heathervescent

Aikido Flow

I was talking with an old Aikido friend when he stopped me in the middle of the conversation and said, "I want to Ikkyo you." Now, it's been at least a decade since I regularly practiced on the mat, so I forgot what Ikkyo was, a pretty gnarly joint wrist lock. Drew and I have both practiced this move on each other (decades ago). I was confused, but then he explained what this meant. 

Aikido is about moving energy around. In the simplest terms, an aikidoist is someone who takes the energy being directed at him/her (generally in the form of an attack) and fluidly moves it to a place of safety. The aikidoist stays safe and also keeps his/her attacker safe. It's a strange form of intimacy - accepting in any force, not fighting it directly and re-directing it to a safe expression. 

Many of the movements have varying degrees of "bone crackingness" meaning that a conscientious aikidota will only put the least amount of force needed to appropriately redirect the energy and maintain safety. Not only are you physically close to your attacker/uke/practitioner, but when you're real about practicing, there is a non-physical, intimate, energetic interaction. It's the Ki.

Uke must trust that when they take on the role of the attacker, they will be safe in their energetic expression. The aikidoist must keep integrity when being attacked. I remember my favorite practice: Shio-nage. My attackers would come at me, I'd swoop down, redirect their energy, grab there body and place it on my chest, like a mother cradling a baby, as I swooped and spun them around, releasing them with their own energy as a throw.

Discussing these nuances, I realized I had internalized Aikido long ago. While I have not stepped on the mat in I don't know how long, I practice aikido every day. The world is my dojo.

Aikido Reminder

The Five Principles, as Taught by the Founder

1. Aikido is the path which joins all paths of the Universe throughout eternity it is the universal mind which contains all things and unifies all things.

2. Aikido is the truth taught by the Universe and must be applied to our lives on this earth.

3. Aikido is the principle and the path which joins humanity with the Universal consciousness.

4. Aikido will come to completion when each individual, following his or her true path, becomes one with the Universe.

5. Aikido is the path of strength and compassion which leads to the infinite perfection and ever-increasing glory of God.

A Rough Time

I'm hardcore back into aikido. That means practicing with an active intent towards my next test - 3rd Kyu - and growing the dojo. That means practicing on a regular basis. When I was serious about aikido, I used to practice 2-3 times a week. I was aggressive and violent and pushed my body to learn. But I also skimped by. I was fast and smart, and thus able to use my talents to learn the techniques.

My brain would shut off and half the time I didn't know the name of the technique I learned. When it came to test time, I would cram the names into my head using mnemonic devices. My favorite sections were the sword/weapon kata displays and freestyle.

I knew someday I would have to learn - hardcore - the names of everything. And that one day I would know the names of all the techniques instead of just doing them. If I had continued practicing at that level, I would have become a black belt in 2002. Instead I took a meandering path. Well, that's the style of my aikido dojo anyway.

And here I am back. Exactly where I need to be. Learning the techniques all hardcore with their proper names. Except I have a lot more weaknesses and experiences now. I know a lot more about myself. My body has more wear and tear. I'm tight and not as fluid as I used to be. And yet I'm more flexible and don't shy away from dealing with hard things.

Take practice last night. We were doing an irimi where my uke was an obstacle. I don't do well with obstacles. I don't like confrontation. I prefer to re-position and turn. But not last night. The obstacle was really in the way of where I wanted to go. I kept trying to do the tenkan variety of the technique. No No no.

I felt much resistance. I felt very vulnerable and fearful. I started getting sick to my stomach. I wanted to puke. I wanted to do another technique. I wanted anything except to deal with this confronting person front of me. It's not like he's attacking me. (He is, but he's my uke.) And then I see - this is a metaphor for what's happening in my life. There are things, people, confronting me, and I've been squirming, repositioning try to differential myself from them. But what I really need to do is just continue on my path. When I stop focusing on my uke, my energy moves right through. It is my rightful path. These obstacles in my way are only here for my practice.

That makes this practice, even though I feel like puking, all the more important. It's here on the mat, with my partners that I can explore fear, aggression, confrontation and lots of other fun things in a safe way. I'm glad to be practicing again, even though it's not that fun right now.

Ruthless with a Baby

The morning began early, with a dream of snakes. In my dream they were attacking me. Biting my hands over and over, not getting a grip, yet not going away. I was irritated at the terror, yet stayed calm as the biting continued. Was it a metaphor for aikido class last night?

I was practicing with a new student that was like a pillar of stone. Such strength, no fluidity. Practically impossible to move him. We were practicing an entering/irimi that made my stomach turn. Honestly, I wanted to puke, and that with the pillar of stone made for a very trying practice. However, I persevered in my fluidity. In my probing. In practicing the technique poorly. I laughed at the iron grip (which I easily flicked out of) and found how to take his balance away. I kept calm and relaxed, even in my irritation. In the end, it was a joy.

At the end of class we practiced koku-dosa. It's one of my favorite techniques. You kneel with you hand outstreached. One person offers their hands/arms and the other receives holding/pushing back on the offer. On the surface it looks like you are pushing the other person over. But it's more subtle than that. A feeling you cultivate is one of groundedness, the other person is trying to find your tension points. As my partner offered, I placed my hands on his arms. I could feel the tensions in his arms, I could feel him probing my tension spots, finding them, but  I hid them with my grounded thoughts. Becoming more aware of them as he found them and then relaxing them. And over everything, I kept the feeling of hugging him. Of having abstract affection for this being in front of me.

After class we talked about ruthlessness. My sensai last knew me when I was extremely ruthless. Since then, I have gone on to explore other terms. It's time now to return to ruthlessness, with a slight tweak: Ruthless with a baby.

And here's another hint from last night:
When you're about to give in, is exactly when you are about to break through.

I've seen that happen with others and me many times. It gives me hope when I feel like giving in/up (which has been much recently). But that's ruthlessness for you. Give up, giving up.

And to bring it back full circle, when I checked on the snakes this morning after I woke from the dream, they needed water. As much as I fear them, and wish they would go away (they are big and have been trouble to take care of recently) I want them to have the best life possible. I will take care of them. I filled their water bowl and turned up the heat. I want them to have a good life.