heathervescent

A New Direction

Earlier this year I decided to follow-up on one of my long-term dreams: to go back to school.

When I went to college over a decade ago, my original plan was to go straight through and get my Ph.d and go on to write, teach and research. The only problem was - I had no idea what I wanted to focus on. That is why I focused my academic time on learning to communicate. I had many thoughts and idea and understandings of the world that I found difficult to communicate. With words, with pictures.

How does one communicate unclear baby ideas? With poetry.

So I thought I wanted to be a poet. I learned to communicate with metaphors and similes and like/as comparisons. Mathematical propositions. 

At the center of my inquire was understanding and perspectives. I realized early on that people have a wide variety of many different perspectives. And all perspectives were valid - although some were more universally accepted than others. Some were thought of as right or wrong. And I too thought some things were right and wrong. But there is a difference between right and correct.

I wanted to understand these perspectives. Where did they come from? How did they occur? Why was something correct or right? Why did people who spoke certain language think and act very different from people who speak another language?

The words we speak (or are taught) partially make up our worldview - our perspective. I wanted to immerse myself in as many different perspectives as possible; to learn about other perspectives and my own, but also to remind myself that perspective itself is a perspective. To learn the language of languages. Of cognitive mindsetculture based on the communication methods.

This is where I started from. I call them my "armchair curiosities". I'm obsessed with possibilities and the probability of those possibilities. And how people - us humans - interact with technology: creating it, interfacing with it, change it, is changed by it, evolves by/with/because of it. And the future.

I've been pondering going back to school for about a year. But what discipline would I study? (That is the problem with traditional universities - locking you into a field.) I kept coming back to cognitive neuroscience. I'm fascinated with out brains and perception. How we create our world based on accurate (and false) sensory data. But I wasn't satisfied with just that idea. It leaves out my passion for technology.

Then I heard about Singularity University. So I applied. And out of over 1200 applications, I got on the waitlist. For one of 40 spots.

I'm terrified to hear I won't get in (this year). Because I've realized how important this direction is to me. But it's validation enough to be on the waitlist (for now).

This is the direction I most dream and am terrified to go. Straight into the future. To understanding and creating the future. To helping us - people - understand and evolve ourselves - using the best that technology can offer.

The Nobel Prize

Do you know how the Nobel prize started? It was the dream of a dead man.

"The whole of my remaining realizable estate shall be dealt with in the following way: the capital, invested in safe securities by my executors, shall constitute a fund, the interest on which shall be annually distributed in the form of prizes to those who, during the preceding year, shall have conferred the greatest benefit on mankind. The said interest shall be divided into five equal parts, which shall be apportioned as follows: one part to the person who shall have made the most important discovery or invention within the field of physics; one part to the person who shall have made the most important chemical discovery or improvement; one part to the person who shall have made the most important discovery within the domain of physiology or medicine; one part to the person who shall have produced in the field of literature the most outstanding work in an ideal direction; and one part to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses. The prizes for physics and chemistry shall be awarded by the Swedish Academy of Sciences; that for physiology or medical works by the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm; that for literature by the Academy in Stockholm, and that for champions of peace by a committee of five persons to be elected by the Norwegian Storting. It is my express wish that in awarding the prizes no consideration be given to the nationality of the candidates, but that the most worthy shall receive the prize, whether he be Scandinavian or not."
 - From here.

Goodbye Grandfather

Death has been hitting me with the left punches recently, so I wasn't entirely surprised to get the phone call from my mom earlier today telling me grandfather passed away. Not the grandfather I just visited in Iowa. Here's the "funny" part.

As I was driving out to my Aunt's house in Riverside Saturday morning I thought of Grandpa Norm (who lived out in Palm Springs). I was not close to him and had not been close for some time. In the car, while driving on the 60, I heard his voice. I saw him in the hospital room. I saw things about his life I had never seen before. I understood his pain. His life challenges and why he drowned himself in alcohol in his later years. Silent tears ran down my cheeks as I forgave him and told him he could go. That I held no more grudges and I wished him peace.

It was 10:26am and I noted the time, because I knew his passing would be soon if it had not already happened.

Preparing for Death

I traveled to Iowa to visit my grandparents who are in their late 80s and starting to have a few problems. I wanted to spend time with them as you never know what might happen or when they might go. I wanted to see them while I still could. But the universe gave me a punch out of left field.

In a cafe in Austin, my mom told me she had been diagnosed with a rare very deadly form of cancer: primary peritoneal cancer. Everyone who has been diagnosed with it has died from it. Average lifespan after diagnosis is 2 years - maybe 5, 10 at the max.

