When I was 14 I redefined my thoughts on religion, because I realized that organized religion did not provide me what I needed in my spiritual longings. I was told, taught a bunch of rules, litany of prayer and asked to swear allegiance to one true god that had been defined to me as this white-haired-old man. Father time actually.
To that scared 10 year standing on the stage, voodoo white candle, standing before all only to please the family - knowing full well that that I didn't believe the majority of what I was agreeing to. That I was agreeing to something I didn't care about didn't register as wrong to me. I had seen the universe, I knew everything was connected, I saw the lines in the trees, felt the wind on my face, I felt the movement of something different in my synapses. Something beyond that which is defined as Heather. These agreements were agreements of the world for other people and did not register with the other committments, bargains made.
I was determined to create my own religion. My "cult" of 1. And I started a vigorous self-reflection process to understand what it was I actually believed in, so that I could distill it into a kernel that I could carry with me. The Decad came out of this time frame - the rules I live by. Eventually I defined my religion, and promptly found it had already been invented. It was called Taoism. I was beside myself. Instead of being happy at finding validation on my religious thought, a school of thought that has been chomped and pondered for significantly more time that I could if I dedicated my life to it, I was depressed. What's the point of trying with your spirit to do something new, novel, inventive, when you get to the point of invention - that spark of life on your idea, the creation has occured - only to be a duplication of effort? It makes me want to die. To give up on all ideas; except the ideas are so tasty, so tantalizing in their possibilities. In their puissance.
It happened again. The puzzle pieces of my life, current and past bargains have started to reveal themselves to me. And yet, I know what I have seen is not new. Except maybe, I actually know how to do it. Except maybe, I've got some puzzle pieces the scientists are not fully utilizing.
"Except maybe, I've got some puzzle pieces the scientists are not fully utilizing."
That is the key, for nothing is new in this post-modern world. The best we can hope for is to redefine and reinvent and improve on what came before. After all, Taoism wasn't built in a day.
Posted by: pinky the first | October 24, 2005 at 05:42 PM
Thanks pinky! Wise words.
Posted by: heathervescent | October 27, 2005 at 10:10 AM
If the past is a path of guilt the future is a road of fear, live in the now.
Taoism Lives In London
Posted by: Charlotte Sinclair | October 27, 2005 at 05:39 PM
I wouldn't say the past is guilt, nor the future fear. Future is more uncertain to me at this moment. (Bjork sings, "I don't know my future after this weekend" and that's true for me.)
Posted by: heathervescent | October 27, 2005 at 05:46 PM