Time Again

It's time to find the passion again. Where have you gone?

What do I want to do next? Who do I want to be next? All these things I have worked for - what do I want to do with them next? Where do they want to go? What is my role with them? Is my time with them done?

A brief analysis of my life/goals this year has shown success (no surprise here). Success and boredom. I don't want to build a kingdom with myself as Queen reigning over it. That is too obvious and easy. I've been saying recently that I want to be a queen - but that's not true. I want the fluidity to be whomever I want to be. My friend writes about this formlessness impeccably. On the surface, I have it. But deeper, I have work to do. I'm tied to things. I get caught up in the wind of ego - mine and others. And yet, I am detached. Stuff rolls off, I pick what I want to react too and how I want to react (yes, I play many fools and bitches in my "re-actions"). Being enlightened doesn't always mean you have to act enlightened.

I've created, achieved what the universe asked. So now what? I want an adventure. Something delightful, with new and exciting collaborators, financial success, a tie to the past that is a slingshot to the future. I want to work on building empires, taking things to the mainstream masses, although I don't want to be tied to the empire. I'm conflicted about using myself as the face of that empire (whatever that may be). And even if I were to be a face of any empire - the empire of heathervescent - that face, that branded heathervescent - is not the heathervescent. (Oh Taoism, how you sneak in here from that mad scientists house!)

I want to be that elusive mythical builder. Known to all, open to all and secret. I want to onstage, in a spotlight where there is no audience.

I think it's time to go underground again. You know, the only way up is down. The remembering on the edge of remembering. The path maker cairns in  LED lights at a rainy AIR concert at the Greek Theatre.

Comments

[Pinky]

Heather, I can't imagine you going underground! As for what to do next, I thought you mentioned something about grad school awhile back, and becoming Dr. Vescent....

We studied a case in class about Heidi Roizen, and I couldn't help but think how similar you are, except she can host geek dinners at her big fancy house. I can't find stuff on the net that talks about her networking talent, but that was what we studied and it was almost as impressive as yours!

Suz

[heathervescent]

Well, yes, I am thinking about that. There is a lot of research and articles about the areas of cognitive science, consciousness and perception. I don't know if it's the time, or I'm just tuned into them. We'll see.