Deep Links

Expansion to Collapse

I was driving yesterday, listening to Suzin Green (my new favorite driving music). At the end of one of her pieces was this gorgeous expansion of sound and then slowly collapsed into silence and the end of the track.

I thought, this is like life. Like relationships. It starts with a seed, that grows and expands - into a beautiful flower - sometimes many beautiful unfolding buds, and then at some point it begins to collapse upon itself. Folding inward. Return to origin point. And silence. 

And likely it happens again. Kind of like the visualization of a track on soundcloud. 

These strung together are life. A series of relationships. Some, like my favorite songs, I like to return to the pattern - to taste again. To return to familiar streets in a favorite city, within my Saragasso Manuscript of life.

Overland to the Sea

photo by UK Ministry of Defense, cc licensed

Driving to the ocean, I stopped at this light. Memories unfolded, decades ago. Tilden Park. Croquet Mallets. Pims. A different obsession (not mine). My life, previous versions ago. The Overland Mallet Club. I chuckle. Thanks Mjolnir. I'll take you with me. I do believe I've earned the honor of wielding you.

As we being our next adventure.

Standing on land's end. A slight bluff. Nothing so dramatic as a cliff's edge. This is not where I unfold my wings. Flying is momentarily done. I embark on a new adventure: Galloping across the Sea. I think back to fecund Iowa plains and fields. An ocean, samesimilar.

Which thread among the depths shall I follow? Possibilities abound. Any path will do. But there is one that always sparkles more than any others. That one is mine.

The edge of my overland journey, the adventure of the sea ahead, an eternity of possibilities.

A Vulnerable Heart

My friend, Miko, convinced me to attend Bhaktifest this week. I was a bit skeptical at first, it started a few days after Burning Man (he assured me it was the best decompression) and I'd take another week off. Plus, he was bringing a crew of awesome peeps to stay out at the Dome. Plus... OMG Bhaktifest - I'm not sure I'm ready to be public in a space with that kind of thing.

Miko has never steered me wrong, so I took his advice. Yesterday was the opening day of my first Bhaktifest. 

I wander in and come upon the main stage. I start to feel uncomfortable. Immediately, the judgement talk on these "hippy" people, singing, dancing, whatever wants to start. But I stay there, I stay there and listen to this music - that was unfettered emotional love and devotion expressed. 

Standing in the back, feeling vulnerable. The feeling grows. But I stay, rolling the flavor around in my chest. Exploring. Flickering tongue tasting the nuances of the emotion. I do not run away.

Knowledge unfolds, this feeling of vulnerability with an open heart is not vulnerability, because it's connected to something bigger that runs through us. 

This gives me courage. My heart has been stomped, cock-blocked, and turned into kale smoothie. I revisit the wounds of my heart. Connecting to the larger power weaving through humanity. I wish these men I've loved courage, I forgive them their fear - denial, obstructionism, fear of action. I forgave myself for doubting myself. 

As the afternoon passes, my heart relaxed - opening. I kept the channel open, adding my own practice to increase the intensity.

The reformatting has begun.