Weekend Highlights

I did a lot. I didn't do that much. Here's an enumeration to remind myself.

• H cranky from various things including the stock market and self-imposed stress pressure
• Boyfs sister and husband in law in town
• Spending time in the beautiful garden
• Lazy Saturday
• Crazy Baby Shower party with an old friend. Good times.
• Black Balloon and the midnight fill up.
• A high speed embrace on highway 5
• An awesome Kosher french restaurant
• The aquarium
• A tired H.

Jeeze, I've been moody this weekend. I don't know what the deal has been but I've been really short tempered and alternating between Taoist connected to the flow and wanting to rage against it (and 8 million things in between). I think I'm tired. The darkness of the evenings really depresses me. And the sun comes too early for my liking screwing with my usual standard sleeping patterns. Also the dog has really been wedging him into the wrong places of the bed. Time for the dog smack down again I guess.

Alessandra was telling me about quitting smoking a few weeks ago and describing her craving as "it wants a cigarette." Today I started using that to describe my crankiness. "It wants to be cranky. It wants __fill in the blank__." I think it's appropriate. I often find emotions to be like aliens. They just invade me and it's not like I want to feel them. What I feel is not the totality of who I am. Or, who I'd like to pretend/create/dream/assign who "I" identify with. I'd prefer to identify that person as the part connected to the larger god/life/energy/insertanydescriptionhere. So maybe I should start detaching that from myself like Alessandra was doing with her tobacco craving....

Comments

[Lars P]

As I think of it, I live inside an Ape. It wants and needs a lot of things. It's mostly best to give it what it wants, within reason. But don't let it be in charge.