A few months ago I was afraid that the possibilities of life would dry up when I turned 40. The fear is to be expected. There's a lot of societal pressure to be successful, to get to some level of life by a certain age. I am not immune to this pressure. 40 is a big number to hit coming out of one of your worst years. And your most ambitious project.
This morning, I sit at my desk in my desert home. It's a geodesic dome in the Mojave. The week has been full of hot 100 degree weather, strong 30 mph winds, ants, coyotes, rattlesnakes on my private hiking trail and water explosions. I've spent hours each evening around 7pm, watching the sky paint itself a palette of my favorite colors: dusky purple, periwinkle, vibrant orange flecked with gold. The winds caress my skin - there is no need to clothe my body. I sit in silence, listening to the desert.
How could I have been so egotistical to think I had experienced everything the world had to offer?
Out of the silence, new possibilities appear. Doors open and I walk through. I find myself in a room of musical possibilities.
“Life is like a piano, what you get out of it depends on how you play it.” -Tom Lehrer
I love how my life foreshadows things. Sometimes, this world is a long drawn out conversation with myself. Sometimes I pick up on the suggestions, other times I am as dense and stubborn as the desert stone.
For now, these days in the Mojave, the conversation is perfect. It's bliss. It's everything I have dreamed. Again, all my dreams have come true. And this time, I'm not worrying about them ending. I only have to enjoy what I have created. My amazing life. I'm happy for now.