Being my own Hero

When I first moved to LA, I had no plans. I didn't have a job. I didn't know anyone. I had a 1 month sublet in Venice. I woke up one morning, packed the car and drove to LA. The first morning of my new life, I stared at my white board. It was blank.

I remember sitting in that house. I had no expectations. Mind like water. I was listening to one particular grateful dead album at the time. I fell in love with Franklin's Tower. Especially the sentiment "if you plant ice, you're gonna harvest wind." I woke up with those words in my head yesterday and dug out the CD.

As I listen to the smooth caressing music, the interplay between instruments, I remember that time. My love affair with Los Angeles. The possibilities. Discovering the contradictions. Finding the hidden gems. The kernel of authenticity under the props. That was what delighted me. That was what kept me in Los Angeles. That was the LA I fell in love with.

I remember being ruthless in Berkeley. Standing on my redwood deck. Watching the sunset into the San Francisco Bay. House hidden between 10ft hedges. I'd gaze into the Mizrach skyscape and practice martial arts. Focusing on my dreams. Plucking them from the wetness of the unknown and making them a reality. Jumping into the possibilities.

When I was in Cambria this weekend I walked along the tidepool beach cliffs. The rocks had been worn away and I jumped from slick seaweed covered rock to another while the waves crashed nearby. I'd venture out on the long tendrils of rock and get caught in a dead end. It was leap of faith across a wide churning channel onto slicker rock or backtracking. I chose to backtrack - there was no need to make a leap of faith on this solo excursion. I wondered if the backtracking was worth the journey. In the end I decided it was, because it's more about the trip than the destination.

 

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"Without love in the dream, it will never come true."
- The Grateful Dead
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"I have already given over to the power that rules my fate..."
"I fear nothing, so I will remember myself."
   - Silvio Manuel

Comments

[Hellyweed]

The beauty of LA is not in the bricks, but in the mortar. That this place hangs together at all is amazing, but it does - and does so because of its remarkable and open diversity. In SF, everyone is in their own space, here everyone is in everyone's space. It makes it both chaotic and difficult, but ultimately very strong and resilient.