The heaviness of this has been sinking in the past couple days. All this mental preparation to say goodbye to my grandparents, to see them, tell them things, hear things from them, spend time with them, my possible last goodbye - I am re-adjusting to my mom. The good thing, is that I feel very good about my relationship with her. There is nothing unsaid, nothing I am concerned about. But damn, I thought there would be more time.

I have seen death, so I'm not afraid - for myself or her or anyone.

But thinking about the end, is making me think about certain things differently. I often consider my own death, and what I want to be doing when it visits its final kiss. If I died today, sure there are a lot of things I will miss out on doing, being and accomplishing - but I've had a good life, I've done everything I've wanted to up to now. But moving beyond today - priorities shift.

Enlightenment

I've been recently wondering if I'm enlightened. I mean, of course if you think you are - you can't be. And even if you are - you're not all the time. It's not like it's a state that can be attained and held onto. It's fleeting moments that grow longer in time as one becomes more enlightened. And there are always more perspectives, and wider understandings and unraveling of opposites along with the solidifying of specifics.

So am I enlightened? Well yeah - doh. Will I become more enlightened? again - yeah - doh. And will I become my stupid self - yes again! Hooray for being human!

Indian View

When ships first came to the new world, I was told a story where the local indians couldn't see the ships on the horizon. They didn't have the context or worldview to actually "see" the ships.

The indians were on their own in the "new world". While Europe had risen and burned and conquered and been conquered, tribes in the Americas grew and developed with no contact.

What if we (the people on this earth) are like the Indians? Developing in a vacuum - alone in our immediate neighborhood. Unable to see the "discoverers" from another land because our worldview does not permit the recognition of a different pinta, nina and santa maria?

What shock it would be when the ships docked in the harbor?

Religion = Imagination

Interesting article theory on why religion evolved:

In a piece reported on in New Scientist, Maurice Bloch has proposed another basis for religion: imagination. Because we can project ourselves and imagine the "transcendental" relation in social and personal relationships, we can imagine that there are agents not visible or present, he claims. The paper is also a good historical review of theories of religion, and makes the point that "religion" is not well defined as a topic of investigation of explanation.

From Evolving Thoughts

And the dreams came true

I recently went to a workshop where the focus was on how to get your heart's desire and manifesting your dreams. I had leave after 30 minutes of it because I realized that I no longer needed to learn how to have my heart's desire. (I wrote my process for doing this in 2005.) Instead of sitting in a conference center for 2 days, writing down my dreams and how I might go about realizing them, I went out and did it.

That was the trip to Salvation Mountain.

That morning, before I went to the workshop, I stopped at drugstore to buy a toothbrush (I had forgotten to pack mine.) At the checkout counter were these packs of green M&Ms specially marketed for Valentines Day (which was over). I realized that here was the manifestation of one of my childhood dreams. You see, the green M&M's were always my favorite - and it was my dream to have a package of only green m&m's. Here it is - almost 30 years later - my dream come true. So I bought the package.

Checkmark: childhood dream come true.

Which made me start thinking - what happens when all your dreams come true? Is that life Bo-ring? Do you dream more dreams? What happens when you can have anything you dream? It sounds like a magical place to be. To conjure up whatever I want. And yet, that's the position I'm in right now. So what do I want? More bigger dreams? More harder challenges? More proving grounds?

There are always more dreams. For me at least. There will be challenges associated with those dreams. And I've just jumped my most recent hurdle (thank you to my ruthless ego). I've proved myself. I can make all my dreams a reality.

So what is beyond dreams?  *** *******

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ps. and don't go thinking that all these dreams will be destroyed. I have already had all my dreams destroyed. That was my first experience with dreams. It was destroyed dreams that would never come true. And then there was the time where all my dreams came true, but then my dreams changed.

A shot of faith and inspiration

Just watch this.

Rising to the front

I've recently become obsessed with Gwen Stefani. I've got the beat of Hollaback Girl tattoed in my brain, mostly because of DJ Schmoli and A+D's mashups and the three performances I've produced with Gwen mashups: The Original Hollaback Thriller, Hollaback Thriller Redux, and Hollaback Headhunter.

I was often surprised to find out a song I liked and heard on the radio was hers. What really made her stand out in my brain though, was when I saw/heard her song "wind it up".  I don't usually see music videos, so just seeing it was a major accomplishment for me. What I heard blew my mind. I thought it was a mash-up, but it was so obviously her song taking from various inspirations. Brazilian batucada,  musical mash-up with a club beat and a rap ripple going through the song. I was blown away - this was the most innovate music by a single artist since I heard Suba.

I've started listening to her entire discography and I continue to be impressed, inspired you might even say, so much so, that I'm making Gwen my role model for 2008. I'll add her to girl crew of Pippi, Aeon, and Ivy. I need to add some pop-bling to my image and she's the perfect polish.