I'm not shamed or embarrassed to cry in public. I've cried at the dinner table in restaurants more than once. You don't see much drama in real life these days. Recently I've been found crying at the Enterprise rent a car counter, on the phone to my insurance company, on the phone to my home warranty company, driving my car, in front of various work colleagues, in front of my friends, in front of my roommate, on the phone with my business partner, and on the phone with my soon to be x-boyfriend if he doesn't get his shit together. My liquid eyeliner runs and I wipe it off - so long to my Fellini look.
The past two weeks have been the most stressful, trying times in my recent future (last 10 years). Every single stable item in my life has one by one been cracked. Stability = gone. In the meantime the pressure has been mounting in all my activities. I kept asking myself what is the universe trying to teach me. What am I to learn? It climaxed yesterday with a complete and total breakdown. That was when the universe put the final squeeze on my life and I broke - completely and utterly break though.
You see, we all live in this egg of energy. It's what holds our worldview and keeps our personality in check with humanity. It's this worldview that allows us to interact - we've all agreed that that color is green or verde. We've agreed on a mutual worldview.
I've always pushed this button, both in myself and in others. I've found various paths that explain this and exploit it. There are various twists on what to do with this knowledge. I understand the words of many masters or gurus and teachers - billboards and fortune cookies. It's not synchronicity, it's the universe talking to you.
So what the hell am I supposed to learn from this build-up of pressure and final culmination yesterday? Ah, there was nothing to learn - it was a maneuver to cause me to crack - and crack I did, and start using my metaphorical egg tooth. My old world is gone, my old world view is gone with it. I live in the future - literally and metaphorically. And only now with my slow chipping away of the shell will I hatch and rise into something never before. I wonder what that will be? Butterfly, chick, snakeling, it's sure to be interesting. And you'll see it all here on heathervescent.
ya make it home alright last night missy? How about the swimsuit? sometimes the only way to start a new chapter is to destory the old one. like the ol' phoenix rising from the ashes.
Posted by: pinky the first | February 28, 2005 at 05:02 PM