Today has been rough. The stress of the past week, me behind on my work, being a perfectionist and having high expectations of myself and really really really needing to be taken care of has put me over the edge tonight. My inconsiderate upstairs neighbor clomps her fucking stompy walk waking me up before 7am - every fucking day this week. My dog is needy, never satisfied. Damn it, I'm needy too! But I don't have someone taking care of me. I'm lucky to eat breakfast before noon. (Today it was 1:30.) Or shower before 3. All week I've been reaching out to friends, checking in on them, helping them with money issues, being positive, all while juggling my very stressful things like my truck, unsuccessfully not staying focused on work, freaking out about the future of non-existent work because of this misogynistic fucking world. Trying not to get derailed by the news. Finding out this whitepaper based on research that CONFIRMS the sexism in banking might not be published. W.T.fucking.F? Oh, so we have research results that CONFIRMS what we all know based on 20+ years of being a woman in a man's fucking world, but we might not publish it because we already know it exists anyway. I am so fucking tired. I want to crawl in my bed, or curl up on my couch and lose myself in Roger Waters guitar solos forever.
I don't need to be taken care of all the time, but I'm not the fucking superwoman that you might think I am from my external person. I am just another human with their own limitations and mine are all snapped right now.
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