I am learning so many new things.
I can work from home in my pajamas.
I get to dress up in suits occasionally but not all the time.
My partners listen to me and I help set the direction of our company.
I can take a day off and go to the beach sometimes.

Ultimately, I'm part of team that I feel is doing something exciting and we are all in control of our corporate destiny. And that's a totally exciting adventure.

saab story

I've been really irritated with my vehicle recently. I love the Saab. I love driving her around town, I take care of her. I feel like a rock star inside her, but the universe keeps throwing bits of Saab irritation my way. I decided that she needed some good discipline, so I got the whip out. I'm tired of her transmission acting up on me. I want smooth lubricated shifting baby. None of this stickiness. None of this, I don't want to go into first because I'm too hot. None of this transmission adjustment now that I've spent another $1200+ on your sleek black foxy ass. No, I bought you to pimp you out and drive around with your top down in Los Angeles booming some Daft Punk down Sunset on a late Friday night. I did not buy you to hang out and write business plans in my mechanic's office.

Get with it or we're going to have some serious discipline sessions. Yes, that is a jar of mayonaise.

down and out

The last 3 days have been so... mismatched, strange, unlike the life I like to live. I've felt so, unlike myself. I feel offtrack, up and down, what's going on. Me no like it. Maybe it's the heat, the car and other frustrations. Still, remember, I'm in control, right? Sometimes though, you just have to hang on and ride out the bad trip. I gotta get my bootstraps up, cause tonight should be fun out on the Santa Monica Pier and I don't want to be a mopey jones for that.

On Fear

"I must not fear. Fear is the mindkiller. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

~Frank Herbert, Dune
via yoko

On Life

Words to live by:  "At one point, I thought life was about acquiring things.  Life is totally about losing everything."  - from Mike Tyson after his last fight (via sji up north)

Heather's Therapy

When I'm sad, pissed, irritated or depressed (and even when I'm on the top of the world) I look at Lingerie. I've added a new List called "Heather's Therapy" which is links to lingerie sites I like. Feel free to send me gifts. I'm more than partial to corsets.

gunshots in the hood

Just as I was thinking that I don't care to share this world with anyone, regardless of their baggage or how interesting they are, I heard a gunshot not 20 feet away. Gloria and I were out for the evening walk with Moki. It's been a rough day and I'm pissed about a couple things. When I get this way, I'm ready to throw the entire bathroom down the cliffside with the towel. Nothing changed when I hear the shot. I didn't feel fear - just slight anticipation at being shot, which had no good or bad judgment, no, "oh that would suck" just the feeling of ... nothing. I don't fear living in my neighborhood (tonight at least) and I don't care about living. Ut-oh. Having this feeling means some big changes coming on. Watch out world. Last time I felt like this, I quit my corporate job and started working full-time on my company. I wonder what I'll change next.

Happy Summer! Heather on Theory Radio tonight.

So yeah, yesterday was the first day of SUMMER! Although here in LA, we celebrate summer all year long. I've been Mopey Jones in the mornings and staying in the house a lot with the air conditioning on during the day. Yesterday I dragged my butt out just in time to crash DJ St Patrick's show. This was really just what I needed. I had so much fun looking through records and playing them. Patrick has a great selection of records that really appeal to the high school Heather. We ran his show late because it was so much fun.

Today has been papers flying around in my office. I purchased a new filing cabinet. It's a 2 drawer and as I fill it up, I wonder why I did not go ahead and get the 4 or 5 story ones. Oh well. I really do need to purge all these papers. A whiteboard, a cork board and a file cabinet, I love office supplies.

I've also been getting my laptop all ready for DJ configuring tonight. Gloria has threatened me in not so many words that I MUST play a certain song on my show tonight or sing it live. Needless to say I've been busy finally installing iTunes and immediately gotten addicted to the 99 cent crack.

Tonight the show is focused on adventure and excitement and living life like you are on vacation, sitting in the first row of the roller coaster your butt barely on the seat, your vocal chords raw your eyes taking in the next plunge as the wind blows through your fingers and hair. Well, I hope my show inspires you to live like that. I'll play songs that inspire me to live like that and you can request songs and I'll play them for you. Tune in and Rock on!

to truck or not in LA

I hate to admit it, but it's time to get a phat 4x4 truck. But which one? I want a standard truck's truck - not a bubble-butt chrome and plastic mega-monster. That takes out the new Toyota Tacoma (the older ones work). And what about something with character (harvester, bronco convertible, jeep) oh yeah, that RELIABLE.

