Feeling Stymied

Everywhere I go, I watch, I see people doing things. How do people decide what they want to do? What they are interested in? In what to participate? Who to be? Which subculture to participate in? Who to be? What to be? Everywhere I go, I see myriad of worlds - options, choices. Which one to be. Where to go. Every choice makes a step in a direct that has long standing affects. Marriage. Children. Career. Art. Travel. Awareness. A step lower: Going out to dinner. A boy/girlfriend. Networking events. Creating a web site. Buying paint. Buying plane tickets.

Paralyzing Clarity. Like the waters of the Vanne Aqueduct. The water is crystalline. There are so many possibilities, choices. Possibilities realized, possibilities unrealized and in any permeation.

But it's not really paralyzing. It's so beautiful, I've gotten caught up in the view. I've forgotten I'm the watcher. I've forgotten I'm a visitor. I've gotten distracted.

Comments

[S>Jaxon]

I've felt very similiar of late. I remembered that my awareness was not my own. My awareness is borrowed from something much mightier than I. I am merely another borrower of the billions of lifeforms that borrow from the source of all awareness. Am I affecting its aims or my own? What does it want? How can I get what it wants? My needs are nothing in comparison to that awareness which is infinite. All of us fight. We all fight to be aware that we are fighting to be aware of the common undisclosed fact that we are the universe and thus a servant unto ourselves for a power greater than ourselves.

Jaxon