I blasted to work this morning - the top is down, my voice is coming back, I'm listening to my Roky Erikson tribute album. I am so happy to have decided to move and buy a place here and I suppose "settle" down. I think it's anything but settling... but we'll see. Alex was talking about buying a nice place where he could live ... forever, or at least a long time. This was an interesting reminder to me, because I used to so much have this feeling. That I wanted a house where I could live "for all time". I had forgotten that's the way I felt about it. It's not surprising since I've been ungrounded for almost a year down. I've gotten comfortable with this freedom - however of recent it's been tiring. It's time to lock down and do some earthquake retrofitting.
I also feel like it's time to start being who I am again. It's not that I haven't been myself, but in this transition period (which is more or less over) I've given myself a long long leash from who I was. This has been good because I've tried on different personalities and taken a vacation from the person I had been for a good 5 years. That person is still who I am and there are characteristics of her that I really like and want to be; but I'm not limited to those choices and that world view anymore. The past few months have been an incorporation of the vacation heather and the pre-vacation heather. The selecting and weaving of characteristics from each skein. It's who I am. And part of who I am needs to be closer to earth nature... hence how good it feels to move inland.
My time at the ocean is coming to a close. I love the idea of living by the ocean, but the ocean is effective for me when I need to make great change; which I have been doing in the past year. What I need now, is grounding. And for that, I go to the mountains. I go to the trees.
There's so much excitement going on, on all fronts and the trick is to be sober and focused and remember what I want and do it. I feel like I can do anything - not like I am superwoman (I used to try very hard to be superwoman). Sure, it will take time, energy, hard work and there will be unexpected occurrences, ups and downs - but it's nothing I can't deal with. There's nothing I can't do (that I want to). The unknown and unexpected is what makes life interesting. It's what allows us the ability to respond.
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