I was going to write something about remembering my mom, but then I found the eulogy I wrote for her - and it really says it all.
All I can say, is I'm thinking of her this morning. I'm drinking strong coffee. I'm listening to Bossa Nova. Remembering my trip to Brazil. How scared she was for it and advocated me to go to Portugal instead. No way mom, I said. I'm going to South America! How exciting! I loved it so much. And how much it influenced me and my life, and my jeito!
While I live a very different life from the one she would have, I know she was proud and inspired by me. And I was proud and inspired by her. One of her biggest gifts to me, her last gift, was her death.
Through her death, she caused me to unlock, revisit a part of myself. To face what I feared most of my life, mainly, my emotions. In doing this, I embarked upon a new research direction, and my life changed dramatically. I unlocked and let free a part of myself, a part that has allowed me to unfold further aspects of my self. I think about that from time to time. Her last gift. How can I not feel joy in the loss, which is a gain?
Thank you mom. For the times when you were alive, and for the times now that you are my memory. I love you.