I've been reading Brian Doherty's This is Burning Man and it's a strange lolly in my mouth. You see, I have two tickets for the festival this year, but I have decided to skip it. I don't feel the love, my life is taking a different direction and I'll have my surrogate carbque soon enough.
And then Brian gave me his book.
I spent much of the weekend reading it. I remember the early days of BM - although I didn't attend them. I worked in a SF start-up with friends that introduced me to SRL and SF Caco along with Craigslist. I remember meeting Michael Michael and John Law and Scott Beale at lush hoff brau taxidermyed Tommy's Joynt. That was back then when I had naturally blonde hair and was married. Times far past.
It's strange reading Brian's book. He describes all these people I knew or met shortly around the time I met them. Some of them I've come to know better - all of them I have immense respect and admiration for. Through Brian, I get to know these men I admire more intimately. I feel like a voyeur learning these things not from them directly. I suppose it's similar to those of you who know my intimate thoughts though we've never met.
I think back to the images of who they are in my head. I almost I wish I had been out there to experience it directly. Almost.
It is my deepest desire to create something of lasting importance to / for this world. Something beautiful, but crazy and fucked up and utterly novel and unique. Something beyond my energy - which will be gone when I am gone. For the people in this world. Something that makes people become more aware of their possibilities - and also encouraged and activated to make them reality.
That's what's so inspiring about Brian's book. It makes me want my actions to impact as many as theirs. To be as big. As secretly innovative and raw cutting edge. It's about the people - who are just people and not gods. It's about the attitude needed to do something new. It's the ugly messy early time.
But this is not the year. There is still the slight chance I will make a last minute decision and go. But for now the decision is to not go. Something's telling me there's something else in my immediate future. There's something bigger than Burning Man on my horizon.