heathervescent

life with more passion

I watched Hermeto Pascoal play tonight at UCLA. It was an amazing show. The energy and feeling of the music reminded me of music one night at Burning Man. I saw the music in the air. I saw it again tonight.

I come away from the performance with this one thought. ... That I must live my life with more passion. As passionate as I am... I hold myself back. No more. As of tonight, I open the gates of my passion all the way.

a photo of my aeon flux costume

I've noticed quite a few hits to my weblog with a variety of words in the title of this post. The men are chomping at the bit, they want to see pictures of my aeon flux costume. Well, here it is, I'll give you the picture, but you have to give me your mind.

First off, let's start with a description of the form the costume will clothe. I'm not tall, I'm not short. I'm unremarkable, except you can't forget me because I have amazing amounts of energy. There's magic in the shine of my eyes. And when you talk to me I may hit you over the head with various activities or stories that pop out of my mouth like soybeans from perfectly cooked edamame. You'll wonder am I for real? Am I making these things up. This person in front of me can't be who I think she is (and I'm not, I'm out of this world). The blonde hair has recently been cut short with jagged ends that become more pronounced with the application of hair pomade, wax and shine products. My eyes are outlined in black liquid eyeliner. I'm a fan of black liquid eyeliner because I want to live my life like a Fellini film. I want to be a living character out of a Fellini film - which is just to say, I want to live. Living is acting. Acting is exploring possibilities. And there are a lot of possibilities out there. And I want to experience as many possibilities as possible, regardless of the reality in which I experience them. (Random thought: I am enamored by China Mievelle's possibility machine, and of course have a crush on Uther Doul at the same time as I am transfixed by the Brucolac and would submit to his gore tax. It's a good thing I don't walk in that reality.) But enough, onto Aeon of a few nights.

Why Aeon Flux? What's the story behind my costume? Behind my perception of this character.

Since the first time I saw her eyelash trapping the fly on MTV as a teenager I was transfixed. She carried a gun. She killed men. (She killed women.) She wore barely anything. She worked for no one. She had control. She was out of control. She died. And she returned. She had the most fabulous hair I had ever seen. (Princess Leah couldn't even think about competing with Aeon.) I wanted to be here then. 15 years ago as a teenage girl. I dreampt. I would be the ass kicking, gun wielding, whip snapping, tongue probing, exotic, erotic, hard core, soft worn forever changing, never tied down. Constantly dying, always living.

I found a seamstress who was willing to make a costume for me. Her name was Taisia and she lived in Oakland. I brought her the comics, photos of various costumes and together we formed a pattern. We opted for the long sleeved, high necked top that stops just below the breast. Taisia suggested crushed black velvet. It reflects a richer light than leather or plastic or vinyl and would be more comfortable. She made amazing seam work patterns, circles, darts, seams around the breasts. High shoulder pads and a turtle neck that caressed its way to the lower chin.

The typical Aeon Flux bottom is a skimpy g-string. Of course this works in an animated short. For reality, it's completely unrealistic, especially if you are going to wear any kind of stockings or fishnets. And no, I don't really want to show all of my ass to random or not so random people. So, Taisia and I designed a bottom that was Brazilian cut with a nice "W" design in the front. She also made a belt that went around my waist and connected to the top. From the belt a bag and gun could be attached. This year, however, I decided against the belt. My torso is just not lanky enough to have a belt around it and get the same look. That's ok. Instead, this year, I added a fishnet body suit to the mix. Flesh always looks better when you have to see it through something.

So here we have me, crushed black velvet top, long black arms, tall black neck giving way into a mess of blonde hair that has the perfect "just got out of bed" look. Black lined eyes, with a touch of blue, black mascara on a pale white complexion with full red lips (talking to you of your possibilities). Your eyes can not help but scan down, they stop and try to find the angles/angels in the velvet. Your hopes of knowing the truth are crushed as the light is reflected to give way to unnaturally appealing shapes. The velvet ends and the fishnet begins. The navel, the shape of my waist as black triangle flesh tone again plunges into velvet. Metal rings, brushed buttons and then you see the patent leather. (Musical interlude: "Kiss the boots, of shiny shiny leather...",  "These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do...") The boots are the highlight of the costume. They are the highlight of my closet. With these boots I am an easy 6 ft. They force my toes, calves, thighs into unusual uncomfortable positions. The legs are clothed in shiny shiny leather to my upper thigh. There's but a few inches of bare fishnet leg, but it's enough to catch your breath, your attention.

