heathervescent

Memes in my head

These two memes have been taking up brainspace along with a few Steely Dan songs....

In other news - I'm starting to DJ for Theory Radio again, which means I'm off to troll certain message boards again.

Impermanence and Surprises

A friend and I were talking about Tibetan Sand Paintings yesterday and how they showed impermanence. That lead to a discussion on creating the world and quantum mechanics, my current obsession. Some of what he said has been jangling around in my head (along with Paul Graham's Cities Essay) like a quarter in a Chuck E Cheese funnel. Jangle, circle, jangle, circle, balanced on the edge.

I saw the universe as lines of light. Energy moving across furrows. Like the strings of a bow on a violin. The silence sounded. Are we like that sound? Destined to follow the form of the note once it's created? I think not - (at least I'm living my life based that I can change that note once it has left the bow gods be damned). What about that moment hanging in time? Frozen. Silent. Until the light shines and effects motion? Like a coin in an arcade. Like clockwork. There are hints everywhere. Reminders. Does the machine (or the string that resonates to the energy) realize it's already done this before. That this is the programming? Does each time feel as new?

It's too early in the day to get this philosophical.

Which brings to mind a conversation with another friend. I was talking about lists and plans and we were discussing relationships. He said "She's not someone I could ever imagine" (In my response to "Just manifest someone else like her."). I thought about this for a moment - watching the traffic go through the intersection - looking at the sky - and thought about my own life. Yes, there are things that happen that you can't imagine. Things you can't plan. People you can't believe exist (I hope I am one of these people for myself.) The beauty of these things is in their authentic surprise. You can't plan that. You can only enjoy it for the moment - an infinite impermanent moment.

I'll leave you with this passage from Asimov's Prelude to Foundation, page 227 in the paperback edition. It's the end of Chapter of 43.

    "What are they?"
     "Dainties. Raw dainties. For the outside market they're flavored in different ways, but here in Mycogen we eat them unflavored -- the only way."
    She put one in her mouth and said, "I never have enough."
    Seldon put his sphere into his mouth and felt it dissolve and disappear rapidly. His mouth, for a moment ran liquid and then it slid, almost of its own accord, down his throat.
    He stood for a moment, amazed. it was slightly sweet and, for that matter, had an even fainter bitter aftertaste, but the main sensation eluded him.
    "May I have another?" he said.
    "Have half a dozen," said Raindrop Forty-Three, holding out her hand. "They never have quite the same taste twice and have practically no calories. Just taste."
    She was right. He tried to have the dainty linger in his mouth; he tried licking it carefully; tried biting off a piece. However, the most careful lick destroyed it. When a bit was crunched off a piece, the rest of it disappeared at onece. And each taste was undefinable and not quite like the one before.
    "The only trouble is," said the Sister happily, "that every once in a while you have a very unusual one and you never forget it, but you never have it again either. I had one when I was nine--" Her expression suddenly lost its excitement and she said, "It's a good thing. It teaches you the evanescence of things of the world."

* photo by BlakJakDavy

Walking the Planck

Hey Blog,

I know, it's been another break in the conversation - conversation with myself - har har har. Anyway, I've been holed up inside my house - and perfectly happy about that. I'm not much of a social person anyway - I've always identified as being anti-social, which brought be to technology and the internet. Damn you MFers who made technology social!!!! Maybe I don't want to interact with people. (Opposite viewpoint - I will say that Mindshare was one of the best times I had recently - I will probably check that out again.)

So, anyway....

What have I been spending my time doing? Well, I am happy with my work and my clients and my work. It's interesting and challenging and good possibilities. I've got a couple redesigns in my mind, some travel plans and I've been spending ungodly amounts of time reading. I'm finally taking my desire to be a scientist (or at least more hard-core science) seriously and have begun my studies - jumping straight into Quantum Mechanics via a HIPPO intro book, which a dash a Chemistry and Math (and followed up with helping of Asimov for dessert).

I tell ya - the Raleigh-Jeans, Wise and Planck equations and derivation one to another made my head spin. But I was delighted to learn Planck's constant is known as "h"! 6.63 times 10 to the negative 34th power baby! That's me! Tack that onto the frequency of light waves and you've got "hv"! Now I'm just looking for n and T to add. I know temperature and numbers have got to come in somewhere... but maybe not in the right order. E=nhv?

Har har - just a little heather math humor. In other news - the boyf brought home an asteroids game - an original 1979 one. I can tell I am going to get good at it. I am personally striving for a pinball game - preferable one with "multi-ball".

And that's about what is happening in heatherland these days. Science, great clients, site redesigns, desert designs (oh, I might have forgotten to tell you I've started architecting options at the doubLL Ranch) and some travel plans. 