So readers, please help me out. I need a truck. I want to haul art and building materials and tools. I want to drive it off road on BLM lands. What should I get?

Habits of Heather: mispronunciation

I have a long standing habit of "mispronouncing" words. I like to think of this are creative speaking. Why limit words to be pronounced only one way. Some words have acceptable multiple-pronunciations, so why stop at tomato? At least that's my theory.

And then I also have the habit of adding letter to words I see that totally change their meaning. For example: taking = talking (I've done this one more than once: taking tiger mountain, taking with the left hand) and naive = native (I like the Talking Heads Native Melody better).

Those are just the two most recent examples I can think of. Language gives me a great structure, but I don't limit myself to rules I learned in English class, or Latin or from Strunk and White for that matter. And words only work because we have agreed to agree on the meaning of them.

some welding photos

watch your eyes! Thanks to Eddie. Here are a couple more.

adventure

How do you define adventure?

Here's my first crack:

Adventure = movement + creativity + awareness + vulnerability + new.

effervescent

G and I spent the day at the beach today. I was apprehensive, because being the goal orientated person I am, I feel like I haven't done anything unless I've made progress on my projects. Taking time off and having fun is a difficult thing for me to allow myself to do. Especially now that I'm working full time on my own company (and talking to friends and family about two additional ones.) It's all about working for myself, doing what I am best at: building innovative new products and launching them.

But today, we went to the beach. It's been a year since I moved to Los Angeles. Here's what I did last year on this day. I was in love with Playa del Rey. And today, G and I went to my favorite beach. We layed out and watched the airplanes take off. We frolicked and splashed in the waves. I stayed in a long time. Diving and jumping in the waves. Splashing in the froth and effervescent. Who needs a massage therapist? Just spend a day at the beach.

We agreed that we live in the best place in the world at the best time (the future is now). As we walked down the Venice boardwalk, seeing old faces and shops, I remarked that I've been living life like I'm on vacation for a year now. I was so happy and felt refreshed. And we agreed that these risks we take only seem like risks in the future, for in the past they become the obvious choice. Is it the only time you are on solid ground that the world seem unstable around you? If so, I've got to get used to this rocking.

quiet on the front

I've been quiet here on the blog for a while. it's not because I don't have anything to write, it's because I keep deleting my blog posts before the get posted. It's frustrating and I'm tired of typing the same thing three times. So I stopped. Life continues to be exciting for me. I had great meetings with my business partners last week. There is a lot of work to do and I wish I was more disciplined, but you can only work as fast as the universe will let you. I could do well to use the space between these sprints in good ways.

I kind of puttered the entire weekend away. There were no big plans and everything was spontaneous. Today's big chore was washing the floor. Although it's hard to get me motivated, I actually love cleaning once I start. And as much as I hate washing the floors, I am actually quiet satisfied once I am down on my hands and knees scrubbing away. I like to use the pippi longstocking style of floor washing - using my feet instead of a mop, except when I actually have to scrub. I have tile throughout my house and much of it is scuffed up from the previous occupants. It's been difficult to get the scuff marks up and depressing because the tile looks all dirty. But today I used a new tile cleaner and with a lot of elbow grease it took the black marks off. Or the ones I at least put my arm into.

Then the cleaning craze set in and I couldn't stop. And now I want to rearrange my entire room and get rid of the couch. Not to mention my car.

On that note, I am totally crazy for a 4x4. I love love love driving the snob. It's such a fun car. I feel like a rock star or movie star when I drive it - and I am - the star of my own life. But I sooooo want to head off into the desert and those BLM roads (now, don't think I'm only talking about Burning Man here). And, gosh darn it, the snob is a bit too much of a princess and I can't even think to take her on a gravel road. (I learned to drive on a gravel road.) And I think it's excessive to have multiple vehicles (although I have one that sits in my garage... the nighthawk). So I'm thinking it's time to sell her and get a beefy 4x4 manual truck.

I hate coming to this realization, but I know it's time. When things go well with the company I'll go back to pink and blue hair and buy a classic convertible. It's a good goal to have. That's how I'll know I've made it.