And then you move your attention my hand, which is muted in black driving gloves. The knuckles pop out as a rare piece of uncovered flesh and a space enough for you to rest your lips.

"Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name." I'll give you a hint. I'm sometimes known as a not so famous and very deadly serious Irish water faerie.

You have kissed the hand of Aeon. The ever ending feminine force. Destructive. Creating. Your world in her womb. My world in mine.

Update October 2006: How to be Aeon Flux.

your own online fortune teller

This is totally cool! It's the I Ching online.

Wow - it just blew my mind.

back out to the desert

tomorrow I speak to the Mojave and the old woman. I'm heading out to the desert with some friends - an old one and a new one. We'll perhaps stop by the vision cave or the miner's cabin or maybe even camp on the plateau. Then G and I will go to another desert. Death Valley, the Sonoran. Who knows. But it will be an adventure for sure.

when dreams come true

I'm listening to Stevie Wonder's greatist hits volume 2. He croons about never having a dream coming true, which reminds me that many of my dreams have come true. Before I left for the desert, I looked at my definition of my dream life and realized I was living it. So what do you do when all your dreams come true? Live happily ever after? It seems to me that I've reached the starting line and now I can really start living.

I have a castle in the vicinity

The Sargasso Manuscript is a twisty, tricksy film and my story follows the intricate weavings. On Christmas day I was introduced to, who I call, a Mister Jauntie. I was riding in the passenger seat of a small SUV on a sand road in the eastern mojave. Mr Jauntie revealed himself from the shadows of the sand road. He stood tall, with long pointy horns, like antelope horns, with a look of "that's all it takes" across his body. As we drove on, the figure blended back into the shadows on the road.

A few months later I was driving through the mojave desert again. I was alone. A long stick caught my eye at the side of the road and I thought of Mr Jauntie. I stopped my car and got out to inspect. It was a slim, slightly curved stick. I picked it up and held it in my hands. It wobbled and the smooth worn wood felt very comfortable in my hands. It was very long, much taller than me and I was just able to put it in my car. It took up the entire length of my small SUV.

Many months later, after I moved to Santa Monica, I figured out what that stick was. It was a bow. And I learned more about Mr Jauntie. Mr Jauntie is known under many names: Coyote, Loki, Cupid, Devil, Love.

Love is the trickiest and most effective emotion of humans. When afflicted, humans will change their lives for love. Love is the wild card. There are those who will do anything for love, are addicted to love, have an ideal vision of love and are looking for it. Avadoro says of it "I reckon that from one end of the world to the other, the story of Love is always the same." Love is a fickle game.

The Sargasso Manuscript is pure delight. Creepy and calm. Simple and spellbinding.

"You have a castle in the neighborhood? You didn't mention it." - Alphonse
"It just proves the beauty of modesty." - The Cabalist

"I've lost the feeling of where reality ends and fantasy takes over." - Alphonse in the Cabalist's Castle

"A true researcher proceeds among riddles." - Don Pedro?

The film is a surreal adventure full of surprise, confusion, delight, horror, love and self-awareness. Can stories become self-aware? There is no way to describe my delight in this movie. It's the same level as Fellini's Satyricon - a series of stories that unravel and reveal their interconnections and exoconnections. And the chilling almost final shot of the film: Alphonse watching himself walk away with the two sisters, only to have himself walk back towards himself to retrieve a dropped shoe from himself and to find himself looking at himself in the mirror with the sisters and their destination faded.

As the beautiful Cabalist's wife says, "All these adventures begin simply. The listener thinks it'll soon be over, but one story creates another and then another."

a perfect world has already existed

I was thinking, wouldn't it be a perfect world where the spiritually enlightened ones are in control and have the vast resources of the universe and the earth at their disposal? The moment I thought this, I also thought, yes, this has already happened and will happen again. I just happen to be living and experiencing a different regime in control this lifetime.