On Conflict and Clarity

The other week the boyf was accusing me of being into confrontations or liking confrontations or liking conflict. While I don't like confrontations, I don't shy away from it. (And I am actually quite good dealing with a confrontational situation.) People have disagreements and different points of views and goals, etc, and when those don't line up and are ignored conflict occurs. To pretend the conflict isn't there is to ignore an elephant in the room. Confronting the difference is not a pleasant thing - but it must be done to move forward.

I was trying to figure out a way to explain my attitude toward confrontation, when I picked up Strengths Finder a few days ago. I found my answer under "Command" one of my top 5 strengths.

"You are not frightened by confrontation; rather, you know that confrontation is the first step toward resolution. Whereas others may avoid facing up to life's unpleasantness, you feel compelled to present the facts or the truth, no matter how unpleasant it may be. You need things to be clear between people and challenge them to be clear-eyed and honest."

This pretty much sums up my attitude toward confrontation and conflict. Look, I'd love it if we could all get along - but when we're not or when we disagree or have a misunderstanding, we must address the issues - and it's probably not going to be pretty. I'd prefer to not bring up the issue at all - but I'm not going to pretend it doesn't exist.

---
Which brings up a rant of mine - about people who are unwilling to meet you halfway/face to face to resolve a conflict or avoid a confrontation. There is no way to resolve a conflict if the other party refuses to even meet. This is the most frustrating situation for me and those who pull that on me lose my respect. I know it's hard, life is hard. But I'd rather resolve and move on - then be stuck back there pretending the issue will go away. A lot of times, it doesn't. It just gets bigger.

Anyway, end rant. :)

Borderlands Built

I was pondering upon things as I am wont to do, and I realized that the past few years that I have been doing "way out" stuff on so many levels, is because I've been building my borderlands. I've been going as far out as I could possibly imagine and then I'd go further to see what was beyond. I've been wandering in these borderlands going more and more out there. I've had moments of "wow, I really am way out here" losing touch almost with the places I used to be.

I've ventured far - and now I'm ready to come back to familiar places.

Reminder

This is just a reminder that there are good days and then there are really good days. Today was/is a really good day. Thanks Universe.

Update: Why was today such a good day? Nothing huge happened. No big life changing news. Just the regular stuff. Flexing with changing schedules, working in the morning, driving the convertible on Laurel Canyon, great client meeting, shopping at favorite store in Studio City, meeting up with a friend at Abbot's Habit and good conversation ("The truth simply is, its lies that must be spoken" - Chicken John), great exercise classes at the Y, lovely dog walk, boyfriend comes home and we decide to go out to a smancy dinner at Fogo de Chao, unlimited pao de queijo and meat, home again to awesome dog and best bed in the world.

Extraordinary in the ordinary.

Happy Birthday Bruce

A morning text message reminded me that it's Bruce Chatwin's Birthday. I'm deep in his Australian desert  adventure - which reminds me of my own dream to motorcycle across Australia (although at this point I am willing to trade it in for a Land Cruiser).

That reminds me of something I said several years ago - something about having a kid and then heading into the bush after 3 years in LA. I'm in the middle of that 3 years. I've had my metaphorical kid and it's growing up just fine. And now Australia calls again. Will this be the year for 40 days in the desert? Oh, I hope so.

By the way - Happy Birthday Bruce. You continue to inspire me.

A sense of calm

The past week has been one filled with bliss, peace and satisfaction. It's a strange feeling - as I am usually not satisfied with anything, constantly striving to improve. It's not that I've lost interest in improving myself, the world and living my dream life - I just feel no anxiety or rush associated with it. For the past week - I have been content to be.

All though my day I maintain this calm - and the late afternoon walks with the dog are downright blissful with the beautiful yards, gardens and flowering trees.

I am happy with myself, my life and what I have accomplished. I am focused on where I want to go next, what I want to accomplish and who I want to become. There is time to become that person, do those things and go where I desire. For now, I'm content and happy.

Mercy, Compassion, Forgiveness

"mercy is not receiving punishment that we deserve"

and how would we know what punishment we deserve? (compassion) and whose judgment is the correct one? Isn't it better to learn from the experience (forgiveness) and not interrupt the flow? and what stops the merciful from feeling like they got away with something?

(Here's an interesting blog post about Mercy vs Forgiveness from a Christian point of view)

All of these are ultimately about how you use your energy. Would you rather have your energy get stuck in holding onto petty bullshit (as I remember Bruce Wagner talking about) or using it to change your world? I remind myself that my battle is not here with everyone - but out there. This is merely the playground, the practice field. And that puts everything into a different perspective.

Hope and Practicality

Several years ago, I was exploring the concept of "hope" and how I felt like it may be the worst evil from Pandora's Box. Hope did nothing to change a situation and may stop someone from practical action - and never realizing their dreams.

In my morning web walkabout I found the connection. Hope is the turning point. Hope is seeing the light. Hope is the glimpse of some other possibility. However to realize/manifest the change, you must act. Hope is not an action, it is an attitude adjustment that allows a moment, a flash of energy to get yourself unstuck. Once your attitude has been adjusted, you must take practical action.