It's day 5 in the hospital and my worldview is completely warped. Everything is surreal. I know of two places, the hospital and my mom's house. Last night, I started to enjoy the hospital. It's where I spend most of my waking hours. The cool thing about the hospital is that people are here and up late at night. I have always loved teeming buildings in the middle of the night when the teeming is arrested.
I used to do the overnights at a radio station. I'd arrive Friday night at 9:45pm and stay until 7:45am. I had the entire place to myself. I'd wander around the library (sometimes it was unlocked) and into the other studios (yes, I did recordings). I'd do my breaks and tune into the satellite feeds and answer the phone calls of guys trying to pick me up. I'd skip down to the first floor to check my email and get on the BBS (back when I used a monochromatic monitor to access the "Internet"). I was fine doing these late nights. Before taking this gig, I used to do my own radio show until the wee hours (well, Midnight, when they shut down the station.) I'd finish with the off the air spot and then shut down or put on my 2+ hours of reggae mix and lock up. I'd wander around the building and finally step outside into the evening. Sometimes it was a blizzard. Sometimes it was hot and moist and I'd pretend I was somewhere else.
I have that feeling of emptiness and quiet here in the hospital. It's calm (most of the time, when the IV occlusion alarm isn't going off) and has that surreal feeling late at night. (Same as working late at the Internet start-up with the glow of the monitor light.) I step out into the cool moist air at midnight on my way home. The trees in the streetlights, full with their lush leaves. The shadows. Driving fast (but not as fast as I want) on wide open freeways. (Where's the snob with the top down and hand on the stick when I need her? Oh, she's in the future!) For some reason I'm able to find a wide variety of music that is acceptable to me on the radio. Ranging from classic rock to Oakland rap with a fair splattering of Pet Shop Boys, New Order and Earth, Wind and Fire. When I spent my time here, over a decade ago, I could not find acceptable music on the radio at all. So now, my finds make me wonder, have I turned into that adult contemporary listening person or have the radio offerings expanded? I'm scared to know the truth. But truth matters little to me these days as I take moment by moment and live and relive various lives in my dreams and with this body. And dream of a future in California. A house with Cypress trees, a purple door and a dog. A convertible, driving gloves and twisty roads. Moist mornings, bright days and walks in the canyon. These are dreams of a different life. A life I hope to return to soon enough.
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