Monster Films

Does this look awesome. I think so! Rock on Monsters.

new skills: a welding I can go

I've spent the last 3 days learning a new skill... melting metal together... aka welding. Yes, now I can make a fairly decent weld as well as grind and plasma cut and you know, like build a fire cauldron with 15 of my new friends. (Photos coming courtesy of Jamie.)

I remember the yellow-green glow of the metal through my auto-reflecting helmet as I welded. I was transfixed. Me and the metal. It's really no surprise. I have a love affair with my car, my motorcycle, and other mechanical things. Why not the very stuff they are made of? And the ability to manipulate it. Or at least stick it together. Or is it the "glue that dries clear" that interests me so much? Or fascination with a skill I have wanted to learn for so long?

So yeah. The sculpture is going to Burning  man and I am too. I've come home late, covered in sweat and grime and stink and exhausted three days straight. Tonight a burn on my right arm and phone number on the left. I'm about to take a shower and clean the stink off. The skills remain. Now I just need some welding equipment. It's time to make office furniture.

I am in control

I know that just by typing up this post, my life will go into a completely unbeknownst to me direction, but I type it none-the-less. The past few days and weeks I've had this feeling of ... I don't know... complete control over my life. That I am living exactly the life I dreamt of. And yet, I am not in control. And yet, I am in control. I don't know every little thing that will happen. Nor am I necessarily upset by things happening in life. Perhaps it's because I know I can change my perspective or attitude and be fine with various situations. But it's also because of a new view based on my experience with my Grandmother's death. Everything in my life pales to that experience. Because of seeing death, I know that I can accomplish anything I could possibly want in my life. There is a series of steps and there you go. You do it. You align your self, your attitudes, your power, your energy and (like Nike has trademarked) Just. Do. It.

This is a liberating feeling. I look at the goals for this year and how I am on track with them. Then I think about the biggest challenge I currently face. Getting my company funded. (A big secret I don't really talk about on the blog.) But even that is doable and I will succeed. So what next. What huge big goals can I put in front of me like a carrot for the adventure that is my life. It took a mere walk in the woods on Mt Wilson yesterday to solve that problem. To allow my mind to dream really really big. Of course I have dreams of property and building houses and community and being an artist in a warehouse in Tuscan. And all those things used to be pie in the sky dreams. However now, I can see the direct path to making them my reality. A very clear, yet twisted, tangled, turned back upon itself path, but a clear one none-the-less.

So beyond that. What can I dream? Walking around Mt Wilson, I dreamt of a desert mountain with a dome, hammocks and telescope. How cool would that be? What about a scientific discovery that would change the course of humanity or science or the way we see our world? Now, that's a worthy lofty goal. A challenge to change the world scientifically in a significant way. So there dear world. That's the new challenge for Heather's adventure of life. Not one that I will start on anytime soon, but a kernel in the back of my head to percolate and gather energy, as I pay attention to the world in which I walk.

Spider Nest

My bathtub is a haven for spiders who have a death wish. More often than not, when I slide the curtain across in the morning there is a spider in there waiting for the hot water. They come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes I don't notice until their bodies are floating in the boiling water. Sometimes I scoop them out and put them in the trash, or on the floor. I have trouble killing spiders, even black widows who scurry out from buckets in the yard.

When I was 16, I would name the spiders that would find their way in my room and make a web up in one of the tall corners. (My bedroom had a very high slanted ceiling.) I would look at the spider before I went to bed and then when I woke up in the morning. One morning, I looked up and there was no spider. (The spiders I might add, were small black ones - probably your garden spider variety, not black widows.) I lifted my sleep head and looked at my pillow. I had had the distinct feeling that the spider was close to me. There on my white flannel pillowcase was the black spider. It would have been right in the nest of my blonde hair. This did not freak me out in the least. Nor did I flick the spider off my pillow. Instead, the sleepiness of my mind plopped my head back on the pillow and went to sleep in the sunlight. Later when I woke up, the spider was back in its web.

After that experience, it makes it really hard for me to kill spiders. So what to do with those in my bathtub? I'm keeping my mind open for solutions. But the real solution is to have the spiders not end up there.

Not Actually a Literary Evening

What started out as a reading of The Curious Sofa, turned into a catfight. Fun for all was had. I'd also like to point out that both the dress and the pearls were my Grandmother's.

theme?

Can you spot a theme in these photos?