I drive Mom's Jag North though the San Joaquin. It rides like a dream and I feel like I am on the Disneyland Monorail. Mr Dog is my co-pilot. We slide into Alameda as the sun sets across the bay. The dark hills are silhouetted against the fiery orange sky. I remember so many of these sunsets from my Berkeley porch. Previous chapters of my life.
Alameda is beautiful place. Tree lined streets. Gorgeous houses. It reminds me of days past. There are no new shiny metal condos. I walk my dog in the cool mornings and dream of living here. Dream of what life could be like living here. I indulge in this fantasy. I indulge in returning to this metropolitan area.
I'm up here for the wedding of one of my best friends. Someone who had a profound impact on my life, many times. We met through work, we became friends through divorce, health and work challenges and celebrated good times with lots of sushi. I think of all these things as I see her, Rosie, beautiful in her white dress, hair pin curled with pearls. They have been such a comfort, such a friend to me. It's an honor to be here with them, to celebrate and witness their marriage. The ceremony and vows are perfect.
I can't help but be a little sad. My heart is still broken. I have dreams of my own romance. My awesome partner. Visions of a life. I try to enjoy these times alone. Doing whatever I want. Reinventing myself. But I miss the companionship. I feel this absence even as I joyously witness the union of two great friends. I hold space for their dreams and wish them everything they desire.
These circle of friends. Many know me pre-Heathervescent. People who made such an impact in my life. Taking chances on me. Believing in me. Mentoring me. Befriending me. These people I have known for more than 15 years.... connected by the core values we share.
It feels great to have these longtime friendships. To revisit our antics of the past. To catch up on current projects. Under it all, friendship and love.
That's what I'm learning this year, love really is the only thing that matters. The tender thread weaving us together. I strengthen my thread and weave it widely in the world.